Christmas failure
A comedy conversation
by Bravo Male  2,330  6
01/01/2008 01:26 AM 204 views
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I will share this quickly. My wife, daughter and I went to visit my brother for Christmas, in Carson City, NV. The second night there, my bro and I decided to go out drinking and catch up.
9:03pm- As I left the hotel room to meet up with him, my wife says, "Ok. Have fun. Don't puke on your clothes. I love you." I gave her a sort of: that's-weird...I-never-puke-on-my-clothes look. "Aaaalright", I said.
9:27pm- We're drinking at a local pub. I have about 2 ounces left in my second Sam Adams Winter Ale of the night. My brother, who chews tobacco, also has a Sam Adams, has already finished his and is spitting his chaw-juice into it. The bottles are on the same table.
I drink fast. Too fast. So fast, in fact, that by the time I realized what I had just ingested, the warm, thick, smoky fluid was well on its way down my gullet. "Uh oh", I whispered.
Everyone laughed and laughed. They suggested I forcibly expel it, lest it make me very sick. I declined.
9:38pm- We are telling the story to one of the girlfriends who had just arrived. She is visibly disgusted by the tale, so I decided to feign a gag/burp in her direction, which was sure to send her scampering off, eliciting laughter from everyone nearby. My plan failed, and I, with the traditional two fingers over the mouth, spat a substantial amount of vomit out of each side of my mouth and directly onto my jacket. As I am sure you can imagine, the taste of tobacco, ale, saliva and bile left me a near zero chance of staving off the ejection of the remainder of my stomach contents, which made a splatty thumping sound, with each heave, as it hit the bar floor, my shoes, and the cuffs of my pants.
My wife only had the one request.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
14 votes
4.5
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.7
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Loopy like it's 2008 6,902  12
01/01/2008 01:28 AM
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Hilarious
11 votes
4.1
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The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
01/01/2008 01:30 AM
That reminds me of the time I was Frost-ing some guy's wife in a hotel in Nevada. Everything was fine until the asshat showed up reeking of puke and regret.
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Funny
4 votes
3.0
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Midgets 96,105 48
01/01/2008 01:34 AM
The only failure I see is that between 9:03 & 9:27 you were only on your second beer.
Amature.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Bravo Male 2,330 6
01/01/2008 01:36 AM
reeking of puke and regret.
Sorry about that.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Bravo Male 2,330 6
01/01/2008 01:38 AM
The only failure I see is that between 9:03 & 9:27 you were only on your second beer.
Transit time.
Common sensually challenged.
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
01/01/2008 01:45 AM
Common Scents: When all the Guinneas are wearing the same Axe Body Spray.
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Funny
4 votes
3.2
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Pete Schweaty 186,130 44
01/01/2008 02:55 AM
Your brother lives in Carson City, Nevada and he chews tobacco? Is he Wild Bill Hickock or something?
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Chickens hung by the chimney with care 286,577 61
01/01/2008 06:31 AM
I was sitting watching a movie with a college roomie who dipped. I had that massive tub o' popcorn, which I worked through the first twenty minutes of the movie, then set on the floor to let the butter re-congeal.
3/4 of the way through the movie I reach for my corn, grab a whopping handful and have it almost in my mouth when my roomie tells me that wet feeling on my fingers isn't butter, but dip spit.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Bravo Male 2,330 6
01/01/2008 07:54 AM
Chickens, did you masticate his tobacco frothen slaver, or just finger it?
Your admission into my newly formed support group depends on it.
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Marmite blocks toilets 12,955 12
01/01/2008 08:05 AM
So basically, you french-kissed your brother without actually touching lips.
FAG.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Chickens hung by the chimney with care 286,577 61
01/01/2008 10:26 AM
His slobber was mere millimeters from my palate. Puke in the mouth was an almost.
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