Secret Squirl 53,270 54
04/26/2008 08:36 PM

I told her the herpes came from you.

Phla's Anatomy 131,068 34
04/26/2008 08:41 PM

U is for U, mother-Froster.

Nachos - Sociopaths of the world unite! 57,521 23
04/26/2008 08:41 PM

X is for x?

Nachos - Sociopaths of the world unite! 57,521 23
04/26/2008 08:42 PM

Dammit.

Phla's Anatomy 131,068 34
04/26/2008 08:42 PM

WINNER!

Nachos - Sociopaths of the world unite! 57,521 23
04/26/2008 08:44 PM

I'm not sure which one of us should be worried that we seem to be of the same mind.

Phla's Anatomy 131,068 34
04/26/2008 08:48 PM

My staff of monkeys assure me that it's you.

Nachos - Sociopaths of the world unite! 57,521 23
04/26/2008 08:57 PM

That's because they're all yes-monkeys.

TracyBunny 1,124 6
04/26/2008 10:08 PM

"Everyone tells me your new significant other could be my twin."

Scary thing is, she is, and he married her.

Bad Donkey 77,546 17
04/26/2008 10:31 PM

I love you.

Chit 178,781 15
04/26/2008 10:43 PM

Just pick out the CD's that you think were yours.


I know you'll be fair.

Pubah 56,813 18
04/27/2008 01:45 AM

Your sister is a great lay

and

Yes, everything makes your fat ass look fat!

foxybill42 623 6
04/27/2008 05:05 AM

I let the next door neighbor borrow you vibrator,he said he would bring it back as soon as he's finished using it.

Chickens votes RuPaul in 08 286,580 61
04/27/2008 06:58 AM

"Carol? Yeah, it's Ted. Get the alimony check? Good.

Thing is, I'm getting re-married. Yeah, thanks. Only thing is, you know that one thing you do... in bed? YES! That one. Could we get together and show her? Maybe let her watch?


Why not?"

Chickens votes RuPaul in 08 286,580 61
04/27/2008 06:59 AM

"Carol? Ted. Remember our daughter's friend Cindy? Well guess what. I GETTING MARRIED!"

foxybill42 623 6
04/27/2008 08:48 AM

No matter how much make-up you put on honey,you'll still be ugly to me.

Bad Donkey 77,546 17
04/27/2008 09:09 AM

I don't think you get the point of this thread.

TacoCrunch: GAB Necromancer! 61,976 36
04/27/2008 10:04 AM

Which is especially interesting given he started it.

Jepperoni 58,758 13
04/27/2008 10:27 AM

"I WON THE FrostIN LOTTO BITCH!"

...of course, unless you liked tolking to her divorce attorney.

Pram 80,728 42
04/27/2008 10:56 AM

"Remember the time you were sleeping and we had sex?"

syncope 49,019 14
04/27/2008 12:24 PM

I really do want to stay friends, but I don't know how I'm going to tolerate you now that I don't get to put my dick in you regularly.

Midgets 96,115 48
04/27/2008 03:03 PM

"I was thinking about your little sister the other day. She was awfuly cute and I sure miss her.
Can I get her number?"

Midgets 96,115 48
04/27/2008 03:03 PM

"Then how about your Grandmas?"

Cinderblock 27,578 25
04/27/2008 03:09 PM

"I was thinking about your little sister the other day. She was awfuly cute and I sure miss her. Can I get her number?"

"Or I could just pick her up at the junior high after school."

Ravos is extremely hardcore 63,472 21
04/27/2008 05:29 PM

"Damnit woman, you turned me gay!"

Pram 80,728 42
04/27/2008 05:56 PM

"You had the best shoes out of every girl who ever hasn't been comfortable with my fetish, but just went along with it anyway because she thought she loved me. I still jack off when I think about them, and have dreams where I'm jacking off while thinking about them while jacking off with a Jansport Spine Tingler Backpack."

Bad Donkey 77,546 17
04/27/2008 06:51 PM

Have you seen my car keys? No? Well, have you see MY Frost-ing CAR THAT THE JUDGE SAID WAS "COMMUNITY PROPERTY"?

Bad Donkey 77,546 17
04/27/2008 06:53 PM

"Remember those burial plots we bought? Yeah. I called the cemetary and told them to have yours ready."

Thud 68,506 19
04/27/2008 07:49 PM

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did trade up."

foxybill42 623 6
04/28/2008 12:49 AM

Did you tell your new boyfriend that you still wet the bed.

Pubah 56,813 18
04/28/2008 01:50 AM

Remember that heirloom ring your Grandmother gave me? Well gold is doing very well on the international markets and I needed some cash to spend on my new high maintenance girlfrine and...BLAM! Bling to Caching!

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
04/28/2008 02:25 PM

Do you mind watching the kids this weekend? My new girlfriend Missy thinks I was sexually deprived during our marriage so she wants me to give her anal sex to prove that not all women are mega bitch whore Carrolls.

Pram 80,728 42
04/28/2008 02:26 PM

"When we were having sex, I was thinking about baseball."

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
04/28/2008 02:27 PM

"When we were having sex, I was thinking about baseball your sister."

Magnum P.I.quantrax 972 10
04/28/2008 02:37 PM

My new girlfriend has no teeth!

Pram 80,728 42
04/28/2008 02:37 PM

"When I was spooging on a Dora The Explorer talking backpack", I was thinking about your pretty face."

TracyBunny 1,124 6
04/28/2008 02:42 PM

"Your mother and I were talking the other day, and we decided that you really should see a therapist."

drunkenfart 4,871 6
04/28/2008 02:51 PM

our relationship has really left a bad taste in my mouth.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
04/28/2008 02:52 PM

"You were wrong. Other women don't have Coleridges."

Pram 80,728 42
04/28/2008 07:43 PM

"I love looking in your eyes when we're having sex, because all I see is blood when I look down. Do we HAVE to screw when you're on the rag?"

Pram 80,728 42
04/28/2008 07:44 PM

^WHOOPS!, just put that in past tense and you're good to go.

Thud, in an evil mood 68,506 19
04/28/2008 07:47 PM

"When you get out of jail we'll discuss the divorce."

Sorry, that's something you should say to your future ex.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
04/28/2008 08:14 PM

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time.

She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times.

Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the bitterness between us.

But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby
sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you? It's true, Connie. In your heart you must
know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the
grievances away and start freShakespearehink we can.

Thud, in an evil mood 68,506 19
04/28/2008 08:18 PM

Let me be the first to say:

Oh. Shakespeare.

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
04/29/2008 08:26 AM

Just wipe out all the
grievances away and start freShakespearehink you need to leave the cinnamon ring first.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
04/29/2008 10:09 AM

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home
with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. Its all so superficial.

What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in
this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you
know what I mean?

Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy
without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

If you feel the same please, please, please let me know. Otherwise, can you let me know where the Frost-ing remote is.

XOXO Mung

Timmy The Talking Toilet 11,593 15
04/29/2008 01:35 PM

"Maby you should go back on your medication."

"Being a cutter does not give you a good excuse to go through my first aid equipment and use up all of my good emergency medical supplies."

No Spring Chickens 286,580 61
04/29/2008 02:58 PM

Mung Champ, I know you copy and pasted that. You know you copy and pasted that. Still, I 5 clicked you for each of them cause they were just that good.

No Spring Chickens 286,580 61
04/29/2008 02:59 PM

Like I said.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
04/29/2008 04:02 PM

You are correct Chicken, I did not follow APA citation rules. But I still want to know where my Frost-ing remote is.

And thanks for being my 400th!

No Spring Chickens 286,580 61
04/29/2008 04:04 PM

I feel so used.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
04/29/2008 04:06 PM

Your still number 1 in my book except this month!

Fezig on his way to the castle anthrax 3,711 7
04/29/2008 04:51 PM

Even though we aren't together anymore, I bought you a present...a new weed trimmer.

No it's not for your front lawn...the one outside that is.

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
04/30/2008 08:12 AM

"Who are you again?"

KChiki, Princess of Power! 128,375 98
04/30/2008 09:37 AM

You know, I really want to come clean and let you know that I used your toothbrush to scrub the toilet lid...a few weeks ago.

I hope the lesions clear up soon. Here's some Balmex.

foxybill42 623 6
05/01/2008 02:05 PM

You know babe,leaving you for that cheerleader was a hard thing to do (I know it made me hard),I told you I would help you find a new lover so I posted your name and phone number at the local porn theater.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
05/01/2008 02:14 PM

foxy, i'm sorry, but we just can't continue this relationship. no matter how many times i requested, you refused to shave your facial hair. quite frankly, i'm tired of my Coleridge and balls feeling like they were just worked over with a power sander.

because of you, i quite smoking pot. i thought that the stuff didn't work anymore, so i gave it up. come to find out, you just didn't have it in you to make me laugh. now leroy is pissed at me and won't sell to me ever again. you ruined it.

your job as a window cleaner at the retard daycare wasn't providing me with the life i feel i deserve. i'm hoping to find someone with career ambitions, at least striving to be the manager at taco bell.

signed,

drunkenfart


p.s. i'm not stupid, i figured out why my prize watermelons always smelled like ass.

Pram 80,728 42
05/01/2008 04:23 PM

<action>11 years after you broke up with her, using People Finder to track down her phone number</action>
*ring, ring*

Her: "Hello?"

You: "Do you still have the old porn videos we made together? I want them."

Joo Grrrrl 15,189 12
05/01/2008 11:10 PM

Dear Skip,
Your penis is much smaller than Mike's and he reciprocates in the oral department very well. I hope you "find yourself" soon and get your head out of your ass...and grow another 2-3 inches of Coleridge.
Love,
me

Joo Grrrrl 15,189 12
05/01/2008 11:11 PM

Guess I should have changed names for privacy reasons.

So when you read my last post, please change Skip to Mike and Mike to Skip.

Thank you.

Pubah 56,813 18
05/01/2008 11:36 PM

Since my name isn't Mike or Skip, I don't take it personnallyyy

YeOleSmurf 299 6
05/02/2008 12:57 AM

Should I pull out now?

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
05/02/2008 07:59 AM

You have to be able to be in to pull out.

Pram 80,728 42
05/02/2008 10:31 AM

So when you read my last post, please change Skip to Mike and Mike to Skip.

No.

Joo Grrrrl 15,189 12
05/02/2008 02:52 PM

Dear Pram,

Go to hell sweetie.

Hugs & kisses,
csme

Pram 80,728 42
05/02/2008 04:29 PM

Awww, sure I'll csyou after class. When does class get out?

Pram 80,728 42
05/02/2008 05:19 PM

"Your snatch reminds me of your mom's for some reason.

Could you grow it out into like a...goatee, or something?"

foxybill42 623 6
05/03/2008 03:36 AM

drunkenfart
You know the Court Order forbids us to talk about our relationship! We both need to get on with our own lives and forget about the past. You need to return my whips, chains and other bondage equipment. I'll return that picture of you giving Nixon that rim job. We should part friends and leave it at that. I've decided to go straight and start over in another State. Get over it already!

Love, Foxy

Ravos is extremely hardcore 63,472 21
05/03/2008 08:52 AM

I've decided to go straight

Aha! I've told you people all along, being gay is a choice.

5150 or the Canadian equivalent 1,692 7
05/11/2008 09:56 PM

Dear FoxyBill.

Go Frost-ing die. Use full sentences and capitalize properly.

Frost you, you ignorant Carroll bag.

Love, 5150.

foxybill42 623 6
05/12/2008 06:40 AM

Dear 5150,
I didn't know you cared.
Love and kisses to you , you homely creature from another planet you.
Love FoxyBill