KChikita - Same as in town 50,204 11
07/24/2008 05:22 AM

Label any bottle "BREASTMILK".

Ditdah 114,999 10
07/24/2008 05:26 AM

Don't take food to work.

100% effective.

Ditdah 114,999 10
07/24/2008 05:28 AM

Label any bottle "BREASTMILK".

Why are you taking bottles to work?

La Femme KChikita 50,204 11
07/24/2008 05:29 AM

It doesn't matter what it is. It could be Pepsi. Still works.

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 129,669 14
07/24/2008 05:35 AM

I eat snails and camembert for lunch. Works like a charm.

La Femme KChikita 50,204 11
07/24/2008 05:35 AM

Date it last month.

Ditdah 114,999 10
07/24/2008 05:37 AM

I eat snails and camembert for lunch.

Live or dead?

(The snails, that is. I don't want to know about you eating live cheese.)

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 129,669 14
07/24/2008 05:39 AM

Dead, of course. Or else they would eat my camembert.

resartus 325 6
07/24/2008 05:42 AM

At the end of the day sometime, ask everyone, "Who ate that stuff I was going to take to the hospital for testing?"

That will probably put an end to ALL lunch thefts for quite some time.

Bill the furry woodland creature 25,344 8
07/24/2008 05:45 AM

Write Al's lunch on it.

Ditdah 114,999 10
07/24/2008 05:46 AM

I just asked the GF, "What's a good way to keep co-workers from eating your food?"

She looked at me like I'd lost my mind. "Huh? Why?"

"I need to post on GAB so I can get Orbs," I replied.

"Get what?"

"Grrrr. Clickies!"

"Oh! You changed it?"

"Yes! A while ago! Now answer my question!"

"Ummm... what was it?"

"BLARRGRH! What's a way to keep your co-workers from eating your food!?"

"Shoot them."

Thud 53,002 10
07/24/2008 06:04 AM

I like the way your GF thinks.

Thud 53,002 10
07/24/2008 06:07 AM

Oh, I forgot to answer the challenge.

Write "I licked everything" on the containers you bring your food in.

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 129,669 14
07/24/2008 06:17 AM

Write "I licked everything" on the containers you bring your food in.

If I saw a container with that written on it, I would totally add "so did I" underneath.

Phuc 231,193 13
07/24/2008 06:18 AM

Write "Please don't eat my lunch as I am on a strict vegan diet" on the tupperwares.

La Femme KChikita 50,204 11
07/24/2008 06:19 AM

"Test Results"

Thud 53,002 10
07/24/2008 06:19 AM

Write "Al prepared my lunch" on the boxes.

Brandon- Jester Puddinpops 0 0
07/24/2008 06:32 AM

"forget" to put your tuna sandwitch in the fridge

Brandon- Jester Puddinpops 0 0
07/24/2008 06:33 AM

Tape the lid shut.

Fattys are to lazy

Dogs Akimbo 158,259 11
07/24/2008 07:07 AM

At the end of the day sometime, ask everyone, "Who ate that stuff I was going to take to the hospital for testing?"

I like this. You could also play it in the opposite direction with a twist: in the morning, walk around the office and let people see you spitting into your food.

What? You're gonna be eating your own spit, anyway. And your own burrito.

I do love pudding pops 938 5
07/24/2008 07:12 AM

Give it sunglasses. Why would it be wearing sunglasses if it wasn't still alive?

manhole 7,681 8
07/24/2008 07:18 AM

lay off the pudding pops dude.

I do love pudding pops 938 5
07/24/2008 07:28 AM

yeah, I guess you're right..

I just have such a surplus with no one stealing them at work and all..

Bill the furry woodland creature 25,344 8
07/24/2008 07:31 AM

Are you and that Brandon guy the same person?

Dogs Akimbo 158,259 11
07/24/2008 07:33 AM

Why is you can call a woman dude and it's all cool and hipster doofous. But you call some straight guys chicks and they're all up in your Shakespeare and want to punch your face.

Thud 53,002 10
07/24/2008 07:39 AM

Eat nothing but sandwiches from Quik Stop. Most people will leave them (and probably you) alone.

Declan McManus as Lenny Botwin 115,719 11
07/24/2008 07:47 AM

1) Go out to lunch.

2) Work nightshift, so you're the only one in the building.

Professor Nutbutter 150,766 13
07/24/2008 07:54 AM

"Not yours"

Taco Murderface Murderface 55,245 18
07/24/2008 10:03 AM

Freshman year when some stupid Carroll from the third floor of my dorm building ate my birthday cake, the following week I made chocolate chunk brownies.

With laxative chocolate chunks.

After the brownie pan was raided, nobody on my floor ever had food stolen from the 'fridge again.

Dr. Frasier Winslow Crane 125 2
07/24/2008 01:42 PM

"Yeah, Well I Had Sex With Your Wife"

Frogpop the Bad Idea Bear 155,162 12
07/24/2008 02:38 PM

Work some place that pays people enough to buy some food.

Anh is a dark, angry life insurance agent. 10,502 8
07/24/2008 03:01 PM

I left a baguette and a wheel of camembert in the fridge at work and someone threw it away because they thought that something had gone bad. I still miss my cheese when I get hungry at night.

Anh is a dark, angry life insurance agent. 10,502 8
07/24/2008 03:04 PM

Write "Live Specimen" on your container.

Marginally Ravos 33,658 9
07/24/2008 05:23 PM

Write "Bacteria Culture" on your yogurt, or other dairy or dairy related product.

♣ Pickle Sniffer ♣ 1,581 3
07/24/2008 06:23 PM

Substitute your usual lunch bag for a variety of these

fish bait buckets.

I am particularly fond of the last one.

Corduroy Jeens 10,973 10
07/25/2008 05:16 AM

I reuse old containers. I coordinate the container to the food I'm bringing so my food looks as unappetizing as possible.

For example, a Cozy Shack pudding container may hold chicken curry and roasted vegetable leftovers, whereas an accompanying salsa container may contain the displaced Cozy Shack pudding and a cut up banana.

Since I've begun using this technique, I've not had ANY incidents of lunch leeching.

Oh score. Pudding! [They open the container & the smell of curry escapes & gagging sequence begins & quickly replaces my lunch bag & moves on to someone else's, more appetizing lunch.]

Corduroy Jeens 10,973 10
07/25/2008 05:18 AM

Oh, and stapling the bag shut and writing your name on the outside also works.

Thud 53,002 10
07/25/2008 05:21 AM

Or stapling your co-workers' mouths shut could solve the problem.

I do love pudding pops 938 5
07/25/2008 05:58 AM

Put this guy nearby as a protection dummy.



NOBODY wants to mess with Howdy Doody.

Bean 4,405 12
07/25/2008 11:57 PM

Bring something Al would eat.

Obsessively Ravos 33,658 9
07/25/2008 11:57 PM

Pre-chew it.

Phuc 231,193 13
07/26/2008 01:42 AM

Bring something Al would eat.

You're going to work on Monday commando, then?

Nachos - Defining The Rapture 51,713 10
07/26/2008 05:22 AM

And now we know about Al's fetish for pubic hair.

Bean 4,405 12
07/26/2008 11:07 AM

Who said I had pubic hair??

Libra3887 8 2
07/26/2008 11:30 PM

A co-worker brought cookies for everyone. I took a bite out of my cookie and yuck! Coconut! My supervisor came by and asked if I was going to finish it. Before I could say no, she snatched it and ate it.

I don't dare leave food in the fridge.

Marmite...Did ya fookin' miss meh? 5,619 5
07/26/2008 11:52 PM

Slightly OT but the guys at my Boyfriends work used to fart in colleagues tupperware sandwiche boxes if they saw one in the fridge in the morning. Made for an amusing lunch break in the canteen when said employee opened box...

Dr. Frasier Winslow Crane 125 2
07/27/2008 01:24 AM

Just write on the container "All food is from Bakersfield, California." That will get people RUNNING away from it.

Marmite...Did ya fookin' miss meh? 5,619 5
07/27/2008 03:22 AM

Hey! Some of my best meals came from Bakersfield. Seriously.

Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie 168,582 11
07/27/2008 03:34 AM

1. Buy condoms
2. Wash one of the condoms. Wash very well and run through the dish washer if you buy lubricated.
3. Place condom inside the container with your food in it. Place it on top so someone can see it when they open it, not the bottom of the container.
4. Profit?

Alowishus Devadander Abercrombie 168,582 11
07/27/2008 03:34 AM

Place it on top so someone can see it when they open it, not the bottom of the container.

The fact that I felt a need to mention this says a lot for what I think of most of you.

Al Sleet 76,809 12
07/27/2008 03:45 AM

Anchovy Pizza. 'Nuff said.

Dogs Akimbo 158,259 11
07/27/2008 10:03 AM

You know, TTJ's sense of humor and view of life -- cynical, twisted, angry, disdainful of idiots -- is a blessing to us here on GAB.



But I bet it makes your life a living hell.

Al Sleet 76,809 12
07/27/2008 11:57 AM

Go play with your mac.

No Spring Chickens 237,818 14
07/27/2008 03:05 PM

"...AND STAY AWAY FROM THOSE RAISINS CAUSE I LICKED EACH AND EVERY ONE AND PUT IT BACK IN THE BOX..."

mass clickies for the reference

Phuc 231,193 13
07/27/2008 05:06 PM

Anchovy Pizza. 'Nuff said.

The challenge is to figure out how to get adults to stay away from your food.

Bill the furry woodland creature 25,344 8
07/27/2008 08:55 PM

Quit your job!

Syncope and Pram don't have a problem with people taking their lunch.

Al Sleet 76,809 12
07/27/2008 10:06 PM

The challenge is to figure out how to get adults to stay away from your food.

Evidently I work with a bunch of candy-asses.

SpecialKake 55,185 10
07/27/2008 10:14 PM

Quit your job and work somewhere with only white people.

Al Sleet 76,809 12
07/29/2008 04:45 AM

You racist.

Your honor, we find the defendant: Ravos 33,658 9
07/29/2008 06:06 PM

Eat your lunch before they can.

Phuc 231,193 13
07/29/2008 08:58 PM

Has anyone mentioned Stink Palm yet?

mikeyb 8 2
08/03/2008 11:56 PM

now for an englishman's view...... padlock the damn fridge, if anyone is stupid enough to ask for the key and go through the fridge, your probably going to have the fridge door in your hand, and their head in the doorway!

Humphrey 51,323 10
08/05/2008 08:39 AM

Girls can be such bitches!

Galosh 21 2
08/05/2008 02:36 PM

Write something in like dutch or something like: Kalkoensandwich
or:
Vliegend rotatie anussonde






extra points to whoever gets that without using online translators... No Cheating!

Pubah 47,449 11
08/06/2008 05:26 PM

Put a used rubber in one of your sandwiches...


...word gets around quick!

Phuc 231,193 13
08/06/2008 06:00 PM

A little petai goes a long way.

King Pricko of Pricksburgh, Cockachusetts 43,802 9
08/16/2008 12:28 PM

Syncope and Pram don't have a problem with people taking their lunch.

True. But that may be due to the fact that I can't afford lunch.

TimmyTheTalkingToilet 11,543 13
08/17/2008 01:08 AM

I'm surprised that nobody suggested that you poop in a tupperware container, throw it in a random brown paper bag and leave it on the fridge.

Phuc 231,193 13
08/17/2008 01:33 AM

Thanks for being the conscience of GAB, Timmy.

TimmyTheTalkingToilet 11,543 13
08/17/2008 03:38 AM

<action>tips hat</action>

Just doin my job mam.

Ambrosien 5 2
11/25/2008 01:33 PM

Cover the real food in glad wrap and add a layer of dead bugs above that. Worked like a charm when my friend tried it. Her roomate spent a week believing my friend ate them for the additional protein.

Schizophrenic 113 5
11/26/2008 09:28 PM

 I suppose if the situation got serious enough you would have to put a stop to it... I reckon for a while I could store my real lunch under my trucker cap and my lunch laced with arsenic would go in the fridge... You'll find the culprit soon enough... Trust me no one will tamper with your lunch after that... Not even in prison...

Th Real Gonzo 118 4
11/26/2008 10:28 PM

Use anything from this page.

TomServo 3,733 5
11/27/2008 02:58 PM

You may or may not believe this, but a colleague of mine once left a tobasco and tuna sandwhich in the fridge.... The Shakespearehead lunch stealer actually took a bite of the sandwhich, decided they didn't like it and put it back.

Pants 12,160 13
11/27/2008 07:45 PM

Leave a Visine covered lunch in the refrigerator and go back to your desk.  In about 20min you will notice a person clinching their ass while moving at a very rapid pace towards the bathroom and screaming "Move!  Get the Frost out of my way!"  This is your lunch thief or aahh ex-lunch thief.

That's so Ravos 33,658 9
11/27/2008 08:39 PM

Leave a Visine Vaseline covered lunch in the refrigerator and go back to your desk.  In about 20min you will notice a person clinching their ass while moving at a very rapid pace towards the bathroom and screaming "Move!  Get the Frost out of my way!"  This is your lunch thief or aahh ex-lunch thief.

Canucky 27 3
11/28/2008 10:44 AM

While I can't say I've had as much flair as some people, noted above, I've tried a couple things. The most obvious being actively spitting on my fries in front of them. Though, to be honest, that didn't stop one guy, though he did figure it out later and glared at me for a while. The alternative method was stapling a note on my lunchbag and writing in bold: remember to pick up herpex (because everyone knows STDs are an acquired taste)

nathyn2 0 2
11/28/2008 04:34 PM

Oddly enough, I've found writing "John Hargrave" on the lid of my containers effective 79% of the time.

Choche 215 4
11/30/2008 07:17 AM

1/2 Mountain Dew, 1/2 piss.  Then if anyone drinks it tell everyone about it and dare them to eat your food too.