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Any last words?
A comedy conversation by Indiana Jane and the Napalm Enema 173,958 15
06/06/2008 11:47 AM 390 views
A few minutes ago, I was standing in the kitchen doing dishes. I like to listen to music when I'm cleaning, and I usually have it fairly loud. As I was standing at the sink with a large butcher knife in my hand my oldest daughter walked into the kitchen. With the music so loud, I didn't hear her. I didn't know she was there until she tapped me on the shoulder.
It startled me, and I whipped around and lost my balance when I tripped over her foot. As I started to go down, I realized that I was going to land right on the blade of the knife.

In that moment, I believed that I was about to die, and the only thing going through my mind was "Dear God, what will people think of me when they realize I was listening to The Cherry Poppin' Daddies on my iPod." That's not exactly the impression I hope to leave on the world.

It got me thinking. If you knew you were going to die 2 minutes from now, what would you want your last words to be?

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Funny 5 votes 3.8 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770879
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39 Comments on "

Any last words?

"
(Funniest: Declan McManus as Doug Wilson,Whistler P. McManus,Humvee)


Hilarious 8 votes 4.4 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770880
Cinderblock 27,578 25
06/06/2008 11:50 AM

"Gee, Jude Law, thanks for making me your wife and buying me all of this stuff."
 

Funny 2 votes 3.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770882
BillSalamie 67,057 13
06/06/2008 11:55 AM

"This Frost-ing sucks."
 

Side-splitting 4 votes 5.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770890
Declan McManus as Doug Wilson 131,887 36
06/06/2008 12:14 PM

"I wasted my last two minutes thinking of some Shakespearety last words?"
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770891
The Magnificently Fantastic Ravos 63,472 21
06/06/2008 12:15 PM

"Down I go..."
 

Amusing 1 votes 1.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770892
The Magnificently Fantastic Ravos 63,472 21
06/06/2008 12:15 PM

"Daddy NO!"
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770893
Fratberry 283,028 53
06/06/2008 12:32 PM

"I died first! I WIN!!!"
 

Funny 7 votes 3.9 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770894
Mostly Zolton 88,205 34
06/06/2008 12:40 PM

"KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!"
 

Amusing 2 votes 1.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770896
Bajorno 253 5
06/06/2008 12:51 PM

AHHHHH! Don't put this on YouTube! AHHHHHH!
 

Hilarious 3 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770900
BillSalamie 67,057 13
06/06/2008 12:55 PM

"If I Shakespeare myself, please clean me."
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770901
Bill the Squirrel from the future 53,270 54
06/06/2008 12:57 PM

Thank you, that was the best blow job I've ever had!
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770904
The Magnificently Fantastic Ravos 63,472 21
06/06/2008 12:59 PM

I've had better.
 

Chuckleworthy 2 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770905
Hamish MacChickens 286,580 61
06/06/2008 12:59 PM

Hey, yall, watch this....
 

Hilarious 7 votes 4.4 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770906
Hamish MacChickens 286,580 61
06/06/2008 01:01 PM

"Welcome all members of the Democratic Party in the Senate to your tour of the edge of the grand canyon. I'm Mr. Chickens, and I'll be your bus driver."
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770907
Closet Friend 7,665 11
06/06/2008 01:03 PM

That was incredible, you dirty girl!  Now, climb on top of me and do whatever you want...
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770908
Hamish MacChickens 286,580 61
06/06/2008 01:04 PM

"Yes, Mr. Douglas, it does in fact SEEM as though I've been Frost-ing your wife in the ass, however I have a perfectly good explanation...."

Mike: http://www.virginmedia.com/images/michael-douglas-.jpg
Mike's wife: http://www.casafree.com/modules/xcgal/albums/userpics/24295/normal_catherine%20zeta%20jones.jpg

 

Funny 6 votes 3.7 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770911
Filly 39,193 20
06/06/2008 01:10 PM

"Gee, Nachos, you sure are funny! Want to grab a bite to eat sometime...?"
 

Hilarious 3 votes 4.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770913
Nachos - Sociopaths of the world unite! 57,521 23
06/06/2008 01:12 PM

I like to think I could make it last longer than two minutes.
 

Funny 4 votes 3.7 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770914
Bajorno 253 5
06/06/2008 01:13 PM

Ya know Chuck, Walker Texas Ranger was pretty hokey...
 

Funny 2 votes 3.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770917
Dead Robot 67,630 16
06/06/2008 01:19 PM

I love you Jon Erik Hexum!
 

Chuckleworthy 5 votes 2.4 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770920
Mung Champ 35,891 35
06/06/2008 01:34 PM

Lucite hardening ... must end life in classic Lorne Greene pose from "Battlestar Galactica." Best ... death ... ever!
 

Funny 4 votes 3.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770921
syncope 49,019 14
06/06/2008 01:35 PM

"I know it's serious Doc, but cancer can't kill someone THAT quickly, right?"
 

Funny 2 votes 3.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770922
BillSalamie 67,057 13
06/06/2008 01:37 PM

"Promise me you'll kill Madonna."
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770928
Bill the Squirrel from the future 53,270 54
06/06/2008 02:01 PM

I think I have a great idea for a prank. I'll just send John an E-mail.
 

Funny 3 votes 3.3 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770930
Pram 80,728 42
06/06/2008 02:17 PM

As I started to go down, I realized that I was going to land right on the blade of the knife.

...Did you land on it or not?
 

Funny 6 votes 3.7 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770948
The British Guy 398 5
06/06/2008 03:18 PM

"Meh.. I've seen murderier"
 

Chuckleworthy 1 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770951
dangerousbeans 1,172 6
06/06/2008 03:28 PM

"I can see my house from here!"

SPLAT
 

Chuckleworthy 1 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770956
Bajorno 253 5
06/06/2008 03:49 PM

<action>While furiously shaking a fist</action>

"I'LL GET YOU, BATMAN!!"
 

Funny 8 votes 3.7 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770961
Mostly Zolton 88,205 34
06/06/2008 04:00 PM

That could've turned out to be pretty traumatic for the kid, Jane.

TTJSpawn: *tap tap* Ma, can I have a cookie?
Jane: *spin* *trip* *stab* *bleed* Gnnnhhhh...
TTJSpawn: Jesus, I just asked for a cookie. You don't have to be so melodramatic.

On the upside, she'd probably still have the cookie.
 

Chuckleworthy 2 votes 2.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770962
Nachos - Misanthropy = good, Sociopathy = bad. 57,521 23
06/06/2008 04:03 PM

And it would sure beat dipping it in a stranger's tears.
 

Chuckleworthy 2 votes 2.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770977
Indiana Jane and the Napalm Enema 173,958 15
06/06/2008 04:39 PM

Nah, I managed to catch myself before I went down. But can you imagine the guilt trip I could have given her for the rest of her life if I had lost a kidney or something? Kind of makes me regret steadying myself.
 

Hilarious 3 votes 4.3 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770978
Mostly Zolton 88,205 34
06/06/2008 04:41 PM

She's still lording that whole 'arm thing' over you, isn't she?
 

Funny 2 votes 3.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770979
Bad Donkey 77,546 17
06/06/2008 04:42 PM

I'd get in line at a faith healer, and time it so that he'd get to me just as the two minutes were up. I'd tell him I have the willies. Nobody knows what that is anyway. Then, just as he put his hand on my forehead to heal me, I'd die.

The headline in the newspaper would read, "Faith healer slays worshiper".

</George Carlin>
 

Funny 3 votes 3.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770980
brubert 763 11
06/06/2008 04:45 PM

"Yum...these Mexican fishsticks are dee-LISH-ous!!"
 

Hilarious 5 votes 4.8 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1770998
Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
06/06/2008 05:55 PM

"A custom icon? That would be lovely! Thank you, Sir Isaac Hargrave."
 

Funny 2 votes 3.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1771007
Lorenzo Duke 3,183 11
06/06/2008 07:51 PM

"Are you sure you should be sucking that while I'm driving?"

Kudos on being able to set the challenge with a knife lodged in you by the way.
 

Funny 3 votes 3.7 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1771093
Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
06/07/2008 12:17 PM

But can you imagine the guilt trip I could have given her for the rest of her life if I had lost a kidney or something?

Am I the only expecting that to end "...if I had sliced off my arm or something?" ?

Just me?
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1771255
Pubah 56,813 18
06/09/2008 02:15 AM

Mon Trae, le couche bon...arrrrghhh (insert heart attack sound here)
 

Hilarious 2 votes 4.5 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1771256
Humvee 51,764 12
06/09/2008 02:23 AM

DONKEY !!!11!!1!
 

  0 votes 0.0 /live?func=new_user&msgid=1771257
Phuc 237,919 21
06/09/2008 06:11 AM

"This durian, balut, and hufu shake would be even better with some sweetbreads and trotters mixed in."
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