About halfway across the bar, I felt a hand on my backside. I turned around and was looking at Jabba-The-Hutt wrapped in a Mu-Mu hungrily smiling at me.

As I stared at her in absolute shock, she says "If I can make you jump like that with my hand, imagine what I can do with the rest of my body."

I was speechless! But I managed to respond with a weak "No thanks, I have a girlfriend."

" I can do things that skank ain't never even heard of!" she says.

Hearing this Hippo call my girlfriend a skank ticked me off, so I said " I'm not interested, so why don't you just save it?" and with that I resumed my quest to pee.

I guess my response wasn't what Lumpy was looking for, so she yells "sorry, I didn't realize that you were a fag."

I know should have just kept going, but I turned around and as she stood there with a 'watchoo gonna do about it' look on her face, an insult came to mind, and before I had time to assess it, it was already on its way past my lips. So I say to her " do you have some sort of hearing problem Waddles?"

"What the frost did you call me?" "I'm frosting beautiful!" "I ain't no frosting waddles! I ain't no frosting waddles!" She yelled over and over again. She was still yelling it when the bouncer arrived, and threw her out of the bar.

When the bouncer returned to me to ask what had made the girl freak out, I explained the situation, he smiled and said "Some advice for the future, fat chicks hate being called waddles."

Hmmph! Who Knew!

Was I out of line?

Holy Taco 61,976 36
05/06/2008 11:46 AM

How could she not tell you were a fag?

Hairybagel 386 5
05/06/2008 11:49 AM

Taco gets the square.

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
05/06/2008 11:49 AM

Yes, I think you were...and I'm glad I finally found you. That was rude. I cried for like 3 days. Bastard.

Denim Jeen 47,792 51
05/06/2008 11:52 AM

<action>waddles in, then out of the thread.</action>

No Spring Chickens 286,580 61
05/06/2008 12:05 PM

holy Shakespeare, that's his real hair. I thought it was one of those ridiculous hat/wig things.

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
05/06/2008 12:39 PM

Fat chicks seem to be infatuated with me. I need a shirt that says "No fat chicks".

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
05/06/2008 12:39 PM

BADLY

BillSalamie 67,057 13
05/06/2008 12:40 PM

Then how will you still live in your mom's basement?

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
05/06/2008 12:45 PM

Very well, thanks for your concern though.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
05/06/2008 12:46 PM

You know what fat chicks hate being called even more? Late for lunch.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
05/06/2008 12:47 PM

put on weight ravos, fat chicks dig extremely skinny guys.

that, and showering might help. you smell like cheese. you are a walking fatty trap.

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
05/06/2008 12:50 PM

I do not smell like che--

Hey, I found a cheeto!

foxybill42 623 6
05/06/2008 12:59 PM

Save a whale,harpoon a fat chic.

Miss, Throw me sumtin Mr. Trixxie 65,026 15
05/06/2008 01:29 PM

So what would be the big deal if you were a fag?

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/06/2008 01:44 PM

So what would be the big deal if you were a fag?

Nothing really; it all feels the same with the lights off.

Miss, Throw me sumtin Mr. Trixxie 65,026 15
05/06/2008 01:47 PM

I like this one; we're keeping him.

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
05/06/2008 01:56 PM

THis looks like the beginning of a beautiful love affair.

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
05/06/2008 01:57 PM

Nothing really; it all feels the same with the lights off.

Except for the hairy ass and the balls in your mouth. I'm sure you meant to say that.

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
05/06/2008 02:01 PM

And the sore bum hole.

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
05/06/2008 02:03 PM

And my collection of Village People Action Figures...







Oh wait...

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/06/2008 02:15 PM

Except for the hairy ass and the balls in your mouth. I'm sure you meant to say that.

No way Honey; I do all the driving. It is a man thing.

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/06/2008 02:20 PM

On a lighter note, and for the record; I am not a hater of anyone, especially you Chance. MUAH!

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
05/06/2008 02:36 PM

Do you think I'm beautiful? You need to compliment me more often if you want this relationship to work.

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/06/2008 02:46 PM

You are absolutely gorgeous! I had several of your Myspace photos blown up and hung on my ceiling awhile back when you added me as a friend.

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 67,057 13
05/06/2008 02:51 PM

Plus I read your horoscope every morning to see if it's a good time to email you.

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/06/2008 03:25 PM

Awww BillSalamie, how sweet! Impersonating me and all! I am sooo flattered. However, if you wanna get in my jock strap you are gonna have to cough up some flowers, candy, dinner, or something. Heck, I will even take your used inflate-a-date. What is her name again???

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
05/06/2008 03:35 PM

you are gonna have to cough up some flowers, candy, dinner, or something

Talk to Frat, he can hook you up with one mean hairball.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
05/06/2008 03:49 PM

Who need an inflate-a-date when I can just pay your mom $20?

Holy Taco 61,976 36
05/06/2008 03:52 PM

Blaise still rocks ten times harder than the rest of you Frosters.

Nachos - Misanthropy = good, Sociopathy = bad. 57,521 23
05/06/2008 03:55 PM

<action>walks into the thread. Catches the scent of hippy. Leaves abruptly.</action>

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
05/06/2008 04:01 PM

Nachos was at least interested enough to click on your picture. I think that says enough in itself.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
05/06/2008 04:01 PM

not just any hippy; it's gay hippy; body odor and poopdick.

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/06/2008 04:04 PM

Who need an inflate-a-date when I can just pay your mom $20?

You paid her $20.00? You got ripped off pal. The going rate is $2.00 for a half-and-half. Here I thought I was gonna have to get free lunch tickets at school, come to find out you have been financing my pizza. You DO love me after all! MUAH! MUAH!

drunkenfart 4,871 6
05/06/2008 04:08 PM

if i'm not mistaken, your mom's version of half and half is where she closes off half of her vag and half of her ass, alternating between the two, otherwise either one would be way too large to enjoy.

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/06/2008 04:18 PM

That, or more likely is the case that you just don't have the meat to fill the hole. Shame on you; blaming the chick for your teeny little pee-pee!

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/06/2008 04:19 PM

I think I am falling in love with you though. Toodles...

drunkenfart 4,871 6
05/06/2008 04:19 PM

<action>covers his crotch</action>
i have no idea what you're talking about. it's... it's... average... stupid face.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
05/06/2008 04:20 PM

The going rate is $2. She gets the extra 18 for cleaning the toilets.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
05/06/2008 04:20 PM

I always love it when people get defensive if their heterosexuality is questioned. Someone in one of my nursing classes mentioned the stereotype of male nurses being gay, and this one guy said very angrily, "HEY! I resent that!" I replied, "Why? Even if it were true, is that so shameful?" He just got mad and said, "Ugh. Never MIND."

In conclusion, men menstruate just as frequently as women.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
05/06/2008 04:23 PM

Stephen Hawking doesn't.

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
05/06/2008 04:27 PM

In conclusion, men menstruate just as frequently as women.

Stephen Hawking doesn't

Neither do I! Thats just hemorrhoids.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
05/06/2008 04:30 PM

No way Honey; I do all the driving. It is a man thing.

If one more gay guy sucks my Coleridge, I am going to bend that fag over and Frost him right in the ass.

I am super, super cereal.

KChiki, Princess of Power! 128,375 98
05/06/2008 04:47 PM

<action>looks up.</action>This thread was funny until that last sentence. I didn't get it, so I'm ignoring it.

What if and why not and who's to say? 101,398 77
05/06/2008 06:18 PM

I think he's saying he's a frosted flake?

Declan McManus as Doug Wilson 131,887 36
05/06/2008 06:20 PM

Dunno about Frosted, but he certainly seems like a flake.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
05/06/2008 06:56 PM

Actually I am a Hemophiliac cutter.

KChiki, if you fast forward to the end of Ghost Hunters once in a while you may have some time to check out South Park. Mmmkay!

Shell Belle 77,143 25
05/06/2008 07:34 PM

Don't say anything bad about Ghost Hunters, or I'll cut you.

Bad Donkey 77,546 17
05/06/2008 07:47 PM

What? Besides the fact that it's a retarded show?

Mung Champ 35,891 35
05/06/2008 07:55 PM

Ghost Hunter is a solid show...








for me to poop on.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
05/06/2008 08:20 PM

I can't think of a clever comeback at the moment, so you win this time.

But I'm watching you.

Bad Donkey 77,546 17
05/06/2008 08:52 PM

Whatever, waddles.

foxybill42 623 6
05/06/2008 09:18 PM

Three H club members unite.
(Hungry Hungry Hippo's)

the Avenged 126 6
05/06/2008 11:41 PM

I had a teacher in high school that we once called waddles, then one day she found out about the name and the whole class started yelling it at her.

she had a break-down and we never saw her again. It was priceless.

resartus 404 9
05/06/2008 11:44 PM

"He who laughs last, thinks fastest."
-- Mike O'Neal
Bet you can't figure that out.

Thud 68,506 19
05/06/2008 11:49 PM

Bet no one else cares.

the Avenged 126 6
05/06/2008 11:50 PM

got blunt?

resartus 404 9
05/06/2008 11:53 PM

If you knew what it meant you would care. But you can't figure it out. Here's a hint, the person who started this thread thought fastest. Reread the first post.

Mount Beaver 558 5
05/06/2008 11:58 PM

It's Man-Bear-Pig!! I'm super, super cereal.

Thud 68,506 19
05/07/2008 12:13 AM

If you knew what it meant you would care. But you can't figure it out. Here's a hint, the person who started this thread thought fastest. Reread the first post.

Still unchanged. No one cares what you have to say, Mr. "I subscribe to a magazine so I know what I'm talking about".

resartus 404 9
05/07/2008 12:18 AM

I also have firsthand experience. But ackowledging that would screw up your little world view where anybody who doesn't like Apple just isn't cool. Seems like a pretty narrow view to me. Be careful that nothing hits you broadside while you're wearing those blinders.

Bravo Male 2,330 6
05/07/2008 12:24 AM

None of this would have been an issue to begin with, had we taken my advice, early on.

Advice: ANY girls, above 150 pounds (assuming they're of average height), should be shaved, exfoliated, basted, marched into an oven, and dispensed with, forthrightly - with prejudice and extra coal- to the benefit of drunken men, like myself, and starving children the world over.

Go ahead, argue with me! If you disagree, you're probably F-A-T.

I'm out.
J

Chit 178,781 15
05/07/2008 12:31 AM

I didn't read the whole thread, so forgive me if we have already been through this, but does this mean that you are potatomanjack79.at.yahoo.com?

Midgets 96,115 48
05/07/2008 12:35 AM

Heh, Waddles.

I'm so using that one on my ex.


It reminded me of last year at my sons bday party that I felt compelled to invite the heifer and her family to.
Shamu* was talking to her mother then her cell, which she was carring in her back pocket, started ringing, Mama Shamu* quiped "Your butts beeping".
I was lucky enough to be walking by at that exact moment and was able to liven the conversation by adding "It means she's getting ready to back up"**.

That saying about fat people being jolly is a LIE!!!





*Names have been changed to protect the obese innocent.
**Alcohol, then and now, make this much funnier than it really was.

The littlest Ravos 63,472 21
05/07/2008 08:10 AM

Be careful that nothing hits you broadside while you're wearing those blinders.

I think he is more partial to iBlinders. Its the latest apple product, and a must have!

Miss, Throw me sumtin Mr. Trixxie 65,026 15
05/07/2008 08:33 AM

Question: Don't feel to bad about having been caught stealing material pickles; most of my stuff is from the late 60's early 70's editions of Mad Magazine. Flowers and Candy should come Fed-X today. Can you mail me one of your dirty jock-straps?

No Spring Chickens 286,580 61
05/07/2008 09:11 AM

No way Honey; I do all the driving. It is a man thing.

I know what I am.
I'm a helluva man,
and so is Lola?

Fried Pickles Are Yummy 1,586 6
05/07/2008 09:37 AM

Yep, that is me; I'm the tater! I had to cut it down to meet the strict 350 word limit.

KChiki, Princess of Power! 128,375 98
05/07/2008 09:51 AM

Lo-lo-lo-lo-lola!

Cinderblock 27,578 25
05/07/2008 09:51 AM

Thud-

Your hug is in the mail.

xoxo,
Cinder.

Robin® 14,626 10
05/07/2008 02:03 PM

I like my skinny hippy better.