BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
07/13/2007 04:27 PM

It must have been really bad when you gave him a blumpkin.

The Mailman, workal poster 176,454 56
07/13/2007 04:31 PM

I was blessed with the most feminine of penises

By that, you mean it wears Prada and it will ask for directions if it has to?

Straw 98,005 37
07/13/2007 04:46 PM

I am 34 years old and I do not recall ever noticing the sound of someone wiping their ass. Maybe HP has microphones in the toilet bowls.

The Sage of Seattle 36,465 8
07/13/2007 04:50 PM

I call Fat Daughter on this story.

Everyone knows that contractors aren't human.

Lila: 2nd Trimesterin' It! 78,555 13
07/13/2007 05:24 PM

If we're listing sounds no one should ever have to endure - how about hearing your parents have sex.
Guh. One of the single reasons I moved out as quickly as possible.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
07/13/2007 05:28 PM

Fergie. No one should have to hear Fergie.
Or Jason Mraz.

buttcold 268 5
07/13/2007 05:29 PM

fowl hole

Chickens works for HP?

Chit 178,781 15
07/13/2007 05:43 PM

fowl hole?



Guess what?




Chicken Butt!

Golden Words 977 9
07/13/2007 05:54 PM

You don't wear an Ipod to the urinal?

Weird.

Original freckle-faced-gangsta 171,275 14
07/13/2007 05:54 PM

I can not believe youre already in your 2nd trimester Lila. Times flying yo.

Cracka 68,758 11
07/13/2007 06:12 PM

I wouldn't mind hearing Lila's parents have sex.

Original freckle-faced-gangsta 171,275 14
07/13/2007 06:22 PM

CRACKALACKALACKALACK!

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
07/13/2007 06:28 PM

My friend Tim told me that, in college, he lived next door to a deaf Asian kid in the dorm. The Asian kid had a deaf Asian girlfriend and they would have sex and be yelling in that deaf speak, "Wooooooouuuuo ouuoooooouua nuuuu nuuuuuu!" in the middle of the day. He said he figured they had no idea how loud they were being.

Lila: 2nd Trimesterin' It! 78,555 13
07/13/2007 06:37 PM

I can not believe youre already in your 2nd trimester Lila. Times flying yo.

Frostin' TELL me about it! I think I may be more in shock that I'm this far along than anyone else. What sucks is that I'm not really showing yet, though. And I want the "people are extra cordial to you when you're pregnant" treatment now!!

Bean 8,602 19
07/13/2007 06:43 PM

I have a brother in law who likes to slap people on the ass. HARD.

When I was pregnant he didn't do it, but like Lila, it took up to about 5 months for me to really start showing. TIP: wear stretchy maternity shirts so it accentuates the small curve you have there.

mothcleaner 4,106 10
07/13/2007 06:46 PM

the only problem, is once you have the prego belly, almost everyone, especially women, will come up to you and start rubbing you stomach without asking to try and feel movement.

they forget that prego's have personal space too

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
07/13/2007 06:52 PM

at the urinal, barely able to squeeze out even a thin stream of yellowy discharge.

They have pills for that.

A Pilgrim in an Unholy Land 57,521 23
07/13/2007 06:53 PM

they forget that prego's have personal space too

They just need twice as much of it as everyone else.

Lila: 2nd Trimesterin' It! 78,555 13
07/13/2007 06:58 PM

..once you have the prego belly, almost everyone, especially women, will come up to you and start rubbing you stomach without asking.

I'm already preparing for that. I read somewhere that, when you feel your "personal space" being invaded, you should stand with your arms crossed and hands folded OVER your stomach to give the silent signal you don't want them to touch you.
Plus, I would never DREAM of doing that even to my closest friends. Hopefully people will give me the same respect.

Bean 8,602 19
07/13/2007 06:58 PM

the only problem, is once you have the prego belly, almost everyone, especially women, will come up to you and start rubbing you stomach without asking to try and feel movement.

they forget that prego's have personal space too

I didn't have that happen that I can remember, only people I knew touched my belly and that was ok... I think its probably because I never stood still long enough or acted inviting enough for strangers to get to me. That, and if I was at a store I always made sure to have a shopping cart or something between me and the would-be stomach molesters.

Pubah 56,805 18
07/13/2007 11:29 PM

Nose blowin in a resturaunt...I'd rather hear hearty burps or juicy farts than someone clearing their nasal passages while I'm trying to enjoy a (slightly used) plate of Fu-Yung.

SHP: I am not a mocodity! 181,795 70
07/14/2007 02:54 AM

The alarm clock on Monday morning.
The cry of a cat in heat.
The squeak of a styrafoam beer cooler in the back of the car.
The sound of cotton rubbing against itself.
"Last call!" when he/she is not yet drunk enough to find him/her attractive enough to take home.
"Morning, sweetie" when he/she was drunk enough.
The garage door start to open when your mom/spouse wasn't supposed to be home for two more hours and you have the cucumber and crisco out neighbor boy over.

buttcold 268 5
07/14/2007 09:08 AM

Hopefully people will give me the same respect.

Good luck with that!

The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
07/14/2007 09:29 AM

I can't believe nobody posted "Sammy Hagar's Music"

FM 5-19 Chapter 6 3,163 6
07/14/2007 02:32 PM

And I want the "people are extra cordial to you when you're pregnant" treatment now!!

Fine!
I wont pull out next time
jeeze

Neophyte 9,956 11
07/14/2007 03:08 PM

<insert obligatory pram's music comment here>

delicate.torture 315 6
07/15/2007 01:30 AM

..once you have the prego belly, almost everyone, especially women, will come up to you and start rubbing you stomach without asking.

I'm already preparing for that. I read somewhere that, when you feel your "personal space" being invaded, you should stand with your arms crossed and hands folded OVER your stomach to give the silent signal you don't want them to touch you.

It is SO much more fun to watch their faces as they rub your belly while you just quietly say "I'm not pregnant, it's a tumour."