Chix 286,539 61
06/18/2007 04:21 PM

Name: Nevrgna Pathis

syncope 49,019 14
06/18/2007 04:25 PM

The KY Jelly "Easy Access" Mastercard.

Giving students everywhere backdoor access to building good credit.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
06/18/2007 04:30 PM

It should be themed on identity theft. There should be a collage on it composed of pictures of infamous con-artists, the words "con" and "fraud" in various fonts, and social security numbers.

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
06/18/2007 04:33 PM

Sky's the credit limit, or how to submit every cashier you deal with to a subtle goatsing.

Chit 178,781 15
06/18/2007 04:33 PM

Initials: BM


Graphic: This Guy

President Pimperoni 5,469 7
06/18/2007 04:37 PM

Olde English Text with the word "STOLEN" accross the front.

Or make it look like a Monopoly Get Out of Jail Free card.

Or you could make it look like one of those cards with your photo on it. Only for some reason you look just like Mr. T.

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
06/18/2007 04:39 PM

Make a NAMBLA card. Then use it to pay for your membership to the Y.

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
06/18/2007 04:45 PM

A Westboro Baptist Church card.

Use it to rent gay porn and donate to soldiers in IRAQ.

FortKnox 97 6
06/18/2007 04:47 PM

Make it completely un-PC.

Like put a graphic of people helping the disabled, then the text "Help your local tard"

syncope 49,019 14
06/18/2007 04:55 PM

Slap an image of Tubgirl on there.

When you get the obligatory horrified look, sigh and say, "I don't know. I thought I ordered the 'Van Gogh Starry Night' card."

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,450 56
06/18/2007 04:58 PM

The "America's Funniest Home Videos" Credit Card.
In big red letters across the card: "Smile! You're on camera!"

The "Dissociative identity disorder" Credit Card.
Use the same font as the one used for your name to write seventeen other names everywhere on the card, including "Jim Ohn-Hargrave", "Jeff Hargrave", Michael Jackson" and "Mariah Carey."

The "National Rifle Association" Credit Card.
Legally change your name to Michael Moore.

The "Dave Ramsey" Credit Card.
In bright lettering across the card: "Attention cashiers, please slap cardholder in the face whenever they use this card."

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
06/18/2007 05:00 PM

Put the initials "O.J." and a knife in the backround.

Or, "B.O." and a picture of a guy driving a cab.

syncope 49,019 14
06/18/2007 05:06 PM

Just make a plain blue cover, but print in as large a font as possible: IF STOLEN, THIS CARD WILL TURN BLUE

Chit 178,781 15
06/18/2007 05:08 PM

Cover one in that film they used to use to make mood rings with.


That way you could consult your true feelings about every purchase you were about to make before you actually did it.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
06/18/2007 05:09 PM

Write the "Al Qaida Rewards Card" on it.

President Pimperoni 5,469 7
06/18/2007 05:09 PM

Take close-up shot of your coin purse...

Try not to laugh when someone gets real close to examine it.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
06/18/2007 05:10 PM

"One percent of every purchase goes to al-Queda" text accompanied by pictures of AK-47s (if you're a wuss) or flaming twin towers (if you're willing to be punched in the throat for comedy).

syncope 49,019 14
06/18/2007 05:11 PM

It might be a bit obscure for general audiences, but you could always just print a big 666 on the card.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
06/18/2007 05:13 PM

I decided to post my suggestion after Blaise's for various reasons too complicated for anyone to understand and not because I'm retarded.

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
06/18/2007 06:10 PM

This pic, and the words "Many Bothans died to bring us this card."

Fratberry 283,028 53
06/18/2007 06:19 PM

"Terry Schiavo Hunger Foundation"

Fratberry 283,028 53
06/18/2007 06:24 PM

With this graphic.

WTF???

Straw 98,005 37
06/18/2007 06:24 PM

A card sponsored by the Black Panthers: A giant X in the middle of the card, and in smaller print below, "is for X mother-Frosters!"

Hollis the Great 7,284 14
06/18/2007 06:30 PM

Image: Goatse
Phrase: The Only Card You'll Ever Need

Image: Tubgirl
Phrase: Get showered with rewards from Visa

Neophyte 9,956 11
06/18/2007 06:34 PM

This picture will invoke some sort of "huh....?!?!?" response.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
06/18/2007 06:38 PM

W.T.: The White Trash card, accepted at flea markets everywhere.
It has a photo of a trailer and Britney Spears on it.
Two Swanson Chicken Pot Pies: $2
Two Tickets to Wrestlemania: $60
A Bottle of Mad Dog 20/20: $4
Taking your cousin out for the night of her life and getting her pregnant, priceless.

HH's Baby Batter - Free Delivery and Installation 59,399 14
06/18/2007 06:38 PM

Why be subtle?

Hollis the Great 7,284 14
06/18/2007 06:39 PM

"This card doubles as an ass-scratcher."

k4stmoon 1,143 11
06/18/2007 07:04 PM

Dammit Undies! I made that suggestion in the other thread before I read this one.

For least likely to have a card, and would be LOTS of fun, especially at any children's oriented store (Toys'R'Us, Baby Gap, Etc, Etc.), I would have to say NAMBLA. Just think of the looks you could get when you go to buy a bunch of toys, and whip out that "official NAMBLA charter member" card.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
06/18/2007 07:05 PM

The Pac Man card: Make it rain

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
06/18/2007 07:08 PM

Dammit Undies! I made that suggestion in the other thread before I read this one.

Don't try to steal my mug, mother-Froster.

TheFoye 55,700 16
06/18/2007 07:21 PM

The Iraqii flag should be on it, then donate money to your local terrorist group, then run for Mexico before the feds get you.

KingMikeII 354 7
06/18/2007 07:37 PM

The Leper Association
By handling this card, you are now one of us

Chit 178,781 15
06/18/2007 07:39 PM

Get an American Express with this as the graphic!

Chance- Freaky Deaky! 171,275 14
06/18/2007 07:40 PM

Ill have you know that these zugs mugs are not very durable. The handle off mine broke this weekend and to my dismay, I had to super glue it. Im not happy John!

Fratberry 283,028 53
06/18/2007 07:43 PM

You're not supposed to put all your weight on it when you pee.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
06/18/2007 07:44 PM

I'm sure if you send a complaint to the same email address on the error screen, you'll get a new mug.

Chit 178,781 15
06/18/2007 07:50 PM

This might make a pretty pimpy credit card.






Oops...did I say pretty?

Bill Clinton 67,044 13
06/18/2007 07:56 PM

I need one of those cards, Chit.
I'll tape it above my willie.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
06/18/2007 08:00 PM

A 3d image of your Mr. Johnson or Mrs. rack.

Chit 178,781 15
06/18/2007 08:03 PM

John, how about just a regular card, and where the name goes, have it read;


I Wrote A Book Bitch!

Chit 178,781 15
06/18/2007 08:05 PM

Or


Don't worry, my wife has a job!

A Zolton in Springtime 88,205 34
06/18/2007 08:07 PM

How about a nice, understated logo and text for the Boston Sperm Bank Credit Union -- something with a happy little cartoon sperm, perhaps.

Then add a layer of double-sided tape over the new card, so it's sticky. I'm sure the cashiers will understand -- 'accidents' do happen, after all.

The Sage of Seattle 36,465 8
06/18/2007 08:08 PM

Frost me. Looks like I'm late to this party.

Here's my contribution.

I may be back making more.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
06/18/2007 08:17 PM

How bout a picture of an STD; with the caption: Ask me about how to get STD's, or STD's are for everyone.

Chit 178,781 15
06/18/2007 08:21 PM

Instead of putting your name on it, you could just put a few random blue lights in no particular order at all and have them guess the secret message.

syncope 49,019 14
06/18/2007 08:23 PM

Visas start with the number four, Sage. Mastercards start with five.

The more you know, the more you can forge.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
06/18/2007 08:24 PM

Bloody and green booger with a coating of that toy sticky stuff.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
06/18/2007 08:32 PM

How about, "Attica Convicts Credit Union" written on it with some nice razor wire and red brick walls on the card. Maybe a guard poking a gun out of a tower.
Then, instead of a name it could say, "Inmate #426768967".
On the back, you could write the word "KILLER" in bold magic marker on the signature line.

Fratberry 283,028 53
06/18/2007 08:40 PM

In my world Chit's idea would win.

Chit 178,781 15
06/18/2007 08:40 PM

Way off topic, but I just had to post this somewhere.


Sorry!

mothcleaner 4,106 10
06/18/2007 09:16 PM

DEPENDS credit card
-- for liquidating ass-ets

mothcleaner 4,106 10
06/18/2007 09:20 PM

the TAMPAX credit card
to absorb your monetary discharges

MattVonFat 17 7
06/18/2007 11:49 PM

Have it for a company that's gone bankrupt. I'm not American so I don't know of famous ones over there but was Enron one?

keelog 68 7
06/19/2007 01:50 AM

How 'bout a Scientology credit card? Forget gold, platinum, or titanium... the Scientology card would be clear. It'd be tax-exempt, and celebrities would bring it into the limelight by exercising such antics as couch-jumping on Oprah.

Spotted Dog 87 7
06/19/2007 02:53 AM

I've never seen an amish guy with a credit card, but I imagine he'd have a familiar photo ID and something with goats.

The Amish love goats.

Chit 178,781 15
06/19/2007 02:57 AM

Spotted Dog

(who is occasionally mistaken for a goat)

SnipeZC 40 6
06/19/2007 04:27 AM

ok this is really anti semitic but w/e

have a picture of jesus crusified on the front and under it or on the back put "damn jews" make sure when you use this card to wear a star of david necklace so big that everyone will see it and wear a yamica :P

Neophyte 9,956 11
06/19/2007 04:36 AM

Have the card display a plump juicy strawberry. (or whichever fruit you prefer)

Add a large, easily readable "Scratch 'N' Sniff" emblem.

Then somehow make it smell like ass.

Frogpop - I AM asking for it! 173,153 25
06/19/2007 04:37 AM

Heh. "somehow"

SnipeZC 40 6
06/19/2007 04:39 AM

put a can of spotted dick on the front
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f9/Spotted_Dick-640x480.jpg
or
http://prblog.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/spam.jpg
or http://www.waffenhq.de/infanterie/desert-eagle-01.jpg
and under it put "feeling lucky punk?"

Neophyte 9,956 11
06/19/2007 04:42 AM

In large but faint letters and diagonally from bottom left to top right, the word "Sample".

Neophyte 9,956 11
06/19/2007 05:20 AM

The moment I saw this picture, I knew it belonged on a credit card.
.....same holds true here.
(Scroll down for the picture)

Hollis the Great 7,284 14
06/19/2007 06:05 AM

Pedophilic Credit Union
this pic
"I wish my name was Bubbles."

Hollis the Great 7,284 14
06/19/2007 06:06 AM

I am teh suck

Hollis the Great 7,284 14
06/19/2007 06:08 AM

GOD DAMNIT!

Notorious Walt 9 7
06/19/2007 07:00 AM

A Lacrosse stick on the front.

The Stripper-Friendly Visa: Official Card of the Duke Lacrosse Team

Hookstra 0 0
06/19/2007 07:37 AM

"DO NOT SCAN - DEMO VERSION"

pgufs1 2 6
06/19/2007 07:52 AM

This is Hookstra from above, but try
"Tuberculosis Rewards Program -- Frequent Flyer Gold Card" and cough a lot during/before the transaction.

TomServo 3,759 7
06/19/2007 01:11 PM

Make it look like an exact replica of a hotel key card, so that when you pay for stuff you can pretend you are hitting on the cashier...

TomServo 3,759 7
06/19/2007 01:14 PM

"My other card is a Mastercard"

Snorkatronic 45,655 12
06/19/2007 01:23 PM

Easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the Kingdom of God, eh?

Snorkatronic 45,655 12
06/19/2007 01:23 PM

That makes me sad, actually, because it would totally not surprise me.

Phuc 237,919 21
06/19/2007 01:48 PM

Everyone loves charity.

Snorkatronic 45,655 12
06/19/2007 01:56 PM

Something like this.

Chance- Freaky Deaky! 171,275 14
06/19/2007 01:57 PM

Like Als but with a picture of Rosie O'Donnell with the logo "Save the Whales".

Werehampsta 6,375 8
06/19/2007 01:57 PM

A picture of Karl Marx.

Phuc 237,919 21
06/19/2007 02:08 PM

Rock your credit wit mad sk33lz.

Your Designer 172 8
06/19/2007 03:08 PM

Use the Manson stationery art from the book and write "Get Out of Jail FREE Card" in his handwriting style.

syncope 49,019 14
06/19/2007 03:15 PM

Hookstra Funny
6/19/2007 6:37 am [r_ZfjxidDgGoHAgo6baIhg]


"DO NOT SCAN - DEMO VERSION"


pgufs1
6/19/2007 6:52 am [r_ZfjxidDgGoHAgo6baIhg]

This is Hookstra from above, but try
"Tuberculosis Rewards Program -- Frequent Flyer Gold Card" and cough a lot during/before the transaction.


What about a "multiple accounts is a TOS violation" card?

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
06/19/2007 03:15 PM

Pwnt!

syncope 49,019 14
06/19/2007 03:25 PM

<action>gets all hot and bothered whenever Undies Phucs him like that.</action>

Snofferol 129 7
06/19/2007 03:51 PM

You could make the front of the card as identical as possible to the back of the card, or do a razor-blade design accompanied by the appropriate bits cut off the card in order to conform to the shape.

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
06/19/2007 04:01 PM

syncope - I heart you.

Mildly Retarded Amish Boy 57,521 23
06/19/2007 04:51 PM

"Put the money in the bag and no-one gets hurt"

Snofferol 129 7
06/19/2007 09:45 PM

Jesus' face could possibly find its way onto the card in some divine way, thus sparking a religious conversion in the middle of the grocery store.

Marmite - 100% Yeast 12,955 12
06/19/2007 09:56 PM

This. Only for the sheer reason it made me laugh out loud.

I need to get out more.

Zeus Lightnington 85 7
06/20/2007 02:20 AM

What would be awesome, but would take a lot more time, would be to sneak in before and write down the name of the cashier and then take a picture, then the next time you see the guy, try to buy something, and see what he does.

Zeus Lightnington 85 7
06/20/2007 02:28 AM

Or you could put on there "Debit" and insist that it's credit. Or have it say to swipe it the opposite way that it actually goes.

The Sage of Seattle 36,465 8
06/20/2007 02:45 AM

Okay, here's my next entry. Uhhh.. so's to speak.

Neophyte 9,956 11
06/20/2007 05:45 AM

"International Bank of
B A T M A N



"
Or a Bill & Ted's excellent adventure theme
with the back of the card reworded so that
the appearance of the word "Stoked!" is suspiciously frequent.

Russ812 63 7
06/20/2007 06:01 AM

SEAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
img
George W. Bush


If found, please return to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, D.C.



or...



Bank of Nasareth


Jesus H. Christ


Member since 0000

tophat=kick ass 10 5
06/20/2007 04:50 PM

a gangsta with gold knuckles with the
words Credit Card

tophat=kick ass 10 5
06/20/2007 04:54 PM

on them sorry

or you could always just put "this card is worth freakin' millions on the front and psyche on the back in huge letters

tophat=kick ass 10 5
06/20/2007 04:58 PM

or you could put you've been Punked or something like that on the back instead of psyche.

syncope 49,019 14
06/20/2007 05:04 PM

tophat=kick ass

Better re-check your math.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
06/20/2007 05:05 PM

Just write STFU across the front of the card

Chix 286,539 61
06/20/2007 05:10 PM

I would like to see John try to use Sage's up there in like a Churches fried chicken, or whatever black-owned business he can find.

Neophyte 9,956 11
06/20/2007 06:00 PM

The Comedy Catchphrase Cards

The 'I don't get no respect' Card
Rodney Dangerfield

The 'Dynomite!!'Card
JJ Walker


The Michael Richards Card








Though most cashiers will
probably question the
authenicity of a card
peppered in the word "Ogden Nash".

Munkus 2,801 10
06/20/2007 07:55 PM

Remember that weird e-bay phenomenon a while ago where people would sell kettles or other shiny things, and upload a picture of the item which had them naked in the reflection?

Well you should do that. At first an innocent looking kettle/toaster/spare car wing-mirror, but with a second glance: man-meat.

Scottazer 28 6
06/20/2007 09:08 PM

Plain black background. White text. Large font. Card reads: "This is a robbery. Empty the drawer into my bag. Please don't scream.

Neophyte 9,956 11
06/21/2007 06:20 AM

"International Bank Of
B A C O N





"
And then have a picture of bacon on it.

Snufkin 4 6
06/21/2007 09:12 AM

I think I'd make mine look exactly like my library card--only with the nice little Mastercard or Visa logo still visible in the corner.

The real fun would be convincing some salesperson that, yes, the library has started issuing credit cards.

TomServo 3,759 7
06/21/2007 11:19 AM

PLEASE SWIPE CARD FROM RIGHT TO LEFT

TomServo 3,759 7
06/21/2007 11:20 AM

LEFT TO RIGHT EVEN...


See how confusing it can be

TCameron 42 7
06/21/2007 12:12 PM

Have an image of people picking tomatoes, and the cause would be money going to build a fence on the boarder of Mexico. Then buy as much produce as you can on it from local farmers, they'll be sure to give you a hefty dicount.

KingMikeII 354 7
06/21/2007 01:19 PM

For the alternative patriot

SnipeZC 40 6
06/22/2007 02:53 AM

have the trojan "condom" head http://news.agendainc.com/images/trojan.jpg on the card then under it put is it in you?

miss meg, if you please 1,967 0
06/22/2007 10:17 AM

For the card you have in mind, I suggest this picture:http://www.geocities.com/marktape/f-m-big-black-momma.jpg. When the clerks look at it, like wtf? Just reply. Oh, it's me and my momma.

Xzelian 114 5
06/24/2007 09:14 PM

O.k. this is my first post so no lynching please.

With that said, here is
the card

miss meg, if you please 1,967 0
06/24/2007 09:23 PM

Ahh, very niice!

Shell Belle 77,143 25
06/24/2007 10:38 PM

build a fence on the boarder of Mexico.


Why build a fence on the poor guy? What did he ever do to you?

buttcold 268 5
06/25/2007 01:29 AM

The Great Wall of Texas is sounding pretty good!

Xzelian 114 5
06/25/2007 01:13 PM

Of course you the one thing everyone is overlooking is that that the fence currently going up is being built by illegal aliens.
So in the end who will maintain it when it finally does get finished.

Xzelian 114 5
06/25/2007 01:13 PM

Of course, the one thing everyone is overlooking is that that the fence currently going up is being built by illegal aliens.
So in the end who will maintain it when it finally does get finished.