TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/06/2006 11:46 AM

You know...I hear that drinking a Pepsi can cure your pre surgery fears.



But seriously...if you die, it's been nice knowing you. I don't hate your poetry as much as I pretend to. Say hi to Leppy.

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/06/2006 11:54 AM

HEY EmersonS SAGE MIGHT DIE YOU SHOULD SAY SOMETHING. Christ.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 11:55 AM

Meh, you'll be fine.





























































Dibs on his chair if he kicks it.

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/06/2006 11:55 AM

I think Vince has you beat on that one.

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,948 29
12/06/2006 11:56 AM

Grow some balls and live throught the Damn surgery! The christmas stroy Demo and I are writing won't gbe as funny if the main character is dead.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 11:57 AM

Wireless PC in the ICU. Could be comedy gold, my friend.





"Dr.? Mr. Johnson's hear rate is going up and down, we just can't seem to stablize it!"



Pan to Sage in bed typing away......Up comes the Abe Vigoda, down goes Mr. Johnson.

KChikita - Hot Elf Extraordinaire 128,316 98
12/06/2006 11:57 AM

Good luck! I missed the thread with the type of surgery you're having, but I wish you the best and am sending a bunch of mojo your way!

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 11:58 AM

You know...I hear that drinking a Pepsi can cure your pre surgery fears.



Really? I hadn't heard that. I should give it a try.

Nachos - It's always the quiet ones. 57,521 23
12/06/2006 11:58 AM

So is this the one where they surgically fuse the wheels to your femurs?

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
12/06/2006 11:58 AM

"I would be most grateful for an occasional blowjob, but then again, who isn't?"



I'll see what I can do.



But don't pull on my ears, I know what I'm doing.

Jolson triple dog dares you 16,163 11
12/06/2006 11:59 AM

Good luck with the surgery tomorrow Sage. I know they said the surgery would cost $6 million, but we only managed to cough up about $1,500 and some change. I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that it won't cover the Lee Majors upgrade. The good news is that I was able to buy a nice vacation package to Mexico for myself with it.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 11:59 AM

You ought to have them add a few inches to all three legs while your under...















couldn't hurt, right?

Dave's on the naughty list again this year. 52,827 16
12/06/2006 12:00 PM

If you survive the surgery do you have any request for your remains?

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 12:00 PM

But don't pull on my ears, I know what I'm doing.





I'll be seeing you Demo, next GABlanta...

Ditdah, shedding a tear for Leppy 123,110 14
12/06/2006 12:04 PM

Good luck Sage. We'll be thinking of you.



If you do die, we'll do something on GAB to memoralize you.



After 6 weeks of argument and discussion over what it should be, and fighting about who knew you best, and who's the most torn up about your death.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 12:06 PM

But the ICON thing would be easy. Just have Al draw a wheelchair with a telephone dressed as a male stripper in it.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 12:06 PM

You're the cripple, right?Are you having surgery to un-cripple you?



Look at it this way, I'd rather be dead than a cripple.

Hello! Nice Zolton! Thank you! 88,200 34
12/06/2006 12:06 PM

<action>rummages through Sage's stuff</action>



Can I have your... oh.



Well, would you will me your... hrm.



Damn, dude. Don't you have any nice stuff?



If I don't get any good Shakespeare when you die, then you might as well survive the surgery. Bah.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 12:07 PM

Don't forget the bottle of SoCo clutched in my hands.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 12:08 PM

Serioulsy, good luck. I'm sure you won't die from the surgery. Everyone dies from some weird hospital infection after the surgery nowadays.

Jolson triple dog dares you 16,163 11
12/06/2006 12:08 PM

Hah! I got dibs on his disability checks!

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 12:09 PM

Good luck with the breast implants, Sage.

Ditdah, shedding a tear for Leppy 123,110 14
12/06/2006 12:09 PM

Don't forget the bottle of SoCo clutched in my hands.



There was some left that we didn't drink? DAMMIT! You were holding out on us!

Chit 178,781 15
12/06/2006 12:13 PM

I got all the good mojo you might need, bud...



But you are gonna have to convince me that you got the antidote in that mother-Froster before I'm sucking on anything.

















(again)

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
12/06/2006 12:20 PM

There was some left that we didn't drink? DAMMIT! You were holding out on us!





The only thing we didn't finish was the Bombay Sapphire and Sage was drinking that the next morning to cure his hangover keep his buzz going.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 12:20 PM

Well, Chit, I know it cured Dit and Trixxie of their heterosexuality.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 12:26 PM

Please don't die Sage! It would be hell trying to fit one of your poems on the tombstone.

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,948 29
12/06/2006 12:28 PM

I find it hard to believe that we drank 200 dollas worth of liquor and 1 1/2 kegs.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Writer, 2006 131,887 36
12/06/2006 12:29 PM

Good luck and all that.





Remember, Frasier Crane is not a surgeon.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/06/2006 12:29 PM

Don't forget the bottle of SoCo clutched in my hands.



You said "SoCo." You lose.<action>stabs voodoo doll in femoral artery with scalpel</action>

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 12:31 PM

200 dollas worth of liquor and 1 1/2 kegs?





That's IT? Hell that was the contents of my last BBQ, and there were only4 of us present.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
12/06/2006 12:39 PM

I find it hard to believe that we drank 200 dollas worth of liquor and 1 1/2 kegs.



I know I finished a bottle of Jack, a bottle of Jager (Trae I still owe you that bottle) and poured the rest of the SoCo for Sage. I can't say that I technically drank the Jager though cause I distinctly remember my puke tasting like medicine.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 12:40 PM

200 dollas worth of liquor and 1 1/2 kegs?

That's IT? Hell that was the contents of my last BBQ, and there were only4 of us present.



She was referring to herself and "the girls."

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,948 29
12/06/2006 12:40 PM

Well that's all Demo and I bought. That's not counting the 5 othe bottels of stuff that showed up.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 12:44 PM

Good Luck Sage! So does this mean you'll be walking soon?

Ditdah sees you when you're sleeping 123,110 14
12/06/2006 12:44 PM

Shakespeare - we still owe him money! Did he ever get his paypal working?



I suppose I could ask HIM that, but you're the one who's here. Read his mind for me.

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/06/2006 12:44 PM

Sage, please leave a sealed envelope on your dresser with instructions on how to sign into Gab and let us know about your demise.



Or, walk over and let us know you made it.



Either one.



Good luck and hot nurses to you.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 12:48 PM

So does this mean you'll be walking soon?



If all goes as planned, in about three months I'll be able to start the intensive physical rehab and walk again.





Sage, please leave a sealed envelope on your dresser



Frost you, Chix! You damn well know I can't reach up that high! That's why you always leave the cash up there as you go!

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 12:49 PM

Dude! I mean we could've have LENT you the money....







And when did you have time to go to Philly?

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/06/2006 12:51 PM

<action> giggles as he has been paying Sage nickles for blowjobs for 6 months now and telling him it was $20 same as in town

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/06/2006 12:51 PM

That was just for comedic effect. How bout dem bears?

Jolly Ol' Saint Joe- The REAL North Pole Hero 6,067 8
12/06/2006 12:52 PM

Hey man, good luck with all that surgery Shakespeare. I never really typed anything directly to you, but I did clicky you a lot. Heres hoping that you come back to GAB another day.

Cracka 68,758 11
12/06/2006 12:53 PM

That cemetary page is really gonna come in handy.

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 12:55 PM

Come in handy?



hee.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 12:55 PM

I'm sure you posted this already somewhere and I know you don't want to explain it all again but I'm lazy and don't care.



What happened to put you in the chair and what is the surgery for?

Cracka 68,758 11
12/06/2006 12:57 PM

He walked in on five black guys raping his girlfriend and said "Hey, stop that!"



So they go off of her and on to him.



Terrible Tragedy.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 12:57 PM

He messed with the wrong married woman?

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 12:59 PM

He didn't pay his bookie on time</unstrike> stiffed his Secret Santa victim one year hooked up with the wrong married woman fell down the stairs A La Slinky didn't say

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 01:00 PM

<action> grummbles</action>



Damn Frost-ing up strike through bugs....

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 01:01 PM

Huh?

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 01:02 PM

Had to correct it in preview to many times

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:02 PM

<action>Waves and whistles</action>HI CHANCIE BAY-BEE!!!!!

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 01:03 PM

He messed with the wrong married woman?



Okay, Chance. I promise to mess with you next time if you stop hitting me with that baseball bat....

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 01:06 PM

Okay, Aimless. Shortly, I'll post a long pointless diatribe brief synopsis with pics no less of what's happened and what will happen tomorrow.

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:07 PM

<action>Pushes Sage to the curb and grabs Aimless' milky breast.

Cracka 68,758 11
12/06/2006 01:07 PM

Would you mind blacking out any unecessary body parts that may show up in said pics?

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:09 PM

<action>Knocks Cracka out and duct tapes popsicle sticks to his wee-wee.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
12/06/2006 01:09 PM

Would you mind blacking out any unecessary body parts that may show up in said pics?



"Necessary body parts" is a term that is relative to whom you're talking to.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 01:14 PM

Sage, it's a slow day for me so the longer the better.



Heh.

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:14 PM

<action>Lassos Skippy and ties him to Chance

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 01:15 PM

That and I actually interested in reading the story of "How Sage got Crippled".

Cracka 68,758 11
12/06/2006 01:16 PM

We Wish You a Merry Lupience Knocks Cracka out and duct tapes popsicle sticks to his wee-wee.



That was fun, but next time you don't have to knock me out.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 01:18 PM

<action> Begs Lupie to untie her and Skippy while waving hello </action>

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:18 PM

the story of "How Sage got Crippled".

Is that by Rudyard Kipling?

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:20 PM

<action>unties Skippy from Chance and gives her popsicle sticks and duct tape.

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:22 PM

<action>attatches spokie dokes to Sages wheelchair.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 01:22 PM

If we stick the popsicle sticks inside the peehole we wont need the duct tape.

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:23 PM

Don't we need some sort of clever stretching device for that?

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 01:24 PM

Naaah, we just pull the dinker out and shove the sticks in. We could use the duct tape for the screaming though.

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 01:35 PM

Yes! The screaming!

You are wise, my Queen!



I can try out my new Dremel tool then, too!

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 01:36 PM

attatches spokie dokes to Sages wheelchair.



Cool, he mentioned his old one's were wearing out.



Should go nicely with streams on the handlebars.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 01:46 PM

streamers. damn it. STREAMERS.

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/06/2006 01:53 PM

So, Sage, what exactly are they gonna do? Cut and add tendon extenders?

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 01:55 PM

GOD DAMN IT PEOPLE! Quit posting in this thread until Sage gives us the story! I keep checking back thinking he has posted it and all I get is your mindless drivel.



DRIVEL I SAY.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 01:57 PM

Oops.



Sorry, Aimless. False alarm, I guess.



I'll be right back.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 01:58 PM

I hope you die.

Caga Palo 683 7
12/06/2006 02:00 PM

Sage, I hope everything goes well for you but if not maybe they can trick out your wheelchair

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 02:15 PM

Your gonna give him Chris Reeves body for his chair?



SWEET!

Caga Palo 683 7
12/06/2006 02:20 PM

No silly, Chris Reeves dead body comes with the chair.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 02:21 PM

Ah...even better.

Under the Mistletoe 101,398 77
12/06/2006 02:26 PM

I hope you die Sage!

Under the Mistletoe 101,398 77
12/06/2006 02:27 PM

Frost. I mean, I hope you don't die!





Oh well. I guess I'm covered now, either way.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 02:27 PM

TELL US THE DAMNED STORY! Or not, whatever.

Its A Wonderful Sarah. 30,601 8
12/06/2006 02:30 PM

Good Luck Sage!



What's this I hear about your peehole?

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 02:31 PM

OR...we can tell it for him.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 02:31 PM

I think Sage should change his name to "Tiny Tim".

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 02:42 PM

<action>realizes now whose email his naughty pics accidentally ended up in</action>

I think Sage should change his name to "Tiny Tim".

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 02:44 PM

Sage is too embarrassed to say what happened. I imagine it involved strippers, coke, and a large black dildo.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 02:49 PM

...or what I like to call "Saturday Night".

Jolson triple dog dares you 16,163 11
12/06/2006 02:59 PM

Where do you buy your Coke at Chance? I find that the best deals are often at the 7-11. You can't beat 2 for $2!

dinesh 24,862 16
12/06/2006 03:05 PM

good luck.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 03:19 PM

Where do you buy your coke at Chance?



The word coke refers to the drug in a powder (cocaine) form and a crystal (crack) form. It is made from the coca plant and causes a short-lived intense high that is immediately followed by strong feelings of depression, edginess and a craving for more.



The answer is Miquel.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 03:21 PM

According to ABC.com all the cool kids are Robotripping.



Oddly enough it has nothing to do with Robocop.

Jolson triple dog dares you 16,163 11
12/06/2006 03:26 PM

<action>points to Aimless' milky white cleavage.</action>I'd buy that for a dollar.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 03:28 PM

Well, that will cost you more than a dollar. Let me show you something in your price range............ "Oh Ollie!"

Baby Jesus loves you 15,189 12
12/06/2006 03:30 PM

Sage,

Check your e-mail for your private showing of boob and vagina pix.

Love,

csme

Midgets with his nose so bright 96,092 48
12/06/2006 03:31 PM

Good luck Sage. I hope the nurse who inserts your catheter has Parkinsons.





And try to ignore all that talk of ORs being breeding grounds for MRSA and Staph and lots of diseases with long names that you don't want to know about.



What? There's been no talk of that?

Forget I said it then.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 03:32 PM

Sage,

Check your e-mail for your private showing of boob and vagina pix.

Love,

csme



Hey! He's got one foot in the grave, at least send them to someone who still has a pulse!

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 03:32 PM

Oh wait, he's not dead yet...carry on.

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/06/2006 03:32 PM

I forsee a thrall of GAB men soon to need life threatening surgery in the future.

The Bells Were Ringing Out For Christmas Jade 14,453 11
12/06/2006 03:33 PM

Good luck! I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 03:35 PM

Csme you whore! How dare you bribe him with your body!







I can't belive I didn't think of it first.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 03:36 PM

Okay. Goddammit. I just scanned in some pics, but they didn't scan right. I'll post those later I guess. At any rate, I had some abdominal surgery about four years ago (my gallbladder removed), and suffered extreme nausea and vomiting for about three months. I almost literally starved to death during that time, mainly 'cause the docs had no clue what was going on.

I finally collapsed about a week before my 31st birthday and spent that next month lying in bed until I finally went to the hospital. I was diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy caused by severe malnutrition. In other words, some nerves in my body died as I was essentially shutting down. It's a weird feeling, by the way; I don't recommend it. So, I was shoved into an institution for the next three years while my nerves slowly grew back. In the meantime, I almost died from liver failure. That was tough to deal with, especially for my daughter.



Now, I've got all feeling back, the nerves are healed, I have control and movement in my muscles. The thing is now trying to fix the muscle atrophy and my ankles and toe joints collapsing due to lack of pressure (standing) and possible tissue degeneration (arthritis) and tendon and ligament shrinking. The idea is to lengthen the tendons and ligaments so that I can hold a 90 degree angle on my ankle and stand upright. After that, the walking is relatively easy. Oh, I also may have to have my left ankle pinned in place (fused) permanently, depending on how much damage is actually present.



Oh, and I need to have my Coleridge shortened.



Any other questions?

Fratberry 283,018 53
12/06/2006 03:38 PM

Good luck, capper.

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
12/06/2006 03:38 PM

You aren't just going to throw the extra Coleridge away are you?



Starving chidren in India would love to have it for dinner.

Chance is standing under the mistletoe. 171,275 14
12/06/2006 03:39 PM

Where do the coke and hookers come into the story? GET TO THE JUICY PART!

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
12/06/2006 03:39 PM

What? Oh, sorry.



Iowa.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 03:39 PM

Sage,

Check your e-mail for your private showing of boob and vagina pix.

Love,

csme



All it takes is to be on deaths door? I've a headache and a compound fracture of the tibia...what can I get?

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/06/2006 03:40 PM

Some ascii porn.



( . ) ( . )

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 03:42 PM

I've a headache and a compound fracture of the tibia...what can I get?



I hear Trixxie makes one fine nurse.





Thanks Frat. I appreciate it.



Demo, I have actually talked to my doc yesterday, and I'm keeping anything they remove. I figure it'll make one hell of a conversation piece on the dinner table.



Jew Girl. Damn woman, you sure know how to spin a guy's dradel!

Fratberry 283,018 53
12/06/2006 03:43 PM

She's jewish? I didn't even think she was circumsized.

A Pumpkin Noggin before Christmas 56,642 8
12/06/2006 03:44 PM

Thanks, Taco.

Your stuff is in the mail, by the way. Hope you enjoy it.



So's your Declan.

m squared will shoot your eye out 2,881 7
12/06/2006 03:44 PM

Dearest Sage,



I sincerely hope all goes well for you, and you get the best treatment possible while in the hospital and during your convalescent. I will be thinking of you. Please let us know as soon as possible how you are doing, okay? I am so excited for you, dear.



Big hugs,

M

Oink! Oink! Oink! Merry Pigmas!! 54,807 10
12/06/2006 04:00 PM

Man, I was hoping your story would involve some ninjas or cowbell or something. Not that starving to death isn't cool and all, I mean just look at Nichole Ritchie. I guess what I am trying to say is... if you die can I have your parking permit?

m squared will shoot your eye out 2,881 7
12/06/2006 04:04 PM

I do not see how his story is not intriguing. He nearly starved, his tendons and stuff atrophied, he's a drunken pervert in a wheelchair who still wears white shirts and ties everyday. And now he's going in to have things on his body lengthened.



C'mon people! That's awesome material!

Caga Palo 683 7
12/06/2006 04:08 PM

It would be better if they turned him into some kind of crazy cyborg.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 04:09 PM

AND, this one nurse really liked me alot, and one night after hours, she came into my room and asked if I wanted a special sponge bath. I said sure, and so she started to take off her clothes.



She stood there, silouetted in the glow of the heart monitor, her pert nipples staring at me like a doctor's penlight. She gently removed the catheter from my stiffening penis. "Oops," she breathed when she realized that she forgot to deflate the little balloon that holds the catheter inside me.



She then began to slowly grip my Coleridge, gently pumping it up and down like she was squeezing a sphygmomanometer bulb. She soon started licking and sucking the end of it and I was harder than surgical stainless steel. I started fondling her breasts and thighs and ass as she kept using my Coleridge as a tongue depresser.



My heartrate was in the aerobic range of 150-175 beats per minute, when I started helping her onto my gurney. She planted one knee on my IV tube, temporarily cutting off my lactated ringers solution, making me lightheaded. "Never mind that, just get on me" I wheezed. She straddled me, taking my hard Coleridge into her. She started grinding her hips down onto mine; the extasy was almost complete. I then removed the bedpan that I'd been lying on and threw it across the room with abandon, my hands on her hips, guiding her increasingly frenzied thrusts.



"Ooohh! Ooohh! I'm coming!" She cried out. "I'm coming STAT!"



I could feel the inevitable rush of pleasure as my own orgasm overtook me and we both collapsed together in a sweaty heap.



I hadn't felt that good since I got my prostate examined that one time. It felt like a 12cc injection of morphine sulphate through a 24 french line right into my brain.

KChikita - Hot Elf Extraordinaire 128,316 98
12/06/2006 04:13 PM

Jeebus dude! I'm at work! And my vibrator is in the car!

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/06/2006 04:14 PM

You say "she" but it was a nurse named Bob, wasn't it.

The Bells Were Ringing Out For Christmas Jade 14,453 11
12/06/2006 04:15 PM

KChiki, just tell them you need a bathroom break.





As for me, I'm off to "water the lilies".

Pram Maven 80,728 42
12/06/2006 04:16 PM

I don't hate your poetry as much as I pretend to



Don't listen to her, Sage. She hates it more!!!

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/06/2006 04:19 PM

Is this thread about sex?

m squared will shoot your eye out 2,881 7
12/06/2006 04:20 PM

HEHEHEHEHHEHEE



Sage's story is funny cuz its not true!



Meh. Either way, thanks for the tinglies in my delicate flower, Sage ole boy!

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 04:21 PM

<action>ignores Pram</action>



You say "she" but it was a nurse named Bob, wasn't it.



Shut it, you!

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 04:30 PM

Thanks everyone.



I guess I can always get a job writing porn if my secret dream of becoming a dancer for Cats doesn't pan out.







And what the hell, Emmy? What are you doing home and not calling me?

m squared will shoot your eye out 2,881 7
12/06/2006 04:33 PM

I am trying to get the little one to take a nap, and if you don't recall, she won't let me talk on the phone without also talking on it. These kids are driving me nuts again today. They are sick and cranky. I will call you either when she goes to sleep, or this evening, is that okay? You going out to dinner or anything?



What?! I don't have IM beyotches, get the Frost ovah it!

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/06/2006 04:40 PM

What?! I don't have IM beyotches, get the Frost ovah it!



Done.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 04:51 PM

Oh.



I remember. Boy, do I.



And, no, I'm not going out any more today or tonight. I've got some books to read and I also need to clean up a bit; use the vacuum attachment do some vacuuming; you know, that sort of thing.



And to everyone who's emailed me or IM'ed me, thank you. I figure that GAB is like the hooker with the heart of gold. A sick Carroll that will do anything for cheap thrills, but really does care about what happens to your stuff you.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 04:56 PM

What?! I don't have IM beyotches, get the Frost ovah it!



No? How about email then? Got that? You should use it.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/06/2006 05:06 PM

Get well, ya big pompous lug.



Bring back a doggy bag for me.

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 05:07 PM

Thanks everyone.



I guess I can always get a job writing porn if my secret dream of dying on the operating table doesn't pan out.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/06/2006 05:08 PM

(tendon)

Chit 178,781 15
12/06/2006 05:11 PM

Ok doctor, the patient is out. You can begin the procedure now.



Opp, wait, he seems to be trying to say something to us...how odd.



What is it son ?





"AND, this one nurse really liked me a lot, and one night after hours, she came into my room and asked if I wanted a special sponge bath. I said sure, and so she started to take off her clothes."



"She stood there, silhouetted in the glow of the heart monitor, her pert nipples staring at me like a doctor's penlight. She gently removed the catheter from my stiffening penis. "Oops," she breathed when she realized that she forgot to deflate the little balloon that holds the catheter inside me."

Potter, lurking merrily along 1,393 8
12/06/2006 05:29 PM

Not a drill.



Anyways, good luck with your surgery, Sage.

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 05:37 PM

No, no, NO! That's not what Sage said... It was more pretentious-sounding:



Once upon a midnight dreary

while I ponder weak and weary

over the fate of my legs as I wait

for the surgeon to open the door



while I'm lying, nearly napping,

suddenly there comes a crapping

undergarments gently flapping

spilling poo upon the floor



"'Tis a visitor", I mutter,

"falling out my chamber door--Only this and nothing more"



Ah, distinctly I remember,

it was nearing mid-December

for each nurse, my raging member

wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly, I wished my marrow

to get soft and not to harrow

the male docs--their asses narrow--narrow at my penile gore

horny here forever more































































See? I even Frosted up the meter like Sage would!

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 05:38 PM

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives...the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies...

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 05:39 PM

Dammit, Pram, you got in the way of my strange post to Potter!

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 05:49 PM

Well, good. It didn't have Shakespeare to do with the thread anyway, you Frost-ing Coleridge.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 06:02 PM

Dammit, Pram, you got in the way of my strange post to Potter!





I was on a bus once in Montreal with some friends, going along quite a busy route. Loads of people were trying to get on the bus, but we couldn't move down very far at all, because someone had this huge pram on the bus and it was taking up the whole aisle.



People were pushing and shoving, trying to get on the bus, but what were we to do? The woman wasn't moving her pram and ignoring all polite requests for her to do so. We could see all sorts of empty space beyond, but how were we to get to it? The way was blocked by this giant pram.



The driver started to yell in French and English, "Move down the bus! Make room on the bus! Don't just stand there! Move down the bus!"



"We can't!" we yelled back. "There's a pram in the way!"

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 06:03 PM

What the hell is a pram?

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 06:05 PM

Stroller. Baby Carriage. Pram.

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 06:14 PM

You know, a Pram...









Whoops, guess you're one of a kind.

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 06:17 PM

Better than being a clone of every N00B who ever broke out on the face of GAB's ass like YOU...

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 06:18 PM

No. It most definitely is not better. But nice try.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 06:19 PM

Really scary looking pram.











And I know someone is going to want to post a picture of Gabber Pram saying like "Even scarier Pram" but now I've said it, so it's going to ruin your joke, so nyah!

Potter, lurking merrily along 1,393 8
12/06/2006 06:20 PM

<action>examines Pram.</action>



Oh, I see the problem. Frost-ing collapse lever is broken.



*shakes pram about*

COLLAPSE DAMN YOU!!



No?



Well, time to get the sledge hammer...

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 06:22 PM

Stone cold (dead) bikini

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 06:27 PM

Oh yeah, SCB? I made an even scarier pram. And it isn't of the GABber!





Wait... why the Frost did I spend five minutes on that?

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 06:27 PM

Hey! I wasn't even being mean to you! It's not my fault you named yourself after a baby stroller!





I'd be a way sexier zombie than that!

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 06:29 PM

Juan, if you had thought to put a little Hitler mustache on the baby, I would have been very very impressed.

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 06:30 PM

SCB, I know. That's your great grandfather.



Hey Juan, Carrot Top called. He wants his stupid prop joke back.

Yorkie Thompson: The Zombie 60,724 12
12/06/2006 06:31 PM

Alright. This is Frost-ing retarded. Stop it, all of you, and let Sage get back to his imminent death.

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 06:33 PM

Oh, alright.



Hey Sage, I just realized something. If everything goes well, you'll finally have a leg to stand on!

Nachos - It's always the quiet ones. 57,521 23
12/06/2006 06:33 PM

Alright. This is Frost-ing retarded. Stop it, all of you, and let Sage get back to his imminent death.



He hasn't posted in nearly 2 hours, how do you know imminent is the right word?

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 06:35 PM

<action>smacks forehead</action>Dammit, SCB, I knew I forgot something! I never usually forget the toothbrush moustache when I turn strollers into Nazi war machines.

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 06:41 PM

Usually never??? You're a master of the English languish.

Yorkie Thompson: The Zombie 60,724 12
12/06/2006 06:41 PM

WHAT THE Frost DID I JUST SAY?

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 06:43 PM

Languish? Languish? The English Languish?







Pram, every time you post I die a little on the inside.

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 06:44 PM

<action>scrambles to recover</action>So, what size cup is Sage gonna be now? C or D?

trojan dollop of whipped cream on pie 3,467 8
12/06/2006 06:44 PM

WHAT THE Frost DID I JUST SAY?



I was going to make some stupid joke about "if you don't remember..." but after Juan's last post, I just have to agree with you.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
12/06/2006 06:48 PM

He hasn't posted in nearly 2 hours, how do you know imminent is the right word?



Because his surgery isn't until tomorrow morning. Didn't you read the incredibly long, boring first post?

Pram 80,728 42
12/06/2006 06:49 PM

So, what size cup is Sage gonna be now? C or D?



E: NONE OF THE ABOVE.

Thud; the sleigh has landed 68,497 19
12/06/2006 08:20 PM

Sage, good luck tomorrow. I'm hoping they assign your case to the gaggle of hot nurses visiting from Sweden.



If you're in luck, they might even be female.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/06/2006 08:33 PM

Here are those damn pics I was trying to upload earlier.



This one is of my right foot after the first work was done. You'll see the big toe has been pinned already. The second, third and fourth toes had the same thing done (just the second joint, not the first). This is what they'll do on my left foot as well. Those three long pins were only there for a few weeks for stabilization. They were later just pulled out. This second one is just a side view. All the rest was soft-tissue work, so none of it is visible on x-ray.



This next one shows my left leg and the repair that was done when I had a car accident about seven years ago. All that metal will be removed, so I'll have something to wear as a necklace, or to give to someone special as a charm bracelet. The large ankle bone in the middle may have to be cut somewhat and the fusion (if necessary) will happen there.



One last one just a side view of the left leg. You'll notice a severe drop in the foot angle. This is the problem of not being able to straighten it out enough to stand on properly, hence the ligament and tendon work.



I'll have more pics later, after the surgery of the little prank I'm still planning on pulling.

Juan- Navidad Con Carne 7,400 0
12/06/2006 08:53 PM

Sage, you can't fool us. We know you just took pictures of X-rays and superimposed construction materials onto them.

Jolson roasting over an open fire 16,163 11
12/06/2006 09:14 PM

The large ankle bone in the middle may have to be cut somewhat and the fusion (if necessary) will happen there.



Fusion?

Brock Sampson 649 6
12/06/2006 10:42 PM

"...or to give to someone special as a charm bracelet"



I just had this mental picture of someone opening a gift box and seeing all this hardware with bloody meat chunks stuck to it.



Thanks. And good luck.

Frogpolar Express 173,153 25
12/07/2006 12:59 AM

You weren't, by any chance, wearing a kilt at the time, were you?

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/07/2006 01:27 AM

I just had this mental picture of someone opening a gift box and seeing all this hardware with bloody meat chunks stuck to it.



How else does one truly say "I love you" than with bloody chunks?

Frogpolar Express 173,153 25
12/07/2006 01:43 AM

With money.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/07/2006 01:45 AM

You sicko.

Captain Skippy, sweet as candy 41,253 13
12/07/2006 01:58 AM

stools, softened.

Millie Christmas to all, and to all a good night! 116,988 28
12/07/2006 02:03 AM

Good luck, Sage!

Chit 178,781 15
12/07/2006 02:32 AM

Dude...You have more hardware in you already than my deck !





Best luck on everything tomorrow.

Sage of Seattle (Facetiously Festive) 36,465 8
12/07/2006 02:56 AM

Thanks Millie, thanks Chit.



Thank you everyone.



It's late. I'm to bed and I'll check in as soon as I can.

Snork-sensei 45,655 12
12/07/2006 03:56 AM

Um, Sage, I'm sure it's not very polite of me, but your x-rays have some weird Shakespeare on them.



Just thought I'd let you know.

BlueLep 13,144 10
12/07/2006 04:03 AM

Don't die Sage.



GOODLUCK!



And don't get shot by a mexi-Ogden Nash like I almsot did!

BlueLep 13,144 10
12/07/2006 04:04 AM

That didn't make sense.

Nachos - It's always the quiet ones. 57,521 23
12/07/2006 05:42 AM

He hasn't posted in nearly 2 hours, how do you know imminent is the right word?



Because his surgery isn't until tomorrow morning. Didn't you read the incredibly long, boring first post?



Who said anything about surgery?



I'm thinking he's a good candidate for accidentally strangling himself with a phone cord during some kinky phone sexcapade.

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/07/2006 07:20 AM

I feel like having a Pepsi? Anybody else want one? Sage?

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/07/2006 07:20 AM

Who am I kidding, he's probably dead by now.

Chickens wonders is it 2008 yet? 286,539 61
12/07/2006 07:21 AM

But I envy you getting all the metal out. I would love to have that Shakespeare out of my leg. I feel it every time I cross my legs.



Irritating. But better than being in a wheelchair, eh what?

We Wish You a Merry Lupience 26,981 11
12/07/2006 07:46 AM

Which leg do you have the metal Shakespeare in?



If you feel it when you cross your legs, that is...

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
12/07/2006 08:30 AM

oh hey did you get pictures of the surgery?

Trixxie with a Stick up her Ass. 65,026 15
12/07/2006 08:50 AM

Best Witches.

Happy Strawlidays 98,000 37
12/07/2006 08:55 AM

Sending out good mojo!

Pram 80,728 42
12/09/2006 02:40 PM

Sage recovers from the operation.