Snappahed 943 8
03/03/2008 04:32 PM

I'm at work and about 50 feet away i see my boss talking to a young woman.

I walk up and ask "Was she as hot up close as she looked"?

Turned out to be his daughter...

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
03/03/2008 04:42 PM

Worst thing I've ever heard someone say:

Hi, just thought I'd tell you about my new site, it's online business, where you can custom design your own metal models, then pay a tiny fee and have it made and sent to you:

Jay master of cheese 99 6
03/03/2008 04:53 PM

...yeah thanks for that... but meh, thats in the past

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
03/03/2008 05:12 PM

Perhaps, but you'll have to do better than this to make us forget.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
03/03/2008 09:43 PM

i once made a catholic joke about the altar boys lighting fathers candle, turns out the proofer i work with was an altar boy back in the day, he got kind of pissed.

EvelKnievel 947 6
03/04/2008 12:55 AM

Worst saying at a pool party, "I sharted during that cannonball!"

MiracleWh1p 98 5
03/04/2008 10:27 AM

At a lunch table a few years ago, I see some of my friends talking with someone I didn't really know.. I join in the conversation, and he kind of seemed like a dickhead, but whatever. They were urging him to go get something from the cafeteria, and he was unrelenting. I said, "Oh, you crippled or something?" in kind of a derogatory manor...

Turns out he was permanently bound to walking with crutches.

I later found out he was once on the Rosie 'O Donald show before. I felt better.

Cmacker 5,303 10
03/04/2008 11:02 AM

"Rosie 'O Donald?" What is that... cable public access?

Pram 80,728 42
03/04/2008 12:03 PM

Chatting with a girl at work:

"Oh, you've heard of Daniel Johnston? Daniel Johnston sucks!"

(turns out, she was a fan of Daniel Johnston.)

I'M GOING TO RETOX!! 86,705 14
03/04/2008 03:06 PM

I was once working with a girl who was slightly less posh than me. She was carrying plates when she lost her footing and almost fell over.

When she regained her balance, she looked at me and said...

'Frost! I nearly went Carroll up then!'

I laughed my head off!

I'M GOING TO RETOX!! 86,705 14
03/04/2008 03:13 PM

Also, this.

Slinky 28,185 10
03/04/2008 04:43 PM

"I introduce to you our new rating system. ORBS OF HILARITY!"

Pram 80,728 42
03/04/2008 06:39 PM

"Uh oh, hotdog."

HighSoci 30,109 18
03/04/2008 08:45 PM

I told a female that "I wasn't allowed to operate heavy machinery while drinking" one night at the club after she asked me to dance.

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
03/04/2008 08:53 PM

Most times, when someone tells me they like something, I reply with "Thats unfortunate."

Closet Friend #1004 7,665 11
03/04/2008 09:31 PM

An early and bittersweet messenger exchange of mine was winding down late in the evening.  The cute, clever woman flirting back and forth with me had to be at work early in the morning, and so did I.  Our conversation had been in complete sentences for the most part, which was fantastic in and of itself, so when "CUL?" came across my screen I paused - because I didn't know what she meant...

She explained her "see" "you" "later?" request to me and I felt like an idiot.  She picked me right back up by politely stroking my ego, however, postponing the end of our mutual admiration for a good bit.  When "CUL?" finally did come across my screen again, with newfound messaging savvy I quickly replied:

"see" "you" "next" "time!"

rsudak 4 5
03/05/2008 03:11 AM

English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
03/05/2008 04:40 AM

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country". - President of the US of A 9/6/04

MadWorldsOdd 1,728 6
03/05/2008 05:26 AM

"I drink your Milkshake"

Cmasterfizzle 86 8
03/05/2008 11:56 PM

From an already twisted school conversation:

person #1: "hey ally, chaz and ryan have bagged my tits and ass when I die, what do you want"

person #2 "head"

The Rev. Big Irish Guy, Jr. 203,956 21
03/05/2008 11:58 PM

"It would be a great idea to put the internet into schools."

I Dream of Stone Cold Bikini 62,262 18
03/06/2008 12:08 AM

When my 70-year old posh as all get out boss left today, she said "Oh, I'm nearly done these things, lovely, and when it's over, I'm going to have an orgasm."







My ears cannot unhear.

Viper6 28 6
03/06/2008 06:11 PM

Will you marry me?

Phuc 237,919 21
03/06/2008 06:17 PM

1996:

"OK. We'll meet you at the brewpub at 7. This guy from my work is coming. He's on the message board. The Werehamster."

Odd 1,728 6
03/07/2008 12:26 AM

<action> is listening to Lewis Black</action>

"If It wasn't for the horse, I'd have never spent that year in college."

Jihad Joe: The REAL Arabian Hero 6,067 8
03/07/2008 12:53 AM

"Do you see the message in the crowd? Please buy my book!"

Cinderblock 27,578 25
03/07/2008 01:18 AM

Onion. Sliver.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
03/07/2008 01:27 AM

"son, come look what daddy has for you."

-Chris Benoit

Flaming Bag of Shemp! 22,222 17
03/07/2008 01:37 AM

This isnt quite what you are looking for but this thread reminded me of this...


"As soon as I put this hot poker in my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off."


George Carlin: Things you never hear.

Pram 80,728 42
03/07/2008 05:18 AM

At work last this morning, my boss asked what CD I was listening to (she was curious because I was borrowing hers). I said it was the one with Bloodhound Gang on it, and Jimmy Pop was singing something about "DOWN ON THIS! DOWN ON THIS!"

My boss blushed, probably due to the fact that "down on this" is a reference to oral sex, but more than likely because I was doing illustrative hand gestures to describe the lyrics of the song.

Pram 80,728 42
03/07/2008 05:19 AM

At work last this morning

GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!

Bravo Male 2,330 6
03/07/2008 06:30 AM

"I don't care if your back is wet, so long as your money is green."

-Reno 911

Lungbutter 33 5
03/07/2008 03:26 PM

I work for a large trucking company as a dispatcher. Sometimes, truck drivers absolutely despise their dispatchers. I had this one in particular that had gotten into a few cuss-fights with me over the phone, and he called randomly one night saying he could not run the load we had assigned to him. He was really quiet the whole time, and I couldn't hear him saying what his reason was for not being able to drive, so I figured he was just trying to be difficult again. After asking himself to repeat himself about 6 times, and raising my voice to the point of saying "Why the hell can't you run this load, dammit!?", he then informed me that his father had died.

Then there's also the always famous "Of all the mother-Frosters I know, you's the mother-Frost-est."

Blimey! Its Sarah, and she wants some green beer! 30,601 8
03/08/2008 04:14 AM

I said it was the one with Bloodhound Gang on it, and Jimmy Pop was singing something about "DOWN ON THIS! DOWN ON THIS!"

Do you work in 1996?

Jay master of cheese 99 6
03/10/2008 11:28 PM

once a couple years back, I'd been away from my sister for ages, but being the evil little so and so, I decided I'd sneak up on her from behind and scare her, so I went behind her, then charged at her and jumped on her back (she's older than me) and scared the hell out of her...except it wasn't her...It was a man...the next 10 minutes are a blur... Always check to see if the person your scaring the hell out of is really who you think they are!

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
03/11/2008 12:03 AM

That wasn't a saying at all. Jay fails.

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
03/11/2008 12:05 AM

And its your challenge too. You failed at your own challenge.

You should be ashamed.

Pram 80,728 42
03/11/2008 11:49 AM

"Git R done"

Maybe if Larry the Cable guy tripped over a rock and tumbled down a chasm, he would forget the fame that resulted from coining that awful phrase.

Snappahed 943 8
03/11/2008 02:59 PM

I was with an Indian girl one night and just as things got interesting I very drunkenly asked her, "Why don't you taste like a curry?"

Yeah, she didn't laugh either.

Jay master of cheese 99 6
03/11/2008 03:51 PM

ok, fair enough, the last one was out of context! But once when I was on holiday, there was a restauant chain I'd eaten at before, so I decided to call them up and ask for a meal. They were called fuk mi, pronounced fook mai, but when I called, got a very british girl saying "Frost me how can I help you?"

...

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
03/11/2008 08:48 PM

Me & a group of people got talking about bad parenting. They were saying "This moisturizer says don't use it on children under 6 months old. Why would they need it anyway?"

So I reply "You know the saying 'smoother than a baby's bottom'? Yea, I would like it to be even smoother"

They promptly informed me I was never allowed to have children.

bluzesinger 650 6
03/12/2008 07:49 AM

"I taught your girlfriend that thing you like..."

Lungbutter 33 5
03/12/2008 10:31 AM

On my graduation night from high school, we were at a party, and I was just about to be doing the horizontal polka with a girl that I had went to school with. Just before I was parking the beef bus in tuna town, she asked "Are we still going to be friends after this?"

My only response was "Looks like we will find out in a little while."

Snappahed 943 8
03/12/2008 03:30 PM

Many years ago my sister and I were having a rip roaring arguement. Something about who was more tired, therefore getting out of doing some meaningless chore. She worked in a daycare, I was working in an abittoir. She yelled at me "You haven't been in a room with thirty screaming children all day!"

My reply, "No I've been in a room with thirty screaming boners all day!"

Snappahed 943 8
03/12/2008 03:31 PM

I'm so going to regret posting that!!!

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
03/12/2008 08:08 PM

I regret you posting that

Jay master of cheese 99 6
03/13/2008 02:36 AM

"oh please lisa, biblyboo is just nonsence, like zugiwabiebar, or give peace a chance."

homer simpson, the simpsons.

Jimbabwe 104 6
03/13/2008 02:39 AM

worst saying ever?

"it is what it is"

No Shakespeare! If it isn't what it is than it is wouldn't be what it is!!

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
03/13/2008 09:57 PM

"It's always the last place you look."

Obviously, cause once I find it, I don't continue to look.

Ravos, The Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
03/14/2008 07:45 PM

"Look a gift horse in the mouth"

I don't even know what that means.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
03/14/2008 07:57 PM

"You are what you eat"

So I am an Asian Hooker?

Mung Champ 35,891 35
03/14/2008 08:41 PM

"Blood is thicker than water"... Unless your a Hemophiliac.

bluzesinger 650 6
03/15/2008 06:28 AM

Awww...you didn't lose your girlfriend...you just lost your turn!

(Dial M) 9 6
03/18/2008 10:31 AM

My roommate playing Halo on Xbox Live one night:
"Shakespeare Shakespeare Shakespeare!!! Somebody help here guys... I cant do anything! I've got one hand on the controller and the other stuck in the Captain Crunch box!!"

Magnum P.I.quantrax 972 10
03/18/2008 11:47 PM

While watching a game show last week the question was:
"This is another name for someone who skips out of child support payments."
I knew the answer right away so I yelled "BLAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa..." realizing my friends black house keeper who was also watching had just answered "deadbeat dad"

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
03/19/2008 03:36 AM

I was playing Halo 3 on XBox live waiting for the match to start, im wearing the headset. I had just moved into my house and I didn't have any blinds in the bathroom window yet. So when I took a shower and opened the shower door, there is my neighbor walking to his barn with a shovel in his hand looks straight up at me in my naked glory...anyway, I'm telling this to my roomate when the teams load and this goes over the head set..."I'm naked right in front of the old dude!" 10 year old kid says back, "what the heck are you sicko's doing!"

Jay master of cheese 99 6
03/19/2008 09:24 PM

Good: Thats funny. Bad: Thats gotta hurt. Really Bad: I know that kid (no really)

delicate.torture 315 6
03/19/2008 09:47 PM

Me at about 14 introducing my first ever boyfriend to my father.

Dad :Is he even old enough to have pubic hair yet?

The bf just blushes.

Me :Yes, actually... he does.

Ooops...

I was sent to a Girls School the next term, where I discovered that I'm a lesbian. Best laid plans of mice and all of that...

Mung Champ 35,891 35
03/19/2008 10:16 PM

I am not just sure, I am HIV Positive! ;)

deseed 2 5
03/20/2008 03:13 PM

One of the worst things I have ever said, was to a cop.. I guess I just thought he was over stepping is duties as a dough-nut eating, self serving, fat Frost of a human being! Well anyway, he pulls into the parking lot and gets out of his car The cop or Officer Gordon Carter, begins with the atypical cop questioning: "good evening boys, are we staying out of trouble? Wouldn't want to run anyone in tonight. Let me get a good look at ya. You fellas been drinking or smoking little funny weeds tonight?" (Shining a mag light across our faces, purposely waving it in our eyes) No one says anything. Just nodding our heads no. He tells us to put our hands on the car and everyone does, except for me. I must have been stupid high or Frost-ing insane because I opened my big mouth instead of doing what I was told. I speak up in a rather loud angry voice, "why are you asking us to put our hands on the car? We weren't doing anything wrong! This is against our rights as citizens!
You're supposed to protect and serve me mother-Froster! It says it on the side of your car! Now serve me!" He just looks at me like he was shocked. Next thing I know, I am on the ground and he has my arm pinned behind my back.
I later spent the night in jail for a trumped up public intoxication charge.. All my buddies scattered like shooed flies from a steaming pile of Shakespeare. The bastards!
I have learned my lesson well since then.
Don't Frost with former green beret fuzz and don't try to be a wise ass in a small town where everyone knows your business.

Ravos, the Dreaded Gabberwocky 63,472 21
03/20/2008 06:22 PM

Just nodding our heads no.

Usually, nodding your head indicates "yes". Shaking your head means no.

A simple retarded act misunderstanding is to blame for you going to jail.

Chickens votes RuPaul in 08 286,580 61
03/20/2008 06:37 PM

This income tax is TEMPORARY. It's just until the Spanish American war is over.

Niyou77 51 6
03/26/2008 10:49 PM

From dear old dad in the wintertime...


"GODDAMN!!! It's Frost-ing colder than a witch's tit out here!"

peoriagrace 6,166 11
03/28/2008 03:27 AM

A guy I met at a bar told me he was a male model.

I said for what, the homeless. He was not amused.

Rose Colored Jeens 47,792 51
03/31/2008 02:04 AM

Not the worst saying ever, but I'm not a big fan of the phrase "I'm not a big fan of...".