Fratberry Gravy 283,028 53
12/14/2007 10:50 PM

Don't eat it. It may look white, but that's only because you're so used to everything being so gray.

That's what Ditdah said!!11

Marjod 1,942 9
12/14/2007 10:51 PM

And don't forget, shoveling snow is a great way to burn calories. Just ask my wife.

"Get that fatbody out there and shovel our driveway, post haste!!".

-My wife, The Taskmaster

SHP, *filled* with Christmas *spirit* wink nudge 181,795 70
12/14/2007 10:52 PM

It's more toxic than BIG's liver.

Fine, but is it more toxic than his soul?

Ditdah in a pear tree 123,110 14
12/14/2007 10:52 PM

6. Just because you hear a storm is coming, do NOT rush to the grocery store and stock up on bottled water and bread. You are not going to be stranded in your house for months on end. You're making the wait too long for those of us who need our beer and frozen pizza.

Who the hell needs bread in an ice storm anyway?

Ditdah in a pear tree 123,110 14
12/14/2007 10:53 PM

That's what Ditdah said!!11

I have no idea what this means, but I clicked you because I like seeing my name.

Fratberry Gravy 283,028 53
12/14/2007 10:55 PM

Who the hell needs bread in an ice storm anyway?

Some of us who have a lot of cats and a lot of butter like to experiment, OK???

Kwanzaa Chi Chi 161,353 14
12/14/2007 10:59 PM

Chi Chi's guide to country snow:

1. Drive like there is no snow on the ground. This will get you accustomed to the long winter and lack-luster snow removal services.

2. If you have a plow on your truck, use it. Wake up really early and just start plowing people out because you're up early, there's snow on the ground and a plow on your truck. Then mention how you started plowing at 4 am to as many people as you can.

3. Ditches will stop your car a lot better than your brakes will. If there's 6 inches of snow on top of 3 inches of ice and your vehicle seems to not want to stop, don't panic. A ditch will stop you, or failing that, a tree.

4. On a bag of rock salt, it recommends a quarter pound per square yard. That's just silly. Blanketing the intended area with at least as much salt as there is snow ensures quick and efficient snow and ice removal along with a guarantee of attractive brown streaks of withered vegetation come spring.

Finally... Winter may be bad, but it isn't as bad as the winter of 19XX. Make sure to talk about that winter a lot.

Fratberry Gravy 283,028 53
12/14/2007 11:04 PM

G: When putting out cat litter before a storm to ensure concrete steps and patios do not accumulate ice, make absolutely sure you do not use the type that clumps.

Under the mistletoe 101,398 77
12/14/2007 11:15 PM

1. It is usually sold as a flaky white powder, and is snorted in lines through your nose.

2. Many users will dab it on their teeth and gums. These people are whack, yo.

3. If you heat it and mix it with baking powder & ammonia, it becomes "crack", and then you can smoke it. It's called 'crack' after the sound it makes when you light it.

4. Wanna try some - the first time is free man. Just remember who gave it to you when you want some more, okay? Don't be going to see Carlos - that Froster will rip you off, seriously.

merry loopmas 6,902 12
12/14/2007 11:18 PM

ditah

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/15/2007 12:15 AM

Do not call the cops on your neighbor for shoveling/blowing their snow into your yard. It's just frozen water, you douchebag.

Hamburger Humper 460 6
12/15/2007 12:20 AM

"Do not call the cops on your neighbor for shoveling/blowing their snow into your yard. It's just frozen water, you douchebag."

...yeah, wait till they go to bed and then spend all night burying their cars, points of exit, outside pets, etc...

Zolducken 88,205 34
12/15/2007 12:22 AM

XII. If, while driving in a mild snowstorm such as yesterday's, you brake for no good reason while climbing a hill like a tutu-sporting whining Poe, thereby stranding your car in the middle of the street, you deserve to be anally violated with the nearest available snow shovel.

And if I'm driving behind you, you will be.

Phuc 237,919 21
12/15/2007 12:36 AM

Do not Frost-ing call it "The White Stuff" unless you want to be sliced all over with razors then left in the road for the salt truck.

Hamburger Humper 460 6
12/15/2007 12:41 AM

Nobody cares what the temperature is in Florida when you're Emerson deep in snow and trying to dig your car out.

BillSalamie 67,049 13
12/15/2007 01:06 AM

I had to do community service once and as it turned out it was during a snowstorm. I had to work for the village of LeRoy, NY. I had to shovel snow and stuff on village property. The guys that worked for the town told me to shovel around the fire hydrants, from the sidewalk to the street. I shovelled all around them on the main street, and then like two minutes after I was done the guys drove by with a plow and plowed snow all over the hydrants I just shovelled and laughed at me.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/15/2007 01:11 AM

Do not call the cops on your neighbor for shoveling/blowing their snow into your yard.

This actually happened to me last year. My bitchy, old, dried up prune of a neighbor had the police out twice when I tossed a shovelful of snow into her front yard.

I can't wait until she dies. I'm gonna shovel snow onto her grave every winter.

Phuc 237,919 21
12/15/2007 01:26 AM

Frost you. In the city, if you have a yard, it's the size of an onion sliver. If someone dumps snow in your yard, that's a challenge to a shiv fight.

Take your country-ass Shakespeare to another thread.

Fa ra ra ra Robin® 14,626 10
12/15/2007 01:29 AM

Snow in houston:
What's that? That white stuff that falls from the sky?

I guess we had better shut the city down, Hell obviously froze over.

Phuc 237,919 21
12/15/2007 01:34 AM

I bitch a lot about living in Boston, but any city where a foot of snow comes down in a half a day and people are still speeding on the highways, riding their bikes, and going to work even though all they do is sell T-shirts (and believe me--they will get business)--

That is a bunch of people you don't Frost with. They'll come to your faggotty rodeo, beat up the riders, Frost the bulls, and force the clowns to get married.

5150. The Snowman hath spoken. 1,692 7
12/15/2007 01:36 AM

Do not make friendly conversation with me at the mall by stating, "Wow, it sure snowed, eh?"

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/15/2007 01:43 AM

<action> flips Al the bird and takes her country-ass Shakespeare to another thread</action>

BillSalamie 67,049 13
12/15/2007 01:50 AM

Do not look to me for help when your Chevy Suburban goes in the ditch because you were driving like a jackass, convinced that your super size SUV could conquer road conditions of any kind

Frogpop - for the people who are still alive. 173,153 25
12/15/2007 04:14 AM

Do not Frost-ing call it "The White Stuff" unless you want to be sliced all over with razors then left in the road for the salt truck.

Looks like someone's got a case of the mondays.

Shaking Metal Like Scrooge's Marley 56,809 18
12/16/2007 12:49 AM

XXVIIII Dear Weatherman,
It's WINTER see. Most of America gets snow at this time. Standing in front of your map and saying "It's gonna snow" tells us nothing. We know that! Even a broke clock is right twice a day!!!

Tell us when it's gonna get warm, how to 'bag' that hot chick (dick) at the rollerrink...TOMORROW's Winning Lottery number!
Thanks and back to you, Cletus.

Swords will fuckin' cut you wide open 77,546 17
12/16/2007 02:41 AM

Always remember, no matter how much snow you got, we've seen more.