Chance- Not a fire crotch! 171,275 14
05/08/2007 02:07 PM

Death by canned Pears?

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/08/2007 02:14 PM

What can be done to stop this?

Send them to Iraq when they are born, they can be freedom fighters.

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
05/08/2007 02:18 PM

"The big joke for me is always that he'd be better off in a Third World country in Africa battling malaria," Yandrisevits said with a laugh. "He might be dead from that, but he wouldn't have any food allergies."

yeah... (insert nervious creepy laughing here)

let kids have bacteria, and leave the little germ factorys alone. The only time that I had to use the hand sanitiser Shakespeare was when I was working that casino that got hit from the NORO virus, and some soap Shakespeare didn't stop that from happening now did it?


Then again think about it, in 20 years somebody is going to take over a plane with peanutbutter and eggs.

Chix 286,539 61
05/08/2007 02:22 PM

We keep coddling the weak and they keep breeding new, ever more weak crumbcrunchers.

Kids need to eat more dirt and share the dogs food to build up their systems.

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/08/2007 02:30 PM

If you name your child Frankie it's a sure thig that he's going to be a weakling. Surevival of the fittest, if you can eat a peanut and not die, you get to go to round two.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/08/2007 02:31 PM

And handicap spaces need to be put on the other side of the parking lot. Make those bastards work for our tax dollars!

Just Plain Straw 98,000 37
05/08/2007 02:42 PM

It's been predicted that my daughter will be pretty tall - I'm slightly above average in height, 5'7", and her dad is 6'3". She already towers above other kids her age. No allergies, either. I doubt anyone will be calling her a wussy.

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/08/2007 02:42 PM

Kids these days can't live with peanut butter, but growing up I wouldn't have survived without it.

Just Plain Straw 98,000 37
05/08/2007 02:44 PM

Oh, and she has silver caps on two of her molars, so until her baby teeth fall out, she'll sort of resemble this.

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/08/2007 02:46 PM

You gave birth to a shaved yeti?

This Taco's being Crunched by the Gears of War! 61,976 36
05/08/2007 02:48 PM

It's been predicted that my daughter will be pretty tall - I'm slightly above average in height, 5'7", and her dad is 6'3". She already towers above other kids her age. No allergies, either. I doubt anyone will be calling her a wussy.

No, "Dyke" will be much more common.

Just Plain Straw 98,000 37
05/08/2007 02:48 PM

I'm pretty sure.

Just Plain Straw 98,000 37
05/08/2007 02:49 PM

My above answer was to Priestess, but it works either way.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
05/08/2007 02:53 PM

The other day a woman came in with her kid, maybe six or eight years old, and asked if she could use our toilets. Since that would mean letting them wander around our very crowded back rooms full of breakable art, we generally don't allow visitors to use the toilets. (The exception to the rule is if they are rich and like to buy art.)

I explained this and started giving her directions to the nearest public toilet which is really close, but she cut me off saying "No, I don't want my daughter in a public toilet, thank you very much. It's unhygienic," and left in a huff.

Seriously? You won't take her into a public toilet? Your daughter is that precious? I thank god my parents weren't afraid of letting me get a little dirty once and awhile.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
05/08/2007 02:56 PM

Also, I've used the toilet I was directing her to and it's actually quite clean and well looked after. It wasn't some slummy behind a garage station deal.

Snork 45,655 12
05/08/2007 02:58 PM

But the slummy kind are best for alternative literature!

SquidBoy 19,912 12
05/08/2007 03:01 PM

Kids need to eat more dirt and share the dogs food to build up their systems.

I've eaten both of those things as a child, and while I don't have any food allergies, I would highly recommend not eating those things.

Gravy Train does not taste like gravy.

Dirt is dry.

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/08/2007 03:05 PM

Try mixing the two next time. Much better.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/08/2007 03:06 PM

SCB, rub some peanut oil on the doorknob in case she comes back.


...but pray that Trixxie stays stateside.

UnderLila! 101,398 77
05/08/2007 03:31 PM

Spicey and I had one of our last adoption classes last night, and the topic was infectious diseases. We were asked questions about what we would do if a child was bleeding on our kitchen floor, or if they accidently threw up on your spouse. The correct answer was to use lots of bleach and antibacterial wipes, but all I could think about was that my first reaction would be to take pictures and post them on GAB.

This Taco's being Crunched by the Gears of War! 61,976 36
05/08/2007 03:35 PM

When I was 3 or 4 I was helping my mommy in the kitchen like any little girl would. I was carrying a pan of not yet solid cherry jello to the refrigerator when it tipped out of my little hands. My mom yelled for my dad to grab the gun and come quick.

At this point I was reasonably fearful for my life. Instead of shooting me my mom had my dad lay down with his head in the spilled jello liquid, holding the gun like he'd just offed himself.

It's a picture my family is proud of to this day.

Robin® 14,626 10
05/08/2007 03:37 PM

I can't do splenda since it makes everything taste bad for days afterwards. I can't do canola oil as my body doesn't recognize it as being digestable.
I have an allergy to pecans, walnuts, and hazelnuts, but they make break out in cold sores not go into anifilactic shock.

I was a tomboy and was covered in dirt from the time I was two until, well I still like to play in dirt byut I call it "gardening" or "pottery" now.

Fratberry 283,018 53
05/08/2007 03:37 PM

White folks be so crazy.

Nachos Mengele 57,521 23
05/08/2007 03:44 PM

But the slummy kind are best for alternative literature!

And glory holes.

Dead Robot 67,630 16
05/08/2007 03:46 PM

Iiiiiiiiiiitssssss

Peanutbutterjellytime!
Peanutbutterjellytime!
Peanutbutterjellytime!

Peanutbutterjellytime!

Eatin the Peanuts Out of Lila's Chit 178,781 15
05/08/2007 05:11 PM

"We got so much food in America, we're allergic to food. Allergic to food! Hungry people ain't allergic to Shakespeare. You think anyone in Rwanda's got a Frostin' lactose intolerance?!"

--Chris Rock

Phuc Lila and the Horse She Rode in On. 237,919 21
05/08/2007 09:57 PM

Eatin the Peanuts Out of Lila's Chit

Best GAB name evar.

USA Sarah 30,601 8
05/08/2007 10:48 PM

I'm allergic to an allergy medication.

Go. Fig.

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/08/2007 10:51 PM

I'd like to hear the story how you found out about that allergy.

Marmite - 100% Yeast 12,955 12
05/08/2007 11:03 PM

I bet the toilet wasn't in the same league as this one. This one comes with a free Polish migrant worker! Result!

TempusFugit 5,772 10
05/08/2007 11:11 PM

I'd like to hear the story how you found out about that allergy.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the story went something like this.

One day I had the sniffles so I took some allergy medicine and broke out in hives.

The End

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/08/2007 11:20 PM

See TF, I was looking at is as I was having a really bad allergy breakout, I thought I was gonna die. Then I took some allergy medicine and I died.

But you know, your way works too.

Lila the bandwagon 45,655 12
05/08/2007 11:42 PM

Sarah is dead?!

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/08/2007 11:44 PM

She's deader then Chickens, you haven't heard?

Pumpkin Noggin -now available for parties 56,642 8
05/09/2007 03:36 PM

Three kids, all projected to be very tall (the girls more so than the boy)...and of course the BOY is the one with the allergies (seasonal and dust).

Poor kids gonna have to rely on his sisters to keep his ass from getting kicked I think.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
05/10/2007 04:44 AM

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say the story went something like this.

One day I had the sniffles so I took some allergy medicine and broke out in hives.


You may be partially correct, but I'm fairly certain the story also involved Sarah soaping up in the shower.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
05/10/2007 01:28 PM

<action>can actually hear the Frostin' crickets</action>

Phuc 237,919 21
05/10/2007 01:48 PM

Oh Shakespeare. I'm allergic to crickets.<action>stabs self in hear with epi pen</action>

The Neeplets waved multi-coloured Lilas! 35,066 15
05/10/2007 01:55 PM

By making sure the kids on the extremes survive, we are slowing down evolution. Instead adapting to fit our environment, we are trying to change the environment and we are staying... stagnant.

Dogs Akimbo 211,584 32
05/11/2007 05:05 AM

we are staying... stagnant

Not me. I am sliding down the banister.

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
05/11/2007 11:09 AM

Spicey and I had one of our last adoption classes last night

Save some money on adoption. Stop doing anal. Buy a plane ticket to Japan and camp out for a couple of hours.