Phucula 237,919 21
10/26/2007 02:56 PM

Hey, ladies! There's no such thing as rape any more!

Hell's Belle 77,143 25
10/26/2007 02:59 PM

Is Your Son or Husband Masturbating?
Look for the signs: hankies, socks, underwear, paper-towel, tissue, animal fur, hand creams, lotions, oils, hair-brushes, plastic sandwich bags


So that's what my husband is doing with the mink stole he keeps under the bed? I just thought he was a crossdresser.

AuburnJT 211 5
10/26/2007 03:05 PM

Oh my. Some of the comments on there are funny as hell. Is that for real or is it a satire site?

Bride of Franke][\][ furter Rockstar Quee][\][ ! 171,275 14
10/26/2007 03:14 PM

I like an audience.

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/26/2007 03:19 PM

FACT: 83.27% of masturbaters have retarded children.

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,459 56
10/26/2007 03:21 PM

I just left the following comment in that blog entry:

"God is watching you masturbate."

- Then God is a pervert.

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/26/2007 03:29 PM

FACT: 110% of all lighting strikes are aimed at masturbaters.

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/26/2007 03:35 PM

Brother Stanton Archibald Says:


Snork, The Lord commands lightning, so watch what you say.

I'm so screwed.

Fratberry 283,028 53
10/26/2007 03:38 PM

Posted: "Lucky for Him it doesn't take me very long."

A zombie bit, chewed and clawed me in the Phlanx 1,919 8
10/26/2007 03:41 PM

I caught my son masturbating a couple of times, I told him to stop, and that he'd burn in Hell if he didn't stop. But he kept on doing it, and I kept on telling him to stop, but he wouldn't. So I shot him. Was that the best thing to do?

Too over the top?

Sally 62,262 18
10/26/2007 03:46 PM

Yes.

Sally 62,262 18
10/26/2007 03:46 PM

I of course meant, yes, that was the right thing to do.


Over the top? No.

Fratberry 283,028 53
10/26/2007 03:47 PM

Frost you Zolton. Frost you very much.

chapmac 385 6
10/26/2007 03:48 PM

I'm partial to Warrior Jodie and her quip about playing Who eats the cracker at church camp.

A zombie bit, chewed and clawed me in the Phlanx 1,919 8
10/26/2007 03:49 PM

While that is a bit of an over reaction, in my opinion, you did warn the child he was going to H*ll for that, but, and not to nit pick, you didn't really give him a time line before you punished him, now did you? For instance when my children or the domestics are up to something worrysome, I always tell them I am gonna count to ten before I punish, I have never gotten past 6 before they straighten up (the kids) or I have them deported (the domestics).

God Bless.

The official reply, only a bit of an over reaction. For a second there I was worried I might be in trouble.

Fratberry 283,028 53
10/26/2007 03:50 PM

Warrior Jodie has an awesome myspace page.

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/26/2007 03:51 PM

OK, those people are really starting to Frost-ing scare me.

chapmac 385 6
10/26/2007 03:52 PM

"I once was lost but Jesus found me passed out face down in a pool of my own vomit and rescued me"

Warrior Jodie

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/26/2007 03:54 PM

... but not before he Frosted my unconscious ass sore.

That's Why She Screamed 27,416 24
10/26/2007 03:58 PM

OH MY GOD. I just pissed myself laughing at Zolton's comment.

Hey There Trixxie Ghoul 65,026 15
10/26/2007 04:01 PM

Jim Hodges followed me into the rest-room and just as I was about to go into a stall to "do it" he stopped me and told me about this great new ministry for people like us.
I was embarrassed but intrigued. "People like us?" I asked him. That is when he told me that he too was addicted to masturbation and shared his testimony with me right there in that bathroom stall.

He invited me to a meeting that evening in the fellowship hall. I was surprised to see how many men that I worked with, played golf with, and worshiped with were addicted to masturbating.
I broke down that night and confessed my desire to change. I knew that God was telling me to take matters into my own hands and my penis out of them.
After a few sessions with Pastor Grover I was saved by the grace of God. With a scripture based therapy and group sessions I haven't masturbated since.
Now, the only thing I fondle in the heat of the moment is a KJV 1611 bible" - Mike Shananhan, Ex-Masturbator & BBDBO Prayer Counselor

The Mailman: ringing twice, as always 176,459 56
10/26/2007 04:36 PM

FACT: 2 of the same 3 men will commit suicide. All of them will burn in Hell for their sins.

Before I decide whether I quit beating the monkey or not, I need to know this: will I still be able to masturbate once I am in Hell?

Sally 62,262 18
10/26/2007 04:38 PM

FACT: 2 of the same 3 men will commit suicide. All of them will burn in Hell for their sins.

Before I decide whether I quit beating the monkey or not, I need to know this: will I still be able to masturbate once I am in Hell?




If you're burning, it's going to be very hard to lube up properly, therefore making the entire experience much less enjoyable on the whole.

Chit 178,781 15
10/26/2007 04:58 PM

On the whole?

No problem... I was concerned with mostly just the shaft.

Mike's not here. 52,827 16
10/26/2007 05:20 PM

I watch god in the shower, so I guess we're even.

TempusFugit 5,772 10
10/26/2007 05:42 PM

It seems they are already feeling the love from Gab.


Zug.com: ZUG calims to be "the world's only comedy site, featuring articles, opinions, and conversations from the world's funniest comedy community." What they are is lewd, un-Patriotic, un-American, Pro-sodomite, Pro-abortion, Pro-communism. Probably based in France or Canada.

http://baptistsforbrown2008.wordpress.com/sow/

They say pro-sodomite like its a bad thing...

Bride of Franke][\][ furter Rockstar Quee][\][ ! 171,275 14
10/26/2007 06:05 PM

Dave rocks my socks.

Pro-sodomite Bride of Franke][\][ furter 171,275 14
10/26/2007 06:06 PM

Oh me likey!

KChikita - Trashy Pregnant like Britney! 128,349 98
10/26/2007 06:17 PM

2 of out every 3 men who masturbate will engage in a long-term homosexual relationship and practice incest.

What the...??!

Hey There Trixxie Ghoul 65,026 15
10/26/2007 06:27 PM

It's a gag site, affiliated by the wonderful people who bring us Landover Baptist. I think this is what Sister Tammany Fay Crockett-Davinports site morphed into.

Count Vladimir VonCinderblockenia 27,578 25
10/26/2007 06:32 PM

Trust me guys, that site is a hoax. I've been posting on that forum for a while (since someone linked to the U.S.E. article) and one of them even admitted to me that it's all a joke.

Jihad Joe: The Real Arabian Hero 6,067 8
10/26/2007 06:52 PM

Probably based in France or Canada.

Ouch.

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/26/2007 06:55 PM

FACT: Ninjas fight ALL the time.

Pro-sodomite Bride of Franke][\][ furter 171,275 14
10/26/2007 06:58 PM

If I get anal raped tonight I'm blaming gab.

Fratberry 283,028 53
10/26/2007 07:03 PM

Like always.

In a related story, I got a warning from the Mod on that blog for using "Emerson".

Snork Undead. 45,655 12
10/26/2007 07:56 PM

Honey, it's not rape if you enjoy it.

Pro-sodomite Bride of Franke][\][ furter 171,275 14
10/26/2007 08:03 PM

Oh I just reread my post. I meant if I DONT get anal raped tonight.

Marmite - freaking out since '79 12,955 12
10/26/2007 08:08 PM

If it were true that masturbators got hit by lightning more than abstainers, my house would be a smoking black charred mass of rubble.

And I wouldn't have this fantastically built right arm either.

Fratberry 283,028 53
10/26/2007 08:43 PM

Ya know, as often as I've pulled it over the years you'd think it'd be a little longer than it is now.

BillSalamie 67,049 13
10/26/2007 08:44 PM

God, I was simply trying to moiturize my penis with the lotion.

Pro-sodomite Bride of Franke][\][ furter 171,275 14
10/26/2007 08:46 PM

moiterize?

Fratberry 283,028 53
10/26/2007 08:46 PM

And he was really, really anal about it.

Fratberry 283,028 53
10/26/2007 08:48 PM

<action>must stop finishing all of blaise's posts</action>

BiIlSalamie 171,275 14
10/26/2007 08:52 PM

Mmmmm, you can finish anything of mine, you big hot stud.

Bride of Frankenfurter 171,275 14
10/26/2007 08:53 PM

OH WHAT THE Frost EVER!

PERSONAL ICON FrostETY Frost!

Bravo Male 2,330 6
10/26/2007 09:51 PM

<action>is Holy in God's eyes</action>Ok, I just spoke with God. He asked me to let everyone know, and I quote, "If thou shalt unsheath thine Mackerel whilst reading any passage from the book of Song of Solomon, thou shall remain pure in mine eyes."

I did it. It is awesome. Go on... try it.

shadesofdeath 5,445 7
10/27/2007 01:17 AM

"No, don't be silly. The Bible says in Luke 1:35 The Holy Ghost came upon Mary."

Wouldn't the Holy Ghost have to masturbate to "come upon" Mary without having intercourse?

manhole 21,642 29
10/27/2007 01:44 AM

he could have just pulled out. But that would make jesus an accident........and thus the phrase "ahhh goddamn it" was coined.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
10/27/2007 03:11 PM

The Lord makes his stance on Masturbation very clear: Leviticus 26:16

"I also will do this unto you; I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning argue, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: should ye shall spill your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it"

Is Jesus saying that my enemies swallow?

Filly 39,193 20
10/27/2007 11:19 PM

That lucky bastard. You know how many people would pay to be in that position?