Mark Walker 0 0
07/22/2007 10:03 PM

No, I'd beg to differ. That joke was full of color.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
07/22/2007 10:10 PM

Why did the jews wander the desert for forty years? They heard that someone had dropped said penny.

The Rockin' Donkey [\m<>m/] 77,546 17
07/22/2007 10:15 PM

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?

A pizza doesn't scream when you throw it in the oven.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
07/22/2007 10:16 PM

How many jews can you fit in a VW bug?

54. Two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.

Mark Walker 0 0
07/22/2007 10:16 PM

What's the difference between a Ogden Nash and a jew...?
















...gimme a second...

Mark Walker 0 0
07/22/2007 10:17 PM

I really don't know.

Taco McSocialista 61,976 36
07/22/2007 10:29 PM

This isn't funny you mother-Frosters. My grandpa died in a concentration camp.











Fell off the guard tower.

The Rockin' Donkey [\m<>m/] 77,546 17
07/22/2007 10:37 PM

I think Mark likes the sausage.

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/22/2007 10:40 PM

What is black & white & black & white & black & white?



A nun rolling down a hill.

Chit 178,781 15
07/22/2007 10:45 PM

What's the difference between a Ogden Nash and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/22/2007 10:54 PM

A penguin is taking a road trip when his car suddenly breaks down. Luckily
for him, he finds himself just down the street from a mechanic. So, he
pushes his car to the shop and asks the mechanic to take a look.

The mechanic tells him that it will probably take a little while to find the
problem and asks him to come back in an hour.

The penguin goes over to the supermarket, buys some frozen fish sticks and
some vanilla ice cream for lunch, and spends the rest of the hour hanging
out in the frozen foods section.

After the hour is up, he waddles over to the mechanic's shop. Seeing him
come in, the mechanic walks over, and wiping his hands on a rag, says,
"Looks like you've blown a seal."

The penguin blushes, wipes his beak with his flipper and says, "No, it's
just vanilla ice cream."

Kilgore Trout 173,958 15
07/22/2007 10:55 PM

How many jews can you fit in a VW bug?

54. Two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.

I don't know if it made the rounds in the rest of the country, but a few years ago, in Texas, that joke changed to "how many Branch Davidians cans you fit in a VW bug..."

Kilgore Trout 173,958 15
07/22/2007 10:57 PM

Chit's joke reminds me of a joke, which isn't really "off color" but I'm going to post it anyway.

The seven dwarfs went to church and sat in the back row. As the priest
was giving his sermon, Dopey raised his hand. "Yes, Dopey?" the preist
answered. "Father, are there any midget nuns in the parish?" "No, Dopey,
there are no midget nuns. Any other question?" "No, Father" So the priest
continues with his sermon. Minutes later, Dopey raises his hand again,
"Father, are there any midget nuns in the country?" "No, Dopey, I`m
afraid there aren't." The priest resumes his preaching. Dopey raises his
hand once more, "Father, are there any midget nuns in the world?" The
preist, a little exasperated at this point, exclaimed, "No, Dopey, there
are NO midget nuns in the whole world!!!!!!!" The other six dwarks looked
at Dopey and started chanting "Dopy Frosted a penguin, Dopey Frosted a
penguin!!".

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/22/2007 11:01 PM

Am I Chit now?

Napkin 30,762 12
07/22/2007 11:04 PM

No, you see, pizzas are alot like nuns.

TheFoye 55,700 16
07/22/2007 11:07 PM

My mistake.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
07/22/2007 11:09 PM

No, you see, pizzas are alot like nuns.

No, nuns do scream when you put them in the oven. Believe me, I know. Next time I'll put duct tape over her mouth.

HeBombedDamnIt 333 6
07/22/2007 11:16 PM

Babies only scream when you put them in the oven, if the oven is on.. hey,
--the more you know!

Chit 178,781 15
07/22/2007 11:17 PM

Why can't midgets wear tampons?


Cause the keep tripping on the string and falling on their Frost-ing huge midget heads.

Neophyte 9,956 11
07/22/2007 11:28 PM

"Why does the eyball go back to the spider?"

Empty Apples 184 5
07/22/2007 11:39 PM

I feel this is an appropriate time to post my favorite limerick. It was once recited to me in the middle of.. well, I'm sure you can guess.

"My back aches, my penis is sore,
I simply cannot screw any more.
I'm covered with sweat and you haven't come yet,
and MY GOD, it's a quarter to four."

Mark Walker 0 0
07/22/2007 11:49 PM

N00b.

chapmac 385 6
07/23/2007 12:27 AM

Mary Jane was playing in the park when a man ran up behind her and pointed a gun at her head and yelled, "Take of your panties NOW!"

Mary Jane just laughed and laughed because she knew her money was in her socks.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
07/23/2007 01:51 AM

What did the deaf, blind, and mute little boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas?

























Cancer.

HeBombedDamnIt 333 6
07/23/2007 01:54 AM

How to keep a n00b in suspense?

Dr. Hollis 7,284 14
07/23/2007 01:56 AM

What sucks the worst about being a black Jew?

Having to sit in the back of the oven.

ObeseExplosive 3,430 7
07/23/2007 02:07 AM

What did the nazi officer say when he threw a jewish baby out of a window.

See Hans i told it wouldn't bounce.

ObeseExplosive 3,430 7
07/23/2007 02:09 AM

you*

Kilgore Trout 173,958 15
07/23/2007 02:32 AM

Having to sit in the back of the oven.

Awesome.

Pram Maven 80,728 42
07/23/2007 03:36 AM

Little Johnny's mother taught him to say 'whisper' whenever he had to 'tinkle.' One day Little Johnny's grandpa paid them a visit. He was lying on the couch taking a nap when Little Johnny came up to him and said, "Grandpa, I have to whisper." Without opening his eyes, his grandpa said, "Whisper in my ear, son."

The Mailman, workal poster 176,454 56
07/23/2007 03:55 AM

- How does Billy know that his sister is on the rag?

- His father's dick tastes funny.

Skwach 2,480 11
07/23/2007 05:37 AM

There is a hippie riding a bus. The only other people on the bus are the bus driver, and a nun. The hippie is suddenly overcome with horniness and lust. He walks up to the nun and asks her if she'll Frost him. She of course refuses, and quickly gets off the bus. The bus driver calls the hippie up to the front and says, "I know how you can get that nun to Frost you. Every night at 10:00 she prays at the St. Peter statue in the nunnery. If you dress up like Jesus she'll do anything you want."

Well the hippie gets a hold of a pretty nifty Jesus costume. Well, sure as hell the nun is at the statue that night. The hippie pops out from behind it and proclaims, "I am Jesus! I demand you have sex with me!" The nun accepts, but asks if they can have anal sex so she can keep her virginity.

Well sex is sex he figures... so he does his thing with the nun, and when they're done he's feeling pretty good about himself, so he rips off his costume and triumphantly yells, "Ha ha! I am the hippie from the bus!"

The nun rips off her costume and responds, "Ha ha! I am the bus driver!"

Neophyte 9,956 11
07/23/2007 05:52 AM

There's that one........how does it go again......












.....Oh yeah,"HE'S A Ogden Nash!!!! HE'S A Ogden Nash!!!"

Thud 68,506 19
07/23/2007 05:56 AM

Taupe and Ecru walked into a bar...

Chit 178,781 15
07/23/2007 06:29 AM

So I told my girlfriend that I was going to Frost her between the tits.

She asked me, "How the hell are you going to make that feel good for me ?"

I replied, "Just before I shoot my load, I'll stop punching you in the face."

--Doug Stanhope

Chit 178,781 15
07/23/2007 06:32 AM

Q: What do you call an honest Arab businessman ?

A: Asif

Golden Words 977 9
07/23/2007 07:04 AM

[There were two nuns - one of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent...]

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives...

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: Logically he reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

Hammerhead. Accept no substitutes. 59,399 14
07/23/2007 07:31 AM

A man goes into a church and sees a young nun praying on her own. He's been a bit horny lately, and builds up the courage to ask the sister to help alleviate his issue. The sister, being new to the convent, and not unfamiliar with the world, agrees to blow him.

The man leaves satisfied, thanking the young sister profusely.

Several weeks later, he returns to the church once again to find the young sister, hoping that she'll help him again. He only finds the Mother Superior, but he's desperate, and wants to get rid of a raging case of blueballs.

Surprisingly, the Mother Superior agrees to blow him, but only because of the "medical" condition and pain. As she begins, she reaches up and starts to fondle his balls, in what little foreplay this act requires.

She asks, "Does this feel good?" to which the man replies, "Yes."

The Mother Superior still cradling his balls begins to clap, saying, "Now don't come back here again!"

Chit 178,781 15
07/23/2007 07:44 AM

I've posted this one here before but it's one of my favorites. So, for all you new folks then...


When George Burns was 97 years old he was interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Oprah asked," Mr. Burns, how do you carry so much energy with you? You are always working and at your age I think that is remarkable."

Mr. Burns said," I just take good care of myself and enjoy what I do when I do it."

Oprah said," I understand you still do the sex thing, even at your age."

George said, "Of course I still do the sex thing, and I'm quite good at it."

Oprah said, "I have never been with an older man, would you have sex with me?"

So they had sex and when they finished Oprah said, "I just don't believe it. I have never been so satisfied, you are a remarkable man."

George said," The second time is even better than the first time."

Oprah said, "You can really do it again at your age?"

George said, "Just let me sleep for 1/2 hour. You hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me up in thirty minutes."

When she woke him up, they again had great sex, and Oprah was beside herself with joy. She said, "Oh Mr. Burns, I am astounded that you could do a repeat performance and have it be better than the first time. At your age, Oh My!!!"

George said that the third time would be even better. "You just hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand and wake me again in thirty minutes."

Oprah said," Does me holding you like that kind of recharge your batteries?"

George said, "No, but the last time I had sex with a black woman she stole my wallet."

chapmac 385 6
07/23/2007 11:29 AM

So I told my girlfriend that I was going to Frost her between the tits.

Then she wiped off her chin and said with a grin, Chit baby can we do it again?

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
07/23/2007 04:38 PM

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?

He was looking for a tight seal.

Golden Words 977 9
07/23/2007 05:12 PM

Why don't Jews eat pork?

The Torah prohibits cannibalism.

Chix 286,556 61
07/23/2007 05:29 PM

A church woman is divorced by her husband and forced by necessity into a life of prostitution. Ms. Green, first name Tootie, was very remorseful about this but found she had quite a talent for the business.

Eventually, she was overcome with guilt and after a long Saturday night on the streetcorner, walked into the church service rather late, and was only able to get a seat on the front row.

She sat with her mini skirt and her legs slightly apart with her eyes closed listening to the soloist. During this, a ray of light broke through the stained glass window and fell right upon her crotch.

The music minister leaned over to the head pastor and asked, "Is that Tootie Green?" To which the pastor replied, "No, I think that's just the way the light iShakespeare-ing it."

.HC. 16,937 8
07/23/2007 06:19 PM

a twist on a previous one

Sum Ting Wong went for a job interview to be a secretary. When the
manager saw Sum Ting Wong's colorful attire and gold &
white-highlighted hair, his mind was screaming 'not this woman'.

Nevertheless, he still had to interview Sum Ting Wong. So he told Sum
Ting Wong, 'If you can form a sentence using the words that I give you, then maybe I will give you a chance!. The words are GREEN,PINK,
YELLOW, BLUE, WHITE, PURPLE and BLACK'.

Sum Ting Wong thought for a while and said : 'I hear the phone go GREEN
GREEN, GREEN, then I PINK up the phone and say YELLOW....BLUE's
that ? WHITE did you say? Aiyah, wrong number,lah.... Don't PURPLEly
disturb people and don't call BLACK, ok ?

Straw 98,005 37
07/23/2007 06:27 PM

So there's someone else out there that has used the word "tootie" as a slang term for vagina??

That's what I knew it as when I was a little girl, so watching The Facts of Life always made me giggle.

Chit 178,781 15
07/23/2007 06:36 PM

I originally heard this joke from Ollie, but it deserves to be posted in this thread.



Q: How do you get a faggot to have sex with a woman?



A: You Shakespeare in her vagina.

Robin® 14,626 10
07/23/2007 07:54 PM

<action>Courtesy of SR</action>
How do you make a girl cry twice?




Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

Le Buge 193 5
07/23/2007 09:42 PM

"Did you hear about the Jewish sports car? It can go 300 mph and stop on a dime, then pick it up."

Chit 178,781 15
07/23/2007 10:18 PM

How about "of color" jokes


You're so black, lightning bugs follow you around in the daytime.

You're so black, you could get a ticket for having tinted windows on a motorcycle.

--Chris Rock

Cmacker 5,303 10
07/23/2007 10:28 PM

You're so black, you went to night school and the teacher marked you absent.

Chit 178,781 15
07/23/2007 10:34 PM

OK, a few more of my favorites from the past.



So a big fat guy rolls out of the shower at the YMCA, and a friend sees him and asks,
"How Frost-ing long has it been since you have seen your dick ?"

The portly gentleman replies, "It's been a long Frost-ing time !"

The friend says to him, "Why dont you diet ?"

To which the fat guys asks, "Why...what color is it now ?"

Chit 178,781 15
07/23/2007 10:36 PM

A guy gets a new job on Thursday and works Friday, but on Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss is concerned so he asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of three men. I'd sure hate to lose him."

So on Tuesday the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem ? Anything we can help you with ? Drugs ? Alcohol ?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm Frost-ing her."

The boss says, "You Frost your sister ?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was Frost-ing sick."

.HC. 16,937 8
07/23/2007 10:39 PM

What's the best part of having sex with twenty-eight year olds?













A: There's twenty of them.

.HC. 16,937 8
07/23/2007 10:42 PM

You know you're black when you think a red traffic light is merely a suggestion.

.HC. 16,937 8
07/23/2007 10:48 PM

damn, Chit wants color.
hmm, okay, what do you get with 4 mexicans, a chinese man , and 3 black people?


A racist sprinkler:

Spick spick spick spick, CHINK, nigga nigga nigga

Cmacker 5,303 10
07/23/2007 10:53 PM

Why don't black women wear panties to picnics?

To keep the flies off the chicken.

KChikita carrying a large onion...eww... 128,339 98
07/23/2007 11:37 PM

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."

KChikita carrying a large onion...eww... 128,339 98
07/23/2007 11:39 PM

Q: What did the black kid get for Christmas?
A: Your TV.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
07/24/2007 12:50 AM

Q: What do you do when your dishwasher won't work?
A: Slap her!

Q: What do you do when your lawn mower won't work?
A: Offer him sex in exchange.

The Rockin' Donkey [\m<>m/] 77,546 17
07/24/2007 02:04 AM

What do you do if your wife is staggering around in the driveway?


Reload and shoot her again.

Aphrodite 2,261 13
07/24/2007 03:04 PM

What's black and blue and hates sex?

The little boy locked in my basement.