Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/05/2007 04:13 PM

Apparently we're suppose to believe that the US only uses digital communications methods and they're all hooked into the same computer network so that it all comes tumbling down like a house of cards.

The government communications network was shut down by a computer virus that they knew about and still couldn't prepare for. They say "we can't remove it!" and then go about their business as if there was nothing else that could be done and no one bothers to make a contingency plan.

The most secret of government agencies uses field ops who are somewhere between Gomer Pile and Barney Fife.

When it's understood that they're going to be attacked by robots and only a special type of ammo will harm them, they all spend time arming themselves and preparing for the fight. Then when part of their group breaks off to go radio for help, they decide they don't need the special ammunition or any guns for that matter.

After it's discovered that they do need guns, they raid a museum exhibit and end up using antique shot guns which work and oddly have antique ammo that works too and a lot of it.

Why can't Optimus use the super sword hand thing on Megatron that he used to cut up Bone Crusher?

Where do the two Autobots go that are fighting with the humans against the Decepticons? There is a 30 minute battle scene where all of the Decepticons are accounted for but 2 of the 5 Autobots are gone.

Most movies ask you to suspend a little bit of reality to watch them, Transformers asks you to suspend all of it.

Thanks for ruining fond childhood memories Michael Bay!

Chit 178,781 15
07/05/2007 04:23 PM

Most movies ask you to suspend a little bit of reality to watch them, Transformers asks you to suspend all of it.


Imagine that...in a documentary even.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/05/2007 04:24 PM

hate you.

Once a Zolton, Always a Zolton 88,205 34
07/05/2007 04:26 PM

Don't worry, Skip.

I'm sure they'll make a Strawberry Shortcake or My Pretty Pony movie someday soon, and turn that childhood right back around for you.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
07/05/2007 04:27 PM

Maybe you just watched it wrong. Maybe there was more than meets the eye.

Straw 98,005 37
07/05/2007 04:27 PM

I don't have anyone to go see it with, so I guess I'll miss out on all the Shakespearetiness.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/05/2007 04:29 PM

I'm sure they'll make a Strawberry Shortcake or My Pretty Pony movie someday soon, and turn that childhood right back around for you.

I'm holding out for She-Ra: Princess of Power The Movie.

Monkey Spackle 31 6
07/05/2007 04:33 PM

Skippy Boy, that was the worst rambling bricks of useless text up there I've ever seen you write.

No. Wait. There were all those other posts you made too.

Don't qwerty until you have something hysterical to post little boy.

Lila: Preggers and Loving It 78,555 13
07/05/2007 04:38 PM

<action>qwerties all up in dis club</action>

Spicey McHaggis 117,784 37
07/05/2007 04:44 PM

After reading this review, I'm even more excited to see the movie.

Robin® 14,626 10
07/05/2007 04:49 PM

After reading this review, I'm even more excited to see the movie.

Me too.

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
07/05/2007 04:50 PM

Damn it Taco! Did you just HAVE to say you liked it? Now look what you did!

Anh is bored. 11,158 14
07/05/2007 05:37 PM

Skippy, you forgot to mention that giant humanoid transforming robots never came to earth from outer space.

syncope 49,019 14
07/05/2007 05:46 PM

I had a Shakespearety experience at Transformers also.

Some idiot with a smarmy beard and a pony tail kept yelling criticisms at the screen.

I know what you're thinking, but he wasn't even black.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/05/2007 05:51 PM

I guess you missed the thread where I cut all my hair off?

Phuc 237,919 21
07/05/2007 05:51 PM

I agree with Skippy. What was great about the Transformers of yore is that it barely required any suspension of disbelief.

I for one will not patronize any cinema that screens this preposterous piece of unscientific gobbledegook.

What's next? Movies based on CS Lewis and his theories of a Christian "God?"

ǝɔuɐɥɔ 171,275 14
07/05/2007 05:54 PM

Im going to see it Sunday and YOU GUYS WILL NOT RUIN IT FOR ME YA RAT BASTIDS!

Stone Canadian Bikini! 62,262 18
07/05/2007 05:59 PM

I agree with Skippy.


Holy Shakespeare. For a second there I thought the universe was going to implode.

Straw 98,005 37
07/05/2007 06:00 PM

See, this is proof positive that Skippy is not gay. If he were, then the gorgeousness that is Josh Duhamel would have overshadowed everything else.

Phuc 237,919 21
07/05/2007 06:04 PM

Holy Shakespeare. For a second there I thought the universe was going to implode.

You can get more irony in your diet by cooking with cast iron cookware. True story.

Phuc 237,919 21
07/05/2007 06:05 PM

See, this is proof positive that Skippy is not gay.

Give up the dream, girl.















I hear Pram is single!

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/05/2007 06:07 PM

I'm watching it tonight after I watch live free or die hard

Straw 98,005 37
07/05/2007 06:08 PM

I'm watching it tonight after I watch live free or die hard

I'll keep my fingers crossed that the taper didn't have popcorn this time.

Stone Canadian Bikini! 62,262 18
07/05/2007 06:09 PM

You can get more irony in your diet by cooking with cast iron cookware. True story.



Oh. Licking the ironing board isn't enough?

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/05/2007 06:10 PM

Or is it Live forever and never die hardest?

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
07/05/2007 06:15 PM

What's with all the CGI crap lately? Transformers would have been a total kick ass movie if they had used models fabricated to scale and stop motion photography to capture the essence of what the Transformers truly are.

I mean, look at the original Star Wars trilogy and the new ones.

Original Star Wars: Models and stop motion.
New Star Wars: CGI crap.

Original Star Wars: Awesome.
New Star Wars: CGI crap.

Facts don't lie.

Snorkatronic 45,655 12
07/05/2007 06:18 PM

Seriously though, I might well believe that some guy in his basement is smarter than all of the pentagon.

But black? Oh COME ON! For one thing how can you type when your hands are full of fried chicken?

ǝɔuɐɥɔ 171,275 14
07/05/2007 06:35 PM

SOCCERMOMM'DDDDDD

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/05/2007 07:31 PM

Josh Duhamel

Who?

Filly 39,193 20
07/05/2007 07:31 PM

BLASPHEMY!

Napkin 30,762 12
07/05/2007 07:35 PM

Snork, don't be an idiot.

Blacks can't read/write anyway.

Straw 98,005 37
07/05/2007 07:38 PM

Captain Skippy Click to Rate


7/05/2007 6:31 pm [qsoOHHCGyWcJK1bzLw9+Xw]


Josh Duhamel

Who?



SEE?!?!

Smokey Muskrat 41,132 13
07/05/2007 08:07 PM

Saw it yesterday. So far my daughter hasn't asked me what masturbation is, so she's either already asked her mother or she was distracted by the crying baby getting shaken into silence 3 seats down.

At the start of the movie the baby's mother popped her boob out and fed the little tramp. Guess she was empty when it got fussy two hours later.

Spoiler/Plot hole up ahead:

How come they could animate a cell phone using the All Spark adn zap it to death if it got out of hand, but never thought to have a big zapper for NBE1 should the cryo units start to fail?

Fratberry 283,028 53
07/05/2007 08:10 PM

<action>only reads title thread and author</action>Good.

Marjod 1,942 9
07/05/2007 08:25 PM

At my viewing of this "movie", there was a family "sitting" to the left of me. They had graciously brought along their 3 year old who decided to "ooh" and "ahhh" and squeal every time there was a loud noise.

The damned thing is that the 36 month old STD was the best part of the viewing.

Frost-ing ROBOTS DON'T Frost-ing BLINK!!!

Chit 178,781 15
07/05/2007 10:13 PM

"Michael Bay took a Shakespeare on my childhood..."


I do like the way he used the corn in there for texture though...

Dr. Penguin of the Arctic Alliance of Evil 395 8
07/05/2007 10:38 PM

Before watching this movie, i never realized that you could "Hotwire" a computer.

Snorkatronic 45,655 12
07/05/2007 11:02 PM

Son, a black man can hotwire anything. Your car, your computer, your cat. Anything.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
07/06/2007 12:05 AM

Liam and I saw Ratatoille today, and thoroughly enjoyed it.

There was a woman with two young children (about 5 and 6 years old) sitting in front of us, and for the first 20 minutes or so, the kids spoke continually, and in fairly loud voices. Liam whispered a complaint to me, so I asked them to quiet down.

When they didn't, I politely told the mother that we weren't in her living room, and that if she couldn't keep her brood quiet, she should remove them from the theatre.

It actually worked! If Liam hadn't been there, I would have said what I usually say in those circumstances: "You want to shut the Frost up now?" Which only has a 60% success rate and runs a 12% risk of escalating into violence. Thanks, Liam!

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Zolton 88,205 34
07/06/2007 12:26 AM

<action>whips out his nipples</action>
Son, a black man can hotwire anything. Your car, your computer, your cat. Anything.

Can he hotwire me, Snork?

Can he hotwire me?

The Sage of Seattle 36,465 8
07/06/2007 02:26 AM

<action>prays to God Snork Doesn't Go There

syncope's confined to lurking. 49,019 14
07/06/2007 03:05 AM

Hey look who else can Shakespeare on childhoods!

ObeseExplosive 3,430 7
07/06/2007 03:10 AM

WTF when where the chipmunks gangsters.

Quit killing my worthless childhood.

ObeseExplosive 3,430 7
07/06/2007 03:11 AM

How the hell did that happen

syncope's confined to lurking. 49,019 14
07/06/2007 03:12 AM

What? Your posting? You type the wordShakespeare submit, and they show up.

We'd prefer if you stopped though.

ObeseExplosive 3,430 7
07/06/2007 03:14 AM

So where all posting links.

Ok who broke gab.

Video Gamer 275 0
07/06/2007 03:35 AM

Hey look who else can Shakespeare on childhoods!

You know a funny story... There was some chipmunks living in our backyard, specifically digging holes in our garden. My mom was digging in the garden and there was blood all over her hands, even though she didn't have any cuts or open wounds. My dad and I accused her of killing Alvin the chipmunk. My mom killed alvin.

This was WAAAAAAAY back like fricken 20 years ago.

The Sage of Seattle 36,465 8
07/06/2007 03:45 AM

You know a funny story.

Yes, and yours ain't one.

Video Gamer 275 0
07/06/2007 03:47 AM

Yes, and yours ain't one.

Oh by funny I ment retarded... sorry if my mind works differently then yours. Mabye you should go to pre-school and then you would learn what things really mean, like how "Heads Up" means "Heads Down"

The Sage of Seattle 36,465 8
07/06/2007 03:49 AM

Oh by funny I ment retarded... sorry if my mind works differently then yours. Mabye you should go to pre-school and then you would learn what things really mean


Show me proof first that your mind works at all.

And I don't need to go to pre-school to learn anything. I just hang out there to score chicks.

Video Gamer 275 0
07/06/2007 03:52 AM

And I don't need to go to pre-school to learn anything. I just hang out there to score chicks.

You mean people who can't get laid.... riiiiight.

syncope's confined to lurking. 49,019 14
07/08/2007 08:07 PM

I'm not sure which movie Skippy watched, but I saw the actual Transformers last night and just about every critique he made is inaccurate.

Yes, Michael Bay loves to quick-cut and it gets annoying; I never had any real trouble following the action on the screen though.

There are plot holes in this movie. I have taken the liberty of writing a stern letter addressed, simply, to "Hollywood." If I cannot enter a movie theatre to watch a tale of shape-shifting alien robots without being distracted by the fact that certain types of guns shouldn't work then it is a dark day indeed.

Skippy lost track of three of the main characters during the climactic battle sequence. I didn't.

This film reduces Mexicans and Blacks to horrible stereotypes. Huzzah!

Spicey McHaggis 117,784 37
07/08/2007 09:27 PM

Undies and I saw Transformers yesterday and both of us absolutely loved it. She keeps saying we need to see it again and that we're totally getting the DVD.

The only downside is that now she's obsessed with Bumblebee. She actually wants sex up the giant Camerobot. It doesn't bother me much, though. We saw what he was packing when he peed on that guy, and I don't think she'd be all that satisfied if she actually got to do the horizontal mambo with him.

Tweak 18,881 12
07/09/2007 02:33 AM

Skippy, did you have your face buried in your boyfriend's lap for half of the movie? Most of the stuff that you thought wasn't there seems to have been seen by everyone else.

Personally, I really enjoyed it. But then, I go to movies to be entertained, not to parade my supposed superiority by pointing out as many flaws as I possibly can.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
07/09/2007 03:17 AM

Maybe Michael Bay could transform all those copies of "Pearl Harbor" into a watchable film. See what I did right there?

Tweak 18,881 12
07/09/2007 03:33 AM

It was very clever, Chi Chi.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
07/09/2007 03:42 AM

Thanks, I was up all night.

McRib 13,155 9
07/09/2007 03:47 AM

I'll be seeing it tomorrow and I'll be bringing my Transformers bedsheets from 1986 with me. You know, because.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
07/09/2007 03:49 AM

...because you haven't had a good public humiliation in a while?

Tweak 18,881 12
07/09/2007 04:35 AM

Thanks, I was up all night.

So was your mom.





That was probably the most childish thing I've ever posted here.

Taco McSocialista 61,976 36
07/09/2007 04:37 AM

"Help, I'm being chased by Satan's Camaro!"

How can you not like this movie?

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
07/09/2007 03:08 PM

We saw what he was packing when he peed on that guy, and I don't think she'd be all that satisfied if she actually got to do the horizontal mambo with him.

Eh. I saw what you were packing and I married YOU. Silly. I'd never have sex with a giant transforming battle robot - we'd just make out a little.

That said, this movie kicked all sorts of ass. I'm going to see it again in a couple of hours, because my daughter didn't get to go with us the first time. She works at Burger King, so that means we get all the free Transformer Happy Meal toys we want! Yay!

Straw 98,005 37
07/09/2007 03:09 PM

Wait, a robot peed on someone?

Miss. All White Meat Trixxie 65,026 15
07/09/2007 03:11 PM

I I I can't decide which you need to be called worse. Nerd or Fag

FERD

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/09/2007 03:17 PM

Wait, a robot peed on someone?

Apparently Transformers expel lubricant much the way we pee. That was one of man eye rolling moments in the film.

Taco McSocialista 61,976 36
07/09/2007 03:46 PM

He learned to do it after the dog peed on him.

Just for the record, Skippy is the only person on the planet I thus far who hasn't liked the movie.

Spicey McHaggis 117,784 37
07/09/2007 04:23 PM

She works at Burger King, so that means we get all the free Transformer Happy Meal toys we want! Yay!

Burger King bought out McDonald's?

Tweak 18,881 12
07/09/2007 04:25 PM

one of man eye rolling moments

Oh Freud, you've done it again!

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/09/2007 05:33 PM

Just for the record, Skippy is the only person on the planet I thus far who hasn't liked the movie.

I was entertained by the movie, but it was also disappointing because of all the stupid crap they threw in there for cheap laughs from hicks and rednecks who went to see it.


















No offense. How's your ma and pa?

Taco McSocialista 61,976 36
07/09/2007 06:03 PM

My mom's a European immigrant and my dad's from Boston. You're dumb as hell.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/09/2007 08:17 PM

ok, whatever you say dixie

Jolson whips it good! 16,163 11
07/09/2007 09:25 PM

Dude, have you ever seen an episode of the old Transformers cartoon? It was a Frost-ing 20 minute advertisement for toys with plots as paper thin as Shakespearety single-ply toilet paper.

How can that movie take a dump on something that it shares so much in common with.

Video Gamer 275 0
07/09/2007 10:33 PM

Dude, have you ever seen an episode of the old Transformers cartoon? It was a Frost-ing 20 minute advertisement for toys with plots as paper thin as Shakespearety single-ply toilet paper.

Don't you mean those Shakespearety ones that say at the end "and knowing is half the battle"?. If knowing was half the battle, how did george bush win the election?

Tweak 18,881 12
07/10/2007 06:45 AM

Because his opponent wasn't a transformer?

Miss. All White Meat Trixxie 65,026 15
07/10/2007 02:00 PM

Skippy fixed GAB

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
07/15/2007 02:13 AM

The only downside is that now she's obsessed with Bumblebee. She actually wants sex up the giant Camerobot.

Tell her to ready her credit card then.