Undies, about to be a mommy again! 101,398 77
10/19/2007 03:07 PM

gorgonzola, god dammit.

BlaiseMilla 67,049 13
10/19/2007 03:09 PM

They give you an Andes candy at the end. You should have shoved it up your ass, maybe you would have had mint farts.

Captain Skippy, birthday boy toy 41,253 13
10/19/2007 03:11 PM

Perhaps there is some merit to an intact rectum after all?

Scarecrows puke straw 98,015 37
10/19/2007 03:11 PM

You gave the meal a thumbs down just because it made you fart?

A couple of months ago I went to a restaurant and had veal piccata. It was quite simply one of the most delicious meals I have ever eaten.

I was up until 4 am first with severe nausea (I managed to keep it down because I hate puking) and then explosive diarrhea. Given everything I'd consumed that day, I was 99.9% sure it was something from that restaurant - either the veal or the salad bar.

It was totally worth the agony. Totally.

Undies, about to be a mommy again! 101,398 77
10/19/2007 03:14 PM

Blaise, I'm actually allergic to peppermint, but they didn't give us any mints afterward anyway.

The High Priestess of Satan 58,948 29
10/19/2007 03:38 PM

Olive Garden is to Itlaian cusine as Larry the Cable Guy is to Comedy. I am so dissapointed in you Undies. You could have atleast gone to Carrabbas' or Maccaroni Grill. At least! You deserved those farts. I'm going to beat you then next time I see you. And not the good kind of beating that Spicey will want to film. The bad kind, where I go to jail after. And not the hot soft core jail, the one with ugly rapists.

Lila Has A Spawn Growing Inside of Her 78,555 13
10/19/2007 03:38 PM

That's cause a truly authentic Italian place like Olive Garden is too ritzy and high class to hand out common mints.

BlaiseMilla 67,049 13
10/19/2007 03:53 PM

No, they give you the little chocolate Andes candy. It's chocolate on top and bottom and mint in the middle. It's usually the most satisfying part of your meal at Olive Garden. They ripped you off.

Undies, about to be a mommy again! 101,398 77
10/19/2007 04:18 PM

Priestess! I live in the middle of nowhere. There are no real restaurants here, unless you want to drive an hour into the city. Actually, Olive Garden is a half-hour away, and the only reason I was willing to drive that far was because my ex took my kids out and I needed to meet him to pick them up. Plus, it was also in close proximity to Target.

If you want to beat me, please let it be the good kind. That said, we need to be realistic about Spicey's movie-making skills. Even though we've both lost weight, I seriously doubt that he could fit all of us into one frame.

Count Vladimir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/19/2007 04:56 PM

The last time I went to a restaurant was my "Congratulations, you can eat again" dinner after my jaw was unwired and I was healed enough to chew meat. My family went to the Outback Steakhouse. Yeah, we're classy. Whatever. We never go out to eat, because we don't have... what's it called again? Oh, yeah, money. The food wasn't very Australian at all. With all of the "Aboriginal art on the walls, I was hoping to have an appetizer of moth larvae or something, but I had some chicken dish with garlic potatoes. No iguana, no dingo. I was very disappointed.

On the other hand, our waitress had an ass that was so exceptional that even my sister and I noticed it, not just my dad and brother. That raises the experience to four stars.

Declan McManus, rarely simple, never pure 131,887 36
10/19/2007 05:04 PM

The only time Olive Garden is ever acceptable is when there are no other eating places open within 500 miles, and you have had the last lint covered Wint-O-Green Lifesaver from the bottom of your pocket or bag.

Zolton in the Sky with Doofuses 88,205 34
10/19/2007 05:23 PM

Olive Garden is to Itlaian cusine as Larry the Cable Guy is to Comedy.

I smell a new spokesman.

"Git'r sauteed!"

Captain Skippy, birthday boy toy 41,253 13
10/19/2007 05:32 PM

<insert generic italian restaurant chain> is to Itlaian cusine as <insert popular bad comedian> is to Comedy. I am so dissapointed in you Undies. You could have atleast gone to <insert another generic italian restaurant chain> or <insert another generic italian restaurant chain>.

Seriously HP, like your two recommendations are any better. It's like extolling the virtues one brand of No.2 pencil over another.

Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
10/19/2007 05:43 PM

My uptight director said "hey what's this icon for?" and clicked on my Firefox browser, which had been in the background. This thread was open.


He's now vowed never to eat at the Olive Garden. Sorry Undies, but he also thinks you're gross.

BlaiseMilla 67,049 13
10/19/2007 05:51 PM

And he hasn't even heard about the onion sliver

I am the Bat. The night is mine. 61,976 36
10/19/2007 05:56 PM

I don't eat at Olive Garden because even the parking lot will make me projectile vomit. Allow me to explain.

When I was around 3 or 4 my family went out to eat at Olive Garden. This was a huge deal for me because my family was dirt poor. Like, generic brand Mac n' Cheese poor. My mom dressed me up in an adorable little frilly blue dress for the occasion and everything. I must have eaten my weight in breadsticks, salad, and spaghetti.

We got out to the parking lot, and my toddler lack of self control and eating came to fruition. I vomited bright orangy puke like a fire hose. It must have shot ten feet out.

I was pretty young and the event kind of scarred me. So now, even though it's been like 20 years, I can't go to an Olive Garden without puking.

BlaiseMilla 67,049 13
10/19/2007 05:59 PM

When they do that gay happy birthday song I feel like projectile vomiting.

The High Priestess of Satan 58,948 29
10/19/2007 06:00 PM

Seriously HP, like your two recommendations are any better. It's like extolling the virtues one brand of No.2 pencil over another.

I'm sorry I can't read italics.

FM 5-19 Chapter 6 3,163 6
10/19/2007 06:02 PM

I get like that any time I cross the border into france for dinner.

Frost-ing french probably put laxative in the food on purpose because I'm american. God damn them

The High Priestess of Satan 58,948 29
10/19/2007 06:02 PM

Sursly,

If you want to eat genaric frachised italian, Carrabas' and Maccaroni Grill are your best bet. Unless you have some hole-in-the-wall place where the owners actually are from italy and you can hear them fight with each other in the kitchen you'll be hard pressed to find non-sterotypical italian food.

The High Priestess of Satan 58,948 29
10/19/2007 06:04 PM

FM, it depends on what you eat on a regualr basis and what you at the French-y place. Traditonal French is laden with butter and fats. If you have a non-fatty diet, it will lead to almost immedate farts or digestive upsets.

Brat Fryer 283,028 53
10/19/2007 06:04 PM

At the risk of not being funny and also of being irrelevant... kinda like Skippy... I cannot eat at an Olive Garden because of this place.

Dear sweet Jebus that's good eatin'.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/19/2007 06:30 PM

5 orbs for Priestess and Declan.

Seriously. If you don't get to eat out much, don't waste your precious pesos on crap that's about as Italian as Kim Jong Il and with as much taste in the food as he has in hairpieces. Chicken parm? That's a step up from Spaghetti Os.

In Brooklyn, there used to be these takeout Italian places. They weren't exactly restaurants, it was just some old dago lady who cooked all day, and people would come to her door in the evening and pay for plates of whatever amazingly good Shakespeare she was making that day.

I bet you got a lady like that up in W. BumFrost, NY. Your job: Find her.

Captain Skippy, birthday boy toy 41,253 13
10/19/2007 06:43 PM

...Unless you have some hole-in-the-wall place where the owners actually are from italy and you can hear them fight with each other in the kitchen...

Bah! The place I go to is nothing like that. The husband has long since been and h no explanation is ever given. Even though her oldest daughter got married 4 years ago, the owner brings it up so she can point out that her youngest is still single and say "She's a good looking girl, who wouldn't want to marry her? You think she's attractive right?" She also spits abuse at the hispanic bus boy and cusses at him in Italian, then when he's gone she says something derogatory about him like "I swear these wet backs are completely useless, they're hardly worth the hassle at the dime a dozen you get them for."

The food is good too.

The High Priestess of Satan 58,948 29
10/19/2007 07:06 PM

So they fight on the floor and not in the kitchen? That's the major differance?

BlaiseMilla 67,049 13
10/19/2007 07:31 PM

I grew up in Rochester, NY- anybody who's been there can tell you it's full of Italians. More than half the people I grew up with were Italian. My wife's great grandparents are from Italy.
I had a friend there named Jimmy- you could call his grandma up any time of day or night, tell her you were coming over and she would cook a whole meal for you- pasta, sauce, sausage, salad. She would just tell us to pick up bread on the way. Then she would stand there while we ate and keep giving us food. After we were done she would eat.
My wife's grandma will keep feeding you until you can't move. You'll be all done and she'll say, "How about a little more pasta? Maybe some salad? Bread and butter with some sauce? Meatball? If I put two meatballs on a dish you couldn't eat it? I'll put two meatballs on a dish- you go sit. I'll bring them to you."
But I'll still eat at Olive Garden on occasion. I just don't look at it as Italian food. It's just food. I think the chicken giardino is an ok dish there. A lot depends on the management when it comes to quality.

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,459 56
10/19/2007 07:33 PM

Traditonal French is laden with butter and fats.

Actually, the fats used in French cuisine depend a lot on where in the country you are.
Butter is traditionally used in the North, but in other areas, they hardly ever cook with butter.
People in Southern France use olive oil, people in Normandy use heavy cream and those in Corsica use goat santorum.

Scarecrows puke straw 98,015 37
10/19/2007 07:52 PM

But I'll still eat at Olive Garden on occasion. I just don't look at it as Italian food. It's just food.

I have a similar philosophy. Just because something isn't authentic whatever doesn't mean it doesn't taste good. I just have different expectations. I know some of you would say that Olive Garden doesn't taste good whether you consider it Italian or not, but those are your taste buds. My taste buds tell me that the salad and breadsticks there are very bland, but some of the main dishes are very good.

ima sage's invisible woman 2,940 6
10/19/2007 10:00 PM

pregnant women are known for raunchy farts anyway.

Count Vladimir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/19/2007 10:09 PM

...Yeah, Undies isn't pregnant. Do your homework.

Count Vladimir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/19/2007 10:10 PM

we were in Target for about an hour, creating a baby registry for the kiddos we're in the process of adopting. (No they're not babies, but whatever.)

See?

I am the Bat. The night is mine. 61,976 36
10/19/2007 10:13 PM

Plus the words "pregnant" "raunchy" and "fart" should never be in the same sentence-like structure.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/19/2007 11:50 PM

Just because something isn't authentic whatever doesn't mean it doesn't taste good.

I'm going to get all high up on my snob horse. ...higher, that is.

It tastes like ass.

First of all, if you call something eye-talian and then it tastes like it was made for the atrophied tastebuds of flyover feedbaggers, you set an expectation amongst anyone who does expect more than "spaghetti and gravy" from an Italian place.

Second, the core tenet of Italian cooking is good ingredients and letting the essence of those ingredients be the core of the dish--you don't take a chicken breast (the worst part of the bird), smother it in sauce and rubbery cheese and say, "Atsa good Italian!" You just can't get ingredients in America that are as fresh and good as they are in Italy. Maybe you can get some things that are that good, but by the time you spend too much money and have gone to 20 stores just for the ingredients for one meal, the stuff you got at store 1 is rotten. Olive Garden et al use Shakespeare for ingredients. The Sysco truck just pulls up and dumps cans of generic crap into the larder.

Crappy food is good. Anyone who says they don't like a good corn dog or chicken-fried steak is a Frost-ing liar. It's the crap that tries to fool the ignorant that it's more than crap that I think we're criticizing here.

continued...

Phucula 237,919 21
10/19/2007 11:50 PM

Yeah, I know that a lot of people either can't afford to eat at nice restaurants and/or don't have the knowledge or resources to cook great food. But with the food network turning every either once-ign'unt 'murican into a gourmand, excuses are running out. Learn what you need to do it right; great food can be made on the cheap if you learn good techniques and have the right tools.

Write these Shakespeare-ass companies and tell them to use real food to make those crappy dishes. Tell them that you know that Chicken Parm and garlic bread are about as Italian as Jimmy "JJ" Walker and that duck and rabbit are plentiful and delicious and need to be on the menu, dambit.

Go kick Tyler Florence in the nuts!

Count Vladimir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/20/2007 01:10 AM

*hides in the corner*

Oh no... Bad things happen when Uncle Al gets mad...

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
10/20/2007 01:57 AM

I can eat and enjoy almost anything other than my mother's tuna casserole.

And by my mother's tuna casserole, I actually really mean my mother's tuna casserole.

Bride of Franke][\][ furter Rockstar Quee][\][ ! 171,275 14
10/20/2007 02:08 AM

My new favorite place is the Bonefish Grill.

Try and argue with that, I'm chubby so I know good food.

Hell's Belle 77,143 25
10/20/2007 02:26 AM

I've been wondering if Bonefish Grille is any good. There is a new one here. I'll have to give it a try.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/20/2007 03:10 AM

Heh.

Bone.


Fish.

Marmite - freaking out since '79 12,955 12
10/20/2007 10:02 AM

I suppose I'm quite lucky. In my town there are more restaurants than anything else. We have Chinese buffet that is about 7 ($14) which is Shakespearety but cheap as you can stay in there all eveining just eating prawn toast and greasy pork balls.

My favourite semi-authentic I-tai restaurant is Strada. The food is reasonably priced and bloody lovely. That link is a sample lunch menu.

We also have Cosmopolitan which is run and owned by an Italian family. Next door is their bakery/cake shop. The cakes are superb. Finally we have Gerrardos which again is run by an Italian dude, but he owns 2 restaurants, both overpriced and the food not so good as either Cosmo or Strada.

MMMM hungry now, dammit.

Millie 116,988 28
10/20/2007 02:18 PM

Anyone who grew up eating Italian food at home won't like anything in an Italian restaurant anyway. No sauce tastes like my Nonna's. There are some places better than others, but they'll never be the same as what I'm used to.

I agree with Straw; I don't mind eating at Olive Garden if there's nowhere else to eat (or someone else is paying). I don't consider it "Italian" food. I just try to get something that tastes O.K.

I'm not much of a food snob, anyway. I do agree it's irritating that a lot of people think what a place like the Olive Garden serves is "authentic" Italian food, but whatever.

I like fake Mexican and Chinese food. Big deal.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
10/20/2007 02:32 PM

I always that authentic Italian food comes with a slap in the face and a curse on your grandparents.

Phucula 237,919 21
10/22/2007 01:38 PM

You're thinking of the Sicilians. Because, you know, they're descended from the---

Count Fezigula 3,711 7
10/22/2007 03:37 PM

...the sissylians?

Robin© 14,626 10
10/22/2007 03:59 PM

Unless you have some hole-in-the-wall place where the owners actually are from italy and you can hear them fight with each other in the kitchen

Will you accept, the chef singing opera or Sinatra in the kitchen? 'uz if so that was my house growing up.

Captain Skippy 41,253 13
10/22/2007 05:04 PM

Was it hard growing up with an openly gay father?

Count Fezigula 3,711 7
10/22/2007 05:50 PM

Well have to wait a few years Skip and ask your kids.

Robin© 14,626 10
10/22/2007 06:03 PM

Was it hard growing up with an openly gay father?

My father's is German is is more likely to sing something from Pink floyd. My grandfather on the other hand sings Tenor, loves Sinatra and is 100% Ialian.

And if my father is gay, that would explain why he chose porn over sex with my mother.

Robin© 14,626 10
10/22/2007 06:12 PM

It might help if I could spell. I blame it on the fever and being at work.