Chickens VonGoatherd 286,556 61
09/07/2007 04:18 PM

Q. What's it's title?

A: Whack me off, before you go-go.

Chickens VonGoatherd 286,556 61
09/07/2007 04:18 PM

-first episode of The Office

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
09/07/2007 04:30 PM

My girlfriend told her grade 4 class this week "Today we're going to learn about margins. Margins, not margarine" and they laughed for about two minutes.

Until now, I was unaware that there's a group in society with less sophisticated taste in humor than GAB.

The Jerk 6,311 9
09/07/2007 04:41 PM

Q: How do you kill a circus?

A: Go for the juggler.

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
09/07/2007 05:12 PM

What is green and has wheels?




Grass. I lied about the wheels.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
09/07/2007 05:23 PM

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow whMOOOO

Happy PhartSack 13,792 15
09/07/2007 05:28 PM

<action>drags out only bad joke I know again</action>


Why do you wrap your hamster in Duct Tape?







So it doesn't explode when you Frost it...

Rene 1,810 11
09/07/2007 05:28 PM

Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle

dropkick brody 43,090 12
09/07/2007 05:32 PM

Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?

Because he had noBODY to go with.

..
I heart crap jokes.

McPants looks good on the dancefloor 19,555 11
09/07/2007 05:33 PM

Why do they only put 239 beans into every can of beans?

Because otherwise it'd be 240!

Rene 1,810 11
09/07/2007 05:45 PM

When someone soccermoms your intentionally bad joke, does it mean that they thought it was in fact a pretty good joke?

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
09/07/2007 06:01 PM

What is big, red and eats rocks?



A big red rock eater.

Chickens VonGoatherd 286,556 61
09/07/2007 06:03 PM

Joe, that joke was on the cover of the first joke book I was ever given. I can still remember the cover art was a dinosaur eating rocks.

Chickens VonGoatherd 286,556 61
09/07/2007 06:05 PM

Holy Crap, it's apparently a classic.

Shep - best served chilled 619 6
09/07/2007 06:05 PM

Why did the squirrel cross the road?

His Coleridge was stuck in the chicken.

Chit 178,781 15
09/07/2007 06:15 PM

I actually dig this one...


A guy kicking back at his home hears a knock at the door. He gets up and opens the door, only to find a little garden snail just sitting there on the door mat.

He picks up the snail, looks at it, and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later, he hears another knock on his door. He opens it and again sees a small snail just sitting on the door mat.

The snail looks up at him and says, "What the Frost was that all about?"

Virnomine 79,386 11
09/07/2007 06:21 PM

What time are you supposed to go to the dentist?

2:30.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
09/07/2007 06:36 PM

There once was a green man who lived in a green house. He was having a shower in his green bathroom, when he heard a knock on his green door.

So he wraps his green towel around his green self and runs downstairs. As he opens the door his towel slips. The person who was at the door runs across the road in fright and gets knocked down.

Moral: don't cross the road when the green man is flashing.

Cmacker 5,303 10
09/07/2007 09:51 PM

2:30.

That reminded me of the other day when I had my daughter and a couple of other kids from school in the back of my car. There's nothing more irritating than driving with a car full of 5 and 6 year olds.

They were all telling eachother jokes. My daughter shared this one:

"Why did the boy throw his clock out the window?

Because he wanted to see a clock fly!"

All the kids busted up laughing, and the little boy (who is sickeningly in love with my daughter) kept going on and on about how funny she is and how good she is at telling jokes.

Then I was all, "Yuk it up, Romeo. You're still not getting in her pants."

Undies, about to be a mommy again! 101,398 77
09/07/2007 09:56 PM

A man is walking down the street when he bumps into a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you three wishes, but in return I want to sleep with your wife."

The husband thinks for a while, then agrees, saying, "I want to be the best golfer in the world, live until I am 150 years old, and have an income of a million dollars per year for the rest of my life."

The genie nodded his head and says, "Done!"

After the genie has finished sleeping with the wife, he asks her, "So how long have you two been married?"

The wife replies "Three years."

The genie then asks "And how old is your husband?"

The wife replies "31 years old."

To which the genie responds, "And has he always believed in this genie stuff?"

KChikita - Contains 12 inches of future genius! 128,344 98
09/07/2007 09:57 PM

What's long, brown and sticky?



A stick!

KChikita - Contains 12 inches of future genius! 128,344 98
09/07/2007 10:02 PM

Two weasels are sitting together at a bar drinking and having a conversation. One weasel starts to get beligerent and finally yells, "Oh yeah?! Well, I Frosted your mother last night!"

The entire bar falls silent. The other weasel doesn't seem concerned and quietly continues to sip his Guinness (because weasels only drink Guinness).

The first weasel gets even more irate and yells at the other again, "Didn't you hear me? I Frosted your mother last night and she took it up the ass! What do you think of that, HUH??"

The first weasel puts down his pint and says, "Shaddup, Dad, you're drunk."

Cmacker 5,303 10
09/07/2007 10:11 PM

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One fish looks at the other and says, "Dam."

Phla Mignon: Partially Chewed 131,068 34
09/08/2007 05:22 PM

Two fish are in a tank. One fish looks at the other and says, "Hey, why don't we go look in the other fifteen thousand joke threads to see how this joke ends, because it's in every single one of them."

That's What She Said 27,416 24
09/08/2007 06:02 PM

A friend from high school used to make up random "jokes." This was one of his favorites:

Q: How many hamburgers can you fit in a doghouse?

A: Pickles don't sneeze!



$20 says Phla gets it.

Phla Mignon: Partially Chewed 131,068 34
09/08/2007 06:12 PM

I don't.

Pickles do sneeze.

Dogs Akimbo 211,588 32
09/08/2007 07:07 PM

Why can't you starve in the desert?


Because of all the sand which is there.

Black Betty (bam-ba-lam) 173,958 15
09/09/2007 06:18 AM

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most disgusting person in the world."

So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official, I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am now officially the smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says "Who the hell is Rosie O'Donnell?"

Black Betty (bam-ba-lam) 173,958 15
09/09/2007 06:20 AM

And when did BobJohnson start dating a fourth grader?

Black Betty (bam-ba-lam) 173,958 15
09/09/2007 06:21 AM

Well, I guess I should say, when did BobJohnson start openly dating a fourth grader?

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
09/10/2007 03:43 AM

An elderly couple were walking about the streets of their home, Moscow. They each feel drops of moisture on their faces. The man says that it is snowing, but his wife is convinced that it's raining. Finally, they see General Rudolph walking by, and the woman calls him over to settle the dispute. The general says it's definitely rain. The man doesn't believe him. Sighing, his wife tells him, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Chickens VonGoatherd 286,556 61
09/10/2007 02:48 PM

The royal family is sitting around the Christmas dinner table and they decide to play twenty questions.

Camilla Parker Bowles goes first and thinks of a black man's Coleridge.

Prince Charles asks if it is bigger than a bread box.

Camilla says yes.

Princess Alexandra asks if she can put it in her mouth.

Camilla answers yes.

The queen asks if it's a black man's Coleridge?

</also stolen from BBC's version of the Office>

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
09/10/2007 04:57 PM

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

KChikita - Contains 12 inches of future genius! 128,344 98
09/17/2007 12:22 AM

You know why the Chinese have slanty eyes, right?





From the flash.

Werehampsta 6,375 8
09/17/2007 01:32 AM

Shouldn't that be the Japanese?

Millie 116,988 28
09/17/2007 02:30 AM

Chickens, I heard that joke back in high school (well, an older version of it, but it was the Queen who guessed a big black Coleridge.) So The Office must have stolen it from someone else.

Pram 80,728 42
09/17/2007 08:38 AM

Q: What's white, creamy, and running down a men's bathroom wall.

A: George Michael's next release.

So let me get this "straight" (sorry George) it's white and creamy, and it's already running down a men's bathroom wall, but when he releases it, it's going to be white and creamy and running down a men's bathroom wall?

Have you discovered time travel?

The Baron Pitfall 490 11
09/17/2007 10:42 AM

What's the difference between an ice cube and a penis?

With ice cubes, you stick 'em in and let it get hard. With a penis, you have to let it get hard first.

Bean 8,602 19
09/17/2007 08:51 PM

There's nothing more irritating than driving with a car full of 5 and 6 year olds.

Try driving a school bus full of 60 or so 5-11 year olds.

Filly 39,193 20
09/17/2007 09:05 PM

This one's for Jep.

Q: How many batteries does it take to bring down U Michigan?
A: 1 AA.

kimberleygrace 12 6
09/18/2007 09:37 PM

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?


A. Ground beef.

Chickens don't usually get this old 286,556 61
05/11/2012 01:06 PM

Where does Virgin wool come from in Scotland ?


Ugly Sheep

Dasypygal 14,795 17
05/11/2012 02:07 PM

What do you call a cow that had an abortion?

Decalfinated.



What do you call the same cow that had a partial abortion?

Half-calf.



What do the other cows call that same cow?




A Frost-ing whore!

Turtle, on broken knee 42,578 26
05/11/2012 02:10 PM

I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.” I said, “I think my penis tastes funnye”

Turtle, on broken knee 42,578 26
05/11/2012 02:10 PM

I went to the doctor the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, and drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed, but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.” I said, “I think my penis tastes funnye”

Turtle, on broken knee 42,578 26
05/11/2012 02:11 PM

I went for a second opinion apparently

Chickens don't usually get this old 286,556 61
05/11/2012 02:17 PM

Well covered, Turtle.

Drewcifer is the devil... 46,324 58
05/11/2012 02:22 PM

A drunk staggers into the back of a taxi. He leans towards the driver and says, "Excuse me, have you got room for a lobster and 3 bottles of wine on your front seat?"

"I think so." says the driver.

"Good." replies the drunk and throws up.

Xothos 109 5
05/11/2012 03:38 PM

A bear and a rabbit are both taking a crap in the woods. (Assumedly in close proximity to each other, at least within earshot.)
The bear looks over at the rabbit with a panged look on his face and asks, "Do you have a problem with Shakespeare sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit responds with a confused look, "No."

So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with him. Ha.

Xothos 109 5
05/11/2012 03:51 PM

A guy buys his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Valentines. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "Wait a minute, I thought you told me before that she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles?"
"Well she did," he replied... "But just where the hell was I going to find a fake Jeep?!"

Xothos 109 5
05/11/2012 03:54 PM

Q: What's white and goes up?

A: A retarded snowflake!

(Worst bad joke of my life)

Whistler 186,130 44
05/11/2012 04:01 PM

That's offensive. We call them gentle snowflake snowflakes around here.

HighSoci 30,109 18
05/11/2012 05:51 PM

Q. Why isn't TSA catching any terrorists?


A. They don't screen passengers on Air Force One.

Suzy Creamcheese 3,007 9
05/11/2012 06:33 PM

Adam and Eve have sex for the first time. Eve goes off to wash up, and God comes down to Adam and asks him, "So, how was it?" Adam says, "WOW! It was amazing!" God asks Adam, "So, where's Eve?" "Oh, she's down at the stream washing up." God yells, "WHAT! Now I'll never get the smell off the fish!"

Dwezel 644 10
05/11/2012 08:40 PM

What did the ghost say to the bee?

Boo Bee.

Chickens don't usually get this old 286,556 61
05/12/2012 10:17 AM

Haboob Bee?

Dwezel 644 10
05/12/2012 10:29 AM

that would be what did Achmed's ghost say to the bee.

Dasypygal 14,795 17
05/12/2012 06:14 PM

The past, present, and future walked into a bar.



It was tense.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
05/14/2012 01:51 AM

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I was in a relationship with a bootlegger? She wasn't very attractive, but I loved her still.

Sprog 9,049 12
05/14/2012 03:51 AM

The wife opened her legs to reveal her crotchless knickers and said "Come and have a bit of this."
"Frost that!" I replied, "have you seen what it's done to your underwear?"

Dwezel 644 10
05/14/2012 08:09 AM

what did the cheerleaders left leg say to the right leg?

Nothing they never met.


What does a cheerleader wear behind her ear?

Her ankles.