Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 05:11 PM

Last night my 3 year old didn't want to go to bed. I told her she needed to because she was cranky and would be tired if she didn't. She became defiant and when I told her i wouldn't put her night time music on if she didn't go to bed now she looked right at me, said "Daddy, I'm not wearing a diaper" and then peed.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/10/2007 05:13 PM

Feh. Part-time parenting doesn't count.

That's like a college student trying to give advice about working.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 05:18 PM

So you're precluding yourself from this discussion?

SHP - black and white and scary n shit 181,795 70
10/10/2007 05:19 PM

I had a conference with my daughter's 1st grade teacher on Monday. She told me that my daughter was a joy to have in class, had great work habits, and said she'd love to have a class full of children just like her.

My son just started Junior High. All of his classes are Gifted/Talented and he's carrying an A in each class.

I was really tired last night so both of them happily ate cereal for dinner and my oldest locked up the house and turned out the lights before bed. He even asked me if he could get me anything, concerned that I was too tired to eat dinner myself.

My daughter drew an abstract butterfly in art class last week that is so beautiful, I am going to have it tattooed on my shoulder.

Parenthood: Don't say we didn't warn you!

The creepy Mailman reads your mail 176,459 56
10/10/2007 05:27 PM

<action>imagines the upcoming conversation between the 3-year old girl and her mother</action>
Daughter (smiling): Mommy! I did exactly what you told me and Daddy was furious!
Mommy (smiling even more): I am so proud of you! Here, have a candy!

Fanged Vampire Chicken 286,572 61
10/10/2007 05:28 PM

My daughter drew an abstract butterfly in art class last week that is so beautiful, I am going to have it tattooed on my shoulder.

I hung that kind of Shakespeare on the refrigerator, then saved the best of it in a scrapbook. SHP is hardcore.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 05:32 PM

I My wife hung that kind of Shakespeare on the refrigerator, then saved the best of it in a scrapbook. SHP is hardcore.

Fixed that for ya.

Fanged Vampire Chicken 286,572 61
10/10/2007 05:39 PM

good point

BlaiseMilla 67,049 13
10/10/2007 05:43 PM

Flying with little kids is always fun. Especially when you're at DFW and the flight is delayed for four hours.

Booberry 283,028 53
10/10/2007 05:48 PM

Hell, even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.

Fanged Vampire Chicken 286,572 61
10/10/2007 05:50 PM

Heh, Hen got caught in Detroit airport on the tarmac for 6 hours during a hurricane not too long after 9/11. They wouldn't let the passengers get off the plane as they would have to go through security again (which took hours back then) and the plane couldn't run the ac enough to keep the plane cool. There was no food on board except pretzels that ran out in the first hour. Our two kids handled it like troopers, but others' didn't. The other passengers got so pissed about this one kid screaming for like two hours that the stewardesses just gave up and started handing out free alcohol. Hen couldn't have any as she was traveling with the kids.

Then things got really ugly as everyone started getting plastered.

Hen was terrified.

Parenting rocks. Especially the part about me at home watching cable tv and drinking beer through the whole thing.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 05:50 PM

Flying with little kids is always fun. Especially when you're at DFW and the flight is delayed for four hours.

Three words: Nighttime Cough Syrup.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 05:55 PM

The best investment we made was in slings. You'd be surprised what kids will sleep through when they're stuffed in a cloth tube that makes it difficult to breath and cuts off circulation to half their body.

Count Vlademir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/10/2007 06:36 PM

Heh. When I was two I put a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the VCR and pressed PLAY. This was when VCRs were really new technology and very expensive, of course...

I don't remember much after that.

Count Vlademir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/10/2007 06:37 PM

Oh, and my dad totalled a brand-new car when he was six. It was parked at the top of a hill, and he somehow put it in gear while he was climbing out. That's a proud moment in family history.

Hell's Belle 77,143 25
10/10/2007 06:53 PM

I was going to post about how much I love being a parent and how my little ones bring nothing but sunshine and joy to my life. That is, until I just discovered that my son unraveled about 2 hours work on the baby blanket I'm crocheting.

I'll have to get back to you.

Marmite - freaking out since '79 12,955 12
10/10/2007 07:01 PM

I'm still trying to come to terms with the assumption that Skippy has actually Frosted a woman...

Undies, about to be a mommy again! 101,398 77
10/10/2007 07:26 PM

My son has decided he wants to be a cop. The only problem with this is that he's 18 and still doesn't have a license, is scared to hold a gun, and he has asthma so there's no way he can run and pass the physical part of the exam. In spite of all this, we're still traveling and looking at colleges, because his grades are high enough and it's good for his self-esteem.

The only positive part of this is that he will be paying for his own damn degree himself, so I won't be making his loan payments when he finally graduates from college and is asking people if they want fries with their Big Mac. However, I'm pretty sure he'll still be in my basement when he's 33.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 07:35 PM

Skippy has actually Frosted a woman...

Twice no less.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 07:35 PM

and it was the same woman!

Something Wicked This Trae Comes 156,790 17
10/10/2007 07:42 PM

My only advice is this: if you have a daughter and she's not a teenager yet, shoot yourself now.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 07:47 PM

Trae, has your mom ever said "payback's a bitch"?

Something Wicked This Trae Comes 156,790 17
10/10/2007 07:56 PM

Yes. Along with:

"You made her, deal with it."
"Now you know how I felt"
"No, I haven't seen your .45"

and my favorite

"Be glad you only had one."

Phucula 237,919 21
10/10/2007 07:57 PM

I'm gonna borrow Erika's dad's trick: When my girls bring a boy home, I'll be sitting at the table, cleaning my gun.

I'm glad I have an excuse for learning that rip-out-your-beating-heart karate.

Something Wicked This Trae Comes 156,790 17
10/10/2007 08:03 PM

My favorite line is:

"You have my daughter home by 10pm. If not, I really don't mind going BACK to prison."

Undies, about to be a mommy again! 101,398 77
10/10/2007 08:11 PM

I adopted my daughter when she was 10. So we had two good years before she turned into a raging bitch who hated me. Unless she needs a ride someplace, of course.

Good times.

Something Wicked This Trae Comes 156,790 17
10/10/2007 08:13 PM

So you're saying it gets better?

Or, I need to stock up on bullets?

Fezig working on baby 2.0 3,711 7
10/10/2007 08:18 PM

I am not sure what is scarier. The idea that Skippy has had sex or the fact that he has spawned.

Both will give me nightmares for many years.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/10/2007 08:21 PM

At least he's not raising them. Take comfort in that, Fez.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/10/2007 08:22 PM

I plan to have all of their embarrassing pictures and a lot of embarrassing stories ready. When the boys (or girls) come they'll be subjected to a tour before they can take my girls out. It will involve paper hats and a group sing-along.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/10/2007 08:24 PM

I'm going to invite Sage over for tea. That'll scare 'em away if my girls turn out to be straight or lesbian!

Hey There Trixxie Ghoul 65,026 15
10/10/2007 08:34 PM

Breeders are ruining the GAB

Fezig working on baby 2.0 3,711 7
10/10/2007 09:01 PM

At least he's not raising them. Take comfort in that, Fez.

Yes but he has continued to pass on his genetic material. Can you imagine what a teenage female version of Skipp would be like?

(Wait that would be Hillary Clinton)

That's enough to make me leave the country for the sake of my son.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/10/2007 09:07 PM

Breeders are ruining the GAB

Yes. They are. Frost-ing breeders.

Mr. Briham got a Chick Tract in his Halloween Bag 38,843 10
10/10/2007 09:32 PM

Hey, it could be worse.

Those ultra-breeders currently have 17 kids and still want more.

Count Vlademir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/10/2007 09:40 PM

I'm gonna borrow Erika's dad's trick: When my girls bring a boy home, I'll be sitting at the table, cleaning my gun.

My father has actually done that to my sister. Actually, it was my father, brothers, and cousin. Another time some guy brought my sister home right after my father and I had just butchered some turkeys. This guy pulls up, my sister gets out of the car, and my father walks over, still covered in blood from head to toe (the last one really struggled...). My sister said sarcastically, "So what have you been up to?" My dad got a wild look in his eye and said, "Your mother pissed me off for the last time!!!"

That guy never called my sister again...

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 01:10 AM

At least he's not raising them. Take comfort in that, Fez.

Well on average I have them over 50% of the time. This was suppose to be my off week where I'm only suppose to have them 2 nights and so far I've had them every night and I have to have them tomorrow so that'll be 5 counting sunday.

The High Priestess of Satan 58,948 29
10/11/2007 10:50 AM

Before we resoded our backyard my senior year in high school, it was really lumpy. Lots of oddly mishapen mounds. When ever a guy would come over my dad would put on his dirtiest clothes, grab the shovel and wait in the back yard. We'd (my sister and I) would have to bring the guy out back in introduce us to my dad while he was shoveling a new hole. He casually glance at the guy and ask how tall he was and then make the offhand comment "Yea, needs to be a little longer. Or I could just cut him in half like the last one."

I didn't date at all much

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 11:03 AM

My dad got a wild look in his eye and said, "Your mother pissed me off for the last time!!!"

If your dad was a chick who looked like the cheerleader in Death Proof, I'd totally do him.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 12:41 PM

Oh don't lie, you take anything you can get.

Sally 62,262 18
10/11/2007 12:47 PM

I'm gonna borrow Erika's dad's trick: When my girls bring a boy home, I'll be sitting at the table, cleaning my gun.


That won't work so well for the boys your daughters won't bring home to meet you, and those are the ones you really have to worry about anyway.



My mum thinks I had my first boyfriend when I was sixteen, my dad thinks it was eighteen.


Two of the boys I dated before then landed themselves in adult jail when they were still minors. Several more probably should have been sent there. My parents do not know this and I will never tell them because finally, my sister is going through a "difficult phase" and I'm enjoying being the easy-going, responsible, favourite child for once.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 01:16 PM

Two of the boys I dated before then landed themselves in adult jail when they were still minors. Several more probably should have been sent there.

Yeah, but we're talking Canadia here.

"I'm a jaywalker, Bikini. Always have been. Always will be.




...eh?"

Sally 62,262 18
10/11/2007 01:23 PM

Nice try, but jaywalking isn't illegal here.

Nachos 57,521 23
10/11/2007 01:27 PM

And I'm fairly sure that have sex with a moose is illegal in any country.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 01:30 PM

And I'm fairly sure that have sex with a moose is illegal in any country.

Tell that to Midge Klump.

Sally 62,262 18
10/11/2007 02:18 PM

The reason one of my ex's went to jail for the first time was actually kind of funny. In a twisted Gab way.


He robbed an old, elderly woman who lived alone and was confined to a wheelchair. Rather than just, say, entering her house quietly while she was asleep or at the doctors (no one locks their doors in Canada), he instead felt it necessary to wake her up by brandishing a kitchen knife in her face, pushed her down, and broke a window in his wild escape from her house with all the change from her night stand, and her bingo winnings that she kept in a jar in the kitchen.

She broke her wrist, called 911, and they picked him up at his house, which was about two blocks away. Since it wasn't his first offense, he got tried as an adult for armed robbery, bulked up in prison, beat some people up when he got out, and was sent back to jail for even longer.



All for less than a hundred dollars because the poor lady sucked at bingo.

Lila Has A Spawn Growing Inside of Her 78,555 13
10/11/2007 02:22 PM

I like how Skippy gets "weeks off" from his own children and how he "has to have them" extra days this week.
So glad my dad was absolutely nothing like him.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 02:26 PM

Actually I said "off week" and by off week I meant that I only watch them Tuesday, Thursday as apposed to Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. You dumb Carroll.

Lila Has A Spawn Growing Inside of Her 78,555 13
10/11/2007 02:27 PM

But you clearly stated that you have to have them this week, as if you were being forced to do something unpleasant. Such as read your own posts.

Stupid bastard.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 02:28 PM

Lila may be dumb and she may be a Carroll, but...

uhhh...


San Dimas High School football rules!!!

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 02:35 PM

But you clearly stated that you have to have them this week, as if you were being forced to do something unpleasant. Such as read your own posts.

Stupid bastard.

Are retarded? I said I had to have them tonight, the reason being that the ex has class until 9pm and so she can't pick them up so unless I want DCFS to take custody of them, they're my responsibility. Any it's none of your god damn business but I'm moving this weekend and I haven't had time to pack because I've had them since last Thursday and I can't pack my 1 room apartment w/ them there because they're Frost-ing sleeping in the bed and I don't want to wake them up.

My 5 year old can barely read and she's already surpassed your reading comprehension skills.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 02:36 PM

Are you retarded?

Lila Has A Spawn Growing Inside of Her 78,555 13
10/11/2007 02:38 PM

Not as retarded as someone who can't properly insult without a glaring typo.

Scarecrows puke straw 98,010 37
10/11/2007 02:40 PM

I remember when I was moving a few months ago, I played this game with my daughter where I would put stuff in a box and she would protest that she wanted to play with X item and take it out of the box and we would do this many times with many objects and then I would shoot myself. Haha, fun times.

Sally 62,262 18
10/11/2007 02:41 PM

Part-time parenting can be hard!


My mum had my sister and me weekdays and my dad took us on the weekends. It was hard for mum, because she missed us so much and knew we hated spending weekends with our dad, but she had to let him otherwise he'd stop paying child support payments and she wouldn't be able to afford to feed us, because she couldn't get a job, because our father would try to steal us while she was at work (no, my dad is not HighSoci, he's actually much crazier).

And it was hard for my dad, because my sister and I hated spending weekends with him, so we were completely hellish little terrors around him and impossible to control.

Little kids can be total bitches when they want to be.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 02:41 PM

Lila, I wanna be the godfather of your kid.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 02:44 PM

Skippy got 5-orbed. Straw must've logged in.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 02:45 PM

Part-time parenting can be hard!


My mum had my sister and me weekdays and my dad took us on the weekends. It was hard for mum, because she missed us so much and knew we hated spending weekends with our dad, but she had to let him otherwise he'd stop paying child support payments and she wouldn't be able to afford to feed us, because she couldn't get a job, because our father would try to steal us while she was at work (no, my dad is not HighSoci, he's actually much crazier).

And it was hard for my dad, because my sister and I hated spending weekends with him, so we were completely hellish little terrors around him and impossible to control.

Little kids can be total bitches when they want to be.

Heh. "Mum."

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 02:46 PM

I'll stop posting now.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 02:47 PM

OK. I lied.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 02:47 PM

You know what would rock for parenting?

Bringing back the codpiece.

Sally 62,262 18
10/11/2007 02:58 PM

Too many rednecks in a row!!

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 02:59 PM

Git a rope.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 03:00 PM

Lila, I wanna be the godfather of your kid.

Phuc, I hate to break it to you but godfathering has nothing to do with eating the child.

Robin© 14,626 10
10/11/2007 03:08 PM

Phuc, I hate to break it to you but godfathering has nothing to do with eating the child.

No but it does involve cutting off a horse's head. What do you think they did with the rest?

Scarecrows puke straw 98,010 37
10/11/2007 03:10 PM

Hey now! I am a generous clicker, but not an auto-clicker. There's a difference!

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 03:15 PM

Apparently my getting clicks chaps phuc's ass so whoever is clicking me, keep it up.

Hey There Trixxie Ghoul 65,026 15
10/11/2007 03:27 PM

Stop it!

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 03:48 PM

hey darlin'!

Fezig working on baby 2.0 3,711 7
10/11/2007 04:14 PM

Any it's none of your god damn business but I'm moving this weekend and I haven't had time to pack because I've had them since last Thursday and I can't pack my 1 room apartment w/ them there because they're breeding sleeping in the bed and I don't want to wake them up.

Your parents basement doesn't count as a 1 room apartment.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 04:16 PM

Life would be so much easier if that were true.

Fezig working on baby 2.0 3,711 7
10/11/2007 04:16 PM

San Dimas High School football rules!!!

Put them in the Iron Maiden.... EXCELLENT!!!

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 04:21 PM

You medieval dickweeds!!!

periodically bloody grace 6,166 11
10/11/2007 05:50 PM

Cap'n Peanutbutter; why don't you just hire some older kid to play with them, so you can pack when they are awake.

Joys of parenthood: your three asthmatic kids(12, 6,& 3) are still alive after a nasty bout with a lung infection(after several misdiagnosis) and many trips to the hospital and doctors, many doses of antibiotics and steroids, and weeks of sleepless nights.

Sally 62,262 18
10/11/2007 05:53 PM

Joys of parenthood: your three asthmatic kids(12, 6,& 3) are still alive


If you didn't want living kids, and can't be bothered to kill them off/sell them into slave labour/harvest their organs, why the hell did you have so many?

periodically bloody grace 6,166 11
10/11/2007 06:08 PM

I'm very fertile, and birth control didn't work; until permanetly getting fixed.






I'm actualy very happy they are all still alive. I gave you a bunch of clickies.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
10/11/2007 06:21 PM

I understand the background of the Lila-Skippy thing, but why does Fezig have such a hard-on for Skippy?

Hey There Trixxie Ghoul 65,026 15
10/11/2007 06:38 PM

Monsewer Dogs Akimbo, here in America having a Hard-On for someone means you like them. As for Fizgig's ragging on Skipster, I imagine he is just jumping on the band wagon, trying to be cool and hoping to fit in.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
10/11/2007 07:00 PM

Oh, you and your fancy language rules.

Lila Has A Spawn Growing Inside of Her 78,555 13
10/11/2007 07:02 PM

I understand the background of the Lila-Skippy thing...

Really? Cause I'm pretty sure neither of us does.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 07:25 PM

I understand you're a huge Carroll.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 07:26 PM

that or you're going to have one in a couple months.

Lila Has A Spawn Growing Inside of Her 78,555 13
10/11/2007 07:28 PM

If you're dense enough to still think I'm having a girl then you far surpass me on the moron scale, nimrod.

Not that this surprises me in the least.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 07:31 PM

Are you suggesting that a boy won't stretch your Carroll out? You're dumber than I thought.

Lila Has A Spawn Growing Inside of Her 78,555 13
10/11/2007 07:32 PM

Such a waste of energy to hate me and deny it at the same time, Skip. And so much fun for me to piss you off.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
10/11/2007 07:36 PM

I understand the background of the Lila-Skippy thing...

Really? Cause I'm pretty sure neither of us does.

Lila, perphaps I should have said that I've been here and watched as the antagonism between you and Skippy developed, so when he calls you a Carroll, I understand how it developed.

Not that I believe that it's right, or that I find it amusing.

But I wasn't sure why the new guy had such enmity to Skippy.

But as Trixxie said, it appears to be just bandwagon jumping.




On a completely unreleated note, this morning when I got up to pee, my penis was all wrinkled and looked like David Hasselhoff.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 07:41 PM

Such a waste of energy to hate me and deny it at the same time, Skip. And so much fun for me to piss you off.

Lila, you need to go to the doctor and get your iron checked because you're acting delusional.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/11/2007 07:42 PM

This morning, I turned on Access Hollywood to find that David Hasselhoff now looks just like my penis.

Twin penii!!!

Scarecrows puke straw 98,010 37
10/11/2007 07:56 PM

HOFF'D!!

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 08:00 PM

Old Hoff or young Hoff?

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/11/2007 08:02 PM

How do Germans stand this crap?

They look like they were produced by 5th graders.

Jolson whips it good! 16,163 11
10/11/2007 08:06 PM

My only advice is this: if you have a daughter and she's not a teenager yet, shoot yourself now.

Since when did shooting her not become the primary option?

Hey There Trixxie Ghoul 65,026 15
10/11/2007 08:24 PM

On a completely unreleated note, this morning when I got up to pee, my penis was all wrinkled and looked like David Hasselhoff.

Useless without pictures.

Fezig working on baby 2.0 3,711 7
10/11/2007 08:26 PM

As Phuc will attest, I am not a "new" guy. As for the anomicity between me and Skip, I think it started over politicial issues but it also was over comments toward someone else on Zug that overboard. Besides he knows just the right things to annoy me. Other than that, no problem.

Hey There Trixxie Ghoul 65,026 15
10/11/2007 08:27 PM

How do Germans stand this crap?

You are talking about a race of people that have specially designed toilet to admire their own turds. If they were any more reprehensible they'd be the French.

Count Vlademir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/11/2007 08:35 PM

If your dad was a chick who looked like the cheerleader in Death Proof, I'd totally do him.

You have no idea how often I get that. Except usually without the looking like a cheerleader part.

Bean 8,602 19
10/11/2007 08:44 PM

My 2.5 year old goes to a family friend's house while I am driving the school bus, and they watch an 8 month old baby also. Lately my daughter has decided that only when mommy is around, she is 8 months old. The second I walk in the door to pick her up, she starts it, and usually doesn't stop until I've spent at least an hour focusing 100% on absolutely nothing but her, meaning it's nearly impossible to even do the dishes unless I want to listen to her screaming the whole time. She crawls around on the floor, uses furniture or my legs to pull up instead of just standing, and makes nothing but baby noises, regardless of the fact that she's been speaking full sentences for the last 6 months. This makes for a Shakespearety time, being that when I refuse to treat her like an 8 month old, she won't stop grabbing/pushing me and screaming. Fun times, fun times.

Robin© 14,626 10
10/11/2007 08:46 PM

I'd like to think Skippy has taken life lessons from this. But I'm sure that his ability to annoy people is a defense mechanism he uses to disuade the ladies (and men) of gab from falling in love with his sparkling wit and charming personality.

Robin© 14,626 10
10/11/2007 08:53 PM

Bean, I'm going to give unsolicited advice. We're experienceing that with my niece since she has a new baby brother. When you give in you explain, ok, if you act like a baby then you can't play with these toys because babies don't play with these toys. You'll have to wear diapers becaus only big girls can wear panties, etc. Take away "big girl" privalages, and she won't want to be a baby. Or conversly, make postative comments like "I'm so glad you're a big girl so we can do this together" what ever.

Ok. I'm done.

Bean 8,602 19
10/11/2007 09:10 PM

Robin... thanks for the advice, and I have done some of that. So far she's proven to be quite the actress because most of the time it doesn't matter what I tell her, she doesn't stop until I drop everything and focus on her. Of course, I believe as time goes on she'll get tired of it.

That's Why She Screamed 27,416 24
10/11/2007 09:28 PM

Being an abandoned baby from China, my adopted cousin was on a strict schedule; she was fed at a certain time, changed at a certain time, and put to bed at a certain time. She basically never cried or made a fuss about anything, so she always had to be "checked" for dirty diapers or to see if she was awake from her nap.

Another fun thing she used to do was eat. A LOT. I really don't think she knew when to stop. And her parents, which were new at it, never knew when to stop shoving stuff down her throat.

Until Thanksgiving last year...

The poor child had eaten enough turkey, potatoes, stuffing, raisin bread, cranberry sauce, and pie to feed an adult man. Following dinner my cousin (the baby's mom) gave her a bath and got her ready for bed. I played with her in her feetie jammies for a little while before I went to join the rest of my family to watch a movie.

About an hour later the baby comes back but she's wearing the onesy (sp?) that went with the little outfit she had on all day. I carried her over to her mom and ask why she changed her.

Apparently after the bath and the diaper change and all that, the kid had Shakespeare her pants so much it went through the diaper and all over the pajamas. She had to be re-bathed, re-changed, and re-dressed all over again. Needless to say, her parents now cut her off WAY ahead of time.

periodically bloody grace 6,166 11
10/12/2007 03:32 AM

Oh my god that's so sad. They should probably have that checked out. If a kid is full they stop eating. Not being able to stop means something is wrong.

Maybe she needs to eat to catch up on all she missed in the orphanage or she's just in a growth spurt. My kids go through periods of intense eating for a while then it slows way down.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/12/2007 03:38 AM

She basically never cried or made a fuss about anything, so she always had to be "checked" for dirty diapers or to see if she was awake from her nap.

Get that kid a gun now, because she's gonna be a serial killer for sure.

And Bean, play along with your daughter's baby game. She's doing it because the people she's with while you're gone are abusing her, and she can only express her frustration to you.

Thanks. I'm here every Thursday night until the free hot wings run out.

asswip'e 51 5
10/12/2007 08:07 AM

Hope this never happens to you..

That's Why She Screamed 27,416 24
10/12/2007 03:00 PM

The child was/is seriously underdeveloped. At 9 months she couldn't even hold her neck up, and she still has a few problems speaking full sentences at 3 years old. But she's been in therapy and we do exercises with her and she does get her point across when she wants something (by screaming).

Her mom is a pharmacist, her aunt and nana are nurses, so she is in good care. As soon as something is wrong they have her checked.

Jolson whips it good! 16,163 11
10/12/2007 04:33 PM

<action>chucks his silverware over his shoulder in a disappointed manner.</action>Does that mean she's not going to be fat enough by Thanksgiving?

happy clapper 68 5
10/12/2007 11:09 PM

I should probably get my tubes tied now before being impregnated.

Chit 178,781 15
10/13/2007 12:28 AM

I watched American Beauty again last night, and clearly ...."The Joys of Parenthood" come when your daughter is finally old enough to invite her slutty friends over for sleep overs.





Then you get your head blown off...

Obese Deadite 3,430 7
10/13/2007 02:05 AM

What head and go further in the said blowing of it.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/29/2007 03:28 PM

I should probably get my tubes tied now before being impregnated.

Trust me you have nothing to worry about, everyone whose gotten pregnant so far had at least 1 redeeming quality.

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/29/2007 04:11 PM

A vagina.

Ima 2,940 6
10/31/2007 12:00 AM

With my poor grammar and spelling, I will try my best to tell my most uplifting best child moment.
Sons are great. My oldest, about a year, ago decided to "put gas in the car" meaning water. After the confession, I enlisted help. First person half did the job, so I still needed help. The next person, an actual mechanic, decided to help. He took my car inside his garage full of restored antique cars and memorabilia. They began by draining my gas tank in order to "pull" it. About this time, the helper of the mechanic accidently hit the hang on light with standard lightbulb. It broke and caused a spark. The car immeadiately caught fire. The garage full of 16 restored antique vehicles burned completely, along with the adjacent bungalo. My guilt was so intense, we moved within a month. The mechanic was amazingly nice and gave me a car within a week. So yes, boys are great.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/31/2007 01:56 PM

My oldest, about a year, ago decided to...

I had to read that like 5 or 6 times before I realized you weren't trying to tell us your son's age.

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/31/2007 02:44 PM

Holly Shakespeare! It's the ghost of Shatner past!

Ima 2,940 6
10/31/2007 04:23 PM

He was just turned 7. I wasn't sure it was a relevant detail. About a year ago, probably was not either. Now that you mention it, it was the night before my
birthday. Yep, two great birthdays in a row.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/31/2007 05:42 PM

He was just turned 7

How the hell does sage put up with you? If I had to actually listen to someone speak like that on a regular basis I'd either shoot myself of Frost-ing kill you.

The Sage on an Express Elevator to HELL! 36,465 8
10/31/2007 05:47 PM

I'd either shoot myself of Frost-ing kill you.

Well, since she really doesn't exist, then that kind of narrows down your choices, huh?

periodically bloody grace 6,166 11
10/31/2007 05:53 PM

Oooo, Sage I smell burnt peanutbutter toast. Gave you five orbs.

Ima 2,940 6
10/31/2007 05:56 PM

Skippy, its the drugs I take to put up with Sage, but now that you've flipped Emerson NO I'M NOT SHARING.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/31/2007 07:15 PM

Sharing what? I can only imagine what I'm missing out on and so far I'm not thinking of anything worth being disappointed about.