BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/04/2008 12:11 PM

Any coffee with Splenda in it.

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/04/2008 12:24 PM

Can we slander companies in this thread? CAN WE???

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/04/2008 12:26 PM

<action>checks the TOS.</action>Okay, cool.

BOCA JAVA.

Tastes.Like.Hypocrite.

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,464 56
08/04/2008 12:27 PM

Later I found out that someone had put a squirt of dish soap into my mug as a joke.

A guy played the same joke on me in college. He secretly poured dish soap in my water (after the water was already in the glass, so there wasn't any foam)

I drank the glass all at once, and when I put the glass down, all the guys at the table were looking at me, expecting a reaction. This began to raise my suspicion that something was wrong. Immediately after, I felt something else that was wrong, this time coming from inside the house! I ran to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet bowl before I threw up my entire dinner.

The next day, the guy came to see me and apologized profusely. He also told me that he had asked his brother who was studying to become a doctor, and that he had told him that dish soap is a "powerful emetic."

- "No Shakespeare," I replied. "But I expected that you would be the one to teach him that."

The Mailman, as portrayed by Jacques Tati 176,464 56
08/04/2008 12:33 PM

As for my worst coffee ever, I once bought a coffee at the drive-in of a fast food restaurant. I then "accidentally" poured the contents of the cup onto my lap, expecting to suffer third degree burns that would enable me to sue the restaurant chain for two million dollars.

The coffee wasn't hot enough, so all I got was the shame of looking like I had soiled myself and the incomfort of having to drive home surrounded by the scent of cheap coffee.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/04/2008 12:34 PM

Y'all already know what I'm going to say:

Dunkin' Frost-ing Donuts.

To be fair, it's not really coffee--it's more of a caffeine delivery system.

It's not, like, undrinkably horrible, like if someone stirred anthrax into it, but it's just consistently crappy enough from cup to cup without any hope of it every being better than something that was brewed through a used diaper rather than a filter.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/04/2008 12:42 PM

I remember vividly the summer of 1990, when I was working in the kitchen of a summer camp. One time, I put a little extra something special in one of the counselors coffee.

He knew it was baby gravy, but to save face told everyone it was dish soap. He still recounts the story today and is in denial.

But I'm like "Hey, whatever gets you to sleep at night buddy."

SHP: Soonly HOMED Panda 181,795 70
08/04/2008 01:41 PM

To be fair, it's not really coffee--it's more of a caffeine delivery system.

I've read this like 15 times, and I still fail to see the problem.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/04/2008 01:43 PM

There's a Seattle's Best coffee shop in the lobby where I work. I'm going to get a cup right now.

Pram 80,728 42
08/04/2008 01:45 PM

The off-brand coffee you get at

Actually, you know what? I have sworn off coffee.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/04/2008 01:47 PM

To be fair, it's not really coffee--it's more of a caffeine delivery system.

I've read this like 15 times, and I still fail to see the problem.

That's fine.

Do you also see bacon as just a cholesterol-introduction device?

SHP: Soonly HOMED Panda 181,795 70
08/04/2008 01:58 PM

A delicious cholesterol-induction device.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
08/04/2008 05:39 PM

Starbucks.

It's not really even coffee. It's a stale, over-roasted, soot-flavored base for variously flavored hot milk and sugar drinks.

The main purpose of a Starbucks is to separate the suburban yuppies and soccer moms from their money. I could put instant General Foods International coffee in a cardboard Starbucks cup and 99.9% of Starbucks' regulars would drink it down and love it.

Go into a Starbucks and order a large regular black coffee. First, the "barrista" (Italian for loser with a liberal arts degree who lives in Mom's basement) will condescendingly correct your order, translating it into Starbucks Speak. Then you will be seriously overcharged, and encouraged to leave your change in a tip cup. Once you have your drink, take a sip. Don't add milk or sugar or anything else. This is supposed to be about coffee, right. If you have followed my instructions, your palate will now be experiencing the insulting assault of a flavor resembling liquid used charcoal.

That is not what quality coffee tastes like. And a double skinny half-caf caramel macchiatto is not coffee.

Ravos me this, Ravos me that 63,472 21
08/04/2008 05:47 PM

I've actually sworn an oath to never enter a starbucks, ever. I have literally stood outside the building when a friend wanted to go in. Frost starbucks.

It's only gay if you look McPants in the eye 19,555 11
08/04/2008 06:26 PM

American coffee.

rock lobster is not a lion tamer 18,570 33
08/04/2008 06:35 PM

Coffee from the IHOP on Blanding, but not the one in Southside.


Also, Dunkin Donuts coffee tastes like roasted poop.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
08/04/2008 06:36 PM

Any coffee. Coffee is Frost-ing disgusting.

Thud 68,506 19
08/04/2008 06:40 PM

Any coffee. Coffee is Frost-ing disgusting.

I have found another newsletter to subscribe to.

Dr. Frasier Winslow Crane 130 5
08/04/2008 08:28 PM

There is this coffee shop in the town I live in called 'Bad Ass Coffee'

It's disgusting so I prefer to call it 'Bad, Ass Coffee.'

Phuc 237,919 21
08/04/2008 09:25 PM

Anything roasted less than dark.

Anything shat out by a weasel.

Anything where they put the stuff in for you.

Anything sweet.

Anything soy.

Anything without caffeine.

Anything flavoured (the "u" us for "Up da butt")

Anything not served by girls in bikinis.

GrammarNazi 954 5
08/04/2008 10:30 PM

Is it even possible to order a regular cup of coffee at Starbucks or any of these other overpriced "coffeehouses?" I'd think the barista would have a meltdown if you tried. Of course, I should go in some time and try just for fun.

Declan McManus as Declan McManus 131,887 36
08/04/2008 10:39 PM

Worst cup?


Yeah, StarFrosts is pretty dammed awful.


However, the worst coffee I drank on a regular basis was in the dining hall at college. It was made in a huge machine, and badly.


The filter was the size of an inflated beachball...... the coffee itself was, I want to say, Maxwell House brand (hell, this was 30 years ago. 30 years ago next month) It was brewed very weakly.


Also, the water was sucktacular. Remember, beverage coffee is like 95% ~ water, and if the water isn't good, the brewed coffee won't be good.


The only decent coffee was either at the Snack Bar, or brewed by me in my dorm room.


As for foofy coffee based drinks, I do not take them seriously, nor do I really consider them to be coffee, but as an alternative, to say, a milkshake or a sody pop....once in a while won't kill a person, nor will it damage a soul--too much.


One last word....I never willingly go to StarFrosts. I am only found there when someone else is buying. When I am buying, I am found at one of three places....Susan's Coffee and Tea, Anthony's Cafe and Cakes, or McDs.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
08/05/2008 12:43 AM

Since my dad has been in and out of the coffee business for years, I've had a lot of experience with decent coffee. My palate is refined and spoiled with good coffee, generally free. That being said, I've had my fair share of Shakespearety coffee.

Folgers, Maxswillhouse, most coffee you buy in grocery stores suck balls. I don't mind the Dunkin' Donuts I can brew at home. Millstone is ok with the right blend, but if you buy it as beans, don't send it through the store's grinder.

I went into Krispy Kreme the other day and their "sixteen minute old" (by the timer on the machine) tasted more like it was three hours old. Einstien Bros. Bagels' coffee is alright. And I won't patronize StarFrosts. McDonald's used to be the worst, but they've gotten better in the last few years.

I've got to find a new local place to patronize. They at least know coffee doesn't have to be complicated to be good.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
08/05/2008 12:46 AM

But worst cup of coffee ever? I took a car into a dealership's service dept. a couple of summers ago, and the complimentary pot they brewed was somewhere between sludge and syrup.

Frogpop the Bad Idea Bear 173,153 25
08/05/2008 12:56 AM

Were they heating it in an oil drip tray?


There's yer problem..

Thud 68,506 19
08/05/2008 12:59 AM

According to Mrs. Thud, the most vile, consistently bitter coffee available across America is from Denny's. She said it was more bland than even StarFrosts' product, which tells me something.

Hammerhead 59,399 14
08/05/2008 01:19 AM

Froggy, that might have actually improved the taste/viscosity.

Jade - Queen Of Mistakes 14,453 11
08/05/2008 03:03 AM

Um, I actually like Starbucks.

But I'm going to agree with McPants. He sent me Swedish coffee once, and it was vastly superior.

Galosh 21 5
08/05/2008 05:18 AM

well i'm the kind of guy to just skip the whole coffee-filter-starbuck-donut scene,
its not really my thing,
if i have to choose i go for more "direct" caffine-injection metods and just go for the actual bean.

You know, go down to trader joe's, or costco or some Shakespeare and just get an all-american,
45 pound bag of coffee beans, and them i Eat them!

mmm... coffee bean...

GrammarNazi 954 5
08/05/2008 05:41 AM

Mmmm, chocolate covered coffee beans, yum.

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/05/2008 06:43 AM

I'm disappointed that no one mentioned Kiss Coffee yet. Anyone tried it?

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/05/2008 06:44 AM

Also, since I'm up early, I think I'll stop by Starbucks for a Whole Heavy Whip Mocha Latte on the way to work.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/05/2008 06:46 AM

You and what army?






...Oh.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/05/2008 06:56 AM

I'm gonna pop by my favorite place this morning but have them put it in my Starbucks cup.


...Shakespeare. That gives me an idea...

Ravos me this, Ravos me that 63,472 21
08/05/2008 08:47 AM

Whole Heavy Whip Mocha Latte

I'm not even sure what that means.

sharribarri 14,124 11
08/05/2008 08:56 AM

I'd rather suffer though a caffeine withdrawl headache than drink Dunkin' Donuts. It tastes like dish water to me. Nasty.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/05/2008 08:56 AM

The commercials say that Mary Lou's has The Best Coffee in Town.

I ain't never had none, but I agree one hunnert percent!

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/05/2008 09:12 AM

Whole Heavy Whip Mocha Latte

I'm not even sure what that means.

It means "Yum."

Jelly tipped Neep: Open other end. 35,066 15
08/05/2008 04:10 PM

I was walking to work today, listening to the birds singing and watching light spread across the city below as the colours of the sunrise were painted across the sky above. I thought, "screw this. Should be in bed. Caffeine."

I was running late and hadn't make my own at home, so I ducked into a corner store for one of these.

Milk and sugar in a can. Gross.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
08/05/2008 04:18 PM

Kiss Coffee

I burned my tongue on Kiss Coffee one time and had to walk around all day with it hanging out.

Jelly tipped Neep: Open other end. 35,066 15
08/05/2008 04:23 PM

It's hard being a coffee snob when you're poor.

Same with beer.

Sigh.

Pubah 56,813 18
08/06/2008 08:17 AM

And wine...

...and food

It's hard to be a snoob, but we manage.

Phuc 237,919 21
08/06/2008 10:10 PM

The worst particular cup of coffee I can remember drinking was church coffee.

I've had that same cup at least two dozen times over the course of 30 years and it never tastes any better than brewed used matches cut with Pine Sol.

TimmyTheTalkingToilet 11,593 15
08/06/2008 11:06 PM

It still boggles the Frost out of me on how many places serve "coffee" Frost it up so badly, after drinking any of it I have to go find a dead cat to lick it's ass to get the taste out of my mouth.

And it doesn't matter if it was from Dennys, Starbucks, or Dunkin Donughts when it's good, it's good, but when it's bad, it's pure Frost-ing Shakespeare.