Label any bottle "BREASTMILK".

Don't take food to work.

100% effective.

Label any bottle "BREASTMILK".

Why are you taking bottles to work?

It doesn't matter what it is. It could be Pepsi. Still works.

I eat snails and camembert for lunch. Works like a charm.

Date it last month.

I eat snails and camembert for lunch.

Live or dead?

(The snails, that is. I don't want to know about you eating live cheese.)

Dead, of course. Or else they would eat my camembert.

At the end of the day sometime, ask everyone, "Who ate that stuff I was going to take to the hospital for testing?"

That will probably put an end to ALL lunch thefts for quite some time.

Write Al's lunch on it.

I just asked the GF, "What's a good way to keep co-workers from eating your food?"

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "Huh? Why?"

"I need to post on GAB so I can get Orbs," I replied.

"Get what?"

"Grrrr. Clickies!"

"Oh! You changed it?"

"Yes! A while ago! Now answer my question!"

"Ummm... what was it?"

"BLARRGRH! What's a way to keep your co-workers from eating your food!?"

"Shoot them."

I like the way your GF thinks.

Oh, I forgot to answer the challenge.

Write "I licked everything" on the containers you bring your food in.

Write "I licked everything" on the containers you bring your food in.

If I saw a container with that written on it, I would totally add "so did I" underneath.

Write "Please don't eat my lunch as I am on a strict vegan diet" on the tupperwares.

"Test Results"

Write "Al prepared my lunch" on the boxes.

"forget" to put your tuna sandwitch in the fridge

Tape the lid shut.

Fattys are to lazy

At the end of the day sometime, ask everyone, "Who ate that stuff I was going to take to the hospital for testing?"

I like this. You could also play it in the opposite direction with a twist: in the morning, walk around the office and let people see you spitting into your food.

What? You're gonna be eating your own spit, anyway. And your own burrito.

Give it sunglasses. Why would it be wearing sunglasses if it wasn't still alive?

lay off the pudding pops dude.

yeah, I guess you're right..

I just have such a surplus with no one stealing them at work and all..

Are you and that Brandon guy the same person?

Why is you can call a woman dude and it's all cool and hipster doofous. But you call some straight guys chicks and they're all up in your Shakespeare and want to punch your face.

Eat nothing but sandwiches from Quik Stop. Most people will leave them (and probably you) alone.

1) Go out to lunch.

2) Work nightshift, so you're the only one in the building.

"Not yours"

Freshman year when some stupid Carroll from the third floor of my dorm building ate my birthday cake, the following week I made chocolate chunk brownies.

With laxative chocolate chunks.

After the brownie pan was raided, nobody on my floor ever had food stolen from the 'fridge again.

"Yeah, Well I Had Sex With Your Wife"

Work some place that pays people enough to buy some food.

I left a baguette and a wheel of camembert in the fridge at work and someone threw it away because they thought that something had gone bad. I still miss my cheese when I get hungry at night.

Write "Live Specimen" on your container.

Write "Bacteria Culture" on your yogurt, or other dairy or dairy related product.

Substitute your usual lunch bag for a variety of these

fish bait buckets.

I am particularly fond of the last one.

I reuse old containers. I coordinate the container to the food I'm bringing so my food looks as unappetizing as possible.

For example, a Cozy Shack pudding container may hold chicken curry and roasted vegetable leftovers, whereas an accompanying salsa container may contain the displaced Cozy Shack pudding and a cut up banana.

Since I've begun using this technique, I've not had ANY incidents of lunch leeching.

Oh score. Pudding! [They open the container & the smell of curry escapes & gagging sequence begins & quickly replaces my lunch bag & moves on to someone else's, more appetizing lunch.]

Oh, and stapling the bag shut and writing your name on the outside also works.

Or stapling your co-workers' mouths shut could solve the problem.

Put this guy nearby as a protection dummy.



NOBODY wants to mess with Howdy Doody.

Bring something Al would eat.

Pre-chew it.

Bring something Al would eat.

You're going to work on Monday commando, then?

And now we know about Al's fetish for pubic hair.

Who said I had pubic hair??

A co-worker brought cookies for everyone. I took a bite out of my cookie and yuck! Coconut! My supervisor came by and asked if I was going to finish it. Before I could say no, she snatched it and ate it.

I don't dare leave food in the fridge.

Slightly OT but the guys at my Boyfriends work used to fart in colleagues tupperware sandwiche boxes if they saw one in the fridge in the morning. Made for an amusing lunch break in the canteen when said employee opened box...

Just write on the container "All food is from Bakersfield, California." That will get people RUNNING away from it.

Hey! Some of my best meals came from Bakersfield. Seriously.

1. Buy condoms
2. Wash one of the condoms. Wash very well and run through the dish washer if you buy lubricated.
3. Place condom inside the container with your food in it. Place it on top so someone can see it when they open it, not the bottom of the container.
4. Profit?

Place it on top so someone can see it when they open it, not the bottom of the container.

The fact that I felt a need to mention this says a lot for what I think of most of you.

Anchovy Pizza. 'Nuff said.

You know, TTJ's sense of humor and view of life -- cynical, twisted, angry, disdainful of idiots -- is a blessing to us here on GAB.



But I bet it makes your life a living hell.

Go play with your mac.

"...AND STAY AWAY FROM THOSE RAISINS CAUSE I LICKED EACH AND EVERY ONE AND PUT IT BACK IN THE BOX..."

mass clickies for the reference

Anchovy Pizza. 'Nuff said.

The challenge is to figure out how to get adults to stay away from your food.

Quit your job!

Syncope and Pram don't have a problem with people taking their lunch.

The challenge is to figure out how to get adults to stay away from your food.

Evidently I work with a bunch of candy-asses.

Quit your job and work somewhere with only white people.

You racist.

Eat your lunch before they can.

Has anyone mentioned Stink Palm yet?

now for an englishman's view...... padlock the damn fridge, if anyone is stupid enough to ask for the key and go through the fridge, your probably going to have the fridge door in your hand, and their head in the doorway!

Girls can be such bitches!

Write something in like dutch or something like: Kalkoensandwich
or:
Vliegend rotatie anussonde






extra points to whoever gets that without using online translators... No Cheating!

Put a used rubber in one of your sandwiches...


...word gets around quick!

A little petai goes a long way.

Syncope and Pram don't have a problem with people taking their lunch.

True. But that may be due to the fact that I can't afford lunch.

I'm surprised that nobody suggested that you poop in a tupperware container, throw it in a random brown paper bag and leave it on the fridge.

Thanks for being the conscience of GAB, Timmy.

<action>tips hat</action>

Just doin my job mam.

Cover the real food in glad wrap and add a layer of dead bugs above that. Worked like a charm when my friend tried it. Her roomate spent a week believing my friend ate them for the additional protein.

 I suppose if the situation got serious enough you would have to put a stop to it... I reckon for a while I could store my real lunch under my trucker cap and my lunch laced with arsenic would go in the fridge... You'll find the culprit soon enough... Trust me no one will tamper with your lunch after that... Not even in prison...

Use anything from this page.

You may or may not believe this, but a colleague of mine once left a tobasco and tuna sandwhich in the fridge.... The Shakespearehead lunch stealer actually took a bite of the sandwhich, decided they didn't like it and put it back.

Leave a Visine covered lunch in the refrigerator and go back to your desk.  In about 20min you will notice a person clinching their ass while moving at a very rapid pace towards the bathroom and screaming "Move!  Get the Frost out of my way!"  This is your lunch thief or aahh ex-lunch thief.

Leave a Visine Vaseline covered lunch in the refrigerator and go back to your desk.  In about 20min you will notice a person clinching their ass while moving at a very rapid pace towards the bathroom and screaming "Move!  Get the Frost out of my way!"  This is your lunch thief or aahh ex-lunch thief.

While I can't say I've had as much flair as some people, noted above, I've tried a couple things. The most obvious being actively spitting on my fries in front of them. Though, to be honest, that didn't stop one guy, though he did figure it out later and glared at me for a while. The alternative method was stapling a note on my lunchbag and writing in bold: remember to pick up herpex (because everyone knows STDs are an acquired taste)

Oddly enough, I've found writing "John Hargrave" on the lid of my containers effective 79% of the time.

1/2 Mountain Dew, 1/2 piss.  Then if anyone drinks it tell everyone about it and dare them to eat your food too.