mouth breather 558 5
09/12/2007 05:50 PM

The mother, who had turned to check on her baby in that instant, did a scene from the Exorcist. Her head spun around twice, she ran over to me and began beating me with her purse, all the while telling me she wanted to Frost me with a crucifix. Or something.

Of course I apologized my head off to the couple, but the wife didn't want to hear it. As she turned to her child to see if he was okay, she barked, "I can't believe anyone would be so stupid!"

Then I said it. I know the customer is always right, but it came bubbling out of me, "Well hopefully ma'am, I won't develop a taste for it."

The shocked look on her face was priceless. And I was preparing myself for the worst: another beating, them telling my manager, losing my job, etc. But the husband, bless him, started laughing. He thought it was funny.

So in the end, I kicked their baby in the face and sold them a TV.

Damn I'm good.

Phuc 237,919 21
09/12/2007 05:56 PM

Origins of Werehamster?

syncope's shooting meatloaf on your chest 49,019 14
09/12/2007 05:57 PM

Points for originality, but in the end you're a TV salesman.

I'll 5 you for a plasma-screen.

Neep is whooooooo 35,066 15
09/12/2007 05:59 PM

That's disgusting.

Do you know how many parents are on this board?

No one here appreciates such pathetic attempts at humour.

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,454 56
09/12/2007 06:10 PM

I have yet to receive a coveted 5-smiley rating and am saddened by this.

Try changing your nickname to something that doesn't look like "moth cleaner."

Thank you Boob Lady! 57,521 23
09/12/2007 06:10 PM

Now if you'd stuck your arm up its ass and moved it like a finger puppet that would've been a whole different story.

Cmacker 5,303 10
09/12/2007 06:13 PM

Big deal. Around here we steal, kill, rape and eat little babies.

Not necessarily in that order.

Strangely Compelling Bikini 62,262 18
09/12/2007 06:18 PM

So on the backswing of my nervous dance, I kicked the baby right in the softest part of its soft little forehead and its soft little face.


Actually, the so-called "soft spot" is on the top of the head, where the skull hasn't yet fully knit together, not on the face or forehead.


Also, you're gay for knowing the Charleston, and gayer dancing it when you're nervous.

Cmacker 5,303 10
09/12/2007 06:20 PM

Yes. That, and you work at Radio Shack.

mouth breather 558 5
09/12/2007 06:25 PM

Actually, the so-called "soft spot" is on the top of the head, where the skull hasn't yet fully knit together, not on the face or forehead.

All I know is that if I were to make my own Dr. Scholls type shoe inserts, I'd use baby faces.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
09/12/2007 06:29 PM

Extended warranty is for suckers.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
09/12/2007 06:31 PM

I just gave you a coveted 1-smiley for fun.
It's nothing personal, I'm sure you understand.

Lila Needs A Lot More Blue Clothing 78,555 13
09/12/2007 06:32 PM

I actually bought the first part until you detailed your "witty comeback" and watched your story derail.
No clickie for you yet, sir. No Coke - PEPSI!

mouth breather 67,044 13
09/12/2007 06:34 PM

You don't believe I would say something like that because it's so witty, or because you're a dumb ho?

mouth breather 67,044 13
09/12/2007 06:35 PM

That's what I THOUGHT!

Lila Needs A Lot More Blue Clothing 78,555 13
09/12/2007 06:35 PM

Blaise, will you marry me? I come to you with an instant kid. Just add water!

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
09/12/2007 06:37 PM

Lets just start with lots of casual sex.

mouth breather 558 5
09/12/2007 06:40 PM

Hey that wasn't me...someone loggged in under my name! I'm sure you're a dumb ho and all, but I wouldn't have said it.

BlaiseMilla 67,044 13
09/12/2007 06:41 PM

OMG!
:(
:)
;(
;0

Shell Belle 77,143 25
09/12/2007 06:56 PM

<i>I have a little nervous tick

Awww, how cute! What's the little guy's name?

Lila Needs A Lot More Blue Clothing 78,555 13
09/12/2007 07:02 PM

SPOOOON!!

Shell Belle 77,143 25
09/12/2007 07:04 PM

Apparently I have a nervous tic as well.

Schrodinger 35 5
09/12/2007 07:35 PM

On a similar note, I once accidentially punched my girlfriend's lesbian roomate in the face. Talk about a poor political move.

Jolson whips it good! 16,163 11
09/12/2007 08:44 PM

Brings a new definition to the phrase Violent Femme.

Miss. All White Meat Trixxie 65,026 15
09/12/2007 08:56 PM

Somebody call Pram's mother and confirm this story.

Phuc 237,919 21
09/12/2007 09:13 PM

SPOOOOOOOON
GUAAAAAAARD!!!!!!

Jaggy NINJA! 11,895 13
09/13/2007 05:49 AM

Big deal. Around here we steal, kill, rape and eat little babies.

Not necessarily in that order

Sounds like a pretty typical sequence to me.