Phuc 237,919 21
07/15/2008 09:07 AM

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

Gobbes - Calvin's Obscure Gay Buddy 387 6
07/15/2008 10:16 AM

Crack is like a crazy girlfriend who gives great blowjobs.

You want to kick her to the curb but DAMN!

Lila - deserving of your scorn and hatred 78,555 13
07/15/2008 01:05 PM

I had to click Al because I immediately knew who/what he was quoting.

Lila - deserving of your scorn and hatred 78,555 13
07/15/2008 01:05 PM

"I never said those things. Of course I said those things."

GrammarNazi - Call Me Grammarista 954 5
07/15/2008 01:24 PM

What the cuddle is this world coming to when, I can't even smoke crack in my own bathroom, without my 18 year old girlfriend beating the poo-poo out of me with a toilet seat?

And apparently crack leads to random comma abuse ...

Marginally Ravos 63,472 21
07/15/2008 03:48 PM

"I never said those things. Of course I said those things."

I may have alzheimers, but at least I don't have alzheimers?

I'm Rick James 6,311 9
07/15/2008 03:54 PM

See, I never just did things just to do them, c'mon I mean, what I'm gonna do just all of the sudden just jump up and grind my feet in somebody's couch like it's something to do? Come on, I got a little more sense than that. ...Yeah, I remember grinding my feet into Eddie's couch.

Hamish MacChickens 286,580 61
07/15/2008 03:59 PM

"As the disturbance escalated, she threatened to hit Goldsmith with a toilet seat," the report states. "He refused to stop smoking the drugs and Ms. Cole hit Goldsmith with the toilet seat."

Fair warning, no foul.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
07/15/2008 04:03 PM

She's got nothing on the chick that stabbed her boyfriend because he went on the meth fueled masturbation marathon.

KChikita - Same as in town 128,375 98
07/15/2008 04:26 PM

Crack is like, soooooooo 80's!

Gobbes - Calvin's Obscure Gay Buddy 387 6
07/15/2008 09:26 PM

<action>notes that meth might help with his masturbation marathons.</action>

This threads got all kinds of good!

Shelly Bell-ee 77,143 25
07/15/2008 09:38 PM

He got beaten for smoking crack by something he regularly put his crack on.

syncope the sialagogic 49,019 14
07/15/2008 09:45 PM

So either:

A) She is Incredible Hulk strong and ripped the bolts right off the toilet to smack this guy with the seat

B) The seat was not even bolted to the toilet, which experience has shown can lead to positional shifts and massive scrotal pinching

C) There was just a spare toilet seat lyin' around

Thud 68,506 19
07/15/2008 09:51 PM

I'll take "C" for $600, Alex.

Dogs Akimbo: more obtuse than youse 211,594 32
07/15/2008 11:03 PM

Hillbilly white trash mother-Froster probably doesn't even have a spare tire in his car, and he's get an extra toilet seat lying around?

Squiirly 53,270 54
07/15/2008 11:36 PM

Of course he has an extra toilet seat. He needs the extra one for when he wears the first one out. Sitting on the toilet smoke'en crack can wear a seat out.

shadesofgrey 5,445 7
07/16/2008 12:28 AM

Every hillbilly knows that you must have an extra seat around for the occasions when you get so sick that vile, stinking liquid is spewing constantly from both ends simultaneously.

How many bathrooms have you been in where you could hit the sink with vomit while planted firmly on the Shakespeareter?

Phuc 237,919 21
07/16/2008 11:22 AM

Every hillbilly knows that you must have an extra seat around for the occasions when you get so sick that vile, stinking liquid is spewing constantly from both ends simultaneously.

I'm trying to figure out exactly how this works. So while your ass is on one seat, you're holding up the other and puking... where?

Into the wastebasket? Then why have the seat in the first place? Can you not puke unless you have a terlet seat framing your mug? Is that it?

These things are important.

Pram 80,728 42
07/16/2008 11:23 AM

Damn, his girlfriend is HOT























headed.