Sage Came Upon A Midnight Clear 36,465 8
12/22/2007 12:17 PM

Ima was raring to go by this point as she clawed at my zipper, finally freeing my erection. I don't know why, but my beautiful Ima drew her hood over her head before diving into my lap and started telling me she loves me in the best way possible. Well, the best way that doesn't involve latex and whipped cream.

As she polished my knob to a squeaky bright shine, for the first time in my adult life, I came in under three minutes. As an aside, I must say that while her typing abilities are extremely poor, her oral skills are top notch.

As I constantly scanned the parking lot looking for any passersby that may have noticed what was going on, I saw the double doors that led from the hotel's conference center open wide, spilling out a dozen or so people into the noonday sun. With my hand on Ima's head I froze with the crowd and I looking at each another, blinking in surprise.

This was not good.


Fortunately, the people were all apparently attending the local AVN Amateur Adult Video tryouts.

I think I did pretty well overall considering this was my first public appearance in this capacity.

Because Ima managed not to spit all over the ground after I was done, she will be getting a call back sometime later this week. They asked her if she liked chocolate, for some reason.

So anyway, what laws did y'all break with your most convenient loved ones?

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/22/2007 12:47 PM

*barfs*

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/22/2007 12:48 PM

Frost off.

santa got stuck in a manhole 21,646 29
12/22/2007 12:48 PM

Taco will love this.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/22/2007 12:52 PM

Sage,

What the Frost is wrong with you? Do you not learn from your mistakes? Did you eat paint chips as a child? Do you still?

Holy Frost-ing Shakespeare.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 12:53 PM

Sage, why do you think anyone wants to read this? I mean, really. If you're that desperate for validation, you can always submit your stories to an online erotica magazine where people who don't know you can read it. They'll enjoy it so much more, I can promise you.

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/22/2007 12:53 PM

Don't forget, boys and girls: Abuse link in profile.

Frogpop - for the people who are still alive. 173,153 25
12/22/2007 12:56 PM

I'd say there's an abuse link on the main page now too.

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/22/2007 01:00 PM

After wiping my tears on the sleeve of our server

Servers don't have sleeves, they just send and receieve data. Boy are you out of touch.

Sage Came Upon A Midnight Clear 36,465 8
12/22/2007 01:09 PM

Go ahead and complain about me. Click the abuse button.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:10 PM

No, I really just don't understand. What could possibly be motivating you to keep posting these stories?

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/22/2007 01:15 PM

Go ahead and complain about me. Click the abuse button.

Thanks for your permission but I had already done that. And keep the soccermoms coming. It's about the only thing you've done to keep me laughing.

Sage Came Upon A Midnight Clear 36,465 8
12/22/2007 01:21 PM

No, I really just don't understand. What could possibly be motivating you to keep posting these stories?

Because I was asked to, that's why. I asked GABBers offline before posting the Taco story a year ago, and I was asked to post this story by several GABbers before I posted it.

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/22/2007 01:22 PM

Asking yourself and Ima's two personalities doesn't count as several people.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:23 PM

...I call bullShakespeare. Who?

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:23 PM

Heh, yeahhh Frat. I was gonna add that but you beat me to it.

Sage Came Upon A Midnight Clear 36,465 8
12/22/2007 01:24 PM

You complained, you keep complaining, you clicked abuse to report me to John.

Shut the Frost up already Frat.

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/22/2007 01:27 PM

Do you not learn from your mistakes? I am teaching him the best I can, but hey atleast this time it was real.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:27 PM

I'm still waiting. Who?

Sage Came Upon A Midnight Clear 36,465 8
12/22/2007 01:27 PM

...I call bullShakespeare. Who?

If they wish to say so on GAB, that's their perogative. What would you care anyway if you knew who it was?

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:28 PM

Forcing you to say who it was would prove that you are actually delusional. I'm hoping the realization of that fact will result in your subsequent departure from GAB.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/22/2007 01:29 PM

ZUG: The world's only comedy erotica site.

Nope, doesn't have the same ring to it.

Now, if you'd made it remotely funny and not another Frost-ing creepy wank fantasy for yourself, it might not have come across so terrible.

But there was nothing funny about that story.

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/22/2007 01:31 PM

Ima's two personalities TWO? I have a personality for every day of the year.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/22/2007 01:32 PM

but hey atleast this time it was real.

Fat Frost-ing daughter.

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/22/2007 01:33 PM

What would you care anyway if you knew who it was?

So I can report them for being tasteless assclowns like yourself or thank them for successfully baiting your stupid ass. Seriously, what the hell did you think was going to happen when you posted this after seeing the reaction to the other pornographic ramblings?

COMEDY. SITE. DAMN.

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/22/2007 01:35 PM

I, personally am soooo offended. SEX on GAB...really who is going to clean this smut up.

Sage Came Upon A Midnight Clear 36,465 8
12/22/2007 01:36 PM

Forcing you to say who it was would prove that you are actually delusional.

And it would prove I'm delusional, how?


I'm hoping the realization of that fact will result in your subsequent departure from GAB.

I realize I'm delusional so I get booted from GAB? Is that one of the rules now?

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:37 PM

Ima, if you're actually having sex with him - which I'm beginning to believe, much to my horror - it doesn't say much about the number of brain cells you have left. It's really not helping you to add anything at this point.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:40 PM

I realize I'm delusional so I get booted from GAB? Is that one of the rules now?

That could work too, but I was referring more to the realization sending you into shock, resulting in paralysis. And no more GABbing.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:41 PM

paralysis

Ha, never mind. Forgot. Too late. Are cripples allowed to drive now? Man, what is the world coming to?

Frogpop - for the people who are still alive. 173,153 25
12/22/2007 01:44 PM

I asked GABBers offline before posting the Taco story a year ago, and I was asked to post this story by several GABbers before I posted it.

I don't think you understand how Gab works.

You know how people start threads asking for computer advice and the answers range from "fdisk" to "put more magnets on the harddrive"? Gab is a comedy site, and one thing that makes Gabbers laugh is the failure of other people. Always consider this when a Gabber tells you something is a good idea.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/22/2007 01:45 PM

I, personally am soooo offended. SEX on GAB...really who is going to clean this smut up.


Sex talk on GAB, fine.

Creepy Frost fantasy stories? Without a hint of humor? And after such a backlash from the first attempt? Frost-ing stupid.

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/22/2007 01:46 PM

it doesn't say much about the number of brain cells you have left



I have brain cells? YEAH!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/22/2007 01:50 PM

Murder-suicide FTW!

FM 5-19 Chapter 6 3,163 6
12/22/2007 01:58 PM

Reading that was like hearing a Shakespearety joke, waiting for the punchline, waiting for the punchline, then getting hit in the balls with a sledgehammer. I dont think I'm ever gonna get an errection again

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 01:59 PM

Frat - your comment about Skippy's twitchy penis has been making me giggle for the last while. Thank you.

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/22/2007 02:00 PM

Heh. Sage's 1000th soccermom? ME. w00t!

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/22/2007 02:08 PM

YEAH! sage finally gets more than 3 posts in a thread.




I love you, creepy man o' mine!

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/22/2007 02:09 PM

YEAH! sage finally gets more than 3 posts in a thread.




I love you, creepy man o' mine! xoxoxoxox

Frogpop - for the people who are still alive. 173,153 25
12/22/2007 02:10 PM

I'm going to stab you with my Zug mug.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 02:11 PM

I'm going to stab you with my Zug mug.

I full endorse this product and/or service.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 02:12 PM

Fully. Frost.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/22/2007 02:12 PM

Y'know that saying, "There's no such thing as bad publicity"?

Doesn't apply here.

Sage Came Upon A Midnight Clear 36,465 8
12/22/2007 02:15 PM

Hey Ima. You see me making a complete idiot of myself here in public?



Yeah. I'm afraid you might have to get used to it.

Filly 39,193 20
12/22/2007 02:19 PM

Use. A. Goddamn. Phone.

Hell, you can even have phone sex on it! It'll be like you two are real people!

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/22/2007 02:19 PM

"Making a complete idiot of myself"?

No sir. You sir, have been a complete idiot for a long time.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/22/2007 02:20 PM

Hell, you can even have phone sex on it! It'll be like you two are real people!

Worst. Homeland. Security. Wiretap. Tape. EVAR!

Sage Came Upon A Midnight Clear 36,465 8
12/22/2007 02:36 PM

You guys are still coming to the wedding though, right?

Under the mistletoe 101,398 77
12/22/2007 05:44 PM

Fail.

Ditdah in a pear tree 123,110 14
12/22/2007 08:32 PM

I can NOT believe this thread.

Sage, what the hell would posess you to do this? You've alienated a large chunk of the board with the last one. You're going to lose the rest with this one.

While we do tolerate sexual jokes on here, erotica stories don't belong. At all. You risk being kicked off the board, and even if you aren't, you've lost the respect of anyone that's a regular enough to help you out.

I used to think you were ok, and I've defended you in the past, and mostly stayed away from the Sage and Ima bashing, but no more. You clearly don't belong here. You don't learn from your mistakes. You don't try to fit in. You don't try and follow the rules. And you're clearly not understanding what's acceptable and what's not here.

I hope you and Ima are happy, but I hope you two figure out your relationship needs to exist elsewhere and not on GAB. My personal opinion is that you've just pused it too damn far and this board would be much better off without either of you. You really should just leave, even though I know you won't. You just don't belong here, and you are bad for the board.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
12/22/2007 08:34 PM

Heh. Dit said puse.

Ditdah in a pear tree 123,110 14
12/22/2007 08:36 PM

<action>pusHes Dogs off his chair</action>

Lila Can Has Baby? 78,555 13
12/22/2007 09:36 PM

I skimmed just enough of the first couple of posts to see it was a Taco-like story and stopped before I lost my breakfast KChi-stylie.

Sage, hon - please stop. For the love of all that is holy quit posting things like this here. The web is a massive blackhole of a place where you can get your jollies pretty much anywhere but please stop disappointing me with your ideas of erotica on this comedy board.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/22/2007 09:54 PM

As an aside, I must say that while her typing abilities are extremely poor, her oral skills are top notch.

Okay, that did make me giggle. At least he can evaluate her strengths and weaknesses, and I guess he figured that strength outweighed her poor grammar... probably a conclusion any male GABber would come to.

Look! I have a Mistletoe! 156,790 17
12/22/2007 10:00 PM

I can't help but comment on this - - I mean, it wouldn't be right if I didn't as I've been ruining GAB for years.

Ummm.... "polishing your knob" ? Come on... who really says that? Also, I doubt it's a knob. Probably more like one of those little round handles you find on the bathroom vanity...but I digress..

I'm trying to find a little bit of humor, but telling everyone on GAB that Ima had what amounts to a redneck milkshake, whilst you try to be witty about it, really isn't helping your case around here.


Ohh... and Ima spits????

Amateur.

Fa ra ra ra Robin® 14,626 10
12/22/2007 10:05 PM

I feel dirty.

It's kinda like walking in on your parents and finding out they have a bondage fetish.

I'm going to go shower now,

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/22/2007 10:08 PM

<action>Vomits. Everywhere.</action>

TacoCrunch: Ambushing GABbers under the mistletoe 61,976 36
12/22/2007 10:16 PM

In all seriousness though, did she threaten to leave you if you didn't write one of her or something? This one's a thousand times more disturbing though. I can't shake the idea that this one might have actually happened.

I'm going to go pray now.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
12/22/2007 10:33 PM

I'm going to go pray now.

You many want to wait a few minutes. Jesus is out puking in the bushes.

Kwanzaa Chi Chi 161,353 14
12/22/2007 10:45 PM

Anyone have any tips for scrubbing creepy out of your eyes?

Kwanzaa Chi Chi 161,353 14
12/22/2007 10:48 PM

She opened a can of creamed corn and poured it over my bare chest. The cold creaminess splashed over my nipples and sent tingles of excitement down to my crotch area. "Would you like me to make a sandwich?" she asked. I moaned in pleasure as she slathered mayonnaise between two pieces of spongy white bread, then slapped on a piece of flaccid ham and a yellow slice of cold American cheese. I was in heaven. She turned around and blew a fart in my face.

Shaking Metal Like Scrooge's Marley 56,809 18
12/22/2007 11:21 PM

Penthouse Form Editor

Chi Chi, You're hired!

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/22/2007 11:29 PM

Holy grilled cheese and damn sandwiches, this thread got DAN-jacked in its first post.

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/22/2007 11:30 PM

Then, as if things could get any worse, it got Dan jacked off in its second post.

Because I think Dan is IMA.

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/22/2007 11:33 PM

Also, I doubt it's a knob.

In Trixie's case it would...nevermind.

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/22/2007 11:50 PM

For Frost's sake, stop acting like such a clown. Just because you aren't man enough to be able to drive while getting head doesn't mean you have to post about it.

You're a punk for not being able to call thirty minute rule without pulling over.

And you poor, white trash Carroll, all it takes is a breakfast at Denny's?

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/22/2007 11:55 PM

I think it was just a preview.

Makes sense, considering how Sage changes the current woman he's dating the same way he flips through adult movies on Pay-Per-View...

Snork Spits in your Eggnog. 45,655 12
12/22/2007 11:59 PM

Sage: "Let me tell you all about my boring geezer love-life in gruesome detail."

Gab: "Whamo'd!"

Sage Upon a White Wheelchair 80,728 42
12/23/2007 12:00 AM

<action>flip, flip, flip, flip flip</action>

Oh, oh, oh,

OHHHHHHHH Frost, I CAME ON MY FOOT PEDALS

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
12/23/2007 12:02 AM

Why come on foot pedals when you can CUM IN HER MOUTH?

Sage Upon a White Wheelchair 80,728 42
12/23/2007 12:03 AM

I thought it would bounce in.

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/23/2007 12:05 AM

Hey Sage, I found a rare picture of your girlfriend.

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/23/2007 12:14 AM

<action>chants</action>

Sage by himself sitting in a tree...

The Decked in Holly Priestess 58,948 29
12/23/2007 01:52 AM

Ok, I usually don't get on any bandwagon when there is bashing going on, but that was unneeded and nasty. This thread needs to be deleted from the board and my mind.

KChikita - GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!!! 128,359 98
12/23/2007 06:03 AM

I read the first 2 lines and quit.

Nachos 57,521 23
12/23/2007 07:31 AM

We can only hope the next accident removes the use of his arms.

Chit 178,781 15
12/23/2007 08:16 AM

Ima bout to cum in your mouth, hon!

Santas Sack of BC Bud 13,792 15
12/23/2007 08:46 AM

I don't know whats worse sages post or all your reactions.

If you don't like it just Frost-ing ignore it..

everyone get off your hipocritical high Frost-ing soapbox's and make with teh funny..


yeesh....

Frogpop - for the people who are still alive. 173,153 25
12/23/2007 09:40 AM

lol?

santa got stuck in a manhole 21,646 29
12/23/2007 10:25 AM

I don't know whats worse sages post or all your reactions

The original thread post was stupid and not funny. But many of the reaction posts were smart and very funny.

Sage strikes again.

Humphrey 51,764 12
12/23/2007 11:23 AM

I'd be keen to know how a baked ham gives head?

Jolson whips it good! 16,163 11
12/23/2007 12:39 PM

<action>remotely enters the emergency override code for Sage's bionics.</action>

I want my $5 million back.

Cmacker 5,303 10
12/23/2007 04:15 PM

This wasn't another Taco story. Evidently you all missed the joke. While Sage and Ima were getting their dirty on, the "amateur adult video" convention caught them.

I'm not saying the joke was funny... I'm just saying....

Humphrey 51,764 12
12/23/2007 04:24 PM

Evidently we did.






Moron.

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/23/2007 11:20 PM

The original thread post was stupid and not funny. But many of the reaction posts were smart and very funny.

Sage strikes again.


Oh...That's because you need to mouse over.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/24/2007 12:47 AM

Even thought it made me want to drink bleach, this story at least had a punchline.

Golden Words 977 9
12/24/2007 01:14 AM

Hey, I don't know much about the two,
but is Ima like a figment of Sage's imagination?

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/24/2007 01:30 AM

Yeah, Ima is Sage's imaginary adult film star.

I'm not sure how he achieved that "blowjob" sensation, but I suspect that it involved a pancake.

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/24/2007 01:38 AM

By the way, this thread title should be changed to "Damaged Goods Find Love in a Parking Lot"

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/24/2007 01:45 AM

but is Ima like a figment of Sage's imagination

YES. The pics are fake and the wedding will have a stunning blow up doll. Oh, and cinderblock you have raised yourself in my eyes as it seems no one caught any of the jokes.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/24/2007 01:50 AM

Ima's real, but she's being paid by another GABber to date him and then leave him at the alter.

Pram's Nuts (roasting on an open fire) 80,728 42
12/24/2007 02:04 AM

<action>thinks about that one cool video with all of the defecating and vomiting</action>

Hey Ima, do you like icecream?

Kwanzaa Chi Chi 161,353 14
12/24/2007 02:06 AM

If we missed the joke, it was because none of us read the entire thing.

Jolson whips it good! 16,163 11
12/24/2007 03:08 AM

I read the entire post and yes, it did have a punchline. But to get there you had to wade through a goddamn Penthouse Letter And not even a good one at that. I mean, if you're going to write something go all out! Include some kind of fantasy bits about how the AVN people came over, saw you guys going at it and joined in with each and every female orifice filled with some kind of sausage- be it Italian, Polish, German, or Puerto Rican. then slam dunk it with Frost-ing awesome joke involving a midget, some KY lube, and a man-sized slingshot.

But don't, don't put what little you did out there without exaggeration because then it's just crappy porn with very little humor and gives us way too much insight into the personal lives of Bionic Sage and Imarealwoman.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
12/24/2007 03:58 AM

"What do you call that act?"

"The Imaristocrats!"

OH SHIT! 8,390 9
12/24/2007 12:07 PM

Anyone here from early 2006 will probably recall an erotic letter Trae posted. She had written it for a guy she was with and asked what people thought of it.
It came complete with a pragraph of detailed fisting.
Other than most of the male gabbers more likely sqirming, there was none of the above complaints of "crossing the line".
Hell, I even send a copy to my then b/f [yeah - he wasn't so keen either...]
My point is - this is GAB. It is for over 18s. If you don't like dead baby jokes then ignore the threads about dead babies. This is no different - don't like it, don't read it. Pretty simple isn't it ?

Undefined subroutine &PHLAGAB::connect_d 131,068 34
12/24/2007 12:10 PM

Is this thread about sex?

Santas Sack of BC Bud 13,792 15
12/24/2007 12:18 PM

My point is - this is GAB. It is for over 18s. If you don't like dead baby jokes then ignore the threads about dead babies. This is no different - don't like it, don't read it. Pretty simple isn't it ?

Totally agree, but then the 'regulars' here always have had a double standard

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/24/2007 12:23 PM

I smell a mutiny! I knew we should have never let the underlings learn to read. It can only lead to dissent!

Ima got ran over by a reindeer 2,940 6
12/24/2007 12:32 PM

BC check your email the one listed on your profile

OH SHIT! 8,390 9
12/24/2007 12:41 PM

There is also this:
I saw Chancer kissing Santa Claus
12/20/2004 1:43 pm [bljsXBTgKX_QIJjckP3QfA]

3 days ago I had this dream where I was on a couch wearing a string bikini at work. Well this cute guy started talking to me and admiring my bikini bottoms when they came off to reveal my very nice vagina and he was inclined to compliment me on by way of touching it! Well one thing led to another and I wrapped my legs around his head and he licked my clit ever so gently. He got me so hot and wet. I reached down and grabbed his big hard swollen Coleridge and slipped it into my quivering love hole. We were finally one, and the pleasure was unimaginable. He started shaking and pulled his rod out of me and shot his warm white sugar all over my face and chest. Then the boss came in, who was exceptionally hot. She also was wearing a bikini. Slowly she walked towards us and started licking his juice off my chest and worked her way up to my lips. Then she grabbed him and took all of his manliness into her mouth.

And the many threads started about best/worst/funniest sexcapades etc

If the bitching is about people discussing their "real lives" on gab - the list of offenders is endless.

Undefined subroutine &PHLAGAB::connect_d 131,068 34
12/24/2007 12:42 PM

SHUT UP.

Oh look, I win.

Filly 39,193 20
12/24/2007 01:07 PM

Sexcapades, sure. Those are funny. Anything more than that, no matter who posts it, is too far. This is a comedy site, not some erotica story site.

Jolson whips it good! 16,163 11
12/24/2007 07:12 PM

I'm not saying he was entirely wrong in posting it. I'm saying dress it up like a transvestite, let the freak flag fly, and navigate that erotic pirate ship towards comedy gold.

Instead we got something mildly creepy that was a few puppy dogs and a Dodge Ram van away from being a good story.

As for Trae's letter I can't comment as I had never seen it.

Chance, well, Chance was just talking about chocolate covered Twinkie Frost-ing.

Frogpop - for the people who are still alive. 173,153 25
12/24/2007 07:57 PM

Sarah is just jealous that Sagima's trainwreck of a love affair is bumping her relationship down another notch on the Turkicles all time most disastrous Gab relationships board.

When regulars do something inappropriate or just plain stupid they hear about it plenty. It's just far more likely that they'll be told so off-board by the other regulars that they're currently IMing, emailing, having sex with, or whatever, most frequently*.

I think the biggest problem with the Sage threads is that we pretty much all told him in that first thread (or others threads altogether in the intervening months) that we think what he did sucked. And yet, so many months later, here he goes again.

When someone clearly demonstrates that we do not have the technology to rebuild them, and they're going to keep taking dumps on our collective living room floor, we get grumpy.

Frogpop - for the people who are still alive. 173,153 25
12/24/2007 07:57 PM

Of course veteran gabbers sometimes get a pass where other shouldn't. Noobs are too busy sucking up to them to call them out if they step over the line a little. And, as I already said, concerned veteran Gabbers will likely mention something to the line-crosser off board. Most telling, really, is the silence in a veteran's over-the-line thread from the other veterans who would normally be clicking and commenting. Veterans know a failed or shunned thread when they've made one. Keep in mind though, veterans will only get a pass to the extent that they have built up good karma around here be being funny, helpful, etc. When a veteran Frosts up, they lose a bit of esteem. When tards keep tarding up the place after repeated warnings not to act like a tard, they are writing checks on an empty bank account.

*Please keep in mind, just because you happen to be IMing, emailing, or having sex with a gab regular off-board, this does not automatically make you one of the cool kids. We all come here because we're killing time, and this place is rife with single-parents, college dropouts, internet predators, and other general Frostups who have nothing better to do than chat off-board with any piece of webtrash that rolls their way.

Frogpop - for the people who are still alive. 173,153 25
12/24/2007 08:04 PM

After all, how do you think I met Dianada?
</obligatory'D!!1>

Dr. Jepper 58,758 13
12/24/2007 08:56 PM

Cool. I read the story and the first thought that popped into my mind was, "I've got a whole week off to come up with another parody thread". Brace yourselves people.

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
12/24/2007 09:40 PM

Frogpop summed up my personal feelings exactly. Veterans shouldn't post stories that aren't clearly meant to be funny and if they do they still hear about it. They do get cut more slack by the community because of their built up karma.

For those who don't know, administration generally only says something to an offender if there are several complaints from the community. And we don't generally address an offender on the board, rather in email. My point is, the board doesn't know when an offender (noob or vet) gets an email from the administration.

Kwanzaa Chi Chi 161,353 14
12/24/2007 09:42 PM

Roofie: BANNED

Roofie Raccoon 56,688 10
12/24/2007 10:03 PM

If you ban me I'll ban you, Chi Chi Phillipino! Merry Christmas you dancing lemur.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/24/2007 10:29 PM

I just banned all of you in my head.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
12/25/2007 01:21 AM

This post exceeds your moral tolerance.

Kwanzaa Chi Chi 161,353 14
12/25/2007 02:14 AM

I couldn't ban you, I'm a married man.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/25/2007 02:35 AM

Overanalyzing GAB is ruining GAB.

Filly 39,193 20
12/25/2007 03:31 AM

I couldn't ban you, I'm a married man.

Thanks for ruining my Christmas, Chi(2).

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/25/2007 04:19 AM

<action>shows thread his ban</action>

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/25/2007 04:20 AM

NOT Filly.

Filly 39,193 20
12/25/2007 04:25 AM

Heh. Still bitter are we, Frat?

Lila Can Has Baby? 78,555 13
12/25/2007 09:31 AM

I think maybe I was the only person in the entire room who laughed at that exact moment at Gab10 in Boston, Filly. And pointed. I believe I pointed as I laughed.

Gold, Fratberry & Myrrh 283,028 53
12/25/2007 10:46 AM

SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP!!!

Thud Kringle 68,506 19
12/25/2007 11:10 AM

Hit a nerve?

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
12/25/2007 10:51 PM

I just boned all of you in my head.


Even Filly.

DemoMonkey is neither 5 years old, nor a girl. 166,252 10
12/26/2007 01:18 AM

Meh. I've read creepier.

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
12/26/2007 01:40 AM

Even considering that you are part of all of you ?

Marmite - freaking out since '79 12,955 12
12/26/2007 04:53 AM

I have only just read this thread (fortunately, AFTER I've eaten)

And I'd just like to say:

You many want to wait a few minutes. Jesus is out puking in the bushes.

That is the best thing I've read in a long time.

BlueLep 13,144 10
12/26/2007 11:27 AM

Meh. I've read creepier.

Oh Demo...

Jingle Chance 171,275 14
12/26/2007 10:56 PM

For the record: My exotic stories were just rewritten from another gabber's post to make it funny. I did not just decide to come out an write an exotic story about anyone except for maybe Chi Chi once.

So YOU LOSE SARAH!

Merry Traemas 156,790 17
12/26/2007 11:02 PM

Trae, blah blah blah...

This is simple really. I'm hot, Sage is not.

FIN

Nachos 57,521 23
12/27/2007 12:18 AM

Barbara Graham was considered attractive.

They found her guilty and executed her.

Jingle Chance 171,275 14
12/27/2007 12:21 AM

Who killed gab? Was is Sage? I bet it was Sage.

Trixxie Cumming Down Your Chimneys 65,026 15
12/27/2007 08:08 PM

I leave for one week and this is what the board degenerates into?

Dogs Akimbo 211,590 32
12/28/2007 04:40 AM

Who killed gab?

The weather keeps killing GAB.

I'm sitting on my veranda in Negril, enjoying the steel drums and the afternoon rain, and my wireless signal strength keeps going up and down, depending on how heavily it's raining at the moment.

Why does life have to be so hard?

Pram (at one day after Christmas) 80,728 42
12/28/2007 07:09 AM

I just boned all of you in my head.


BRAIN RAPE!!!

Phuc 237,919 21
12/30/2007 02:23 AM

Thank god I have another week of vacation.

I'm going to spend the rest of my half hour in the wah-fah place downloading goat snuff porn. That is vastly more tasteful than Sage's desperate pleas for euthanasia.

JakAus 310 6
12/30/2007 06:06 AM

I believe my boner (yes I'm a dude) just screamed in a girlish falsetto. (I'm not so sure a dude anymore)

JakAus 310 6
12/30/2007 06:19 AM

Oh and sage and sage girl-thing, in the immortal, never ceasing, kick-ass words of Bob Johnson, try to stop sucking less.