Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
02/19/2008 09:21 PM

Chuck Norris was born in Ryan, Oklahoma, the son of Wilma Scarberry and Carlos Ray Norris

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
02/19/2008 09:22 PM

"Chuck's" real name is Carlos Ray Norris

Hydrant-monkey 9,888 23
02/19/2008 09:22 PM

Carlos Norris was born born March 10, 1940.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/19/2008 09:22 PM

Chuck Norris blows Mike Huckabee.

Ravos, the Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
02/19/2008 09:23 PM

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an eraction. There were no survivors.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/19/2008 09:23 PM

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

KChiki, not Kimchi 128,359 98
02/19/2008 09:25 PM

They once tried to make "Chuck Norris Toilet Paper" but it wouldn't take Shakespeare off anybody.

Ravos, the Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
02/19/2008 09:29 PM

Chuck Norris steals the socks from your drier.

Freckle Monster 171,275 14
02/19/2008 09:36 PM

Chuck Norris invented cheezburgers by throwing a cow at a chain link.

Miss, Throw me sumtin Mr. Trixxie 65,026 15
02/19/2008 09:39 PM

Chuck Norris is an average looking guy, whose acting sills are marginal at best, and whose displays of martial arts are sloppy.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
02/19/2008 09:42 PM

hello... 2005? yeah, hi, it's me, i was just seeing if you could give me some chuck norris information for a thread on gab. uh huh... i see... so, nobody really gives a Shakespeare or finds the chuck norris facts funny anymore? really? about as relevant as dustin diamond? oh my... well, thanks for your time anyway... yep you too, bah bye.

Freckle Monster 171,275 14
02/19/2008 09:49 PM

Meh whateva, they amuse me and in the long run thats all that really matters....ME.

DANCE JESTERS DANCE!

Fezig on his way to the castle anthrax 3,711 7
02/20/2008 03:46 AM

Chuck Norris has never had sex.

No woman could ever please him more then the sight of his own hands.

The Jerk 6,311 9
02/20/2008 03:48 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air captive.

Chuck Norris invented the giraffe by uppercutting a horse.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer... Too bad he has never cried.

And so on and so forth.

Fratberry 283,028 53
02/20/2008 04:04 AM

Chuck Norris once got busy WITH a Burger King bathroom.

KChiki, not Kimchi 128,359 98
02/20/2008 05:11 AM

Years ago, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a remote abbey tucked away deep in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later, the nuns simultaneously gave birth to the 1972 Dolphins, STILL the only undefeated NFL team in history.

KChiki, not Kimchi 128,359 98
02/20/2008 05:11 AM

I'm with you, Chance. These still make me giggle.

Jihad Joe: The REAL Arabian Hero 6,067 8
02/20/2008 06:47 AM

Chuck Norris' semen cures cancer. Too bad he has AIDS.

MadWorldsOdd 1,728 6
02/20/2008 07:42 AM

If Mike Huckabee wins the election Chuck Norris will be our new president. No one will argue.

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
02/20/2008 07:58 AM

When Chuck was a young boy, he was a cronic mastuerbater (werent we all?). He would whip out what he liked to call "Chubby Chuck" at a drop of a hat and beat off while watching TV with the family, in the supermarket, even at church.

Thier family pets fur was all hard and crunchy, the floor had more stains then Larry King's underware, and the neighborhood kids did not want to come over to play with Chuck because his toys were soo sticky and no one elsed liked "Chubby Chuck".

Then one fine day while, wrastlin' with Chubby Chuck........


Ah I lost it, some one else finish the story.

MadWorldsOdd 1,728 6
02/20/2008 08:02 AM

Little Chuck Norris yanked too hard and Chubby Chuck fell off. He danced around the floor like a pressure hose on full blast. Then Chubby Chuck took off out the door and ran down the street......

party trick: I can pee standing up 18,570 33
02/20/2008 08:08 AM

when chuck norris does pushups he is not pushing himself up, he is pushing the world down


yeah i know i Frosted up your story

Thud 68,506 19
02/20/2008 08:15 AM

Yes you did. Thank you.

MadWorldsOdd 1,728 6
02/20/2008 08:16 AM

Well really, that story couldn't go much further...I Frosted it up pretty good the truly depraved might have been able to keep it running, but I have yet to see depraved on the GAB

Pram 80,728 42
02/20/2008 09:15 AM

Chuck Norris is so famous, that when Chuck and Buck came out, everyone thought he was in the movie as the guy who gets stalked by a gay dood.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/21/2008 12:33 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/21/2008 12:34 AM

Chuck Norris beat the IBM Big Blue computer at chess in 3 moves. He had only a pawn, the thimble, and a checker.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/21/2008 01:55 AM

One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on Chuck Norris' mustache and I'm so very coldddd!"

The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the mens cammode, wait for a young pilot to come along, and when he sits down you climb right up between his butt cheeks where its nice and warm".

The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was.

The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?"

To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the mens cammode and this pilot came in and sat down, I climbed right up between his butt cheeks and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on Chuck Norris' mustache!

Atticus Jones 189 6
02/21/2008 04:28 AM

Chuck Norris has no chin, its just another fist.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
02/21/2008 04:30 AM

Chuck Norris has never posted in this thread.

Atticus Jones 189 6
02/21/2008 04:30 AM

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands; they are now the Islands.

Sylvester Clemmons and the Cocks of Chaos 119 7
02/21/2008 04:58 PM

My personal favorites:

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bike that had no chain and no back tire.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris

Ravos, the Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
02/21/2008 08:22 PM

Chuck Norris sued the TV show "Law and Order" for stealing the names of his left & right fists.

Chi Chi Felipe 161,353 14
02/21/2008 08:32 PM

Chuck Norris ate a baby once, then he Shakespeare out a dingo.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
02/21/2008 08:39 PM

Chuck Norris beat Jesus Christ in a slam dunk contest.

Atticus Jones 189 6
02/21/2008 08:57 PM

Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

At a carnival one year, Chuck Norris rode the ferris wheel. Upon exiting his seat a carnie touched his beard. That carnie is now the manager of a local convenient store. CHUCK NORRIS helping carnies since 1967.

Chuck Norris likes to "knit sweaters" in his spare time, and by "knit" I mean "kick", and by "sweaters" I mean "babies".

Before e-mail was invented, chuck norris would attatch messages to kittens and roundhouse them.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris 63,472 21
02/21/2008 09:50 PM

Chuck Norris has never posted in this thread.

Yes I have.

JakAus 310 6
02/22/2008 02:18 AM

I just posted after Chuck Norris.

JakAus 310 6
02/22/2008 02:19 AM

There is no evolution, just animals that Chuck Norris allows to live.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 02:44 AM

Chuck Norris can make mute people scream.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 02:46 AM

Che Guerra has a Tee Shirt with Chuck Norris on it.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 02:53 AM

Because of all Chuck Norris' casualties, the next edition of Webster's dictionary will include the new word "Norricide". It's definition? "The systematic and planned extermination of an entire national, racial, political, or ethnic group solely using roundhouse kicks".

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
02/22/2008 03:00 AM

Superman wears chuck norris pajamas.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 03:06 AM

Light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris.

Pram 80,728 42
02/22/2008 03:11 AM

Chuck Norris is so alive, that it affected the entire U.S. economy and reduced its breadlosers to dragging their feet through a black and white life, hoping to die while they're waiting in line with their kids to see Hannah Montana.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 03:13 AM

Chuck Norris uses Tabasco sauce as lubricant when masturbating.

Pram 80,728 42
02/22/2008 03:25 AM

Chuck Norris's teeth are so yellow,

Damn it, I got that mixed up with Yo Momma jokes.

Chuck Norris looks so tough, that he walked into a gas station to buy a piece of candy for a penny a nickel a quarter a dollar and thirty five cents, and he came out with the clerk's wallet and a written apology for making eye contact.

Pram 80,728 42
02/22/2008 03:54 AM

Chuck Norris is so influential, that drug cartels all over the world are now considering adopting the Roundhouse Kick as their weapon of choice.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 04:04 AM

All of Chuck Norris' genes are dominant.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 04:06 AM

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Dave's not here, but his mojo is workin 52,827 16
02/22/2008 05:06 AM

Chuck Norris thinks backing a man who thinks the earth is 4,000 years old and god cries when you masturbate is a good idea.

Am I playing this right?

Thud 68,506 19
02/22/2008 06:01 AM

Chuck Norris looks so tough, that he walked into a gas station to buy a piece of candy for a penny a nickel a quarter a dollar and thirty five cents, and he came out with the clerk's wallet and a written apology for making eye contact.

Big deal, same could be said of me and Dave.

Thud 68,506 19
02/22/2008 06:01 AM

Dave, I think you have the right idea.

Atticus Jones 189 6
02/22/2008 06:15 AM

To prove Chuck Norris isn't racist, he kills 15 white people each week.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
02/22/2008 10:49 AM

Chuck Norris dresses appropriately and is usually quite prompt.

Chit 178,781 15
02/22/2008 11:23 AM

Chuck Norris is more surprised than we are that his 15 minutes keep getting renewed.

Jihad Joe: The REAL Arabian Hero 6,067 8
02/22/2008 11:31 AM

Chuck Norris sued the TV show "Law and Order" for stealing the names of his left & right fists.

Chuck Norris Sued the show "Hope and Faith" because "Hope" and "Faith" are the names of his left and right breasts.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 09:15 PM

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
02/22/2008 09:18 PM

Chuck Norris can have his cake, and eat it too.

Vomus 415 6
02/22/2008 09:31 PM

In a recent interview Chuck Norris was asked if he believed in the human soul, his answer was "yes and the are delicious".

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 10:40 PM

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
02/22/2008 10:41 PM

When Chuck Norris donates blood, he forgoes the needle and asks for a bucket and a hand gun.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 10:42 PM

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
02/22/2008 10:58 PM

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.