Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/07/2008 10:17 PM

We fake our orgasms.

5150 Returns 1,692 7
02/07/2008 10:18 PM

For Frost's sake, put it IN your mouth.

Making noise in bed = major turn on.

Don't tell me that when i'm in a bad mood it impacts you and makes you upset. When you are pissed off 25% of the month i actually TRY to get a smile out of you.



Sigh.

5150 Returns 1,692 7
02/07/2008 10:19 PM

We fake our orgasms.

I fully endorse this product and/or service.

dropkick brody 43,090 12
02/07/2008 10:20 PM

Most women don't particularly like to play "dutch oven".

We don't?

Yeah, gross.

Chickens is a Cowardly Harpoonist 286,580 61
02/07/2008 10:20 PM

Screw this. We aint letting out any of out secrets.

Chickens is a Cowardly Harpoonist 286,580 61
02/07/2008 10:21 PM

OUR, not out.


I'm Frosted.

Megatron 3,360 9
02/07/2008 10:23 PM

We fake our orgasms.

Do you think we care

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
02/07/2008 10:25 PM

We leave the seat up on purpose.

5150 Returns 1,692 7
02/07/2008 10:26 PM

We leave the seat up on purpose.

I second that motion.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/07/2008 10:30 PM

It doesn't happen to every man.

Chickens is a Cowardly Harpoonist 286,580 61
02/07/2008 10:31 PM

Okay, but just this one.

"I love you." before sex is actually a contraction of "I would LOVE to see YOU with your ankles on either side of your head."

Likewise, "I'll call you." is a contraction of "heh".

Chi Chi: The Cake is a Lie 161,353 14
02/07/2008 10:31 PM

We don't really care how you think you look or how you feel, just strip off the underpants and let us in.

Chickens is a Cowardly Harpoonist 286,580 61
02/07/2008 10:35 PM

This is actually kind of freeing.

Yes those pants make you look fat but meh, we'd still hit it.


Is there a nice way to say that?

mothcleaner 4,106 10
02/07/2008 10:37 PM

there is: yes they make you look fat, but you'd look less fat naked, i promise

Chickens is a Cowardly Harpoonist 286,580 61
02/07/2008 10:38 PM

You don't get laid much, do you?

mothcleaner 4,106 10
02/07/2008 10:38 PM

I'm married, Of course not.

Chi Chi: The Cake is a Lie 161,353 14
02/07/2008 10:40 PM

Yes, your vagina is weird looking. They all are. But they make up for it by feeling awesome.

Chi Chi: The Cake is a Lie 161,353 14
02/07/2008 10:41 PM

Heh.

"How you feeling today, vagina?"

"AWESOME!"

Rabble Ravos 63,472 21
02/07/2008 10:42 PM

they look weird because they look like a knife wound.

Chi Chi: The Cake is a Lie 161,353 14
02/07/2008 10:45 PM

More like a steamed mussel.

Rabble Ravos 63,472 21
02/07/2008 10:46 PM

Yes if you have dark hair, you should probably wax your upper lip...and forearms.

Fratberry 283,028 53
02/07/2008 10:46 PM

We fake our orgasms.

So do we.

Chi Chi: The Cake is a Lie 161,353 14
02/07/2008 10:48 PM

If we jump the gun and apologize, we don't really mean it.

Megatron 3,360 9
02/07/2008 10:48 PM

You can call us it works both ways

Fratberry 283,028 53
02/07/2008 10:51 PM

Or a cantaloupe.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/07/2008 10:51 PM

Women aren't actually as complicated as some like to pretend they are. And money does buy happiness. I guarantee you'd get more head if you started tossing around the credit card more often.

Fratberry 283,028 53
02/07/2008 10:51 PM

Or a butterfly porkchop.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/07/2008 10:51 PM

Or a cantaloupe.

...you wife sure has a scary vagina.

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/07/2008 10:51 PM

Nine times out of ten, I'd really rather you didn't call me the next day.

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/07/2008 10:52 PM

Or ever again.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
02/07/2008 10:52 PM

If you want kissing, cuddling or talking, it will work much better for you if you try to get them before we blow our load.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/07/2008 10:52 PM

Nine times out of ten, I'd really rather you didn't call me the next day.

I'll second that. It's just too desperate.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/07/2008 10:55 PM

You know that expression, "it's not the size of the waves, it's the motion of the ocean?" Have you ever seen someone have fun in a wave pool with tiny waves and a strong undertow? It's pathetic. Size does matter. A lot. Appropriate girth is more important than length.

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/07/2008 10:57 PM

Usually, after the fun stuff is done, I just want to roll over and go to sleep. Your arm really is not a comfortable enough pillow for me.

Chi Chi: The Cake is a Lie 161,353 14
02/07/2008 10:59 PM

Ladies, I know you're a little self-conscious about any possible un-lady-like aromas down below, but trust me, only under the rarest of circumstances does it not smell weird.

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/07/2008 11:00 PM

Size does matter. A lot. Appropriate girth is more important than length.


But you can make up for it with a heavy interest in a lot of foreplay.

Also, having a large penis ≠ instant sexual success. You can be well-endowed and absolute crap in the sack, which is just such a waste.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/07/2008 11:09 PM

Size does matter. A lot. Appropriate girth is more important than length.

I disagree. Great foreplay does not make up for sex consisting of you seizuring on top of me for thirty seconds.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/07/2008 11:09 PM

Frost. I mean to quote the foreplay thing.


Often times women say one thing, and mean something else entirely.

Pubah 56,813 18
02/07/2008 11:14 PM

Some of us don't know what a 'Dutch Oven' is

We think you're attractive...otherwise we wouldn't be trying to get in your pants

We're simple...we want to please you...wars have been started to impress a woman

When we don't call it's because we were busy at the time (or worried we'd say something stupid)...point is, we were thinking about you

We LOVE your vejayjay...we may just like you, but we LOVE your vejayjay

Our orgasms are ALWAYS real

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
02/07/2008 11:16 PM

Nine times out of ten, I'd really rather you didn't call me the next day.

I'll second that. It's just too desperate.

This is not really a secret: I'm willing to trade post-coital ignorance for sex.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
02/07/2008 11:17 PM

And by "I" I mean every single Frostin' man on the planet.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
02/07/2008 11:17 PM

Except for Skippy. Because he would probably make you some soup or something.

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/07/2008 11:17 PM

I disagree. Great foreplay does not make up for sex consisting of you seizuring on top of me for thirty seconds.


I don't see the connection between a small dick and premature ejaculation.

Cause yeah, nothing in the world makes up for sex that bad, although we will be really sweet and tell you it wasn't that bad and happens to everyone to your face, and then giggle about it with all of our friends behind your back.

Jew Girl 15,189 12
02/07/2008 11:18 PM

Dutch Oven: The act of trapping a person under bed covers after releasing vile ass fumes.

EvelKnievel 947 6
02/07/2008 11:23 PM

Cut to the frosting point, we have a mental attention span of about 10 seconds for conversation. If your point isn't made in time our brain switches our ears to hear the Charlie Brown teacher voice, "Wha wha wha-wha wha wha". It's automatic so don't think you can change it.

We don't like to play "Conversation Attention Quiz", no one likes a game they can't win

When cornered, clueless, and forced to play "CAQ", we will result to giving you an answer we think you want to hear no matter how ridiculous. Because saying something stupid is better than hearing the "Your Not Listening" emo buzzer / rant

EvelKnievel 947 6
02/07/2008 11:23 PM

We don't waste golden opportunities on something as stupid as a fake orgasm, rather we modify the intensity or mental image and make it to the finish line no matter how low the shot clock is. In our game it's legal to rub one out after the game if necessary

EvelKnievel 947 6
02/07/2008 11:24 PM

Don't think you can manage every project around the house, only in very special situations is it a turn on to frost a boss!

Cinderblock 27,578 25
02/07/2008 11:25 PM

I'm letting out the big secret:

There is no such thing as a period. Seriously, we just made it up as the greatest excuse for anything ever, because it's so gross you won't want to ask any further questions.

EvelKnievel 947 6
02/07/2008 11:25 PM

We leave the toilet seat up intentionally at times, like when your bitchy. The thought of your ass dipped in toilet water is a form of man justice. You know you really did wrong if we leave the seat up without flushing at night!

Jimbabwe 104 6
02/07/2008 11:28 PM

I have a headache too!!!

But I fight through the pain!!!

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/07/2008 11:31 PM

Just because your last girlfriend was a clingy bitch doesn't mean I give a Frost what you do with your free time.


If I ask what you're up to tonight, it doesn't mean I necessarily want to see you. I can just be curious. I don't think we have to spend every waking hour together any more than you do.

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/07/2008 11:33 PM

Saying you're willing to "ride the red tide" when I'm feeling cranky does not make me feel better.

Punching you in the face, however, does.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
02/07/2008 11:34 PM

We don't find our boobs anywhere near as fascinating as you do.

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,464 56
02/07/2008 11:38 PM

We don't find our boobs anywhere near as fascinating as you do.

Oh yeah? well we don't find our penises anywhere near as fasc... oh wait. Yeah, actually we do.

Megatron 3,360 9
02/07/2008 11:38 PM

Dutch Ovens are for our amusement not yours.

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
02/07/2008 11:39 PM

We don't find our boobs anywhere near as fascinating as you do.



Some of us do.

Megatron 3,360 9
02/07/2008 11:39 PM

I'm going to hell.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
02/07/2008 11:40 PM

Oh yeah? well we don't find our penises anywhere near as fasc... oh wait. Yeah, actually we do

You think we find them fascinating? BWA HA HA HA HA!!!

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,464 56
02/07/2008 11:40 PM

Saying you're willing to "ride the red tide" when I'm feeling cranky does not make me feel better.

Ok then, the muddy tunnel it is!

Nachos - Misanthropy = good, Sociopathy = bad. 57,521 23
02/07/2008 11:43 PM

Some of us don't know what a 'Dutch Oven' is

But then we don't need to as the act itself is a gender-trait. We've also got a lingering hope you'll blow us when you're down there.

We think you're attractive...otherwise we wouldn't be trying to get in your pants

Unless we've got to the point where we'll Frost anything that moves. You may be that anything.

We're simple...we want to please you...wars have been started to impress a woman

Read 'we want to turn you on by throwing around large amounts of testosterone. Once the chase is over, we only want to impress you enough to get more and/or dirtier sex. Pleasing you comes way down on the list.'

When we don't call it's because we were busy at the time (or worried we'd say something stupid)...point is, we were thinking about you

In this case, Playstations and drinking beer both count as 'busy'.

We LOVE your vejayjay...we may just like you, but we LOVE your vejayjay

As long as it's not buried under enough pubic hair to clog an estuary.

Our orgasms are ALWAYS real

Unless we find you repulsive/highly annoying but not having sex with you would cause too much grief, in which case we fake it, leg it to the bathroom citing a need to pee and then have one off the wrist.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/07/2008 11:44 PM

When a group of women get together, we really do have naked pillow fights.

Jew Girl 15,189 12
02/07/2008 11:46 PM

Ok, let me see if I have this right:

Naked
Penis in mouth
Make noise
Cut to chase in conversations

Chi Chi: The Cake is a Lie 161,353 14
02/07/2008 11:47 PM

Cut to chase in conversations.

BlaiseMilla 67,057 13
02/07/2008 11:47 PM

When we go to a restaurant and you order something low fat and tasteless, then discover it sucks, we do care when you ask to have some of ours.
And don't ask me questions or knock on the bathroom door while I'm taking a dump. It really is obnoxious.

Nachos - Misanthropy = good, Sociopathy = bad. 57,521 23
02/07/2008 11:49 PM

Make noise

Not always. Sometimes we just want to push you face into the pillow so that we can pretend we're stifling every conversation you might have with us for the next ten years.

BlaiseMilla 67,057 13
02/07/2008 11:52 PM

SCB is my kind of girl.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/08/2008 12:02 AM

Doing the dishes or a load of laundry is guaranteed to get you laid.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 12:03 AM

We Frost-ing hate it when you're indirect.

Don't say, "I'm cold," when you mean to say, "Gimme that blanket."

Say (bet you're not expecting this), "Gimme that blanket."

Piece a Frost-ing cake!!!

It's common Frost-ing courtesy.

Nachos - Misanthropy = good, Sociopathy = bad. 57,521 23
02/08/2008 12:05 AM

But if they did that how else would they judge how much we love them.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 12:05 AM

If you're ugly and we tell you you're pretty, it's not because we want to Frost you, it's because we are showing a rare moment of compassion and kindness.

If you Frost with us, we will shatter that illusion so completely and devastatingly, Ben and Jerry's will have to open up the border to Mexico to keep up with the demand.

Nachos - Misanthropy = good, Sociopathy = bad. 57,521 23
02/08/2008 12:07 AM

If you're ugly and we tell you you're pretty, it's not because we want to Frost you, it's because we are showing a rare moment of compassion and kindness.

Or we're horny and desperate. Or you have big tits.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 12:08 AM

This is how many colors we are able to comprehend.

This is what just one of your eye cells looks like.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 12:09 AM

Or we're horny and desperate. Or you have big tits.

Sorry. Should have specified that the "we" in that case was married men.

You single mother-Frosters are on your own.

Rabble Ravos 63,472 21
02/08/2008 12:10 AM

We don't find our boobs anywhere near as fascinating as you do.

We don't find our boobs that fascinating either...

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 12:15 AM

If a guy says he likes Sex in the City or that Sarah Jessica Parker is hot, run like the Frost-ing wind, bitch.

He's either gay or he's trying to get in your pants by playing Mr. Sensitive, and Mr. Sensitive is the guy who--when the guys are all out at a bar--we trip him, dump drinks on him, pee on his shoes in the bathroom... Basically, you weren't into the kid who peed sitting down in the third grade, don't let those instincts fail you now that you're of breeding age.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 12:16 AM

Add to that list:
Show tunes
Billy Joel
Gray's Anatomy
The films of Nora Ephron
"Lite" anything
Shoes

Chi Chi: The Cake is a Lie 161,353 14
02/08/2008 12:17 AM

If a guy says he likes Sex and the City, bludgeon him. To death. Then continue for hours if need be.

Nachos - Misanthropy = good, Sociopathy = bad. 57,521 23
02/08/2008 12:22 AM

He's either gay or he's trying to get in your pants by playing Mr. Sensitive, and Mr. Sensitive is the guy who--when the guys are all out at a bar--we trip him, dump drinks on him, pee on his shoes in the bathroom

Or he's the guy who says to his friends 'I had to sit through hours of TV, but she put out in the end' and will then commence to fill them in on every little detail.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/08/2008 01:11 AM

We don't find our boobs anywhere near as fascinating as you do.

SCB and I cannot possibly be the only women who play with our own boobs.

That's What She Said 27,416 24
02/08/2008 01:18 AM

I appreciate honesty and all, but PLEASE keep the "I don't like you, I just want to Frost you" comments to yourself.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 01:23 AM

I don't like you.

I just want to take your money.

Dave's not here, but his mojo is workin 52,827 16
02/08/2008 01:25 AM

I'm all for equality and fully respect a woman's right to make her own decisions, but other than an occasional role reversal to mix it up a little I am in charge in the bedroom and your body is a topy for muy amusement. If you don't like it you can tell it to the back of the ball gag.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/08/2008 01:40 AM

Stop putting things in our ass while we are in mid coitus. Especially things we enjoy like the TV remote or my High School diploma.

Fratberry 283,028 53
02/08/2008 02:15 AM

If a guy says he likes Sex in the City or that Sarah Jessica Parker is hot, run like the Frost-ing wind, bitch.

"Oh, so it's three hookers and their mom?"

That's What She Said 27,416 24
02/08/2008 02:18 AM

I appreciate honesty and all, but PLEASE keep the "I don't like you, I just want to Frost you" comments to yourself.

I actually take this one back. It just recently happened and I'm still deciding whether to pork him or not.

Chickens is a Cowardly Harpoonist 286,580 61
02/08/2008 02:25 AM

Yes, we think she's hot. We'll never admit it to you of course, but your "slut" is our "hot". Sorry. Well not really.

Autra - No I won't give you diamonds 10,560 11
02/08/2008 03:11 AM

Doing the dishes or a load of laundry is guaranteed to get you laid.


Bull.

Shakespeare.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 03:13 AM

We like meat. We like the fat on meat. If we could get away with it, we'd eat meat at every meal, and every non-meat item would have meat on or in it.

If you meet a guy who will not eat meat, he's either got way too much emotional baggage or he's trying to impress you with his "free the whales" bullShakespeare. In either case, kick him in the nuts and walk away.

Autra - No I won't give you diamonds 10,560 11
02/08/2008 03:15 AM

<action>stands and applauds</action>Well spoken, good sir.

Rabble Ravos 63,472 21
02/08/2008 03:23 AM

If we could get away with it, we'd eat meat at every meal, and every non-meat item would have meat on or in it.

Who said we couldn't?
Well, I can. And usually do.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 03:24 AM

This is a good crowd here.

Any of you ladies wanna join me for steak?

Rabble Ravos 63,472 21
02/08/2008 03:25 AM

If I were a lady, I would be happy to oblige.

I can always pretend.

Tee Tee Jay- Ich bin ein Berliner 173,958 15
02/08/2008 03:33 AM

You know those guys who strut around bragging that they can go for HOURS? Yeah, those are the guys I always stayed away from. At some point, I'm going to stop paying attention to what's going on and actually stare at the ceiling thinking "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beaige."

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 04:41 AM

We call it "light brown."

Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/08/2008 04:45 AM

Any of you ladies wanna join me for steak?

I would, which is convenient, since I'm already outside hiding in your bushes.

Filly 39,193 20
02/08/2008 04:58 AM

SCB and I cannot possibly be the only women who play with our own boobs.

Oh, you're not.

Bravo Male 2,330 6
02/08/2008 05:18 AM

If you're asleep and I'm horny, I wish you wouldn't go all "psycho-bitch" on me when you wake up and I'm putting lipstick on you and using your hand to jerk myself off. Totally unnecessary.

SHP... Fool me once, fuck you! 181,795 70
02/08/2008 05:37 AM

Spooning early in the morning is not an invitation, nor is it an excuse, for you to put your dick between my ass cheeks.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 05:39 AM

But baby, it's cold in here!

SHP... Fool me once, fuck you! 181,795 70
02/08/2008 05:39 AM

However, if you feel an almost imperceptible nudge, that means I'm in the mood. If you don't pick up on that, then I have every right to be pissed of at you for the rest of the day.

Rabble Ravos 63,472 21
02/08/2008 06:06 AM

We like it when you take it in the ass because:
A) its warm
B) its tight
C) its more degrading to women.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/08/2008 06:22 AM

You may think writing an erotic short story about a woman you desire is flattering and arousing. You are incorrect.

Thud 68,506 19
02/08/2008 06:42 AM

If we cuddle after sex and fall asleep it's not because we're bored with the conversation and/or company.

Okay, sometimes it's not.

Atticus Jones 189 6
02/08/2008 06:48 AM

When we say "Make me a sandwich," we expect a sandwich in the very near future.

When you ask us what's on our minds and we respond with I don't know, that really means that we don't know and don't care so stop asking the same stupid question.

Ravos the Radish 63,472 21
02/08/2008 07:03 AM

However, if you feel an almost imperceptible nudge, that means I'm in the mood.

Hey, you have a small penis too?

Dave's not here, but his mojo is workin 52,827 16
02/08/2008 07:08 AM

You may think writing an erotic short story about a woman you desire is flattering and arousing. You are incorrect.

I think you may be making too broad a generalization. I think it helps if.

A. The story is well done
B. The woman has indicated some receptiveness
C. You don't post it on an internet chat board.

Dave's not here, but his mojo is workin 52,827 16
02/08/2008 07:09 AM

We don't know which top looks better, but if you keep asking we'll eventually start randomly pointing to one and saying something that makes us sound sincere about it so you'll shut the Frost up and we can get to the movie on time.

Flip.A.Coin.Already

Bravo Male 2,330 6
02/08/2008 07:34 AM

Taking it in the ass, letting me blow a load on your face and call you dirty names like: worthless slut,filthy bitch, or Coleridge holster, DO NOT make you a whore.


The fact that you did it in trade for a credit card shopping spree does.

That's What She Said 27,416 24
02/08/2008 07:39 AM

With all due respect, Mr. Bravo Male, I believe you got the Shakespeare end of that deal. See, while I will only have a sore ass for a few days, I'll have a lot of pretty new things that YOU will be paying off for the rest of your life. Now THATS a deal!

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
02/08/2008 07:39 AM

When I ask you what you're thinking about, the answer should never, EVER be Jessica Alba doing you in reverse cowgirl. Trust me. This is the wrong answer, Emerson.

That's What She Said 27,416 24
02/08/2008 07:40 AM

Trouble in paradise, Undies?

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
02/08/2008 07:41 AM

The fact that you did it in trade for a credit card shopping spree does.

Wait, you can trade it?



So not happy right now.

Thud 68,506 19
02/08/2008 07:43 AM

In keeping with Undies' post: if you ask us what we are thinking while we have sex with you, don't be surprised at the answer. No matter what it is.

Bravo Male 2,330 6
02/08/2008 07:44 AM

I believe you got the Shakespeare end of that deal.

That was the whole idea.

Dave's not here, but his mojo is workin 52,827 16
02/08/2008 08:07 AM

In keeping with Undies' post: if you ask us what we are thinking while we have sex with you, don't be surprised at the answer. No matter what it is.

I try to stay in the moment, unless I think I hear sirens. Then I can't really focus 100%.

manhole 21,656 29
02/08/2008 06:11 PM

We really do just read the articles.

manhole 21,656 29
02/08/2008 06:13 PM

This thread must be confusing the Shakespeare out of Werehamsta.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 06:19 PM

In follow-up to a previous post, we mean what we say and thank you for giving us so much credit, but there is rarely any subtext.

Unless you count that when we say "I like the green shirt," what we mean is "The green shirt makes it easier for me to check out your goodies all night," as subtext.

Rabble Ravos 63,472 21
02/08/2008 08:11 PM

If its been 3 hours, and I'm still not done, you're doing something very, very wrong.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 08:24 PM

When someone references something more obscure than what I reference, I get ascared.

Rabble Ravos 63,472 21
02/08/2008 08:25 PM

ref...erence?

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 08:45 PM

Whoah. Wrong thread.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/08/2008 08:52 PM

Ladies, in the ways that matter, yes--you actually are hotter than Jessicas Alba and Biel. Your disbelief and mistrust in us hurts our feelings.

...excuse us. We're going to get some fudge now.

KChiki is trying not to spill her guts! 128,359 98
02/09/2008 02:46 AM

for muy amusement

Awesome typo.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
02/09/2008 03:22 AM

Ladies, in the ways that matter, yes--you actually are hotter than Jessicas Alba and Biel. Your disbelief and mistrust in us hurts our feelings.


So how much did he pay you to post that Al?

Autra - Shakin' that sexy thang 10,560 11
02/09/2008 03:24 AM

Ladies, in the ways that matter, yes--you actually are hotter than Jessicas Alba and Biel. Your disbelief and mistrust in us hurts our feelings.

Well, hotter in the sense that we actually get to put it in you.

Jew Girl 15,189 12
02/09/2008 03:28 AM

Autra I'd love to clickie you for that post, but someone broke Gab and the right side of the screen is gone!

Phuc 237,919 21
02/09/2008 03:45 AM

Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.
Yes. I still love you.

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
02/09/2008 03:48 AM

If I Frosted you the first time we met, don't expect a relationship out of it.

Chit 178,781 15
02/09/2008 03:55 AM

When we cum...it's over...STOP...we are not programmed to ever stop a woman from blowing us, but it Frost-ing hurts, please just pretend to swallow and end the friction.

Don't even look at it.

You can have what's in my wallet...

Ravos the Radish 63,472 21
02/09/2008 09:50 AM

You can have what's in my wallet...

An extra condom?

Vomus 415 6
02/09/2008 12:51 PM

Yes it does look like a pittbull chewing tapioca when we are done.


Deal with it.

Phla ___ __ ______ ___ ___? 131,068 34
02/09/2008 01:14 PM

The Grossness Level has been crossed. You. Out. Now.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/09/2008 02:48 PM

While giving us a blowjob, it's ok to hold the balls. It's ok to gently rub the balls.

It is NOT ok to play handball with the balls.


When you ask me what you should wear, I will always say "Whatever you're more comfortable in." This is so you're in a better mood being in comfortable clothing all night, and it increases the chance I'll get laid.


Morning wood isn't always an invitation.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
02/09/2008 02:58 PM

From back when I was single: I fart. Usually loudly, and sometimes noxoiously. I am not being crude. I am keeping my digestive tract healthy. You are not worth stomach pain.


Don't lie. You want sex just as much as we do, if not more.

Pubah 56,813 18
02/09/2008 06:46 PM

We don't mind a woman President...


...Just not Hilliary!

Maybe Bonky...but for God's Sake, not Hilliary!

Big bOObs Mcgee 6,369 10
02/10/2008 02:40 AM

We don't find our boobs anywhere near as fascinating as you do.

Some of us do.

I think the majority of GABgirls do.
I know I can hardly stop touching them. I always have a hand in my shirt or down my pants ala Al Bundy.

Chickens is a Cowardly Harpoonist 286,580 61
02/13/2008 12:38 AM

It doesn't matter how much we spend on Val. Day, we feel sorta guilty.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/26/2008 06:45 PM

We actually do not read Barely Legal for the articles.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
02/26/2008 09:20 PM

This thread has one of my top funny posts in it. No, really.

Chance 171,275 14
02/26/2008 09:26 PM

We actually do not read Barely Legal for the articles.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

manhole 21,656 29
02/26/2008 09:59 PM

We actually do not read Barely Legal for the articles.

Great. Now my dirty little secret has been exposed.

manhole 21,656 29
02/26/2008 10:00 PM

heh, I said exposed.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/26/2008 10:04 PM

Secure that Shakespeare, cadet.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/26/2008 10:49 PM

Our leavings actually smell of wildflowers, but we use an aerosol of female Shakespeare smell after we make to help y'all feel better.

Chickens is a Cowardly Harpoonist 286,580 61
02/26/2008 11:11 PM

Speaking of female Shakespeare.

Mmmmm. Delicious.

syncope came to give his opinions on the Broncos 49,019 14
02/26/2008 11:36 PM

By the time it dawns on you and you ask "Are my stories really long and boring?" I've been mentally slashing my own throat for about 25 minutes.

Newt Gingrich 45,655 12
02/27/2008 12:23 AM

A word of cation: we're all seriously Frosted up people here, and you risk much by listening to anything anyone says.

Seriously, unless your significant other De Sade reborn, you should just turn around and walk. away.

Newt Gingrich 45,655 12
02/27/2008 12:30 AM

I should just break my Frost-ing can't-type-worth-Shakespeare fingers.

Fezig on his way to the castle anthrax 3,711 7
02/27/2008 03:36 AM

Yes we think that other woman is attractive...

Yes that outfit makes your ass look big...

And yes men do wish of threesomes (them and 2 other hot women)

Snappahed 943 8
02/27/2008 05:30 AM

Men love sport. If we're not playing it, we're watching it.
No, shopping is not a sport, and no, we shall never consider it such

Marmite blocks toilets 12,955 12
02/27/2008 05:57 AM

If you want us to dress up and act slutty, tell us, and buy us sexy underwear*. Don't expect us all to have Victoria's Secret's back catalogue in our knicker-drawer and be Frost-ing mind-readers.



*Note, this does not mean purchasing red crappy nylon split crotch panties and peephole bra - we are not strippers or prostitutes. Thank you very much.

Bravo Male 2,330 6
02/27/2008 06:04 AM

I know I should've said this right when it happened, but I was too busy having scenes from Deliverance flash through the part of my brain that controls weeping:

I don't care if there IS a male g-spot in there. Keep your thumb(s) to yourself!

Ravos, the Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
02/27/2008 06:32 AM

I don't care if there IS a male g-spot in there. Keep your thumb(s) to yourself!

Speak for yourself!

Marmite blocks toilets 12,955 12
02/27/2008 06:34 AM

But the strap-on dick still stays, right?

Bravo Male 2,330 6
02/27/2008 06:42 AM

But the strap-on dick still stays, right?

If you'll finally let me plug your panniculus, while I lick your eyes.

Marmite blocks toilets 12,955 12
02/27/2008 06:44 AM

<action>checks the front door is locked</action>Have you been spying on me?

Phuc 237,919 21
02/27/2008 06:45 AM

The back door is an exit. Keep your fingers outta there.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/27/2008 06:46 AM

...on a guy, I mean.

Bravo Male 2,330 6
02/27/2008 06:47 AM

FapFapFapFapFapFapFapFap-Nngguhhh

I'm sorry, what?

Marmite blocks toilets 12,955 12
02/27/2008 06:47 AM

That reminds me of a joke:

Why do women have 2 holes?

So you can carry them like a six-pack.

syncope came to give his opinions on the Broncos 49,019 14
02/27/2008 09:44 AM

Deep down, we're all romantics.

party trick: I can pee standing up 18,570 33
02/27/2008 10:02 AM

Secure that Shakespeare, cadet

I told you that. And he was a recruit ( read: ree crew it). The navy's all jacked up.

party trick: I can pee standing up 18,570 33
02/27/2008 10:09 AM

I expect sex at least once a day, unless I'm mad. Then you shouldn't expect it for a couple of days.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/27/2008 09:19 PM

I told you that.

I was quoting "Aliens."

"Look into my eye..."

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/11/2008 12:34 PM

I just wanted to bump this, so that all you people who promised me clickies could follow through, now that the thread isn't broken.

/whoring

Juan: Animal Collectivist 1,173 5
03/19/2009 09:01 PM

BUMP!

Undermeanie! 101,398 77
03/20/2009 08:10 AM

When I ask you what you're thinking about, the answer should never, EVER be Jessica Alba doing you in reverse cowgirl. Trust me. This is the wrong answer, Emerson.

Thanks for bumping this Juan.

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
03/20/2009 08:13 AM

When to shut the Frost up.

Lobster with Battery Acid Sauce 18,570 33
03/20/2009 05:29 PM

party trick: I can pee standing up
02/27/2008 10:09 AM

Aww, this was back when I was still drinking regularly while taking Percoset. Don't you guys miss those days?

Pants 14,252 17
03/20/2009 09:51 PM

Or a butterfly porkchop.

Are you saying that you have a small penis because I don't see anything that my winky would fit into.

manhole 21,656 29
03/21/2009 01:01 AM

I clicked on the link "butterfly porkchop" and it sent me to an unusual place.

A picture of a real unaltered butterfly porkchop.

Fascinating.

 

Chix is in da house 286,580 61
03/21/2009 05:35 PM

I love reading these old threads.  I was a funny mofo once.

Millie 116,988 28
03/22/2009 05:08 PM

Morning wood isn't always an invitation.



Is that so? I guess I owe some apologies.

Bill the asshole 53,270 54
03/22/2009 06:08 PM

Morning wood isn't always an invitation.



Is that so? I guess I owe some apologies.

No, no you don't. Oh sarcasm, I get it.

Old Dirty Bastard McManus 186,130 44
03/22/2009 07:33 PM

The only reason I can think of why morning wood would not be an invitation is that no invitation is ever necessary.  If I'm sporting wood, consider it an open house.

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
03/22/2009 09:56 PM

The term jerking off is not a descriptive representation of how it should be performed.

Juan: Animal Collectivist 1,173 5
03/22/2009 10:04 PM

The term jerking off is not a descriptive representation of how it should be performed.

Neither is "beating off" or "spanking it."

Pubah 56,813 18
03/22/2009 10:37 PM

Firmly caressing in a stimulating manner just dosen't sound right...

Juan: Animal Collectivist 1,173 5
03/22/2009 11:10 PM

I think it was already determined that the proper term is "giving birth to a handson."

Max Coolbody 183 6
03/22/2009 11:27 PM

BOOBIES!!!!!!!

...I'm sorry, what was the question?

Millie 116,988 28
03/23/2009 06:18 PM

If I'm sporting wood, consider it an open house.

I'll keep that in mind.

Pants 14,252 17
03/23/2009 06:34 PM

If I'm sporting wood, consider it an open house.

Look at as though someone is thoughtfully pulling out a  chair for you.

Thud 68,506 19
03/23/2009 06:47 PM

If I'm sporting wood, consider it an open house.

I'll keep that in mind.

I think he's hoping you'll keep it somewhere other than "in mind".

Fezig - the other Mike Rowe 3,711 7
03/31/2009 02:09 PM

Ladies - sometime it stands at attention for no reason.  We don't always have control over it.  Ask any guy about the embarrasement of gym class, sweat pants and high school.

Also,

Yes we actually do feel PAIN when we see another guy take a nut shot.  It is not a joke.

Chance wears GREEN Undies 171,275 14
03/31/2009 03:41 PM

Just because I sleep naked does not mean I am an all you can eat buffet.

Wait, yes it does.

WHATS YOUR PROBLEM? 

CANT YOU TAKE A Frost-ing HINT?

Thud 68,506 19
03/31/2009 06:00 PM

So, when's the next sleepover, Chance?

Lobster with Battery Acid Sauce 18,570 33
03/31/2009 07:13 PM

I normally sleep in a tank top and pajama pants. If you happen to notice that I traded in flannel pants for lacey boyshorts, I better Frost-ing be getting laid that night, or else you won't for a long, long time.

TomServo 3,759 7
04/01/2009 03:47 AM

 Watching you work, even more of a turn on. 

Especially if you are a stripper

peoriagrace 6,166 11
04/01/2009 02:15 PM

Firmly caressing in a stimulating manner just dosen't sound right...

What about choking your chicken?

tHe HaLogEn aNaTomY 19 4
04/01/2009 06:35 PM

 When you're not around, guys, we wear underpants from the dollar store.

Pubah 56,813 18
04/05/2009 09:52 PM

A man asks his wife if he can cum in her ear.

She says, "No, I might go deaf."

He tersly replies, "What makes you think that. I come in your mouth all the time and you never shut up."

AUS Lachlan 49 5
04/06/2009 08:57 AM

When we go to a restaurant and you order something low fat and tasteless, then discover it sucks, we do care when you ask to have some of ours.

YOU may not want a full drink / Icecream / dinner / packet of chips / anything... but I Sure as hell do!

No you can not 'just have some of mine'... i orderd it because i want it all... NOT JUST HALF

Test Tube Baby Bunnies 828 5
04/08/2009 01:43 AM

No, we don't enjoy being the maid and cleaning up all day long.  And no, it's not going to

help if you buy me a French maid's outfit.

Lobster with a side of Matzoh 18,570 33
04/08/2009 08:12 AM

TTB, maybe I'm a freak, then, because I DO like cleaning house. I really, honestly love being domestic. Like one of these women:

Test Tube Baby Bunnies 828 5
04/08/2009 01:56 PM

Lobsty you're going to be a great mom.

Pants 14,252 17
04/08/2009 02:45 PM

NO it is not cute.  It is a force to be reconned with.

Test Tube Baby Bunnies 828 5 hands Pants a letter k
04/08/2009 06:48 PM

 Very funny post by the way.

Pants 14,252 17 looks at the K
04/08/2009 07:54 PM

Shhhhhhit.

Thanks Test.

Thud 68,506 19
04/08/2009 08:09 PM

Pants, be careful with that "K".  If you collect two more you'll end up looking like an Emerson.

Pants 14,252 17
04/08/2009 08:47 PM

If you collect two more you'll end up looking like an Emerson.

Will that mean that I've been struck out?

Parameter Random Access Mullet 80,728 42
04/08/2009 09:07 PM

We know that only 10 percent of your personality comes from you, and the other 90% you mimic.

YOU MIMIC, I SAY!

Pants 14,252 17
04/08/2009 09:49 PM

Pram, you are truely interesting but you lost me on the Mimic thing.

Are you calling me a plagiarist or a mime?

Thud 68,506 19
04/08/2009 09:59 PM

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who didn't get the "mimic" joke, if it was one.

peoriagrace 6,166 11
04/09/2009 12:05 AM

I thought Mimic was a alien horror movie?

RustyNail 13 4
09/10/2009 02:00 PM

We DO like to dance. But with a hot chick.

You make me feel so Ravos 63,472 21 is trapped in his invisable box
09/10/2009 02:56 PM

:(

Alarm Clock the Chubby Robot 6,348 4
09/10/2009 04:00 PM

Lobster with a side of Matzoh
04/08/2009 08:12 AM

I DO like cleaning house. I really, honestly love being domestic.

Nothing to add. I just wanted to freely quote this and bookmark it when I get home.

dasypy gal 14,795 17
09/10/2009 09:45 PM

Some people don't need all of their teeth. It makes oral so much more pleasant.

RustyNail 13 4
09/10/2009 11:23 PM

No teeth at all might feel good, but only 6 missing here and there give the "rake effect".

Astro-hippy 30 5
09/10/2009 11:30 PM

I prefer innies. Nice, neat, tucked away.

Any woman with an issue with this, clearly has an outie.

Mielke 1,482 6
09/10/2009 11:43 PM

No teeth at all might feel good, but only 6 missing here and there give the "rake effect".



I always secretly wanted to experience a "Gummer".

RustyNail 13 4
09/12/2009 01:22 PM

"I always secretly wanted to experience a "Gummer"."

Are you referring to a woman only having gums, or what your organ looks like when she's done chewing it?