Dave's on the naughty list again this year. 52,827 16
12/18/2006 03:24 PM

That's why you never go out drinking with T4.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:25 PM

"Let the wookie win."

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:26 PM

"I offered a lady a tiparillo."

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:26 PM

"I came between Al and a gizzard dinner."

Funkmaster BobJohnson 178,045 22
12/18/2006 03:28 PM

"My husband occasionally removes my head so that he can literally throat-Frost me."

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:29 PM

"Y'oughta see what happened to Leppy the other guy!"

All I want for Xmas is Pumpkin Noggins Chutney 56,642 8
12/18/2006 03:31 PM

You wanna rip my head off over this? Well, listen up, it's been tried before!

All I want for Xmas is Pumpkin Noggins Chutney 56,642 8
12/18/2006 03:32 PM

I really liked my Doctor. He was a bit hard to understand, with the German accent, but rather nice.

You should try him. Here's his card:





Dr. V. Frankenstein

"We'll give you life"

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:33 PM

"I accidentally swallowed a penny in a room full of Scots."

Happy Strawlidays 98,000 37
12/18/2006 03:34 PM

I don't suppose someone could repost her text so I can see all of what she said and know what the Frost happened to her?



Thanksyourapeach.

Happy Strawlidays 98,000 37
12/18/2006 03:35 PM

Oh, and here's my contribution:



"Resistance is futile."

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
12/18/2006 03:36 PM

Sorry, I forgot about the cutting off. (GET IT??)



Okay, it's not exactly a new tattoo, but there is a bit of ink left over at the top of the giant scar (not safe for lunch).







I figure I'm able to joke about it now since I didn't die in surgery. It's thyroid cancer with bonus sexy lifetime scars (especaily if you count those awesome shunts coming out of my chest)!







1000 quatloos to whomever comes up with the best backstory to tell strangers who stare!

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,450 56
12/18/2006 03:36 PM

"I am really Rosie O'Donnell, but I got tired of my own face."

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:36 PM

"Oh, it was just delicious!!!" (then hand them this.)

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
12/18/2006 03:37 PM

"Okay, it's not exactly a new tattoo, but there is a bit of ink left over at the top of the giant scar (not safe for lunch).I figure I'm able to joke about it now since I didn't die in surgery. It's thyroid cancer with bonus sexy lifetime scars (especaily if you count those awesome shunts coming out of my chest)!"



Glad to help

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
12/18/2006 03:37 PM

Or at least, I was.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:38 PM

"Well, y'see, I didn't do such a great job with the dishes last week and, well, you know when (husband's name deleted by request) keeps saying he'll put his boot so far up my ass I'll be tasting Vibram for weeks? Well, funny story..."

Happy Strawlidays 98,000 37
12/18/2006 03:39 PM

<action>hugs Roofie hard and accidentally pops off her head.</action>Oops.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:39 PM

Carry around shot glasses and offer the curious a "Shunt Shooter."

Dave's on the naughty list again this year. 52,827 16
12/18/2006 03:40 PM

Hey, a piece of pez came out. Cool!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/18/2006 03:40 PM

"Well, see, I was hanging out with T4, and he was teaching me to juggle chainsaws..."

TableTopJane 173,958 15
12/18/2006 03:42 PM

Tell them that in order for your transformation to be complete, you decided to take that last step and have your adam's apple removed.

Chickens left a little something in your stocking 286,539 61
12/18/2006 03:44 PM

Oh, woman please. Like anyone ever looks sees anything above your cleavage.

All I want for Xmas is Pumpkin Noggins Chutney 56,642 8
12/18/2006 03:44 PM

<action> running with Dave's</action>



New to the Zug store, just in time for the Hollidays: Roofie Pez dispenser (Pez candy sold seperatly)

Chickens left a little something in your stocking 286,539 61
12/18/2006 03:45 PM

But seriously, you really should consider incorporating the scar into a tat of a zipper.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:45 PM

Tell 'em it was all the rage in Brentwood ten years ago.

All Phlanx wants for Christmas is Teh Funny 1,919 8
12/18/2006 03:46 PM

NEVER deep throat Bob Johnson!

All I want for Xmas is Pumpkin Noggins Chutney 56,642 8
12/18/2006 03:46 PM

Just get this tshirt in a Vneck.

Explains it all, as well as being seen as a PSA.

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:49 PM

"Frost-ing Obi-Wan! (in whiney voice) 'Nyahhh, don't do it, Roofie. I have the higher ground. You were like a brother to me. Wahhh!'"

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:51 PM

"I talked about Fight Club."

All I want for Xmas is Pumpkin Noggins Chutney 56,642 8
12/18/2006 03:53 PM

<action> not knowing if the scar caries over to the other ear as well</action>



Tell all the little kiddies who will be staring (Like Chix said, all the adults will be looking further south) that you're Sir Nicholas' sister/cousin....you go by the name "Lady Roofie" but your nick name is "Almost Nearly headless Roofie"

Midgets with his nose so bright 96,092 48
12/18/2006 03:56 PM

"Jesus Christ, that wasn't there this morning!"

Max Powers 68,758 11
12/18/2006 03:57 PM

I'd still hit it.



And as for what to tell people:





I HAD Frost-ing CANCER YOU INSENSATIVE mother-FrostERS!

Dave's on the naughty list again this year. 52,827 16
12/18/2006 03:57 PM

"So I told him, no, I've never had a Columbian necktie..."

PhucNutts Roasting on an Open Fire 237,919 21
12/18/2006 03:57 PM

Oh yeah, the potential for Frost-ing with kids is infinite!



"Remember when your mom said 'Don't forget to wipe your ass?'"



You can say anything!

Midgets with his nose so bright 96,092 48
12/18/2006 03:58 PM

"Argh, they were right, the ninja damn near killed me."

Midgets with his nose so bright 96,092 48
12/18/2006 04:01 PM

"Kids, you remember that story about Mikey and the pop rocks? Yeah, I thought it was total bull Shakespeare also!"

Max Powers 68,758 11
12/18/2006 04:02 PM

"That's where I cut out the tracking device the government planted."

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/18/2006 04:02 PM

"mother-FrostING SNAKES ON A mother-FrostING PLANE!!"

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/18/2006 04:03 PM

"I wanted to be Sally for Halloween the rest of my life."

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
12/18/2006 04:04 PM

...so then Henry the VIII says to me "Whose shoes are these under your bed?", and the next thing I know...

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,450 56
12/18/2006 04:06 PM

"The backstory behind this scar is pretty funny, you will laugh your head off if I tell you."

Dave's on the naughty list again this year. 52,827 16
12/18/2006 04:06 PM

New in stores this Christmas.

Max Powers 68,758 11
12/18/2006 04:10 PM

The boobs on my original body where way too small for my head.

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
12/18/2006 04:12 PM

"Long story short, when the driver of a convertible screams "DUCK!!!!"



you should duck."

Max Powers 68,758 11
12/18/2006 04:16 PM

"If Chance says to you "Put my twinkie down or I'll cut you!" she means it."

Midgets with his nose so bright 96,092 48
12/18/2006 04:18 PM

"Mufftaur got angry, Mufftaur smashed."

Max Powers 68,758 11
12/18/2006 04:19 PM

And for the hundreth time Roofie's husband asked,"Please my love, tell me why you wear the green scarf around your neck?".

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
12/18/2006 04:22 PM

"Affectations can be dangerous."

Chickens left a little something in your stocking 286,539 61
12/18/2006 04:22 PM

"never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
12/18/2006 05:31 PM

These are freaking awesome! (Not quite worth getting cancer for, but still awesome!)

Nachos - It's always the quiet ones. 57,521 23
12/18/2006 06:01 PM

You need John to grace his thread with his presence, then it'd be totally worth it.

Chit 178,781 15
12/18/2006 06:08 PM

Whatever you do...





DO NOT order the Garrote Cake !

Dead Battery's In The Clocktower 2,533 9
12/18/2006 06:25 PM

"When he was done he tried to Shakespeare down the hole too."

Chit 178,781 15
12/18/2006 06:54 PM

You know, I'm a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.





What hump ?





--Young Frankenstein

Spicey McHaggis 117,779 37
12/18/2006 07:02 PM

Start wearing a trench coat and carrying a sword underneath it. If anyone asks about your scars, just stare off into space and say "There can be only one".

Claus Friend #1004 7,665 11
12/18/2006 07:07 PM

"Had emergency medical care and my AFLAC supplemental insurance not been available, I probably wouldn't be around today to recap for you the most wickedly exhilarating orgasm of my life..."

Big Yuletide Boobs 6,369 10
12/18/2006 07:07 PM

But seriously, you really should consider incorporating the scar into a tat of a zipper.



Hey! No stealing my idea! I have always planned to have my giant scar tattooed to look like a zipper...The whole idea came from when after the 4th surgery, I had 75 staples down my inscion, and my father took thezipper pull off his jacket, taped it to the top of my scar and took a picture.

Cool scar though Roofie. Are the shunts permanent? Have fun while you still have the drugs!

Claus Friend #1004 7,665 11
12/18/2006 07:07 PM

And for what it's worth, Roofie, I hope you're able to joke about your bout with cancer for a very, very long time...

Chit 178,781 15
12/18/2006 07:37 PM

...

Thud, the sleigh has landed 68,497 19
12/18/2006 07:39 PM

Just tell them: This is why you should never try and shave when you are hungover.

Briham's Doobs Secrete Eggnog! 38,843 10
12/18/2006 07:43 PM

"Well, I used to be a magician's assistant, but one night he had a bit too much whiskey before the show, and when it came time to do the trick where he saws me in half...well, you can probably guess the rest.

Briham's Doobs Secrete Eggnog! 38,843 10
12/18/2006 07:47 PM

"I got in a barfight. If you think this is bad, you should see what I did to the other guy."

Briham's Doobs Secrete Eggnog! 38,843 10
12/18/2006 07:48 PM

"It was one hell of a papercut."

Chit 178,781 15
12/18/2006 08:57 PM

"Next time you hang a woman you better LOOK at her!"

Thud, the sleigh has landed 68,497 19
12/18/2006 09:18 PM

"Now I only spit."

Chit 178,781 15
12/18/2006 10:30 PM

What, this ??





I just had my gag reflex removed !

Frogpolar Express 173,153 25
12/19/2006 12:20 AM

Phuc already touched on it, but I told you that people who post in both places would be dealt with.

Hello! Nice Zolton! Thank you! 88,200 34
12/19/2006 12:32 AM

"I've been trying for years to divert attention from my spectacular rack, and this is the only thing that's worked.





Hey. My eyes are up here, buddy."

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/19/2006 01:54 AM

There was some weird movie I saw several years ago where these two teenage kids were listening to an album backwards (the fake band was The Bloodsausages) and got some spell that would kill whoever the spell was said for. They had to have a picture of the person as part of the spell, but they unfortunately ripped the picture, right on the neck. They went to this person's house (some freaky teacher they didn't like) to see if it worked, and lo and behold, his head was severed, but he was still alive.



They tried everything to kill him, and escape his house before he killed them. They finally escaped, showed up for school the next day, and he'd sewn his head back on (poorly, still detachable) and was wearing a scarf to cover the stitches.





There's your backstory.

Frogpolar Express 173,153 25
12/19/2006 02:00 AM

So, what did you do with your spare parts?



(I really hope I'm not your Secret Santa Victim..)

Jakebonz 206 6
12/19/2006 08:22 AM

"So I was on ZUG, Right. I was posting some insane things about this guy. I was totally ripping him a new Emerson. Turns out, he knew who I was AND where I lived. I never thought he had the stones to do anything about it"

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
12/19/2006 08:59 AM

"Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked me."

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
12/19/2006 10:42 AM

These kick ass. I have a "thrifty" Scottish grandmother and am waiting for just the right moment to use that penny one!

All I want for Xmas is Pumpkin Noggins Chutney 56,642 8
12/19/2006 10:53 AM

A "Thrifty" Scott is like a non smoking Frenchman.



They MIGHT exist, but chances are slim.







A SKINT Scott, well, there more common than the name Smith.

Max Powers 68,758 11
12/20/2006 02:36 PM

There was some weird movie I saw several years ago where these two teenage kids were listening to an album backwards (the fake band was The Bloodsausages) and got some spell that would kill whoever the spell was said for. They had to have a picture of the person as part of the spell, but they unfortunately ripped the picture, right on the neck. They went to this person's house (some freaky teacher they didn't like) to see if it worked, and lo and behold, his head was severed, but he was still alive.



They tried everything to kill him, and escape his house before he killed them. They finally escaped, showed up for school the next day, and he'd sewn his head back on (poorly, still detachable) and was wearing a scarf to cover the stitches.





There's your backstory.





"You're late, Mr. BRAAAAAAAAAND!"

Max Powers 68,758 11
12/20/2006 02:57 PM

That was awesome. The name of the episode was "Head of the class". If I'm not mistaken, Mary Stuart Masterson was the punk chic that had the spells.



HAWT.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/20/2006 03:13 PM

Yes, and if you'd actually looked at the page I linked to, you'd see where the review was talking about that very episode.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
12/20/2006 03:23 PM

When they ask or stare uncomfortably, just sigh and say



"Never tell a Indonesian trannie they look like Richard Simmons."

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
12/21/2006 01:16 AM

I say, break a zipper pull off an old jacket, grab some two-sided tape and accessorize.

Pubah 56,805 18
01/04/2007 03:57 PM

Poor Roofie



You're the first person I've ever seen who survived a Bolivian Necktie.



*If someone already posted this, feel free to ignore Pubah until he leaves*

Happy PhartSack now newer and better for 2007 13,792 15
01/04/2007 06:57 PM

Tell them you had a double date with "Saddam Hussein".

Big Irish Guy 203,956 21
01/04/2007 07:03 PM

Is it too late to Frost your throat gash?

Vlad the Impaler 19,599 12
01/04/2007 07:29 PM

Roofie, glad you made it through surgery!



*Waits for onslaught of insults for this one time being sensitive to someone elses plight, nonetheless on a comedy board of all places.*

ringworm 68,315 13
01/05/2007 02:09 AM

<action>isn't going to read all that.</action>you got a new head?