syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 04:00 AM

Unfortunately, Type B n00bs are not out of the woods yet. While some grow and overcome their initial stumbling blocks to become contributing members of the board, the majority languishes without the attention and praise lavished on them that they feel they deserve and that they see other n00bs who perform well receiving. They become desperate and latch on to whatever the hot joke of the day is without exploring the context fully to understand what makes it funny. They see "fag" or "Ogden Nash" appear in a thread and start their own thread bashing homosexuals and blacks to fit in (see also: Mark Walker syndrome). It is invariably unfunny, but they don't recognize it as such. It becomes a "me against the world" saga, and they take it upon themselves to right the warped perception of GAB.

Soon everything else ever posted is "not funny." They are the only ones with something meaningful to discuss, and they will soccermom the hell out of everyone else simply for posting (see also: mothcleaner syndrome). They become malcontents among misfits; elitist in their isolation they swear publicly that they embrace the shame of "not fitting in" because who on earth would want to "fit in" with a bunch of rejects like GAB? In fact they spend most nights weeping into a pillow on which they have cross-stitched Chi Chi Felipe's avatar.

What hope is there for these misanthropes? None that I really care to look into. If a bunch of strangers saying you don't have teh funny makes you lose your Shakespeare and start typing manifestos you're beyond help. But stick around. We need the fodder.

Virnomine 79,284 9
08/08/2007 04:04 AM

You owe me five minutes of your life for having read all that Shakespeare.

Also, Hyenas are natures Emersons.

Gorcky Thumpkat 41,022 10
08/08/2007 04:06 AM

I thought The Wall came down in like 88 or 89?

Chix bites his thumb at thee 237,984 14
08/08/2007 04:06 AM

(there isn't really a GAB analogy for hammerheads

Hammerhead is going to eat you alive.

Chix bites his thumb at thee 237,984 14
08/08/2007 04:07 AM

Custom icon and everything.

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 04:08 AM

One other observation: whenever a n00b has in their profile "I enjoy a good laugh!" or "I love any type of comedy" they invariably are horribly unfunny.

Gorcky Thumpkat 41,022 10
08/08/2007 04:11 AM

I am really much funnier than anything I say would ever lead you to believe.

Does that count?

Tweak 18,660 6
08/08/2007 04:15 AM

One other observation: whenever a n00b has in their profile "I enjoy a good laugh!" or "I love any type of comedy" they invariably are horribly unfunny.<action>quickly edits his profile. Looks shifty.

Phuc 231,241 13
08/08/2007 05:08 AM

Hammerhead is going to eat you alive.

From looks of him, he already did that ten times over.

Ditdah 115,019 10
08/08/2007 05:10 AM

I don't understand. You don't think it's funny that Mark Walker has only known me for 24 hours yet feels the need to bash me in 75% of his posts?

Spicey McHaggis 102,755 13
08/08/2007 05:11 AM

You forgot Type C - the speedy, hungry kid type.

420superbluntProllythebiggestpimp 65,909 8
08/08/2007 05:13 AM

You guys like Fear Factor? That Shakespeare is off tha chain!

That's What She Said 14,572 8
08/08/2007 05:13 AM

What does "That's What She Said" syndrome consist of?

BlaiseMilla 65,909 8
08/08/2007 05:14 AM

Warts

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 05:14 AM

Let's see...I've never really talked to Ditdah, but I saw in another thread that she's a lesbian (or at least claimed to be on the internet), so...

SHUT UP YOU STUPID MAN-HATING DYKE WHORE!


hahahahahahaha!

BlaiseMilla 65,909 8
08/08/2007 05:18 AM

There's also a species of poster who only posts in the articles. On the rare occasions I read an article, I'm surprised by these little conversations and arguments going on between people I've never heard of.

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 05:26 AM

I am really much funnier than anything I say would ever lead you to believe.

Does that count?

More than being unfunny, they tend to be the ones who get offended easily or start acting pissy because no one "gets their humor."

Some people here think I'm astonishingly unfunny, but I never launched any diatribes about it.

That's What She Said 14,572 8
08/08/2007 05:29 AM

Say whatever happened to that SeanQ jackoff?? I think he falls into his own catagory, too

Phuc 231,241 13
08/08/2007 05:29 AM

What does "That's What She Said" syndrome consist of?

Something to do with squealing, Hello Kitty, and John Mayer posters.

BlaiseMilla 65,909 8
08/08/2007 05:30 AM

Mostly, I wish mojo-jojo would post more.
Post something mojo-jojo, now!

Sean Q. 65,909 8
08/08/2007 05:32 AM

I brought this place to its knees by cracking the top secret super-code. I'm now deciphering the back of a Fruity Pebbles box to see where Barney hid the cereal.

Virnomine 79,284 9
08/08/2007 05:34 AM

Blaise is right about the article thing though. It's odd, it's like a queer getting Playboy, he really is reading it for the articles.

KChikita and a 6 & 1/2 inch...umm...zucchini? 50,379 11
08/08/2007 05:38 AM

In fact they spend most nights weeping into a pillow on which they have cross-stitched Chi Chi Felipe's avatar.

This is my favorite quote from GAB today.

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 05:40 AM

I have a lot of those pillows left over if you're interested in buying one.

See the Chickens Dance 237,984 14
08/08/2007 05:40 AM

That's What She Said Syndrome

KChikita and a 6 & 1/2 inch...umm...zucchini? 50,379 11
08/08/2007 05:41 AM

<action>hugs her soggy Chi-Chi Felipe pillow tighter.</action>

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 05:41 AM

<action>douses his eyes with holy water/rubbing alcohol cocktail, lights them on fire, and skewers them with kabob sticks.</action>

That's What She Said 14,572 8
08/08/2007 05:42 AM

My balls do NOT look like that!!!!

See the Chickens Dance 237,984 14
08/08/2007 05:43 AM

you're a guy?

That's What She Said 14,572 8
08/08/2007 05:45 AM

No. I am a beautiful lady.

</Trixxie>

Ditdah 115,019 10
08/08/2007 05:51 AM

I hate you, Chix.

See the Chickens Dance 237,984 14
08/08/2007 05:58 AM

I haven't done that since you left, Dit, just so's you know.

Welcome back.

Ditdah 115,019 10
08/08/2007 06:02 AM

Look at other men's balls?

Glad to know I inspire gayness wherever I go.

See the Chickens Dance 237,984 14
08/08/2007 06:03 AM

ouch

Undies, the Craziest Person in the Universe! 72,813 16
08/08/2007 06:36 AM

they spend most nights weeping into a pillow on which they have cross-stitched Chi Chi Felipe's avatar.

Chance is not a noob.

Dave's not here 47,976 5
08/08/2007 07:26 AM

damn you chickens

Chit 163,802 10
08/08/2007 07:32 AM

OUCH!!

Frost-ing Scrote-Pox

Chit 163,802 10
08/08/2007 07:36 AM

BTW Syn,

Had you waited and posted this as an article, it would have easily been one of the best things I've read on ZUG in the last 6-10 months...maybe more.

Second only to your bit about the strip clup that took forever to appear as an article and you finally had to post it too in a thread.

Kudos bud

You have a gift!!

Les Manturd 218,994 13
08/08/2007 07:37 AM

That reminds me, I'm having pork chops for dinner.

Cinderblock 19,807 10
08/08/2007 08:00 AM

In fact they spend most nights weeping into a pillow on which they have cross-stitched Chi Chi Felipe's avatar.

SO not true!!!

...I knitted it.

By the way, how far to the sea?

Cinderblock 19,807 10
08/08/2007 08:01 AM

LOLZ teh gays r totally Frostin queer. PHUC IS GAY LOLZ

Type A?

Rene 1,538 7
08/08/2007 08:03 AM

<action>is tired of being ignored and chided gently to SYMT</action>

How do I get these melons into the tit album?

Chit 163,802 10
08/08/2007 08:08 AM

Send them to Chit4@earthlink.net and that should get the ball rolling.

Chit 163,802 10
08/08/2007 08:10 AM

Had you waited and posted this as an article, it would have easily been one of the best things I've read on ZUG in the last 6-10 months...maybe more.


I'm gonna feel like such an ass when I learn you cut and pasted the whole thing from the Dilbert Blog, aren't I?

TheFoye 53,734 10
08/08/2007 08:13 AM

Rene, if you send a picture of melons to me you get something in return.



I'm just sayin'.




By melons I mean tits, boobs, breasts. You clean minded people.

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 08:19 AM

Had you waited and posted this as an article, it would have easily been one of the best things I've read on ZUG in the last 6-10 months...maybe more.

...but because I didn't, it's not?

Thanks for the backhanded compliment, jerk.

Chit 163,802 10
08/08/2007 08:24 AM

I've read on ZUG


Instead, it was one of the better things I read on GAB.

Shell Belle 31,257 9
08/08/2007 08:36 AM

I love Syncope.

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 08:38 AM

I love Shell Belle.


In a "I would put it in your butt" sort of way.

Dr. Hollis 7,028 8
08/08/2007 08:54 AM

How interesting that Mark Walker hasn't posted in this thread.


Probably offed himself. Kudos, syncope!

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/08/2007 08:56 AM

Then there's the other type of GABber that posts a thread and, upon finding out it's very well-received, has to leave work early to masturbate for the rest of the day and revel in the adulation of internet strangers.

I don't have any examples though.

That's What She Said 14,572 8
08/08/2007 09:59 AM

That could be the "That's What She Said" n00b!

Chit 163,802 10
08/08/2007 10:05 AM

Send them to Chit4@earthlink.net and that should get the ball rolling.



Well Rene, it appears we are going to have to get the ball rolling without you...

Rene 1,538 7
08/08/2007 10:33 AM

I had the email prepared when Foye jumped in with an even better offer.

That's What She Said 14,572 8
08/08/2007 10:38 AM

Support the Troops!

Chit 163,802 10
08/08/2007 11:04 AM

I had the email prepared when Foye jumped in with an even better offer.


If I had known I would have offered you a picture of his dick too.

Cinderblock 19,807 10
08/08/2007 11:09 AM

Support the Troops!

Is that a euphamism for "Put on a bra, you dirty hippie"?

Dogs Akimbo 158,663 11
08/08/2007 02:08 PM

I'm with Chit on the whole Millie diving thing.


And, dude, would it hurt you to toss in a couple more carriage returns? It's like they're diamonds and you're yanking them out of your ass.

Lila Needs A Lot More Blue Clothing 78,460 11
08/08/2007 02:09 PM

Something to do with squealing, Hello Kitty, and John Mayer posters.

HEEEY! Just because I said I'd have sex with the guy doesn't lump me in with a buncha posers!

Dr. Hollis 7,028 8
08/08/2007 02:11 PM

I read Lila's "HEEEY" and saw it as "HEELY."
I swear I will slap the next kid who cuts me off in the mall on those stupid roller shoes.

Thud 53,078 10
08/08/2007 02:11 PM

Oof.

Phuc 231,241 13
08/08/2007 10:37 PM

HEEEY!

You just need to admit that your favoritest rawk star is all over the trapper keepers of thousands of 14 year old girls.

Hammerhead. Accept no substitutes. 59,084 10
08/09/2007 04:38 AM

Great job, Syn.

Chix, I'm sure that was the point.

Al, Frost you, gook boy. Go back to your rat spleen and pig sphincter salad.

Phuc 231,241 13
08/09/2007 05:22 AM

Suck it, one-trick crying baby fatpony.

syncope the sialagogic 43,802 9
08/09/2007 05:05 AM

Hey! There's a guy named Hammerhead here! I should've used him in that post!

Hammerhead. Accept no substitutes. 59,084 10
08/09/2007 05:36 AM

Al's just angry that they ran out of the dog colon tartar at lunch today. You pinko commie bastard.

Phuc 231,241 13
08/09/2007 05:38 AM

Your style of kissing my ass has really changed. It's almost like you have a spine now.

Dread Pirate Sunshine: Scourge of the internet 8,410 7
08/09/2007 05:45 AM

It's kind of like baby sea turtles

you mean they're slow, ugly and can't eat with there hands?

Hammerhead. Accept no substitutes. 59,084 10
08/09/2007 06:00 AM

Don't talk to me about spines. The only time you use yours is when you toss it into the stew pot to make broth.

Phuc 231,241 13
08/09/2007 06:06 AM

When your welfare check runs out, you'll be begging me for a bowl of this delicious spine n' foot soup.

KChikita has a 10-inch baby in there??! 50,379 11
08/09/2007 06:18 AM

I seem to have lost track of the meaning of this thread.

Ooo, look! Crayons!

Phuc 231,241 13
08/09/2007 06:22 AM

Something about that guy who says "DynoMITE!"

The Devine Miss M 245 6
08/10/2007 12:36 PM

Something to do with squealing, Hello Kitty, and John Mayer posters.


I LOVE Hello Kitty!!!

shadesofgrey 5,426 5
08/10/2007 12:54 PM

Seal Spine


Boil the spine meat with garlic and onions, salt and
pepper. until meat is tender. Boil approximately 45
minutes. Safe for consumption if the seal is fresh and
properly prepared.

Find other delicious Native Alaskan recipes such as:
PICKLED FISH EGGS
SEAL GUT SAUSAGE
FERMENTED SALTED HUMPY
and WATERMELON BERRY GREENS here.

Phla Mignon: Partially Chewed 102,987 12
08/10/2007 01:06 PM

From that website:

Dig a hole in the ground. Line the hole with layers of
birch bark or dried grass. Place two or three layers
of filleted fish in the lined hole. Cover with bark or grass.
Fill the hole with dirt and leave for approximately 21
days until the fish has jellied. Remove and eat.

So. Aroungrauseated.

Miss. All White Meat Trixxie 64,454 13
08/11/2007 05:22 AM

I wish the threads from when I first introduced myself to the GAB collective could still be accessed.

Miss. All White Meat Trixxie 64,454 13
08/11/2007 05:25 AM

And those ball knobs are caused by scabies and even after you kill the Frosters the knobs take forever to go away. I heard.

peoriagrace 5,962 9
08/11/2007 06:40 AM

I thought those ball knobs were for decoration/stimulation. He could use a ball lift though his sack is a bit saggy.

Neophyte 9,610 7
08/11/2007 08:27 AM

I thought we were talking about a specific ballknob, named mark walker.

YeOleSmurf 297 3
08/11/2007 05:10 PM

Complete this analogy:

N00bs:ZUG

_____: America

A. Mexicans
B. Alaskans
C. Russians
D. Homosexuals

Dr. Hollis 7,028 8
08/12/2007 05:20 AM

E. All of the above

The British Guy 398 3
08/12/2007 06:15 AM

WAIT!!!!!!!!!




Who is Al?

Mark Walker 0 0
08/12/2007 06:54 AM

No, you're all wrong, Ditdah's a huge gay Ogden Nash and I'm freaking hilarious.

The Rockin' Donkey [\m<>m/] 76,817 12
08/12/2007 07:19 AM

...and the moron opens his mouth to prove the theorem.

Neophyte 9,610 7
08/12/2007 07:24 AM

...that's great but how do we kill it?

Jep Bush 57,795 10
08/12/2007 07:29 AM

Who the hell is Mark Walker and, more importantly, why should I care?

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy Jr. 175,334 10
08/12/2007 07:31 AM

Johnny's retarded brother that was kept in the basement and molested by priests and one-armed midgets named "Sparky".

Jep Bush 57,795 10
08/12/2007 07:33 AM

In other words, I shouldn't really care.

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy Jr. 175,334 10
08/12/2007 07:34 AM

Don't ask me, I haven't been around much.

Jep Bush 57,795 10
08/12/2007 07:36 AM

Me neither. Been disbarred for sexual misconduct yet? Have they found Erika's body?

Now, THAT's stuff I do care about since, after her case of rigor mortis clears up, I bet that chick still has a few good miles on her (I hear Smirnoff is a wonderful preservative).

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy Jr. 175,334 10
08/12/2007 07:36 AM

I'm sorry Jep. How I should have answered is, "Probably not, but since I haven't been around much, I am guessing this is the newest 'I am craving any type of attention I can get, even if its negative, because my parents never loved me, but my music rocks' type of poster."

The Rev. Dr. Big Irish Guy Jr. 175,334 10
08/12/2007 07:38 AM

I haven't been on HoB too much either, so I don't know what the resident mafia princess is doing.

I texted her on her birthday and she isn't dead, so I can go back to stalking her now that I have some time on my hands.

Dr. Hollis 7,028 8
08/12/2007 08:04 AM

No, you're all wrong, Ditdah's a huge gay Ogden Nash and I'm freaking hilarious.

Yeah, and I had a lezzy threesome with Lila and Jane. Seriously.

Jep Bush 57,795 10
08/12/2007 08:26 AM

Seriously?

Video Gamer 0 0
08/12/2007 09:04 AM

I'll go with 420 bob.

Neophyte 9,610 7
08/12/2007 09:20 AM

"Hi, I'm Mark Walker and I suck anusballs. I'm not very funny, although I try hard as hell, so feel free to flame me as I won't care and will probably keep on typing in the footsteps of those who came before me (Johny Kielbasa, Pram, Nathyn and assorted others...)

Good day."

Interesting profile mark.





...now die.




..oh, and anusballs? That's mine now punk.

Neophyte 9,610 7
08/12/2007 09:20 AM

....unless you make it your username.

Mark Walker 0 0
08/12/2007 01:49 PM

My first post in this thread was obviously me imitating the inaccurate image you've conceptualized about me.

Mark Walker 0 0
08/12/2007 01:59 PM

I am not an unintelligent person per say, but rather a person unfamiliar with the proper execution of online comedy as well as just plain comedy.

Therefore my objective here is to hone my comedic skills through trial and error, albeit a risky decision, but one that has a plausible chance of success.


If not, I still have the fortune to view the lush imagery and complex witticisms provided by this amazing group of intelligent people. And for that, I thank you all.

redwing 1,935 10
08/12/2007 02:08 PM

I have heard this before. Possibly around thanksgiving time?

Whistler P. McManus 141,301 23
08/12/2007 02:16 PM

He could use a ball lift though his sack is a bit saggy.


I didn't think it looked saggy. Yeah! Saggy!

Nathodamus 0 0
08/12/2007 05:46 PM

Frost all of you n00bs.

I get banned, what do I get?
I-I get banned, what do I get? I get it-
I get banned, what do I get?
what-what do I get? what-what do I get? I get it

everybody here would unanimously agree that I suck
I still don't know who bans me, is it Chi-Chi or Phuc?
is it because I posted Andi, or because I'm a schmuck
I guess when it comes to gabbing, I'm Shakespeare out o' luck
but I still don't give up, I don't know why I do what I do
I guess I keep on doing it 'cuz I like screwing with you
to give you that feeling you get from deleting my posts
disappear for half a year, then appear a fleeting ghost
I'm the most def, even though I never get my toes wet
I can't believe this thread hasn't even been closed yet!
I'm such a narc, just search for "I" in here with ctrl+f
blah... I'm so Frost-ing into me I could do this for infinity
actually at least until the day my penis splits in three
I'm a nimble prick, a simple threat with a triple-dick
I'll spread John's salad bowl thick with my venigarette!
smoke on a cigarette, grab your Poe I'ma get it wet
a menace who'd shove a tennis racket up a bitches slit
that's what I am, and if you don't like it you can bite it
proof? my six inch long white dick strongly provides it

Nathodamus 0 0
08/12/2007 05:47 PM

SMYT and STFU I don't have time to talk silly
I'm worse than I was before, what do you want Millie?
yes Phuc, a custom icon is something I'd gladly have
your mere jokes are but vaginal fluid to my maxi pad
I'm super adsorbant, so fresh like a brand new Kotex
ready to lead the n00b army into unorganized protest
just to show them that I'm the God of all that is Gab
since september of '05 I've been striving to get that
but I never will, because it isn't real, what's the deal?
don't even get to offer your final decision an appeal?
no, because you aren't fair, I'm not even really there
I'm just a figment of your imagination gasping for air-
so suck on my bare bones as I dissipate into air alone
I'm always here just underneath a veal within my home
watching you quitely while preparing to strike at thee
I don't even know why I do it, maybe I just like to be-

ba-banned, what do I get?
I-I get banned, what do I get? I get it-
I get banned, what do I get?
what-what do I get? what-what do I get? I get it
banned

again and again. I have so many dead profiles it's unbelieveable... Shakespeare I don't even rember half of em... look me up:

Some moron
GABbing since 2005



I'm Gab bitch!

peoriagrace 5,962 9
08/17/2007 12:05 PM

So whistler, they do have testicle bras to help keep you up and also testicle bleach in case you don't like the color of your testicles. The internets anything you can think of; for sale.

Foxish Bob 44 3
08/20/2007 06:49 AM

Nathodamus, y'might want to go back to lurking, at least until you develop an actual sense of humour.

It should be the talk of the retirement home.

Ditdah 115,019 10
08/20/2007 07:40 AM

Hey New People!

Nathyn is an idiot who was banned. He shows up all the time under new names, but it usually has something like "nate" in it. Nathodamus is him. If you don't remember the name, just remember that he raps almost as well as Vanilla Ice.

If you see him, don't egg him on. Ignore him. And send an email to Phuc telling him the Rappin Retard is back, and Phuc will work his magic and make him go away again.

Unless you really LIKE Vanilla Ice. In which case we need to know so we can make fun of you.

Pickle Sniffer - Reformed 1,581 3
07/29/2008 07:11 PM

Sink O' Pee wrote this almost a year ago. As I sat here reading it, I got all choked up, realizing that I am mostly a type B, with a little type A thrown in too. Later on in the thread he said:

Then there's the other type of GABber that posts a thread and, upon finding out it's very well-received, has to leave work early to masturbate for the rest of the day and revel in the adulation of internet strangers

and I realized that he has me nailed down tight. So, as unfunny as my post is, in a thread that is nearly a year old, and therefore by posting in it I am running afoul of a GAB law or two, I just have to say right on Sink O' Pee; you got me. ( I SWEAR I am not kissing ass here either.)

Chance 168,206 11
07/29/2008 07:40 PM

they spend most nights weeping into a pillow on which they have cross-stitched Chi Chi Felipe's avatar.

What I do on a Saturday night is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! DO YOU HEAR ME? Besides, one day he will love me back and then who will have the last laugh? HUH?

One day he will be mine, oh yes he will be mine.

Mental note: Make room in the basement for extra man.

Chance 168,206 11
07/29/2008 08:08 PM

they spend most nights weeping into a pillow on which they have cross-stitched Phuc's avatar.

What I do on a Saturday night is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! DO YOU HEAR ME? Besides, one day he will love me back and then who will have the last laugh? HUH?

One day he will be mine, oh yes he will be mine.

Mental note: Make room in the basement for extra man.

Pickle Sniffer - Reformed 1,581 3
07/29/2008 08:13 PM

Chance -you are still beautiful; even after the big eye make over.

Your honor, we find the defendant: Ravos 34,133 10
07/29/2008 08:14 PM

they spend most nights weeping into a pillow on which they have cross-stitched Ravos' avatar

I fixed it for you chance. Don't try to hide your love for me.

Joo McManus 14,845 9
07/29/2008 08:36 PM

I don't understand what Mark Wahlberg has to do with Gabber n00bs.

Chance 168,206 11
07/29/2008 08:40 PM

Wahlberg.


*faints*

Fezig - the other Mike Rowe 3,599 5
07/29/2008 10:08 PM

Until this post I never heard of Mark. After looking at his profile and reading his postings above clearly he has inadequacy issues and possibly and looks at his mother in oversexual manner. If he would simply admit his problems and addictions to midget and goat porn, then he could being the recovery process and actually learn to become a successful member of society and Gab.











Or he may just be an ignorant n00b who needs to be slapped around with a fish or two.

underWhere? 72,813 16
07/30/2008 06:02 PM

I was going to have a pic of Chance's vajayjay cross-stitched, but I couldn't find a pillow large enough.

Squiirly 25,487 8
07/30/2008 06:23 PM

I was going to have a Blanket knitted that said Zug.com, but I couldn't find any talking yarn.

Nathynautilus 0 0
03/18/2009 11:31 AM

 Read this entire thread n00b's. It's do a world of good for you.

Nathynautilus 0 0
03/18/2009 11:33 AM

 *it'll*

it will