Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/16/2007 04:35 PM

Q: What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

A: A pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/16/2007 04:35 PM

Q: What would you call the Flintstones if they were black?

A: Ogden Nashes.

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/16/2007 04:39 PM

What's one arab on the moon?
A problem.
10 arabs on the moon?
More problems.
100 arabs on the moon?
A large problem.
1000 arabs on the moon?
Really big problem.
1000000 arabs on the moon?
A massive problem.
All the arabs on the moon?
Problem solved!

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/16/2007 04:40 PM

Q: Who's the best Jewish cook?

A: Hitler.

Les Manturd 278,229 52
08/16/2007 04:42 PM

Q: How come Skippy never farts?
A: He never shuts up long enough to build up any pressure.

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/16/2007 04:44 PM

One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab. A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.

When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you."

She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everything."

The cab driver then said, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun give me a blow job."

She said, "Well, perhaps we can work something out under two conditions. You have to be single, and you have to be Catholic."

Immediately the cab driver said, "Oh, yes! I'm single and I'm Catholic!"

The nun said, "Okay, pull into that alley."

The cab driver pulled into the alley and the nun went to work. Shortly afterwards, the cab driver started crying.

The nun said, "My child, what's the matter?"

He said tearfully, "Sister, I have sinned. I lied, I lied...I'm married and I'm Jewish!"

The nun replied, "That's okay. My name's Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party!"

Phuc 237,688 20
08/16/2007 04:46 PM

Chicken butt.

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/16/2007 04:47 PM

One day Superman is really horny and sees Wonder Woman sunbathing on a beach naked! He gets an idea... "They've always said I'm faster than a speeding bullet and I've always wondered what she'd be like with all her powers. So he zooms down and does her in a flash and is gone before anyone can notice. All of a sudden WonderWoman sits up and says, "What the Frost was that!?!". Then the Invisible Man gets off her and replies, "I don't know but my ass hurts like hell!"

Virnomine: Got the 'tussin 79,379 11
08/16/2007 05:50 PM

Man, someone just read through all their old Mad magazines.

You want a joke? My penis, there's a joke for you.

drworm979 436 5
08/16/2007 05:55 PM

Q: What's worse than a chauvinist man?


A: A woman that doesn't do what the Frost she is told!

Taco Crunch, vitriolic dick. 61,967 36
08/16/2007 05:55 PM

Q. What do you call a black guy flying an airplane?




A. A pilot, you Frost-ing racist.

BlaiseMilla 66,795 11
08/16/2007 05:56 PM

What did Helen Keller say when she fell off the bridge?

Nothing, she had mittens on.

Spicey McHaggis 115,035 34
08/16/2007 05:57 PM

Dammit, TPP! I was going to post that!

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/16/2007 05:58 PM

You want a joke? My penis, there's a joke for you.

The shame must be too much for you. Walk off a building. Now that's funny.

Virnomine: Got the 'tussin 79,379 11
08/16/2007 05:58 PM

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?

Because she's a woman.

Teh Porn Producer 7,627 9
08/16/2007 06:03 PM

Dammit, TPP! I was going to post that!

It took me a good few minutes to realize that the ! was linked. In any case, your version was better. Mine was like the For Dummies Edition.

100% Concentrated Doug 67 5
08/16/2007 06:07 PM

After a U.N. Meeting, the Iranian representative goes up to George W. Bush. he says "my son, he loves the show, Star Trek. But he is Confused, there is no Iranian character. there is Sulu, who is Japaneses, and Checkov, who is Russian. but no Iranian Characters, he wants me to ask you why". President Bush replies "thats because it takes place in the future

The Mailman, workal poster 174,780 52
08/16/2007 06:11 PM

Jeff Goldblum.

Virnomine: Got the 'tussin 79,379 11
08/16/2007 06:13 PM

Cuba Gooding's and Halle Berry's Oscars.

Les Manturd 278,229 52
08/16/2007 06:25 PM

Mine was like the For Dummies Edition.

Well at least you know your audience.

Les Manturd 278,229 52
08/16/2007 06:27 PM

Q: Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?










































A: To stay dry, duh.

Les Manturd 278,229 52
08/16/2007 06:27 PM

Wait, I don't think I'm telling it right.

drworm979 436 5
08/16/2007 06:31 PM

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, 10 Miles.

He thinks it's a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought. Soon he sees another sign, which says: Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution, Next Right.

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: Sisters of St. Francis.

He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?".

He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."

"Very well, my son. Please follow me."

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup, instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway".

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign: Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed By The Sisters of St. Francis. Serves You Right, You Sinner!

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
08/16/2007 06:36 PM

Sister Mary Francis and Sister Catherine Elizabeth are driving down the street when a Vampire jumps on the hood of their car. Sister Catherine Elizabeth screams "Sister Mary Francis show him your Cross!" Sister Mary Francis leans out the window of the car and says "Hey Vampire, GET THE Frost OFF MY CAR!"

100% 67 5
08/16/2007 06:39 PM

Sex is like a card game.

if you don't have a partner, you better have a good hand!

Les Manturd 278,229 52
08/16/2007 06:44 PM

Sister Mary Francis and Sister Catherine Elizabeth are driving down the street when a Vampire jumps on the hood of their car. Sister Catherine Elizabeth screams "Sister Mary Francis show him your Cross!" Sister Mary Francis leans out the window of the car and says "Hey Vampire, GET THE Frost OFF MY CAR!" both of them start hitting on me, rather inappropriately too, I might add.

Rene 1,796 10
08/16/2007 06:50 PM

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $3.50

Hand Job: $10.00

After checking his wallet, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three beautiful blondes serving drinks to a wide eyed group of men.

"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?"

"I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

"Yes" she purrs "I am."

The man replies "Well wash your Frost-ing hands, I want a cheese sandwich."

drworm979 436 5
08/16/2007 07:01 PM

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

drworm979 436 5
08/16/2007 07:25 PM

Q:Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A:Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q:How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A:When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q:How do you fix a woman's watch?
A:You don't. There is a clock on the oven

Phuc 237,688 20
08/16/2007 07:46 PM

Trixxie walks into a delicatessen and says to the girl behind the counter, "I'd like your biggest stick of pepperoni, please. mmmhmmmhmmmmm."

The girl says, "Certainly, sir. Would you like it cut into slices?"

Trixxie glares at her indignantly and says, "What does my ass look like--a piggy bank??!!?eleven!?"

Shell Belle 76,937 24
08/16/2007 08:31 PM

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him, shakes his head, and says, "Sorry, we don't allow mushrooms in here."

The mushroom replies, "Aww, come on. I'm a real fungi!"

Chit 178,153 15
08/16/2007 09:42 PM

In just a couple of weeks, the new movie "Underdog" comes out.

It's a dog with super powers that fights criminals.

That's gotta be Michael Vick's worst nightmare.

--Leno