John Hargrave 128,751 73
07/12/2007 06:26 PM

Chic, retro-cool 1980's-vintage telescoping antenna

syncope 49,019 14
07/12/2007 06:32 PM

I can't come up with anything.

Mercjack 119 7
07/12/2007 06:37 PM

digital viagra cookbook, new updates every day!

Sunny and Capricious Bikini 62,262 18
07/12/2007 06:38 PM

Affordability.

The Mailman, workal poster 176,454 56
07/12/2007 06:42 PM

From Syncope's link:

Apple is set to release the much-hyped iPhone Friday, June 29. Here are some of its most highly anticipated features:

(...)

- Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy

syncope 49,019 14
07/12/2007 06:45 PM

Touch-screen rotary dial.

The Mailman, workal poster 176,454 56
07/12/2007 06:51 PM

Antenna that auto-ejects when you drag its icon to the trash bin.

syncope 49,019 14
07/12/2007 06:56 PM

Twice the smugness of a Toyota Prius.

The Mailman, workal poster 176,454 56
07/12/2007 06:58 PM

But half the battery consumption.

Werehampsta 6,375 8
07/12/2007 07:06 PM

The speaker continually broadcasts "This person has an iphone and is thus much more hip than you are!"

Straw 98,005 37
07/12/2007 07:21 PM

The ability of the user to interface with other users via sound waves produced through sophisticated instruments called vocal chords (not included).

Golden Words 977 9
07/12/2007 07:25 PM

A bookmark to the Chinese tattoo prank page?

Fratberry 283,028 53
07/12/2007 07:37 PM

Electric Dog Polisher.

Golden Words 977 9
07/12/2007 07:43 PM

Viagra dispenser.

SHP: I am not a mocodity! 181,795 70
07/12/2007 07:49 PM

For $500-$600 + fees & service, the phone itself better trasnscribe voice mails, get my coffee, and lick my ass.

...




You know I'll be in line when they release the iSecretary.

Fratberry 283,028 53
07/12/2007 08:27 PM

Makes and receives actual phone calls.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/12/2007 08:31 PM

Viagra dispenser.

I read that as "vagina dispenser" and thought "now that's a feature!"

syncope 49,019 14
07/12/2007 08:34 PM

I read that as "vagina dispenser" and thought "now that's a feature!"
...
That you'd never use?

The Mailman, workal poster 176,454 56
07/12/2007 08:37 PM

You know I'll be in line when they release the iSecretary.

I hear her iRack will be the bomb!

Golden Words 977 9
07/12/2007 08:50 PM

I read that as "vagina dispenser" and thought "now that's a feature!"

Just put the cell on vibrator mode and get someone to call you. The phone's fairly slim if you ask me.

Anh is bored. 11,158 14
07/12/2007 08:58 PM

Tomagotchi.

Golden Words 977 9
07/12/2007 09:00 PM

On a serious note, that phone doenst have video recording or MMS capabilities.
Bummer.

diburning 169 9
07/12/2007 09:19 PM

multi-level vibration for feminine masturbation.

a pull out dildo for the vibrate mode.

windows compatibility :D

Marmite - Spreads better when hot 12,955 12
07/12/2007 09:59 PM

I wanted an iPhone. Then I saw Paris Hilton with one. So now I don't.

Frost-ing bitch.

Closet Friend #1004 7,665 11
07/12/2007 10:37 PM

A super-shiny high-gloss screen that shows even the least little scratch or smudge or blotch of greasy facial residue!








Oh.  Right.  A concealed squirt gun feature would've been cool, too...

The Dancing Pickle 266 6
07/12/2007 11:07 PM

Every 10 minutes, calls a random person on your contact list, yells "DONKEY!!" and then hangs up.

musiciansbest 15 5
07/12/2007 11:45 PM

the Pez dispenser attachment

HeBombedDamnIt 333 6
07/12/2007 11:54 PM

- Has way, way more PRAM than the last thingy

yes, more isn't always better...

:Le Buge 193 5
07/13/2007 12:52 AM

Serves aa a two button mouse for a Mac.

Shiggety 2,286 7
07/13/2007 01:04 AM

Personal Ninja Mode.

With little to no conscience. And when you wanted someone killed, Goolge Maps would respond accordingly, tracking the helpless son of a bitch down with pinpoint accuracy, while you watch comfortably through the magic of Google Street View and your 3.5 inch LCD iPhone screen.




A free phone case would be cool too.

:Le Buge 193 5
07/13/2007 02:46 AM

Locates John Connor.

Taco McSocialista 61,976 36
07/13/2007 02:51 AM

Actually has the ability to make telephone calls.

Morphs skin to match Louis Vutton, Burberry, or Dolce purse.

Secretes pheremones to attract opposite sex.

Big Boobs Mcgee 6,369 10
07/13/2007 04:16 AM

Or same sex, Taco.


*Wink*

betty_the_sqwerl 0 5
07/13/2007 04:46 AM

not my own invention just thought people might enjoy this link sent to me by a friend...

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=6295033

Marjod 1,942 9
07/13/2007 12:48 PM

Betamax technology.

Links to Steve Jobs favorite porn sites.

Video Gamer 275 0
07/13/2007 01:05 PM

I hear her iRack will be the bomb!

Yeah but I also heard the iRan is way better then the iRack.

Sully 605 9
07/13/2007 01:06 PM

Its own iPhone, so it can be even more hip.

Taco McSocialista 61,976 36
07/13/2007 01:49 PM

Function to block out pictures sent over the internet you don't really want to see<a href="www.lemonparty.org">.</a>

Taco McSocialista 61,976 36
07/13/2007 01:50 PM

<action>Throws in towel</action>
Frost this game, I quit!

Fratberry 283,028 53
07/13/2007 02:05 PM

Electric Taco Polisher.

SnipeZC 40 6
07/13/2007 04:59 PM

wow these iPuns are getting worst and worst....

SnipeZC 40 6
07/13/2007 05:00 PM

how about iDontCare

:Le Buge 193 5
07/13/2007 05:48 PM

Serves as a secondary flux capacitor.

Sir. Ned 20 5
07/14/2007 05:10 AM

It can find Carmen Sandiego.

Your Designer 172 8
07/14/2007 09:08 PM

Gold rope chain necklace accessory to replace 4" Jesus

Drunk Norwegian Guy 282 7
07/14/2007 11:57 PM

Viagra dispenser.

Who needs Viagra? Try new iHard.

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
07/15/2007 12:04 AM

If you hold it in the air and yell "By the power of Grayskull...I have the power!", you will turn into a super hero.

Oh yeah, and it also turns your cat into a Frost-ing monster. Watch out.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
07/15/2007 12:38 AM

Condescending, smug self-satisfaction. Oh wait, that's in the ad copy.

Neil Patel 0 5
07/15/2007 02:28 AM

i would get it if i did this...
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=24112

Xzelian 114 5
07/15/2007 02:19 PM

Simple, the one thing no other Apple product has ever offered.


Seeds

Hollis the Great 7,284 14
07/16/2007 12:10 AM

Pocket Poe.

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
07/16/2007 12:13 AM

The part where it transforms into a robot and hacks the government's network.

fox-n-sox 0 0
07/16/2007 10:38 AM

A cup holder.
It also needs a game of the classic board game Monopoly!

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 101,398 77
07/16/2007 04:03 PM

Will it Blend

Chaos Llama 32 8
07/16/2007 06:49 PM

The I-Dildo
Because saying i dildo'd myself with my I-Dildo is fun, but hard to say.

Chaos Llama 32 8
07/16/2007 06:50 PM

Oops, i didnt properly read the article description.

I-Dildo feature.
Extreme vibration caused too much distractions during company brainstorming sessions.

keelog 68 7
07/17/2007 03:33 PM

The only thing missing as far as I can tell is a keyhook for the keys to the Hummer, so you never go anywhere without the tools to compensate for your utter lack of a penis.

Virnomine 79,386 11
07/17/2007 03:45 PM

duh, the iHop. Who wouldn't want a phone that made delicious pancakes and has 4 different syrups to choose from?

Chix 286,556 61
07/17/2007 03:49 PM

How about an iSoda or an iRazor?

Chix 286,556 61
07/17/2007 04:18 PM

Although the iSideburns pretty much take the cake.

Virnomine 79,386 11
07/17/2007 05:49 PM

That guy obviously got the iDouchebag.

grand master potato 526 6
07/17/2007 10:38 PM

autosynch with ihop

insidewaysout 6 5
07/18/2007 07:16 PM

A default ringtone (that can never be changed) of Steve Jobs screaming "I own you!" repeatedly.

grand master potato 526 6
07/19/2007 02:42 PM

i made my very own iphone. i taped a cell phone to my laptop. cumbersome to answer the phone now but the screen is way way bigger, plus it works. i call the isore.