Lila Is A Rock Star 78,555 13
05/15/2007 12:51 PM

So. Aroused.

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/15/2007 12:54 PM

Blah Blah Blah Girls Don't Poop Blah Blah Blah

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/15/2007 12:54 PM

I know Lila, I love the appliace aisle as well.

Anh the Epicurean 11,158 14
05/15/2007 01:11 PM

In high school I once held back a really bad urge to poop for the whole day, letting the gas and pressure build up in my system. I was extremely wary of going number 2 in a public bathroom, and I still am. My stomach was churning all day, and I was so preoccupied with holding everything in that I forgot for the time being that I had to stay after school for some activity or other. Well, I stayed after school and unable to hold it in, I finally went to the bathroom after the school emptied out. The toilet was covered in urine and toilet paper, so I did a mid-air squat. To say that the resulting explosion was just loud, was to say the least. It offended all of the senses. I probably barfed in my mouth because it tasted like crap (heh) all of a sudden, and I felt extremely dirty and exposed. Since I was doing a squat, the resulting release of pressure propelled some of the amorphous brown mixture all over the back of seat.

I didn't feel like cleaning that up, so I wiped, flushed, and left quickly. As I left, I saw the hispanic cleaning lady down the hall loading up her cart with cleaning materials to start doing the bathrooms. I smiled and quickly walked to where I was supposed to go. To this day I feel a slight tinge of guilt. She looked so innocent.

Lila Is A Rock Star 78,555 13
05/15/2007 01:21 PM

I will never understand people who won't Shakespeare in a public restroom. The toilets were all designed for one of two things and we all gotta do them both at some point. What's with the phobia?

Fratberry 283,028 53
05/15/2007 01:27 PM

I don't have a poop story.

Miss. All White Meat Trixxie 65,026 15
05/15/2007 01:34 PM

I'd love to, but I can't because of the restraining orders.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/15/2007 01:42 PM

Part of my job involves training lawyers, and the first big training job I had in my current position involved training the best of the best of a particular state's attorneys.

I had not eaten anything particularly volatile within 24 hours of the first day of the three-day training, nor had I experienced any gastric discomfort. But not long after my initial lecture, the flow began to push up from the mantle and toward the crust at an alarming rate.

I spent the next six hours shooting out of both ends in an official state bathroom, with government officials in attendance for most of my performances.

Aside from the embarassment at having to leave the training ever five minutes, what made this particular bout with intestinal distress particularly difficult was the acrobatics of keeping my suit pants clear of spraying brown matter.

good times.

Anh the Epicurean 11,158 14
05/15/2007 01:50 PM

Lila, I'm not scared of taking dumps in public restrooms, I just try to avoid it since it's extremely unsanitary, and it's weird when people you know walk in while you're doing your business. Plus, women already sit when they go, so going #2 is just a small step. For men it's totally different.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/15/2007 01:57 PM

women already sit when they go, so going #2 is just a small step. For men it's totally different.

Frost that. A quick wipe of the seat and you're ready to go. You ain't gonna catch any disease, ya pansy.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/15/2007 01:57 PM

OK.

I confess.

I pee sitting down.

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/15/2007 01:58 PM

You ain't gonna catch any disease, ya pansy.

Haven't you mentioned your boil infested ass on more than on occation?

Mount up on the wings of Chickenz 286,539 61
05/15/2007 01:59 PM

The wife sent me a rose and an invite to the Grove Park Inn for a night of birthday celebrations. When I arrived at the grand lobby, there she was in a slut red dress holding a couple of vodka martinis.

Dinner, two bottles of wine, and drinks. Then a dip in the spa pool.

Well, I felt as though I had overeaten and was drunk as a lord. After the pool, I went into the empty, but very public shower in the men's locker room of the rather swank Grove Park Inn spa.

I got in the shower to try and rinse the chlorine off and sober up a bit when it happened. I felt the need to pass gas really bad. Now I had no indication this was not a fart I could trust.

So I let go.







A brown liquid spew went all over the very open public shower. And I couldn't stop. It kept coming. I was horrified.

As quick as possible I cleaned up and rinsed the 10 x 20 shower down from one end to the other using the handicapped sprayer at each end, all the while praying no one else came into the locker room. Luckily it was late and every sane person was down in the bar or their room.

That's right, in a drunken stupor and fat on fillet minion, I got projectile Hershey squirts in the spa of the Grove Park in shower.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
05/15/2007 02:00 PM

Lila, I'm not scared of taking dumps in public restrooms, I just try to avoid it since it's extremely unsanitary, and it's weird when people you know walk in while you're doing your business. Plus, women already sit when they go, so going #2 is just a small step. For men it's totally different.

Judging from the first part of this paragraph, you are a woman.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/15/2007 02:00 PM

Haven't you mentioned your boil infested ass on more than on occation?

I just like to spread the luv, baby.

Nachos is not a team player 57,521 23
05/15/2007 02:08 PM

I haven't got any poop stories because I have bowel control, no fear of toilets and I know how not to Shakespeare myself in public.

I am, however, getting over a cold and last night I blew a wad of snot out of my nose that was so thick and congealed that I thought I'd just passed a tumour.

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/15/2007 02:12 PM

O god Nachos you just made me retch

Anh the Epicurean 11,158 14
05/15/2007 02:14 PM

Judging from the first part of this paragraph, you are a woman.

You're only gonna be scared to sit down in a public stall if you've been in a men's restroom. Lemme tell ya... the horrors I've seen. Worse than anything I could ever do.

Dogs Akimbo 211,588 32
05/15/2007 02:15 PM

A couple of weeks ago at work, after what felt like a normal dump, I looked back into the toilet as I was standing up and saw what appeared to be a contiguous, two feet long brown snake, coiled as neat as could be.

That was my best poop ever.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/15/2007 02:15 PM

Nachos, save that one. We can make a lava lamp.

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/15/2007 02:15 PM

My worst poop was in Kuwait when half the base got food poisoning.

130 degrees, probably hotter in the portajohn, and a filled to the brim with Shakespeare toilet in said portajohn, make for a very uncomfortable poo.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
05/15/2007 02:18 PM

You're only gonna be scared to sit down in a public stall if you've been in a men's restroom. Lemme tell ya... the horrors I've seen. Worse than anything I could ever do.


I'm one of those girls who skips the queue for the ladies at bars by just using the mens, so that's not an excuse.

Yep, I am one classy broad.

Anh the Epicurean 11,158 14
05/15/2007 02:20 PM

Fine, I'll concede that you're manlier than me.



At least in this scenario.

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/15/2007 02:24 PM

queue

Such funny words. Use english!

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
05/15/2007 02:26 PM

Such funny words. Use english!

I was using English. You probably mean "use American."

Nachos is not a team player 57,521 23
05/15/2007 02:28 PM

I'm one of those girls who skips the queue for the ladies at bars by just using the mens, so that's not an excuse.

Glory Holes - They're not just made by gay men anymore!

Fratberry 283,028 53
05/15/2007 03:34 PM

SCB Holes!

Fezig 3,711 7
05/15/2007 04:08 PM

Well this is a poop story that went down in annuals of our college. In my freshman year all of the stalls of the men's bathrooms on my floor had a sheet of paper taped to them explaining the rules of game called volleystall. Basically you used a rolled up ball of toilet paper (clean) and the other rule was that you couldn't leave the bowl unless you were going to spike the ball.

I happened to be using the facilities at the same time as rather rotund boy was using the other stall adjacent to me. we proceeded play volleystall. At one point he decided to attempt to spike the ball on to my side. His large 350+ pound ass proceeded to slam down own his procelin bowl and crack it from the pipe section. Needless to say the toilet was unflushable with his 30 pound, brown finless trout sitting happily inside the bowl.

One of his roomate took a picture of the broken bowl and it's contents and for many weeks we harrassed the "Shakespearee Can Breaker"

Mount up on the wings of Chickenz 286,539 61
05/15/2007 04:13 PM

I gave you four for "brown finless trout" and held the last one for playing games with other boys in bathroom stalls.


Fag.

Closet Friend #1004 7,665 11
05/15/2007 04:16 PM

My worst poop happened at the tender age of sixteen.  While in flagrante defecato, I felt what I imagined to be a large, multilegged something-or-other race up to my tailbone from the commode.  I sprang to my feet and spun around, and nearly passed out at the unexpected sight of what I had somehow just spewed.  Upward and back from where I was situated it looked like the aftermath of a burst water balloon full of blood!  While still in a haze - and after thoroughly cleaning the toilet (why?!?) - I then informed my mom and dad by sitting them at the kitchen table and opening with the phrase, "I'm pretty sure I'm dying--"

Google pilonidal cyst if you want to know more...

Robin® 14,626 10
05/15/2007 04:46 PM

The worst one was when I was in Wales. The night before we had been in Ireland staying with local families who were hosting us as "student ambassadors" now the lady I was staying with made a big dinner of shepard's pie served with fresh green peas and a berry trifle for dessert. I'm not sure what set me off but I spent most of the next day in the small bathroom that the bus had on it with liquid Shakespeares. The most embarrassing thing came the next day when we were reminded that the toilet was for peeing only.

A distant second was when I ate a whole can of cashews roasted in canola oil. My body does not digest canola oil, and I end up with oil slicks in the toilet and wet oily farts.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
05/15/2007 04:52 PM

My worst poo would have to be Chance's favorite story: Onion sliver!

Last weeekend Spicey and I were out shopping for a new couch. We were sitting in the showroom, and I had to fart, but instead of a noise, I made a mess. I fet this warm liquid sensation, and I jumped up off the loveseat we were sitting on and made a beeline for the bathroom - which was of course, at the very back of the store.

When I pulled down my jeans, I had a yellow-brown puddle in my panties. That wasn't all though - there was also a long, thin rectangular piece of onion.

I wish I was making that up.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
05/15/2007 04:53 PM

And, onion poo, the 2:

I'm just glad it didn't end up seeping through onto the couch.

Only minutes before I had been drinking a strawberry milkshake. While talking to the salesperson, I became conscious of that fact, and I set it down on the coffee table.

He told me, "don't worry. This is just a floor model. Getting a little something on it won't matter."

That phrase did go through my head as I was racing to the bathroom. I'm fairly certain, however, that he would have retracted his statement if I had stained his couch with my ass slime.

Chances are.... 171,275 14
05/15/2007 04:56 PM

ONION SLIVER!


Always love a chance to yell that.

Smokatronic, Lila's Proctologist 2,388 9
05/15/2007 04:59 PM

Worst poop? About 2 weeks ago. I've been dealing with the Veterans Association (VA) lately trying to get paid for some things that went wrong with my body while in the service. One of my complaints is permanent nerve damage in my back. Secondary to this is irritable bowel syndrome. If it ain't rock hard or liquid, it's that greasy, clingy, roll-and-a-half type Shakespeare.

Well these doc's at the VA are busy trying to blame all my problems on something else so they don't have to pay. They request a stool sample to make sure that there are no parasites in my poo, causing the bowel problems.

I go in to the bathroom and prepare the sample tubes and transfer cup. I squat over the toilet... my left knee explodes with pain and I fall right over onto the floor. Frost. Need to find a different way to get the cup under my Emerson. Finally, I end up sitting on my arm as I contort to get the cup where it needs to be. Folks, it looks like today's Shakespeare will be rock hard.

Straining and grunting, sweat stinging my eyes, I valiantly shove that Shakespeare out. It's about 74 feet long. Practical joke at the lab, the transfer cup is only 2 inches tall. Frost them. This Shakespeare is likely the last I'll get for the next two days, so as it's on its way to toppling into the drink, my only option is to grab it with my gloved hand. The log is taller than the glove.

Smokatronic, Lila's Proctologist 2,388 9
05/15/2007 04:59 PM

Fecal matter is smeared all up my arm, I pull the poo out of danger. I forgot about my knee. Back on the floor, I look like a two year old who's just figured out how to remove his own diaper. I set the xfer cup on the counter and gently place the poo inside. Removing and replacing the gloves with the utmost care, I still manage to smear even more poo. Gagging and retching, I unscrew the lid to the sample tube.

The directions say to scoop some poo into the liquid in the tube and mix it around until it fills to the red line. The tool provided it the world's most flimsy and narrow spork. The poo is rock hard. Imagine cutting a steak with a spork to help you visualize the situation here.

I finally chip a chunk free, and, wonder of wonders get it into the tube without slinging more onto myself. Now to stir. Imagine that, it won't break up. Frost 'em. The lab techs can break it up when I bring it to them. Tube number two is also filled successfully because, apparently, God was done laughing and decided to help.

What to do with the rest of the log? Not putting it in the trash for the wife to find, that's for sure. I gently pick up the xfer cup and guide it to the toilet, it shifts and smears more poo on my right arm, miraculously clean up to this point. I flush is away and remove my gloves. Poo smears all around.

I took a shower, and burned my washcloth. Next time you're asked to provide a stool sample, kick your doctor in the eye.

Mount up on the wings of Chickenz 286,539 61
05/15/2007 05:40 PM

I googled up that pilonidal cyst thing. I imagine the next sound you hear after this is a squishy *POP*.

Fratberry 283,028 53
05/15/2007 05:55 PM

some things that went wrong with my body

SAGE'D!

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
05/15/2007 06:10 PM

pilonidal cyst

I have one of those! It's not inflamed or very painful though. Only occasionally does it hurt - like, if I've been sitting too long or something's been banging me from behind for 20 minutes or so.

Miss. All White Meat Trixxie 65,026 15
05/15/2007 06:13 PM

Congratulations High Priestess: YOu are the winner of this golden turn award for starting the 1000 poo thread on GAB.

Miss. All White Meat Trixxie 65,026 15
05/15/2007 06:14 PM

turd damnit, turd, golden turd.

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
05/15/2007 06:22 PM

I had a poop once that was a happy shade of green. It was quite lovely in fact. I wish I had taken a picture.


That wasnt a worst poop. Id have to say that was a pretty neat poop.



I havent been able to match that hue since. I wish I could remember what I had ate the day before.

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
05/15/2007 06:23 PM

The Golden Turd.




Gee, I hope she has room for it.

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
05/15/2007 06:25 PM

Unless you wanna go small.



The other Golden Turd.

SHP has no use for the metric system 181,795 70
05/15/2007 06:52 PM

Teumerpedic Bed


It's not a tumor!

Fratberry 283,028 53
05/15/2007 07:07 PM

or something's been banging me from behind for 2 0 minutes or so.

Beater With A Car Antenna 10,702 8
05/15/2007 07:13 PM

A picture's worth a thousand words.

USA Sarah 30,601 8
05/15/2007 07:17 PM

This is the crappiest thread I've ever read.

USA Sarah 30,601 8
05/15/2007 07:18 PM

I just rhymed and punned IN THE SAME SENTENCE.

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
05/15/2007 07:19 PM

Snausages...

Beater With A Car Antenna 10,702 8
05/15/2007 07:23 PM

Sorry, now try the link. ^^^

Marmite - 100% Yeast 12,955 12
05/15/2007 08:01 PM

The worst poo I ever had was round a friends house. I was staying there the weekend and had a bit of constipation. By Sunday I still hadn't 'logged on' and things were getting bad - rancid gas and bloating.

So I go upstairs to try and back one out. Things start moving slowly and I think I'm out of the woods.....then.....HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! I start crowning. This thing is like 4 inches in diameter, no lie, as dry as Frost and appears to be full of broken glass.

The pain is excruciating as it moves milimeter by milimeter through my hoop. So I'm at the point of no return. I can't nip it back in, I have to go for the burn.

I'm there sweating, crying with pain and pushing til I'm dizzy to pass this beast of a turd. Two hours later (no lie) it finally drops out with a HUGE thud into the pan. There's a draft as my Emerson is now 4inches in diameter and won't shut.

The monster was like a yule log, laying there like some sort of bad experiment, I couldn't believe I just passed that.

There was blood everywhere, splashed up my crack, up the porcelain and all I can do is weakly pull my jeans up and curl up on the floor clutching my buttcheeks.

I eat more fruit now.

Phuc 237,919 21
05/15/2007 09:59 PM

Frost-ing awesome.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
05/15/2007 10:01 PM

The worst poo I ever had was round a friends house.

If you're still friends with this person after that incident, then that is a friend indeed.

Marmite - 100% Yeast 12,955 12
05/15/2007 10:07 PM

Yeah he was quite concerned that I'd spent so long in his bathroom. I think me waddling into the lounge like John Wayne gave the game away.

Fezig 3,711 7
05/15/2007 10:11 PM

Marmite...I have to say that your poop sounds the worst. I tip my hat to the Shakespearee Lord.

TheFoye 55,700 16
05/15/2007 10:16 PM

So I go upstairs to try and back one out. Things start moving slowly and I think I'm out of the woods.....then.....HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! I start crowning. This thing is like 4 inches in diameter, no lie, as dry as Frost and appears to be full of broken glass.

The pain is excruciating as it moves milimeter by milimeter through my hoop. So I'm at the point of no return. I can't nip it back in, I have to go for the burn.

I'm there sweating, crying with pain and pushing til I'm dizzy to pass this beast of a turd. Two hours later (no lie) it finally drops out with a HUGE thud into the pan. There's a draft as my Emerson is now 4inches in diameter and won't shut.

The monster was like a yule log, laying there like some sort of bad experiment, I couldn't believe I just passed that.

I think I saw something like that on blacksonblondes.com, but it was going in rather then out.

Marmite - 100% Yeast 12,955 12
05/15/2007 10:18 PM

Heh. I should have named my poop 'Omar'.

BBM: Twisted Sister 6,369 10
05/15/2007 10:29 PM

Mine was like that.
I had no idea it was coming. I wasn't constipated or cramping or anything. I just thought I was going for a pee. When I sat to wiz, one dropped into the chamber. Except it too, was huge in diameter and rock hard. it sat half way out for at least 15 mins while I cried and strained and thought I would throw up. I felt incredibly naeseos and could feel my Emerson slowly tearing.
I don't know how long I was there for but I know there was blood int eh toilet and ever since then, that tear has never healed properly, so if I have a big one coming, it re-tears and I go through it all over again.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
05/15/2007 10:40 PM

You guys know you can avoid all that pain and suffering by eating more fibre, right?

Or some sketchy Chinese take-away. Either or.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
05/15/2007 10:45 PM

Oh you silly british people. Just out of curiosity how do you pronounce the Jack Black movie Nacho Libre?

Marjod 1,942 9
05/16/2007 12:11 AM

Marmite, that was hysterical...

I had a similar incident a few months ago.

My doctor put me on Tramadol for my knee. While it did wonders for not controlling pain, it gave me the worst constipation I have ever had.

I sat in my reading chair one fine afternoon, preparing for a typical deuce. As I began to feel the mass begin to crown, I suddenly realized that I was in trouble. It felt as though I was trying to pass triplet chocolate mud babies.

45 minutes later, after much effort and flash-backs to all of those Lamaze lessons learned from too much TV, I gave up. I was going to break off what had come out so far; about 6 inches of bitter hatred, (or so I thought). After I wrapped my hand in pillowy two-ply, I reached below to snap into that evil Slim Jim. As I grabbed nothing but moist air, I realized that I was in SERIOUS trouble.

6 hours later, after multiple efforts to free Mandela, (including, but not limited to: shower nozzle firing molten water into my rectum; hot bath; traumatized rubber glove), my wife had me take Fleet Phospho-Soda laxative, (with lemon-ginger flavor!!!).

About half an hour after taking the laxative, I began to feel it working in my gut. I staggered into what used to by my bathroom, but now more resembled a Croatian ER, and sat down for the final battle. After 10 minutes of sheer hell, Rosemary's Baby was finally born. I was the proud parent of a 10 x 3 x 3 inch UPS truck.

Shiggety 2,286 7
05/16/2007 12:37 AM

I have no poop story, but I do feel a little odd right n-



Oh Frost.



...Excuse me...

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/16/2007 12:47 AM

After my foot surgery I was eating nothing but Triscuts every four hours to have something in my stomach when I took my 800mg of Codine. Tired of water and triscuts, my mom switched me to gatorade and wheat thins. A couple of swigs of gatorade made me feel nausous. After waiting to throw up for an hour, I said "to hell with it" gluped down the rest of the cup and it came right back up. My mom handed me the supositories. Apperently the doctor said If I begain to throw up and couldn't keep the pain pills down to show something up my ass to settle my stomach.

With a glove on my hand, my ass in the toilet and my foot in a sling looped over the shower rod to keep my foot higher than my heart while I was doing the biz-nas I slipped it in. Immediate burning pain followed. My ass was screamming NONONONONONONO! at full volume. I was clenching my starfish as hard as possible and the supository was still slipping out. So I stuck my finger in my starfish until the pain went away.

That is my worst poop story.

Thud 68,506 19
05/16/2007 01:08 AM

My worst poop story is having to stay in the room and watch a prisoner on a pysch hold while he took a dump.

The smell was bad enough, but when he started to smear his newborn on his hands and chest, I called for someone to come hose him off.

He was chuckling the whole time, even while straining and grunting. It was creepy and disgusting.

Phla Sucks. No, not like that. 131,068 34
05/16/2007 01:16 AM

The title of this thread is kinda why you don't see me around too much anymore.

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/16/2007 01:20 AM

But Phla, I love you!

KChikita - Carrying a raspberry 128,334 98
05/16/2007 01:27 AM

While at work one day, I sneaked off to the ladies' room to drop a load (in the big handicapped stall, of course). The poop was pleasant, no rocks, no squirts. It was of the utmost perfect consistency for a "quickie".

When I stood up to pull up my pants, however, I felt that something was wrong. I was wearing brand new long dangly earrings that day, and only felt one dangle.

I peeked in the mirror first and, sure enough, was missing one brand new earring. I looked back in the bowl in horror. My perfect poop lay neatly coiled, hiding it's treasure 'neath mounds of velvety waste.

Yes, ladies, I dug in my poop and recovered my earring...BARE-HANDED!

The High Priestess, quitely surpassing 10,000 58,948 29
05/16/2007 01:31 AM

You are SO ready for motherhood.

Phla Sucks. No, not like that. 131,068 34
05/16/2007 01:39 AM

...Earrings belong on *ears.* They're not called Anussings.

Dogs Akimbo 211,588 32
05/16/2007 05:56 AM

Speaking of turds...

Straw! 98,005 37
05/16/2007 06:37 PM

Heh.

Fratberry 283,028 53
04/10/2008 01:20 PM

Poop is like GAB's glue.

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
04/10/2008 04:11 PM

My dad, brother and I were driving back from the Keys. We stopped at Subway in to have some lunch in Homestead before we made the 2 hour trek across the everglades. My dad decided to take the scenic route on the Tamiami Trail (2 lanes, 55 mph, no place to pull over). About 15 minutes into the trip I feel the gurgling start, and big "FOOMP" as the gas and liquid squirts into your colon ready for the impending explosion. I ask my dad to pull over as soon as he could so I could go, but there is nowhere to pull over. This was like a week after a hurricane came through and there is nothing but water on both sides of the road.

I did my best to hold it in for 2 hours, only letting small farts out because any loosening would have been catastrophic. Finally, we got across that friggin swamp and pulled over at the first gas station we saw.

I jumped out of the truck, and waddled over to the bathroom like a penguin on crack, and got into the bathroom. I did the fastest toilet seat wipe ever and sat down.

To say that my ass exploded is really an understatement. The blast made the crap shoot out the sides under the lid. I was horrified and relieved all at the same time. The stench was awful.

Next thing I know someone is knocking on the door needing to use the bathroom next. I yell "Hold on!" as the aftershocks made their way into the bowl.

The knocking is getting worse as I'm sure someone is in the same predicament as me, so I cleaned up the outside of the bowl the best I could, washed up and walked out.


There were 6 people waiting to use the bathroom. When I opened the door, the stench came out with me and there was a chorus of Ewwww, uggg, what the Frost? the look on their faces was priceless, and I felt better.

lalalei2001 1 5
08/12/2010 04:08 PM

My dad told me this story of his 400-pound coworker who sat down for a dump and quite literally broke the toilet seat.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/12/2010 04:09 PM

What in the flying Frost were you searching for that you dug up this thread?

BisectYouAll 5,200 15
08/12/2010 04:13 PM

My worst poop...

Three words...

I saw blood.

Randall Cleveland 49,019 14
08/12/2010 07:31 PM

What in the flying Frost were you searching for that you dug up this thread?


This?

Gonzo 20,522 17
08/13/2010 08:49 AM

36 hours after eating Easter Bruch at a buffet contaminated with a norovirus.

12 hour "poop". All frickin night. Water-in / nasty-innards-laiden-fluid out. I've never been so exhausted from a trip to the can in my entire life.

It did get me a nice settlement that let me buy my friend an iPod, but I can think of easier ways to earn $350. Like, donating legs or something.

Nemephosis 209 5
08/29/2010 09:11 PM

Let's see, I've got a couple contenders. Once, I saw I'd quite nicely done a paint job on the inside of the bowl with blood. I was terrified, but didn't say anything. (I was terrified, you see.) It happened four more times over the next year or so, it would happen once and then not again for months. Finally I said something to my mom, and I got it checked out. Had hemmorhoids, got them banded (so I will definitely be getting them again later in life. Yay?)

That would be the second worst. The worst of all time is when I strained to take a Shakespeare and immediately after making like a lumberjack and dropping the log (TIMMMMBERRRR) I felt this incredible pain I'd never felt before, and it wouldn't stop. Turns out I had an anal fissure, but fortunately I cleared it up nice. Talked to the doctor, he checked me out and prescribed some greasy medicated gel I basically had to squirt up my ass three times a day at minimum, plus every time I took a Shakespeare. Lucky me, I cleared up the symptoms in five days, the muscle stopped spasming and tearing and everything healed up within the next two weeks. Got lucky on that one.

Sure is amazing the stuff that can go wrong with the human body, and the extent it can repair itself.

Lorenzo Duke 3,183 11
08/29/2010 09:21 PM

My poops have been Frost-ing disgusting for about the last 6 months. I'm on omeaprazole for stomach ulcers, and every foul turd (or more often, mushy heap of half formed feces) is accompanied by about 30 seconds of revolting, pungent, burbling gas that echoes throughout the house, removing whatever dignity I have left. Often there's blood, and no amount of wiping will prevent skidmarks due to the anal leakage that seemingly is a side-effect of whatever the Frost is going on with my arse. (Probably bowel cancer.)

Thanks for asking.

Mr. Mike 11,439 21
08/30/2010 05:53 PM

This thread makes me want to meet all of you just SO much more!

Ok here's my story....

I hate going at work (as a few posters also said) I don't care as much in public places if they're clean but work is OUT!

One day while working at Delta Sonic (Gas Station/Car Wash) I just HAD to take leave a Shakespeare. (I wouldn't have taken this one ANYWHERE!)

I finally gave up and I went into the bathroom. After making the toilet contemplate suicide, I waited a few minutes in the hope I would discourage the customer who had knocked a few times. When I was sure the coast was clear (and after dry heaves, HEY, you know when even YOU are disgusted by the stench of your own offspring, its bad) I opened the door. Happily no one was there. A few minutes later I decided I had to leave a piss.

A co-worker of mine thought it'd be funny to push past me so he could go first. Sweet revenge was had when he opened the door and smelled what I had left behind earlier on. The look on his face was priceless:



He didn't realize I had done it so that was good....

The other time I thought of was the time I had a stomach virus and had to Shakespeare AND puke at the same time. In my haste, I didn't think to cover the front end and tried to make the tub. In leaning forward, I splashed Shakespeare up the wall. I didn't have the distance and puked on the floor. It was the middle of the night and I had to clean it up, with an upset stomach. I'd have puked and Shakespeare some more, but had emptied the tank and the reserves. I think I Shakespeare for my neighbors as well!

I don't know what made me sick or what I did wrong to deserve that punishment, but I am sorry!