TableTopJane 173,958 15
12/05/2006 11:55 PM

I got a rock.

Millie Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 116,988 28
12/05/2006 11:57 PM

My extended family used to pick names of nieces and nephews to send gifts to. One year, I got a hairbrush. Just a plastic hairbrush that probably cost less than a dollar.



Not to be ungrateful, but why bother?

Jolly Ol' Saint Joe- The REAL North Pole Hero 6,067 8
12/06/2006 12:18 AM

When I was about 13 my mom gave me a box of my own dirty laundry off of the floor in my room.

anhishere creator of Kwanzaa 11,158 14
12/06/2006 12:20 AM

I was doing Secret Santa one year, and the person who had me asked me what I wanted, didn't get it, and got me a box of chocolate cherries at a dollar store.

jeeniRoach 47,787 51
12/06/2006 12:25 AM

My sister asked my mom for $20 to buy me a Christmas gift and got a sweater for herself instead.

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,450 56
12/06/2006 12:29 AM

My colleagues at work once got me a huge can of deodorant spray, 5 bottles of shampoo, a dozen bars of soap, and a book titled "Stinky feet no more". I never understood why.

Thud 68,497 19
12/06/2006 12:36 AM

A few years ago I got a box of Godiva chocolates from a coworker.



I'm allergic to chocolate.



The coworker, when I reminded her of this after opening the present, said she knew I was allergic to them and figured I would share them with everyone else.

Millie Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 116,988 28
12/06/2006 12:37 AM

Should I not send you any cookies with chocolate in them?

Thud 68,497 19
12/06/2006 12:43 AM

Either way, Millie. If you do, my wife will enjoy them. I may sample them anyway, as I can handle a small amount of chocolate without the migraine starting.

anhishere creator of Kwanzaa 11,158 14
12/06/2006 12:51 AM

Oh, also one year I got nothing. I think my family either forgot about me or expected some relatives to send presents. Either way, I've stopped being so jolly at Christmas time.

Jaggy - the angel on top of the tree 11,895 13
12/06/2006 12:56 AM

One year my aunt got everyone buckets for 85 cents. She was so excited at finding such practical, cheap gifts, that she told everyone at the expensive department store where she works as a cleaner. Someone told her that in her family, someone would get disowned for spending that little on presents. My aunt got all depressed, and my mum was pissed off at the woman at the store. My aunt ended up adding $2 shop coat hangers to the gifts.

Jaggy - the angel on top of the tree 11,895 13
12/06/2006 12:58 AM

Anyway, either I've never received a bad gift myself, or I judge christmases by overall haul, who knows.

anhishere creator of Kwanzaa 11,158 14
12/06/2006 12:59 AM

How are buckets practical? Are you a family of miners or professional sand castle builders?

The High Priestess of Stewie 58,948 29
12/06/2006 01:35 AM

One year I got a box of thank you note cards from my grandmother. She had opened them and written a thank you note to herself on the first one. Also inside she left a little note saying "Now all you need to do is sign your name." She addressed the enveolpe and put a stamp on it.





One year I got a Spam wall calender, a Hobbit wall calender, a Far Side wall calender, a really cheap gold chain, and some really disgusting smelling lotion. For my birthday (Jan 4) I got soap and body spritz in the same disgusting scent. Whoopty Shakespeare. I Frost-ing hate wall calenders.

Chit 178,781 15
12/06/2006 01:35 AM

Every single year it was a crap shoot waiting to see what my Grandparents from France were going to send me.



I would always get something ultra Gay, like a turtleneck sweater or a little schoolboy outfit with shorts and built in suspenders. My mom would force me to wear it at least one time so she could photograph it and send back the pictures.



Luckily, my Grandpa used to toss in a pair of Adidas or a World Cup Soccer Ball to balance out the gay part.



Looking back now, it's funny as hell, but I think those were some of the biggest tantrums I ever threw.



Shakespearety thing was, my dad used to just look at me with that, "I can't even help ya on this one tiger." look in his eye.

ringworm 68,315 13
12/06/2006 01:35 AM

knowing damned well that i don't shave, my mother got me a shaving cream warmer. in retrospect, i really should have given her an answer when she asked what i wanted as a stocking stuffer.

Godzilla's Younger Brother 256 7
12/06/2006 01:39 AM

Gonorrhea.

Godzilla's Younger Brother 256 7
12/06/2006 01:42 AM

No joke.

Chit 178,781 15
12/06/2006 01:54 AM

My Italian Great grandma, (Nonna) who lived in this country, would always give us all the same thing.



Every Grandchild would get about 4 three packs of JC Penny underware, a pair of big ass slippers that she knitted and an envelope with a card that was the size of a ten dollar bill and had the oval cut out so you could see Alexander Hamilton's face without opening up the card.



I think somewhere they call all that the "Granny Pack"

Stuey's Fav Girl... 53 6
12/06/2006 02:53 AM

Ok.. it's not a christmas gift... but for my 21st birthday my husband 'forgot' to buy me a gift. so on my birthday he went to the hardware shop and bought me a new front door.



I made him install the front door that day!



I wasn't impressed at all...

Un Napkiné Happieé 30,762 12
12/06/2006 04:14 AM

Cancer.

BlueLep: Almost Capped In Tha' Ass 13,144 10
12/06/2006 04:16 AM

A Jew Egg...

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/06/2006 05:23 AM

I would say the fiber optic ceramic angel.



But then again, my mother was kind enough to dole out the things my grandfather left to me in his will as my Christmas presents from her over the next to years.

Tweak 18,881 12
12/06/2006 05:42 AM

Cancer.



Are you the blind, deaf, mute kid?

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/06/2006 06:25 AM

My mom used to wear Whoopty Shakespeare scented parfum. To this day, I can't smell it without wanting to beat someone to death with a baguette.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/06/2006 06:25 AM

...she was French.

Crypto- proudly not funny 800 7
12/06/2006 08:26 AM

I got a gift from an old lady at chuch once,



It was a plastic jar of Cashew Nuts.



my sister got a jar of pickled mushrooms from the same lady.



Why? You might ask...............I don't know!

The Neeplets waved multi-coloured flags! 35,066 15
12/06/2006 08:32 AM

I once got 3 homegrown almonds on halloween. But they were from Sir Jon Trimmer and I was a bit ballet mad it that stage, so I thought it was awesome.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 08:46 AM

I generally don't remember bad presents, because I'm depressingly optimistic and have a very selective memory. Either that, or I always get excellent gifts, but I'm sure that can't be right.



There is one time however, my friends and I (about six of us) decided that instead of buying a load of crappy gifts for each other, we'd do a Secret Santa thing and just get one awesome gift for our recipient.



Coincidentally, I got the same person who got me. I handmade her a necklace, catered to her personal style and favourite colours. Not to be conceited, but it was absolutely beautiful and she got loads of compliments on it.



She got me a mug from the dollar store saying "Be happy" with a large green smiley face. I think of her every time I see it, and I get a little angrier every time.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 09:02 AM

My most interesting gifts come from my bachler uncle. One year he got me one outdoor walkway solor powered light. Another year I got a huge tiger print (orange and black) blanket. Another year I got an electric windshield scraper. A couple years back he gave my mom and step dad little pewter figurines of Knights on horseback.



The best part about his gifts aren't so much what he gives but how he gives them. He has a "no name on the gift" policy and all the gifts are wrapped in the same paper. I'm pretty sure he has no idea what is in the box he hands you.

Vlad the Impaler 19,599 12
12/06/2006 09:10 AM

The first Christmas that Vlad spent with Vlad's in-laws, Vlad received, and Vlad Shakespeares you not, a lime green cell phone cozy that Vlad's mother in-law knitted. It was all Vlad could do to not laugh out loud at the irony.













Vlad gave her a dead cat.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 09:20 AM

A case of this.



Half of it was empty.





From my (former) brother in law.





He's in AA now.

Caga Palo 683 7
12/06/2006 09:57 AM

One year my grandmother bought me a portable cassette player. This was many years after most stores stopped selling cassettes.

Midgets with his nose so bright 96,092 48
12/06/2006 10:09 AM

Cryptos post reminded me of a gift I got through a gift exchange at church one year.



A can of peas. Generic peas. Gift wrapped.



I could be wrong, but I suspected my Secret Santa was a nearly 90, half senile, blind black woman (actual description, not insult).

But it was probably just someone who thought I was a prick.

Tweak 18,881 12
12/06/2006 10:11 AM

Only half senile? What the hell would she have gotten you if she was completely senile?

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/06/2006 10:12 AM

Back a few years ago when the Pokemon thing got huge, my brothers got really into collecting the cards. So, for Christmas, my grandma got me an assload of Pokemon cards (despite me being a female and in high school).

Hello! Nice Zolton! Thank you! 88,200 34
12/06/2006 10:17 AM

You know what I got from my old man last Christmas? A carton of cigarettes.



He grabbed me and said, 'Merry Christmas! Smoke up, Johnny!'



Yeah, good times.

Jolly Ol' Saint Joe- The REAL North Pole Hero 6,067 8
12/06/2006 10:21 AM

High school stopped you from liking Pokemon?

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/06/2006 10:24 AM

No, sanity stopped me from liking Pokemon.

The Bells Were Ringing Out For Christmas Jade 14,453 11
12/06/2006 10:28 AM

Oh god, I remember the stupid Pokemon craze. My friends and I were really into it. It was so bad that we all had Pokemon nicknames.





They called me Jigglypuff.

SHP- smacking with my bitch hand 181,795 70
12/06/2006 12:45 PM

For a couple of years as a teenager, I lived with my (previously childless) aunt and uncle.



I was your typical teenager: full of angst and hormones. I decided one night that I hated them, and I hated life. I proceeded to write a letter to my boyfriend about how much hate I had. I then felt better, crumpled the paper, and threw it into the trash.



On Christmas, I opened up my gift and on top of the present (which I don't even really remember) was the note.



I'd like to say that now we look back and laugh over it, but I still hate my aunt for that. She has also given me many more reasons to hate her over the years.

SHP- smacking with my bitch hand 181,795 70
12/06/2006 12:45 PM

<action>crumples up post and throws it in the trash</action>

trojan dollop of whipped cream on pie 3,467 8
12/06/2006 05:44 PM

I think Millie and I have the same uncle. My family did the same thing of drawing names for the nieces and nephews. One year when I was about 16 or 17, I got a child's play set of a comb, brush, mirror, etc. of cheap pink plastic.

Stuey's Fav Girl... 53 6
12/06/2006 05:50 PM

this year i'm giving my husband a dvd/video recorder combo and surround sound unit...



but he thinks he's getting a toaster...



i told him he could just have the kettle... i'm already using it...



oh.. and he gets sex... what more could he want??

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 05:54 PM

Oh! I thought of more bad gifts I got as a kid.



Actually, it was more bad gifts I didn't get, because my Aunt Alice used to always just give me something small, cheap, yet kind of thoughtful every year for Christmas. Like, a small item that would complete a play set I had. Or a fairy picture book. Or a deck of Sailor Moon playing cards. Everything would have been under $10, but the gifts weren't generic in any sense so I always kind of enjoyed getting them. Plus, she lived just down the street from us and for a lot of my childhood she was my favourite aunt.



When I was sixteen or so, my mum finally revealed to my sister and I that our aunt had stopped giving us gifts when we were about five. Mum had been signing "Aunt Alice" to the cards of gifts she bought herself so we wouldn't know what a bitch our aunt was.

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 05:57 PM

Who gets Sailor Moon playing cards?



Laaaaame.



Magic: The Gathering was where it was at.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 06:10 PM

This wasn't a Sailor Moon themed game. It was an ordinary deck of cards. To play things like go fish and strip poker with.

gobadine 2,737 10
12/06/2006 06:12 PM

jesus the Shakespeare I used to get, when i was 14 my mother gave me a crappy blue and green flecked pullover, I hated it so much, so to get her back I wore it everyday for a month, in the end she threw it out.



but being older now and married with kids, I never ever ever let my wife buy my kids clothes as christmas pressies, unless they are Frost off expensive nike's, I keep telling her, we are parents it's our job to clothe the little darlings not Santa's.



But being a dad I always get crap prezzies, my oldest aged 9 last year gave me an empty box, when I questioned it, he told me to smell it, it stank!!

He had given me a fart in a box!!!



which I have to say was the best prezzie I have ever received, it still makes me laugh now.



While my wife of 15 years, the one person in the world who know's me best, always gets me Shakespeare I dont want or like. Whats that about?

Un Napkiné Happieé 30,762 12
12/06/2006 07:13 PM

Chances are that you are mentally retarded, and your wife and children are nothing more than delusions.



I can't belive you would fart in a box.

Just Pubah 56,805 18
12/06/2006 07:18 PM

A lump of coal...





...and I was THANKFUL!

gobadine 2,737 10
12/06/2006 07:20 PM

I can't belive you would fart in a box.



my young son did the farting in a box, if I tried I would probably end up Shakespeare-ing in it. hhmmmmm! that's an idea for a prezzie for him this year.

Big Yuletide Boobs 6,369 10
12/06/2006 07:22 PM

When I was 5, my grandmother gave me navy sweat pants that were too big for my sister even, and she is 9 years older than me.

WHen I was 13, she gave me bubble bath, and 3 Barney towels.

A few years ago, she gave me some kind of scarcrow dude.

And, with her knowing full well that I am vegan and hate fur, last year she got me a fake cat, covered in real fur. I almost threw it across the room, since at first, when I opened the box, I thought it was a dead cat.

Thanks grandma!

That's What She Said 27,416 24
12/06/2006 07:28 PM

Christmas two years ago my dog died.



Last year my mom asked for a divorce from my dad. They're OK now (not divorced), but my mom can be nuts sometimes.



This year I hoping my house explodes or something.

gobadine 2,737 10
12/06/2006 07:33 PM

a dead cat!!



This year my wife wants her

beaver stuffed, perhaps your gran can help.

Prof.Fantabulous 19,711 13
12/06/2006 07:35 PM

I had a couple of friends that had a stand up ashtray outside their house to keep everyone from smoking inside.

I knocked it over one time.

I received a lovely wrapped box. I opened it to find a couple of pounds of soggy cigarette butts.

Skin Deep 28 6
12/06/2006 08:35 PM

An ex gave me a naked picture of himself. Screened on a cake. With the words "Eat Me" written in icing underneath. I didn't know if he wanted me to smoke his pole or break up with him. So I did both.



It seemed a fitting tribute to the baby Jesus.

Ravos, El Taco Squirrel 63,472 21
12/06/2006 11:58 PM

I got a pack of 4 batteries from my grandfather last year.

Rabble: Venus Man-Trap 264 7
12/07/2006 12:06 AM

Cheap, plastic manicure kit. In a little metal stand!

I've bitten my nails since I was a pre-schooler. Hated primping for even longer.

Ravos, El Taco Squirrel 63,472 21
12/07/2006 12:23 AM

or the year before he got me a tiny can of pringles.

Thud, the sleigh has landed 68,497 19
12/07/2006 12:33 AM

Ravos, it sounds like he shops at the Quik-Stop.

Millie Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 116,988 28
12/07/2006 01:44 AM

Chit, my Nonna used to knit me slippers every year, too! With pom-poms. I liked them, though, they weren't a Shakespearety gift.





Wait a minute! Are we cousins?

Millie Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 116,988 28
12/07/2006 01:44 AM

And, if so, why the hell did she give you $10? She never gave me any money at Christmas! That bitch.

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,948 29
12/07/2006 10:30 AM

Or a deck of Sailor Moon playing cards.



I know what I want for Christmas!

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/07/2006 07:27 PM

These are actually pretty decent ideas, unoriginal as they may be.

Brock Sampson 649 6
12/07/2006 09:43 PM

fiberoptic dolphins on a wave. I'm pretty sure my wife's grandmother regifted it to us.

This one. It's hideous.

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,948 29
12/07/2006 10:13 PM

<action> Looks at dolphin gift, vomits. Vomits again. Vomits somemore. Gag. Retch. Dry heave. Little more vomit. Reaches for the mouthwash and vomits.</action>

Thud, the sleigh has landed 68,497 19
12/07/2006 10:18 PM

Slow down Priestess or you won't have any left for dinner later.

On Dasher, on Dancer, On Showmaster, on Blitzen 4,754 0
12/07/2006 10:21 PM

I once got a stale mustard sandwich.



It was one of those Frost-ing gifts that were put in like 65 boxes over and over.



I hate mustard. yeah, my uncle is a funny mother-Froster, ain't he? He didn't think it was so funny when I put his coke stash in my grandmothers dentures getting him kicked out of his home, did he? Lowlife mother-Froster, what the hell was he doing still living at his moms house and almost 30 anyway? mother-Froster.

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/07/2006 10:28 PM

<action>slowly backs away from Showmaster</action>

Pram 80,728 42
12/08/2006 01:50 PM

Toothpaste.