Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:39 PM

I suddenly noticed again where we were and looked around. I could hear Vince apologetically saying somewhere, "geez, I'm so sorry for falling into your fire like that." I could see an occasional burst of light from dinesh's shirt as he moved about the kitchen, somewhat akin to seeing a signal mirror flashing in the desert or a piece of colorful foil dancing in the breeze on a warm summer afternoon. I saw Skippy morosely pacing back and forth with the air of a weary soldier knowing he's going into battle with an old enemy; an enemy with whom he's fought many a time, and always lost. He nodded at me tiredly, then with a sudden urgency, raced out of the room to once again pay homage to the Porcelain Gods.

I looked back at Taco and our eyes locked, her brilliant blue eyes sparkling. My wolfish grey eyes looked deep into her soul making her shudder slightly as I knew more than words can say.

With the blanket casually draped about her shoulders, she and I got up and went upstairs to the bedroom, shutting out all the noise and light of the party below. She abruptly turned into me, nestling her head into my chest and I held her at first, then I dropped the blanket from her, brushed the hair from her forehead and then kissed her for the first time.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:40 PM

I was nipping her lips, her tongue, her ear, her throat... teasing... so fully involved that I barely noticed her begin to unbutton her blouse, then start to tug on my tie, half-choking me in the process of trying to take it off. I loosened the knot, slipping my tie free from around my neck with one hand, unbuttoning my shirt with the other. She stumbled over the blanket on the floor but managed to land gracefully on the bed. My shirt had barely hit the carpet when I was upon her, my kisses more insistent now. She lay back onto the bed, naked to the waist, eagerly pulling me on top of her.

I began to claw at her pants, digging my fingers under the material and I started to tug. I moved over her to get both of my hands on her thighs and I was finally able to work her pants off then threw them into the corner of the darkened room. In my excitement, I pulled a little too roughly on her panties, tearing them slightly as they pinched her flesh. She winced a bit and whacked me on the head. "Sorry," I murmured as her panties joined her pants across the room. I cradled her thighs in each of my arms as I slowly started to lick up and down, around her tummy and thighs, carefully, teasingly working my way toward her Poe. She put both of her hands on my head, running her fingers through what little hair I have left, subtly guiding me to her most sensitive areas.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:40 PM

I enveloped her Poe with my mouth now, simultaneously sucking and licking her slit with my tongue. She arched her back, driving her head deeper into the pillow. Her moans were becoming more urgent and she started to bite her lip to keep from crying out in pleasure. I continued to work my tongue inside her, stroking up and down, to her clit and back again. She started gasping and lifting her hips off of the bed, forcing my mouth deeper onto her slick Poe as her orgasm built. I took one hand and started tearing at my belt buckle and practically ripped the button off of my trousers as I struggled to take them off.

Her breath caught and her back arched even harder in an orgasmic spasm that left her shuddering and panting for several minutes as I continued to gently lick and suck her Poe. I then moved to kneel between her thighs, my hard Coleridge arching above her belly. She took my balls in one hand and began stroking my Coleridge with the other. She caught a little bit of pre-cum on her thumb and began to rub it all over the head of my penis and rubbed it up and down the shaft, making me glisten in the subdued light.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:40 PM

I put my hand at the base of my Coleridge, then guided myself to her. Again, I teasingly rubbed just the tip of my hardness around her clit, not entering her yet. She more and more urgently thrust her hips upwards, trying to get me inside her. Not being able to hold off any longer, with one smooth motion, I plunged all the way in and held it there. We both moaned and I almost came right then. Breathing raggedly, I froze for a moment trying to regain my composure.

Still not moving my Coleridge, I began to fondle and stroke her breasts, lightly pinching her nipples between my fingers. I began licking the sensitive underside of her heavy breasts as her hands roamed all over my body. I then started to withdraw my Coleridge just a fraction, then back in.... then out a little bit more.... then back in, each time all the way until my pubic hair was pressed against her clit. Steadily, smoothly, achingly wonderfully slowly, I would withdraw just a little more each time until I could finally feel the tip of my penis just barely penetrate, then I'd thrust back into her again.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:40 PM

Without warning, I felt my own orgasm rush upon me so almost in a frenzy, I began to stroke into her short, hard, fast.... feeling our bodies smacking together, the sweat now glistening on our stomachs and thighs. I put my fingers to her mouth to help stifle her moans and she bit me as we both reached our climax together. I almost blacked out as I felt my Coleridge spasming, shooting my cum deep inside her. For many minutes after, as our breath began to slow, I just loved the feeling of my dick being inside of her, neither of us moving; just enjoying the moment.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:41 PM

<action>hitches up his belt</action>

Okay. Who's next?

M.I.B. - Midgets in Black 96,092 48
01/19/2007 09:41 PM

First to post without reading all of that!

Jade - Queen of the Damned 14,453 11
01/19/2007 09:44 PM

Umm... I think I need some private time. I'll be back in a bit.

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 09:46 PM

<action>is mysteriously M.I.A.</action>

Jade - Queen of the Damned 14,453 11
01/19/2007 09:49 PM

So, um, which lucky GAB lady are you going to write about next?

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:49 PM

I hope my distressing lack of clickies just means y'all are too busy masturbating to click me.

M.I.B. - Midgets in Black 96,092 48
01/19/2007 09:50 PM

Ok, I read it.
It was pretty good, but you lost some credibility with the "Let's go upstairs" part. Otherwise I'd totally believe you could bang Taco. Or someone claiming to be her.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:50 PM

So, um, which lucky GAB lady are you going to write about next?

I dunno.

Do I have any volunteers?

Jade - Queen of the Damned 14,453 11
01/19/2007 09:52 PM

<action>volunteers</action>

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 09:53 PM

And no, you cannot just plug Jade's name into the previous story. It must be original!

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 09:55 PM

<action>acts all offended</action>

Everything I write is original, KChickita.

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 09:59 PM

<action>acts all offended.</action>My name only has one "C". Thhppppp!


See how silly being offended is?

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 10:05 PM

It was just an act, for goodness' sake, Ckchickitichta.

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 10:06 PM

HahahahahaTHATWASREALLYMEANYOUEmerson!!!!!!!

<sobs>

Jade - Queen of the Damned 14,453 11
01/19/2007 10:07 PM

<action>comforts KChiki, glares at Sage.</action>

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 10:08 PM

<action>cries and snots all over Jade's shoulder.</action>

Jade - Queen of the Damned 14,453 11
01/19/2007 10:09 PM

Ewww.

M.I.B. - Midgets in Black 96,092 48
01/19/2007 10:09 PM

<action>steps in while Sage is in the doghouse</action>

There there ladies. Tell Midgets all about the bad man.

Jade - Queen of the Damned 14,453 11
01/19/2007 10:10 PM

Tragically, this thread only serves to remind me that once again, I am single and horny, and my Mr Buzzy is without batteries. Of course, it's no subsitute for the real thing.

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 10:12 PM

<action>hands a magical +3 Strength and +6 Dexterity Sword of Odin's Left Nut to Midgets.</action>I'm gonna need you to fight Sage to the death. I'm giving you a superior weapon. Defend my honor, SS Victim.*





*You did know the SS game came with extra obligations, right?

M.I.B. - Midgets in Black 96,092 48
01/19/2007 10:16 PM

<action>accepts the sword with honour. Walks over to Sage, locks one chair brake, and breaks off the handle so he can only spin in circles. Then covers the sword in the finest latex available and hands in to Jade.</action>

You won't need batteries for this.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 10:17 PM

Say what?

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 10:18 PM

I thought this thread was about sex?

The High Priestess 58,948 29
01/19/2007 10:19 PM

Waiiiiiit, trailers are only one story!

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 10:19 PM

Midgets, I am once again awed by your creativity and ingenuity. Bravo!


<wipes cum off thread from the obvious masturbation happening in the vicinity of this post>

Jade - Queen of the Damned 14,453 11
01/19/2007 10:20 PM

Um, thanks, Midgets.

But right now I'd much prefer the real thing.

M.I.B. - Midgets in Black 96,092 48
01/19/2007 10:25 PM

It's better than the real thing, it's magic.

After you're done with it, it'll cuddle and talk!

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 10:29 PM

After you're done with it, it'll cuddle and talk!

Yeah, I've got to agree with Midgets here. Take the sword, 'cause by the sounds of it, it's better than any GABber.

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 10:30 PM

+6 Sword of Frost-ing, Cuddling AND Talking?


BullShakespeare. You can't even find that Shakespeare in D&D.

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
01/19/2007 10:35 PM

Well, it does cost 2 million gold, requires you to quench it in the blood of a Unicorn daily, and makes you deathly afraid of elves and dairy.



Totally worth it.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 10:36 PM

The problem is that even with only 5 EGO, it'll be able to easily take over any GABber who picks it up.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 10:38 PM

HEY! Don't RPG-jack my thread!

We need to start talking about blowjobs again or something....

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
01/19/2007 10:39 PM

That's why I use a magic club.

I, once had a sword
Or should I say, it once had me
Now, I use a club
Isn't it good
No ego wood...


-L. Niven, S. Barnes, "Dream Park"-

Jade - Queen of the Damned 14,453 11
01/19/2007 10:39 PM

Oh for heaven's sake. I didn't come here to discuss D&D.

I just want some sex, is that too much to ask?

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 10:40 PM

Hell yeah! A +Anything Bracer of Blowjobs would be totally worth whatever stat hits you had to take.

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/19/2007 10:41 PM

3rd Edition! W00t!


OHMYGODWHATAMISAYING??!?!?11?!!

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 10:44 PM

Oh my God, Demo! Quick! What do we do?!

It looks like the demons at Hahz-bro have taken her soul!

Cushie Butterfield 86,705 14
01/19/2007 10:50 PM

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! Dude wears a tie to a GAB party!!!

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 10:53 PM

Yeah, it's so I have the option of wearing a tie....


...and nothing else.

Cushie Butterfield 86,705 14
01/19/2007 10:54 PM

Ooh, that's a bit rude.

Lila - Gab's Token Fag Hag 78,555 13
01/19/2007 10:57 PM

Heh, this thread actually turned out better than I originally thought it would. Well done, ladies.

And now a message to Sage and only sage:
Girl FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP!!

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/19/2007 11:09 PM

Message recieved, loud and clear.

Name a place and you can be in my next story, Lila.

Lila - Gab's Token Fag Hag 78,555 13
01/19/2007 11:13 PM

Silly Sagey, I'm a married woman now! This means that while I can't have sex with you you will try twice as hard to have sex with me.

winks

Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/19/2007 11:47 PM

<action>pulls out a switchblade, looks menacingly at Sage</action>Back off, mang, or I'll cut joo. Lila is mine. I'm her only affair.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/20/2007 12:59 AM

<action>flicks open his switchblade and puts it between his teeth</action>

Alright man. As soon as I wheel my ass up and down the twenty seven ice and snow covered hills between you and me, we're gonna do a little cuttin'!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/20/2007 02:58 AM

<action>whittles a car, plays solitaire, paints a landscape, grows a sea monkey colony, reads War and Peace...</action>

Yorkie Thompson! Now with Cryptkeeper hands! 60,724 12
01/20/2007 03:00 AM

I nominate this thread for the "Most Unfitting and Creepy-ass Thread Ever Posted on GAB" award.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/20/2007 03:04 AM

<action>gets out to his sidewalk and spins in place for two and half hours, finally giving up in frustration and disgust</action>

You just wait 'till spring, mother-Froster! Then you'll see!

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/20/2007 03:12 AM

I nominate this thread for the "Most Unfitting and Creepy-ass Thread Ever Posted on GAB" award.

Huh? I start a thread about banging Taco and that's 'unfitting?' This is the same GAB that has threads about burying dead bodies, dead babies, child rape, and pictures of men with anuses the size of the Lincoln Tunnel and MY thread is 'unfitting?'

Put down the crack you're smoking and go Frost yourself.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/20/2007 03:14 AM

<action>orders speed bump for driveway</action>

Yorkie Thompson! Now with Cryptkeeper hands! 60,724 12
01/20/2007 03:17 AM

No. Frost you. GAB is not for erotica. GAB is for dead baby jokes. This doesn't fit. I'm just getting pretty tired of your whole "I'm on this board to get laid because I have no actual people skills" shtick.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/20/2007 03:19 AM

SD's just upset because he couldn't masturbate to your story with his cryptkeeper hands.

Yorkie Thompson! Now with Cryptkeeper hands! 60,724 12
01/20/2007 03:20 AM

I don't even have cryptkeeper hands anymore. I should probably change my tagline.

Cushie Butterfield 86,705 14
01/20/2007 03:24 AM

You need people skills to get laid now?

But I have a vagina!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/20/2007 03:24 AM

I don't know, I found it hilarious. Especially the fiction about him standing and walking up stairs. I mean, at best, he'd just be able to lay there and make the chick do all the work. She'd get so tired and bored from moving around so much, it just wouldn't be worth it.

Although, if you flipped him over and left him for Trixxie, he wouldn't be able to crawl away fast enough.

Yorkie Thompson! Now with Cryptkeeper hands! 60,724 12
01/20/2007 03:25 AM

No. Men need people skills. Or beer.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/20/2007 03:30 AM

GAB is for whatever the Frost anyone wants it to be, so I'll continue posting what I feel like and you can continue complaining about it if you want.

I would prefer, and I think others would too, that if you try and insult me, at least be funny about it instead of you just whining like a jealous bitch.

Yorkie Thompson! Now with Cryptkeeper hands! 60,724 12
01/20/2007 03:34 AM

I'm not trying to insult you. And no, GAB is first and foremost a humor forum. Yes, you're funny. A lot. Most of the time I think you're a good addition to the board. But this stuff doesn't fit on GAB. If people want to read dirty stories, they can search Google and replace "Tiffani" with whichever GABbette he/she desires..

Yorkie Thompson! Now with Cryptkeeper hands! 60,724 12
01/20/2007 03:35 AM

Wait? Jealous bitch?



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Cushie Butterfield 86,705 14
01/20/2007 03:42 AM

My car is made from diamonds.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/20/2007 03:45 AM

Okay, fine. Strike the 'jealous' part and stick with the 'bitch' part.

And this story leaned a little more to the erotica side than is seen on GAB, but I did put humor in there, mostly self-deprecating as is my habit. HH is right; I put the 'walking up stairs' thing as part of the joke.

Anyway, I stand corrected.

Yeah.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
01/20/2007 04:03 AM

Roll your ass outside, you naughty Coleridgegobbler. You can't come back to the party for ten minutes.

The Neeplets waved multi-coloured flags! 35,066 15
01/20/2007 04:19 AM

Arrggh! What's with all the bitchiness? What is this, a Stargate forum?

DemoMonkey will shoot your eye out. 166,252 10
01/20/2007 07:24 AM

Arrggh! What's with all the bitchiness? What is this, a Stargate forum?

No. Unlike Stargate, Gab will be back next year.

Lila - Gab's Token Fag Hag 78,555 13
01/20/2007 09:52 AM

Boys, boys, settle down! I had no idea my appearance in this thread would start a war West Side style.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
01/20/2007 10:51 AM

For some reason I saw this thread title as "It Coulda Happened Like That! Really! [posts I won't read]"

The Mammoth Piggy Porkwich 80,728 42
01/20/2007 11:04 AM

<action>condenses the first two million Sage posts for everyone so they won't have to read it</action>

I felt sorry for her and offered to maybe help out a little by giving her a RAPE JOB.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
01/20/2007 11:05 AM

That's a job now? What an age we live in!

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
01/20/2007 11:05 AM

I mean, all this time I've been doing it for free like a sucker.

The Mammoth Piggy Porkwich 80,728 42
01/20/2007 11:06 AM

I was nipping her lips, her tongue, her ear, her throat... teasing... so fully involved that I barely noticed that she was a man

I love you, bro.

The Mammoth Piggy Porkwich 80,728 42
01/20/2007 11:11 AM

I just want some sex, is that too much to ask?

*shakes his Magic 8 Ball*

Okay, I know what it says, but I'm kind of scared to say it here.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/20/2007 12:22 PM

For some reason I saw this thread title as "It Coulda Happened Like That! Really! [posts I won't read]"


FINE! You guys all suck anyway!

Jep and I don't need you! We'll go somewhere else where we can be paid for our stories by word-count and then each story will earn us like a few million dollars!

Yeah, and then who'll have the last laugh then?






So, has anyone seen Jep? He said he'd meet me here but that was twenty minutes ago....

Sharribarri got snow, wants more 14,124 11
01/20/2007 12:51 PM

<action>cues creepy stalker type music</action>Granted, I didn't read all the way through the novella yet, but I did notice that this thread is notably devoid of Taco. Coincidence? I think not.

The Mammoth Piggy Porkwich 80,728 42
01/20/2007 01:00 PM

Yeah, and then who'll have the last laugh then?


Everyone but you, DUHHHHH.

Sage of Seattle (Meandering Fecklessly) 36,465 8
01/20/2007 05:28 PM

<action>silently glides after Taco as she walks down the street then stops when she steps up onto the curb.</action>

Curses! Foiled again!

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
01/20/2007 05:54 PM

This thread is creepier than a scout troop led by Michael Jackson, Father Hotbreath McKidtoucher, and eight thousand centipedes.

Dead Battery-Now With Assault! 2,533 9
01/20/2007 06:34 PM

I know this is late but I call Fat Daughter. Cripples can't get boners.

Lila - Gab's Token Fag Hag 78,555 13
01/20/2007 07:14 PM

I've always found it amusing how, when men write porn, they ALWAYS end up having unprotected sex. Never does the guy whip out a rubber or even ask the girl if she's taking any kind of birth control.
I know it's not romantic persay but it's totally unrealistic to bring these fantasies to life nowadays without an iota of caution. Have the 80's taught you guys nothing?!

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
01/20/2007 07:53 PM

Jep and I don't need you! We'll go somewhere else where we can be paid for our stories by word-count and then each story will earn us like a few million dollars!


Why is Jep suddenly involved in this? Did I miss the thread where he posted a long, boring, and pointless stream of erotic fantasy limericks or something? Because this series of posts seems more suited for a cyber sex chat room than a comedy board, I don't care what you were doing to make it "humourous" or "funny" or "self-depreciating." At least Jep's incredibly long posts and stories are actually about something funny.

At least I assume they are. I can never be bothered to read them.

The Neeplets waved multi-coloured flags! 35,066 15
01/20/2007 07:59 PM

No. Unlike Stargate, Gab will be back next year.

They are making tv movies. And if Rick is in them, they will be better than the last 2 seasons anyway.

*cries*

Jolson roasting over an open fire 16,163 11
01/20/2007 08:00 PM

I know this is late but I call Fat Daughter. Cripples can't get boners.

Now they can with this!

Nachos - It's always the quiet ones. 57,521 23
01/20/2007 08:05 PM

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

Gab fanfic is the creepiest thing this side of a rape trial.

Dyce 916 8
01/20/2007 08:10 PM

Gab fanfic is the creepiest thing this side of a rape trial.

...and is the quickest way to get to the other side of a rape trial.

Titus Pullo 52,827 16
01/20/2007 08:26 PM

Not guilty.

BBM: Going out of Business Sale! All Sex Must Go! 6,369 10
01/20/2007 10:07 PM

Poor Taco.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
01/20/2007 10:20 PM

Wait, Trae's house had an upstairs?

daisypie 49,378 9
01/20/2007 11:13 PM

Feh, not bad, but Sage is no Mr. Sir...

Millie 116,988 28
01/20/2007 11:14 PM

I miss Mr. Sir.

daisypie 49,378 9
01/20/2007 11:17 PM

Wouldn't Miss Mr Sir be Mrs Sir?

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
01/20/2007 11:24 PM

I miss Mr. Sir.

he was easy on the eyes and had a nice... wait um... Shakespeare.

Millie 116,988 28
01/20/2007 11:26 PM

Miss Mr. Sir could be a tranny.

Also, Skippy, I hugged Mr. Sir. Eat your heart out.

ringworm 68,315 13
01/21/2007 03:50 AM

You're reading ZUG,
the world's only porno fanfic site.

Lupience- Myocardial Eradicator 26,981 11
01/21/2007 11:07 AM

<action>

Red Headed Jep-Child (Don't tell Sylvester!) 58,758 13
01/21/2007 11:45 AM

a long, boring, and pointless stream of erotic fantasy limericks

Well, scrap THAT article idea...

KChikita - Hot Chick Ninja 128,316 98
01/21/2007 12:59 PM

DON'T LISTEN JEP! THEY'RE LYING!!

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
01/21/2007 02:49 PM

a long, boring, and pointless stream of erotic fantasy limericks

Well, scrap THAT article idea...

Aw Jep, you know I didn't mean it. I would definitely read your erotic fantasy limericks



. . .if they were about the rat tit.

Phuc 237,919 21
01/21/2007 02:56 PM

Wow.

I mean, like, wow.

I had this feeling that Sage was as creepy as JK2k, as desperate as Pram and as lacking in taste and scruples as Trae, but to have all those suspicions confirmed is just... well... skeevy, slimy, and disgusting.

I'm going to wash my eyes in lava soap now.

Chest, Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/25/2007 05:51 PM

After reading this thread, I have decided to move away from Seattle. There is no way I can compete with this level of Frost-ing batShakespeare insane creepiness.

Sage of Seattle (Salaciously Insouciant) 36,465 8
01/25/2007 06:03 PM

Ollie calling me creepy?

That is quite an honor indeed, to be thought of as pegging the GAB Creep-o-meter.

What shall I do in celebration I wonder? Maybe the human-skin suit is dry enough that I can wear it tonight and paint the town red!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahahahaaahhhhShakespeare.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
01/25/2007 06:04 PM

After reading this thread, I have decided to move away from Seattle. There is no way I can compete with this level of Frost-ing batShakespeare insane creepiness.

Did you really have to bump this? I think most of us have been trying to forget.



Wait. . you actually read all that Shakespeare? Wow.

Chest, Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/25/2007 06:07 PM

I had to say something. I mean...I am genuinely creeped out by this story. I mean, I've said some sick Shakespeare, and I've seen some pretty Frosted up Shakespeare on this board. But this...this seriously is creepy stalker style Shakespeare.

Yorkie Thompson! Now with Cryptkeeper hands! 60,724 12
01/25/2007 06:07 PM

When you head out, Ollie, pick me up.

Chest, Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/25/2007 06:11 PM

Word, dog.

MAX POWERS 68,758 11
01/25/2007 06:14 PM

Did anybody else notice that Taco has come nowhere near this thread.






And wisely so. It's like the cops say, don't encourage them in any way.

Chest, Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/25/2007 06:33 PM

Yes, I'm pretty sure we all noticed.

Nachos - It's always the quiet ones. 57,521 23
01/25/2007 06:36 PM

After reading this thread, I have decided to move away from Seattle. There is no way I can compete with this level of Frost-ing batShakespeare insane creepiness.

Now you know why I didn't come to visit.

trojan LOVE doll 3,467 8
01/25/2007 06:36 PM

<action> is now REALLY glad she couldn't make it to GABlanta. </action>

TacoCrunch: Classic 61,976 36
01/25/2007 07:03 PM

I really, really wish I hadn't ever seen this thread.

Chest, Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/25/2007 07:06 PM

I would have protected you, Nachos.

Nachos - It's always the quiet ones. 57,521 23
01/25/2007 07:08 PM

I appreciate the sentiment Ollie, but I'm not sure you would've been anything more than a speed-hump to a hurtling wheelchair.

Chest, Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/25/2007 07:08 PM

HAHHAHAHHA HAH AHHAH AHHAHAHAHHAHA

(I'm laughing with you Taco, not at you. But I'm mostly laughing at you)

Filly 39,193 20
01/25/2007 07:40 PM

<action>shudders violently</action>

Rowdy Roddy Felipe 161,353 14
01/25/2007 07:50 PM

Well, now I read it too. We have a spare room, Ollie.

Chest, Oliver Chest 203,475 12
01/25/2007 10:56 PM

I dunno, Chi Chi. This the way some horror movies start.

MAX POWERS 68,758 11
01/26/2007 10:07 AM

Or gay romance novels.

Trixxie Mardi Gras Mambo Ya Ya JAM JAM 65,026 15
01/26/2007 10:07 AM

It did happen this way: Taco and Skippy were obviously attracted to each other and spent a lot of the weekend together, and GOD who can blame her; and him too, Taco is very pretty if you are into that kind of thing. Skippy got Shakespeare stinking puking drunk that night thereby giving you an opening to go from flirting to being obnoxious causing Taco to grab Skippy and leave early. I'm not really one to judge, I've made an ass of myself at more than one Gabthering. Wait how could I have been sober enough to remember that?

Tweak 18,881 12
01/28/2007 04:01 AM

Have the 80's taught you guys nothing?!

Hey! I'm an 80's mistake and proud of it!




Sorry for the bump, everyone, but after reading Ollie's story I had to find the one that everyone thought was creepier.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
01/28/2007 04:07 AM

for the record it wasn't Sage's creepiness that scared Taco off, it was Trae's neighbor, some creepy old dude.

Tweak 18,881 12
01/28/2007 04:23 AM

I take offence to that.

Fratberry Gravy 283,018 53
12/04/2007 04:54 PM

"We've secretly replaced Sage and Ima's wedding programs with this extra special thread. Let's see if anyone notices."

Chickens hung by the chimney with care 286,539 61
12/04/2007 05:15 PM

she and I got up and went upstairs to the bedroom

At which point, Sage, like the Daleks, was foiled by the common stair.

El Caganer in a manger 67,037 13
12/04/2007 05:19 PM

Didn't Mr. Sir once make a creepy thread like this one?

Santa's Little Bikini 62,262 18
12/04/2007 05:25 PM

At which point, Sage, like the Daleks, was foiled by the common stair.


At which point, Chickens, like many a lazy poster, was foiled by not reading the thread and seeing that the stairs > cripples joke was already made.

Fratberry Gravy 283,018 53
12/04/2007 05:30 PM

At which point Sage was foiled by the lack of an upstairs in Trae's house.

El Caganer in a manger 67,037 13
12/04/2007 05:34 PM

Sage had ima at hello.

El Caganer in a manger 67,037 13
12/04/2007 05:39 PM

I imagine Sage wearing one of those T-shirts painted as a tuxedo to his wedding.

Chickens hung by the chimney with care 286,539 61
12/04/2007 05:39 PM

Meh, I searched for daleks, but failed to search for stairs.

I was more concerned about the attack aliens.

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
12/04/2007 05:44 PM

I think that the only person that should be more creeped out by this thread than me would be Taco.


Who hasn't responded yet, probibly becuase at this rate she's probibly getting a concealed carry permit and a snubnose 357.

Phuc 237,919 21
12/04/2007 05:44 PM

Sage had ima at hello "Don't you hang up on me!!!"


Fixed it for you.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Editor 131,887 36
12/04/2007 05:46 PM

I was so pleased to see the Monkey of Demo again, and then I looked at the date stamps.

Teh crushed is me.

Fratberry Gravy 283,018 53
12/04/2007 05:59 PM

You're an idiot.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
12/04/2007 06:01 PM

Hey look, Frat insulted someone without using the word Frost!

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Editor 131,887 36
12/04/2007 06:36 PM

Frat insulted someone without using the word Frost


I'm speshull. My brother says so.

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/04/2007 06:36 PM

This wasn't supposed to be bumped until the wedding, so I could know to avoid GAB that day.

I have to go shower and pray again.

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 06:45 PM

<action>waits a beat</action>

I'm desperate?

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/04/2007 06:45 PM

<Who hasn't responded yet, probibly becuase at this rate she's probibly getting a concealed carry permit and a snubnose 357.

Damn right, I've already got the paperwork and it's getting filed dead on my birthday. But a <a href="Maadi-Griffin .50 BMG handgun">http://cache.gizmodo.com/assets/resources/2007/02/Maadi-Griffin%20.50%20BMG%20handgun.jpg</a> is more my style.

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/04/2007 06:46 PM

Frost. I broke GAB.

Maadi-Griffin .50 BMG handgun

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/04/2007 06:51 PM

You know what? Take your soccermoms and Frost off.

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 06:57 PM

I agree; whoever is giving all the soccer moms needs to have their karma broken.

Fratberry Gravy 283,018 53
12/04/2007 07:07 PM

Skippy does it from his other account.

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 07:12 PM

I'll grab his leg- ewww. I'll grab his arms.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/04/2007 07:13 PM

Thud is the king of soccermoms.

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 07:16 PM

You're goin' DOWN, Thud!!!

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 07:17 PM

...not that down, the other down.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Editor 131,887 36
12/04/2007 07:21 PM

Oh, relax,
Pram, and enjoy Thud's moustache.

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 07:28 PM

I'M NOT GAY, GODDAMMIT!!!1

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 07:29 PM

But his moustache is kind of nice...

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/04/2007 07:29 PM

Yeah, Pram's just into sneaker sex.

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/04/2007 07:30 PM

Hey Pram, if you spank it with a men's sneaker, does that make you gay?

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 07:32 PM

No, it just means that all the women's sneakers have a headache.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/04/2007 07:43 PM

I call Taco for the next GAB function.

Chickens hung by the chimney with care 286,539 61
12/04/2007 08:05 PM

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED!
Click to Rate
12/04/2007 6:28 pm [XNyCeh9d5q0X+9+uvUVuQg]

I'M NOT GAY, GODDAMMIT!!!1

Methinks thou doest protest too much.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/04/2007 08:07 PM

Pram's not gay unless he draws male genitals on his shoes.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/04/2007 08:12 PM

It Coulda Happened Like That! Really!

No.It.Couldn't

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/04/2007 09:12 PM

Pram's not gay unless he draws male genitals on his shoes.

For some reason, that reminded me of the part in Superbad where the kid is drawing all those dicks.

But no, I don't draw male genitals on my shoes. I draw them on other people's.

santa got stuck in a manhole 21,642 29
12/05/2007 03:45 AM

gahhh I hated that Frosten movie. They should have called it Superdy Duperdy Bad.

That's right, it's Jingle Thud 68,497 19
12/05/2007 04:34 AM

Sorry to disappoint, but Thud wasn't logged in when this thread was being soccermommed.

Thud is the king of soccermoms.

All this and a Kingdom too? Sweet!

Pram Likes His Stocking STUFFED! 80,728 42
12/06/2007 02:48 AM

<action>draws dicks on Santa</action>

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/06/2007 02:53 AM

I knew it wasn't you, Thud. Just a little jokey.

I love ya!

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
12/06/2007 03:00 AM

For some reason I'm just laughing of the mental image of Miss Taco getting thrown across the room from the recoil shooting off that custom S&W 500 magnum.

(neat gun by the way, bad thing is it's about a dollar fifty a shot)

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/06/2007 03:26 AM

I only need one shot, T^4.

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
12/06/2007 04:11 AM

And if you can't hit them, you can at least make them deaf.

I'm sure that thing is a Frost-ing window shaker indoors.

oh my gross 336 5
12/06/2007 06:28 AM

What happened to the NSFW titles?
Now I'm going to get fired. Thanks, GAB!!!

Do you think IT will be turned on intrigued, as well?

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
12/06/2007 12:55 PM

creeped out, tuned off, bored....


who knows.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
12/07/2007 03:05 AM

I was nipping her lips, her tongue, her ear, her throat...

Okay how the hell can you bite somebody's throat; Alien extendable teeth? I've heard of bitting someones neck though.

That's right, it's Jingle Thud 68,497 19
12/07/2007 03:09 AM

Gerbil-on-a-Stick.

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
12/07/2007 03:28 AM

Hamster on a stake?

peoriagrace 6,166 11
12/08/2007 12:44 PM

haha haha clickies for you: That's right, it's Jingle Thud

The British Guy 398 5
12/08/2007 01:21 PM

"Let's go upstairs," she said simply.

Haha, you didn't realise she was joking??

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
12/09/2007 12:29 AM

I missed this thread the first time it was posted.




And to think that I used to like Fratberry.

Jep - Shittin' Liquid Giblets till Christmas 58,758 13
12/09/2007 02:33 AM

The parody thread I did of this one is one of my favorite threads. Too bad I haven't been able to find it since it dropped off the board.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Editor 131,887 36
12/09/2007 02:44 AM

Dogs, noone likes Fratberry, except for Bankey, and that's because Bankey can't be bothered to find a better bottom.

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,018 53
12/09/2007 02:51 AM

Yeah, it's really too bad I'm not a smelly, fat, whiny, sloppy, snobbish, pedophilic leech. I might actually have some friends then.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
12/09/2007 02:51 AM

A soccer mom is better than being ignored.

And not just because I like any kind of attention. Soccer moms add to your standing, unlike the old maha, which detracted. We currently have no way of negatively influencing someone's standing.

So while giving a soccer mom may make you feel better when you hate a post (or a poster), it actually helps them. And receiving a soccer mom may hurt your feelings, but it only improves your ranking.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
12/09/2007 02:54 AM

Oh, and Frat and Declan: stop it now, or people will think you're in love.

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,018 53
12/09/2007 02:55 AM

That's funny, I never said anything about Declan.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/09/2007 03:11 AM

This thread needs some love.

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Editor 131,887 36
12/09/2007 03:18 AM

This thread needs some love


And orange sauce.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/09/2007 03:25 AM

LEAVE MY DUCKIES ALONE!!!

Declan McManus, Daily Prophet Food Editor 131,887 36
12/09/2007 03:29 AM

Oh. Come. On.



If I didn't say it, Phuckin' Al would, and you know it.

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/09/2007 03:32 AM

Nothin like tha dirty dirtay


You can just keep bumping this thread until mid march.You might hit the date, but we will never know because we will be getting married.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
12/09/2007 03:35 AM

It doesn't matter. As long as we plant a seed that leads you to think he would have taken anyone who was willing, the bumping has served its purpose.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/09/2007 03:37 AM

*lip tremble*

... But I love duckies.

Okay, I seriously need some sleep.

Phuc 237,919 21
12/09/2007 03:59 AM

We're losing sight of what's important here, kids: Germans love David Hasselhoff.

Phuc 237,919 21
12/09/2007 04:02 AM

Oh, and Sage should be castrated.

Whistler P. McManus 186,122 44
12/09/2007 04:12 AM

No, Al. Let them breed. The more cars on the train, the more spectacular the wreck.

Phuc 237,919 21
12/10/2007 02:41 AM

<action>hums him some Ozzy.</action>

Kwanzaa Chi Chi 161,353 14
12/10/2007 03:35 AM

Every time this thread comes up I have to spray my eyes with disinfectant for a good twenty minutes. My doctor says I need to stop doing that, but he hasn't seen this thread.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
12/10/2007 03:39 AM

At this time of the year, the terrier is no longer leaving dead voles and oppossums on the front porch, so I print out this thread and chase my wife around the house with that.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/10/2007 03:47 AM

Do you pull her pigtails at recess, Dogs? Girls love that.

Phuc 237,919 21
12/10/2007 06:29 PM

Every so often, there are complaints--often legitimate and heartfelt--that GAB is getting mean.

This thread reminds us that there are often legitimate reasons for being mean.

Kwanzaa Chi Chi 161,353 14
12/10/2007 07:10 PM

The weirdest part of this whole thread is how long it took for someone to say "Ewww..."

Santa's Little Bikini 62,262 18
12/10/2007 08:09 PM

I think most of us were too busy vomiting to post right away.

Chance got ran over by a reindeer 171,275 14
12/10/2007 08:35 PM

Funniest post by Pram:

The Mammoth Piggy Porkwich condenses the first two million Sage posts for everyone so they won't have to read it


I felt sorry for her and offered to maybe help out a little by giving her a RAPE JOB.

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/10/2007 08:47 PM

Every so often, there are complaints--often legitimate and heartfelt--that GAB is getting mean.

If you get offended by what internet strangers post on a forum you need to become good friends with suicide.

Chance got ran over by a reindeer 171,275 14
12/10/2007 08:50 PM

Hey BIG!

Frost you very much!

Merry Christmas!

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/10/2007 08:51 PM

You want me to Frost you for Christmas?

Let me just strap a board to my ass so I don't fall in.

Chance got ran over by a reindeer 171,275 14
12/10/2007 09:07 PM

I carry a board with me for such occasion.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
12/10/2007 09:09 PM

That's what those boards are for? Those Guantanmo dudes need to quit bitching.

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/10/2007 09:11 PM

If you don't want people to think you are a terrorist, you shouldn't wear a towel as a hat.

Chickens hung by the chimney with care 286,539 61
12/10/2007 09:22 PM

Better make it a 4x4, lardass.

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/10/2007 09:24 PM

Keep yapping Republican. Your daughter is almost 18.


Oh wait, were you talking to me or Chance?

Chickens hung by the chimney with care 286,539 61
12/10/2007 09:49 PM

Your daughter is almost 18.

No Irish Need Apply.

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/10/2007 09:52 PM

Irish- at least we're not Ogden Nashes.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
12/10/2007 09:53 PM

Yeah, it's really too bad I'm not a smelly, fat, whiny, sloppy, snobbish, pedophilic leech. I might actually have some friends then.

I dunno about the pedophilia but that's pretty much you isn't it?

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/10/2007 10:20 PM

Let's just keep bumping this thread until I friggin' graduate. Christ.

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/10/2007 10:21 PM

I want to rape your mouth.

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/10/2007 10:27 PM

Do it. Bring it on. I'm not scared of you!

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/10/2007 10:28 PM

Yes. Yes, you are.

Fratberry Gravy 283,018 53
12/10/2007 10:31 PM

I dunno about the pedophilia but that's pretty much you isn't it?

Shut it you stupid Carroll.

Fratberry Gravy 283,018 53
12/10/2007 10:31 PM

LOVE YOU!!!1

Phuc 237,919 21
12/10/2007 11:12 PM

This thread brings out the best in us.

Let us celebrate our shared disgust with the adding of chocolate to milk.

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/10/2007 11:15 PM

Yea, and the followers of Pastafarian all said, "Ramen."

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
12/10/2007 11:17 PM

Let's just keep bumping this thread until I friggin' graduate. Christ.

I don't think we can keep this up forever.

santa got stuck in a manhole 21,642 29
12/11/2007 06:43 AM

she's probibly getting a concealed carry permit and a snubnose 357.

I don't know Taco......I think you would be better off with one of these.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/11/2007 07:06 AM

Taco should not have to be continually tortured by this thread. I will not participate in the shameless bumping just so......



Oh Shakespeare. Oops.

suzycreamcheese 3,007 9
12/11/2007 07:12 AM

I think it's fascinating that this is probably the most orbs any of Sage's posts have ever received.

Was that on purpose, or are these "pity orbs"?

TacocaT is a palindrome! 61,976 36
12/11/2007 07:16 AM

If anyone should be showered by pity orbs in this thread, it sure as Shakespeare isn't Sage.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/11/2007 07:22 AM

I want to shower you in something totally different, Taco. Rowr.

Nachos 57,521 23
12/11/2007 06:25 PM

Ten tons of concrete while she's standing in a lime pit doesn't count.

Nachos 57,521 23
12/11/2007 06:27 PM

On a related note, if anyone ever goes through my internet logs I'm sure they'll be asking questions about why they came across this.

Gab's going to get me in trouble one of these days.

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
08/17/2010 01:09 AM

Annnnnd here was the inspiration for my awesome story.

Whatever happened to this guy? Wheelchair get stuck on a train track?

I still haven't read this erotica.

Filly. Just Filly. 39,193 20
08/17/2010 01:36 AM

Lies!

Chest, Oliver Chest
01/25/2007 05:51 PM
After reading this thread, I have decided to move away from Seattle. There is no way I can compete with this level of Frost-ing batShakespeare insane creepiness.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
08/17/2010 08:20 AM

You know, bumping this thread does not make Taco happy.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
08/17/2010 08:21 AM

Really, we should just stop posting here or it will ruin her day.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
08/17/2010 08:22 AM

I mean it. We should just let it be.

Pram 80,728 42
08/17/2010 08:55 AM

I think the first dozen posts in this thread are completely disgusting.
I mean, not one reference was made to her shoes.

turtle10 42,578 26
08/17/2010 08:56 AM

THIS is why we can't have nice things

Oliver Chest 203,475 12
08/17/2010 10:22 AM

Chest, Oliver Chest
01/25/2007 05:51 PM
After reading this thread, I have decided to move away from Seattle. There is no way I can compete with this level of Frost-ing batShakespeare insane creepiness.

I start, but I can never finish. Similar to me and sex.

SHP finally saw the sailboat 181,795 70
08/17/2010 10:51 AM

I think my vagina dries up and dies a little every time I open this thread.

the fun in dysfunctional 1,970 6
08/17/2010 10:57 AM

I have learned two things from this post...

Taco gets a lot of unwanted (I think) attention

You guys have had some sick Frosts on here.

KChiki - Techno-Geek-Nerd-Princess 128,316 98
08/17/2010 11:02 AM

Me too, Panda. Me too.

turtle10 42,578 26
08/17/2010 11:04 AM

You guys have had some sick Frosts on here.

There, fixed it for you. Now shush, the panda and the banana are talking about vaginas