Ravos! Wham! 63,472 21
08/08/2008 08:33 AM

Chad rips off his coat to reveal a bomb strapped to his chest. He hits the button, and explodes, taking everyone else down with him.

In heaven he is rewarded with 72 virgins.

The End.

Miss, Throw me sumtin Mr. Trixxie 65,026 15
08/08/2008 08:36 AM

The virgins are all 20 something year old male Gabbers, The End Again.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 08:36 AM

<action>Chad awakes from that mental flash forward of what could have happened, and finds himself in the exact same position.</action>

Ravos! Wham! 63,472 21
08/08/2008 08:37 AM

...and history repeats itself.

Chance 171,275 14
08/08/2008 08:48 AM

and...asks him to step into the security room for a full cavity check. He waited in a small room for the dentist when...

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 09:03 AM

A Nazi SS Doctor appears out of thin air with a pliers and a grin on his face. He asks Chad, "Is it safe?"

To which Chad replies "What the Frost are you talking about?"

The TSA agents bends Chad over and the doctor puts the cold pliers up his ass. After five minutes of digging, he pulls out a metal object and says "We have it, we have the..."

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 09:03 AM

...in shuffles the CryptKeeper with a rusty scalpel and a box cutter.

"BEND OVER!" the CryptKeeper screeches.

Chad screams like a girl, and...

BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/08/2008 09:15 AM

The Cryptkeeper and Lawrence Olivier start making out. Amy Winehouse walks in with an anus full of heroin balloons...

underWhere? 101,398 77
08/08/2008 09:18 AM

and then a raptor appears and eats Frat.

Chance 171,275 14
08/08/2008 09:18 AM

..and the cats rejoice!

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 09:20 AM

The Crypt keeper puts his skeletal fist up Chads ass and digs.

He pulls out nothing but stink palm and begins to hiss "Where is it CHHADDDD, where is the Continuum Transfunctioner?"

Chad turns his head, teary and bleeding out rectum, and exclaims "You are too late, Amy Winehouse and Lawrence Olivier have it and are heading to China to solve the ancient riddle!"

Amy shoots the Heroin balloons out of her ass and her and Lawrence quickly disappear out of the TSA booth in a haze of drugs.

Chad is left unattended and finds an escape route. He slips out and heads to ....

BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/08/2008 09:29 AM

Taco Bell for a snack. The Cryptkeeper follows him out and explains that all he really wanted was a friend. They agree to chase down Sir Laurence and Ms. Winehouse, but first they need a vehicle

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 09:33 AM

So they high-jack a fuel efficient hybrid Toyota (because Chad's a dirty hippie that way) and start driving toward Long Island.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 09:36 AM

Chad starts to feel the gurgle of Taco Bell and gets an idea. Being in the Huffington Pants family has given him an excellent eduction, and a degree in Bio-Engineering.

He figures that with the puncture of his sphincter from the double fisting that just took place, coupled with the gastric juices brewing from the face meat, Chad can give extra power to the Toyota and launch the car over to China with a gigantic fart.

He calculates the distance and accounts for wind speed and lets out a huge messy gas puddle.

They appear in Beijing, outside Olympic stadium and devise a plan...

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 09:38 AM

Lawrence Olivier distracts the local police by standing on a speaker and giving a tearful speech on why it's wrong to eat dog meat. Meanwhile, Chad...

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 09:38 AM

Oops, I forgot who had teamed up with whom.

Squiirly 53,270 54
08/08/2008 09:40 AM

But first, Chad, having expelled all his gas for the trip, must eat. So, he stops and gets a puppy sandwich.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/08/2008 09:41 AM

After eating his puppy at the Sunny Delight Kids Zone he decides to do some souvenir shopping where he encounters a man selling discount seafood.

Squiirly 53,270 54
08/08/2008 09:50 AM

Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse having been double-crossed by Lawrence Olivier, tries to stick the artifact up her butt. But, it keeps falling out, so she.....

Phuc 237,919 21
08/08/2008 09:51 AM

Has a heaping bowl of expired shrimp cocktail.

Squiirly 53,270 54
08/08/2008 09:59 AM

Chad, dressed as the discount seafood merchant quickly and efficiently slits Amy Winehouses throat, grab's the artifact and runs down the road.

The crypt keeper, being hungry from the trip eats Amy Winehouses body.

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 10:01 AM

But Amy Winehouse is too nasty even for the CryptKeeper's stomach, and he pukes her remains into one of the hot dishes at the nearest buffet. The chef immediately makes up a new sign reading "Winehouse Supplies - 50 Yen!".

Ravos! Wham! 63,472 21
08/08/2008 10:02 AM

Amy winehouse's remains begin to ooze and slither as they reform into her normal shape. Chad is shocked to discover this, as she is not even human, she is some kind of...

Squiirly 53,270 54
08/08/2008 10:06 AM

oozing, slithering, reforming thing.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 10:07 AM

The years of abuse have drug abuse have given Winehouse the ability to morph and regenrate and she quickly apperates and steals back the artifact and disappears.

Chad follows his nose, which has been implanted with super senses courtesy of the Huffington Institue of Technology.

He can see the trail of Heroin, dog, expired shrimp cocktail and Blake Fielder-Civil feces.

He is standing at the entrance to the Chinese Imperial Tomb, where Olivier and Winehouse are putting the plan into action. Abrakadaver spells fly all around in a halo of green and red sparks.

Chad has to think quickly and the Crypt keeper grabs Chases' bulge to help give him inspiration.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/08/2008 10:10 AM

Chad, Amy and the corpse of Chairman Mao are approached by agents of CBS to star in a pilot episode for a new sit come entitled, "Fack Off You Facking Capitalist Facks."

BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/08/2008 10:11 AM

Unfortunately, they don't know what a sit come is.

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 10:20 AM

So they attempt to suck the souls out of the CBS agents, but find they have no souls. Frustrated, they locate the nearest orphanage and start sucking children's souls out through their eyeballs in order to cast their ancient spells of doom.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 11:37 AM

<Action>End of Act 1</action>Chad remains distracted in China with the Crypt Keepers incessant sexual advances and tries to figure out what the hell a "sit come" and what CBS has to do with he mystery.

Meanwhile...high atop the American Express customer service tower in Bangalore, sits the true mastermind behind this evil...Chad's rebellious brother Chase!

<Dramatic Pause>
Duh Duh Duh Duhhhhhhhhh

Having been disowned at an early age for filling up his SUV with Diesel, Chase Huffington had been planning his revenge on the only other living heir to the Huffington fortune, Chad. The will stipulated that only through acts of death or extreme sodomy, would he inherit the Huffington fortune.

Chase gets a call from his number one spy, Jilly Willy, who reports that Winehouse and Olivier had failed to kill or penetrate Chase with the Spear of Destiny.

Chase decides to take matters into his own hands.

Begin Act 2!
The scene begins with Chase roaming the streets of Banglore in search for the mystic deodorant, the last piece of the puzzle. Chase approaches a local feces vendor and starts the interrogation.

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 11:39 AM

FLASHBACK:

Both Chad and Chase's mothers die in a horrific auto accident for naming their children "Chad" and "Chase".

FADE BACK TO PRESENT

Chance 171,275 14
08/08/2008 01:36 PM

I almost named my son Chase. WHATCHOO TRYING TO SAY?

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 01:39 PM

"I used to love her, but I had to kill her!"

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
08/08/2008 02:39 PM

And then the goat shouts out, The Aristocrats!

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 02:54 PM

For you see "the goat" was Chase's secret contact in Bangalore. And "the Aristocrats" was the code word for "I have it!".

And with that exchange, the goat passes the holy deodorant to Chase. His eyes light up and he anxiously uses the roll on each armpit.

Immediately, all the locals start dying from the smell of cleanliness and Chase is the only person left alive. He lets out a maniacal laugh and exclaims "I have done it, Muhahahahaha!"

Meanwhile, back in China, Chad is getting sucked off by the Crypt Keeper and...

Chance 171,275 14
08/08/2008 02:55 PM

....Trixxie.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/08/2008 03:02 PM

at the big rock concert when suddenly the Canadian Special forces jump out of the trees and shout, "This is an invasion, eh!" Unfortunately, they were not aware the bands playing were Loverboy, Bryan Adams and a cardboard cutout of Getty Lee. They immediately start rocking to their national heroes and forego their mission. And Chad grabs Bryan Adams hostage and yells, "Eveyone here put their cash on the stage, and get me a helicopter or the Canuck dies!"

Ravos, in the study, with a candlestick 63,472 21
08/08/2008 03:06 PM

The Canadian special forces shrug, as they don't like Bryan Adam's anyway. Celine Dion appears, and they all ignore Chad's demands.

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 03:18 PM

Celine starts to wail like a banshee, blowing out speakers and breaking people's eye-glasses. Pandemonium ensues!

Declan McManus as Declan McManus 131,887 36
08/08/2008 03:25 PM

Pandemonium ensues


Po strolls onto the stage, munching some bamboo, and says, "eh, take off, you hosers!"

BillSalamie 67,057 13
08/08/2008 03:30 PM

Meanwhile, at the Coca Cola Official Beijing Olympics Prostitution and Human Trafficking Hospitality Center

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 03:36 PM

Chad gets word that everyone in the majority of India was killed in a Tsunami of cleanliness. He sees a picture of the only man standing and recognizes the picture. "But that can't be, He was disowned, he can't be alive...CHAASSSSEEEEE!!!!!"
<End Scene>

Act 3

All the pieces fall into place. He knows the final confrontation is near and books his trip to Banglore through the center for human traffic. He has sex with a minor before heading to the airport. It's on!

Squirrel Trooper Bill 53,270 54
08/08/2008 03:58 PM

Little does he know, the minor is actually a midget spy named Bionca. Bionca uses her special vaginal clamp technique to fasten a transmitter to his penis. Then.......

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 04:03 PM

...she scampers into a nearby cabinet and disappears! Chad is just glad to get out of paying her, so he hops on "Human Traffic Economy Airlines" and settles down in his seat for the 42-hour flight. (Hey, what did you expect for "Economy"?)

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 05:05 PM

<action>Chad exits the plane into an empty airport terminal. He walks and knows exactly where to go, The Huffington Pants Warehouse. As he enters the warehouse Chase gets the jump on him, having been tagged by Bionca the midget Taiwanese childlike hooker. He ties up his brother and bends him over. </action>
Chase: Well Chad, it looks like your journey has come to an end. Do you have anything to say before I Frost you in the ass to death?

Chad: I don't understand, why are you doing this?

Chase: You see I always wanted to destroy something beautiful. I started with the environment and Diesel fuel. Then I moved on to killing all the pesky Indians and finally, in a twist of irony, I will destroy you and your sphincter!

Chad: I still don't understand why you are doing this? I mean, I understand you killing me for our family fortunes, but why do you gotta be such a homo and Frost me in the ass? I mean, we are brothers?

Chase: Don't you see, it's the only way! I am rebellious Chad, and there is nothing you can do to stop me!

Chad: You can't do anything without the Spear of Destiny you fool!

Chase: Ah you are correct. But what you didn't realize is I had the Spear the whole time. It is, and always has been, my Coleridge. You know, a play on words. Now take it like a man.

Before he penetrates, Chad smiles and laughs. Winhouse, Cryptkeeper and Olivier pop out of his ass and grab chase by the Coleridge and pull him into his rectum. The power of the Continuum Transfucntioner had been revealed and the Huffington fortune was all his.

However, Chad died of Dysentery a week later.

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/08/2008 05:07 PM

Spielberg would be very disappointed.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/08/2008 05:15 PM

<action>Chad awoke from his day dream of possible outcomes and was standing back the the airport. </action>

The alarm had gone off and TSA was rapidly approaching.

His mind cleared and the only thing he could think of were the 100 pounds of Heroin strapped to his chest.

He was Frosted!

Corduroy Jeens 47,792 51
08/08/2008 05:36 PM

Chad yawns, to look nonchalant and slowly gets up and makes his way to the bathroom.

Once safely in the stall...

peoriagrace 6,166 11
08/09/2008 05:03 AM

The person in the next stall asks fer two-fiddy. Chad says bend over you're gonna work for that two-fifty!

Pram 80,728 42
08/09/2008 06:11 AM

Just then, a guy wearing a lobster suit wobbles into the scene, trips on his tail fin, and says...

rock lobster is not a lion tamer 18,570 33
08/09/2008 11:23 AM

"Hey! I resemble that remark!"
And then he presses the button on the top left quadrant of his right lobster claw and disappears in a cloud of smoke, only to find himself...

Corduroy Jeens 47,792 51
08/09/2008 01:01 PM

within Chad's ass cavity, unable to pinch his way out.

Pram 80,728 42
08/09/2008 03:08 PM

...so he eats his way out instead, and...

rock lobster is not a lion tamer 18,570 33
08/09/2008 03:12 PM

...due to the anal pleasure by the ass-eating lobster-man is giving him, Chad...

Pram 80,728 42
08/09/2008 05:22 PM

absolutely dies right then and there. His ghost...

A Very Special Olympic Phla 131,068 34
08/09/2008 05:34 PM

-written autobiography is not selling as well as he'd hoped. That's too bad, he won't be able to buy that-

Declan McManus as Declan McManus 131,887 36
08/09/2008 07:06 PM

-buy that

MacBook Air he wanted. He only wanted the thing to hit Yael Naim in the throat with it.

Corduroy Jeens 47,792 51
08/12/2008 11:55 PM

After knocking himself out cold with his new MacBook Air, Chad awakes three days later to find himself in a...

rock lobster is infected 18,570 33
08/13/2008 12:05 AM

coma. The doctor, Dr. Jivewell, walked into the room and...

Thud 68,506 19
08/13/2008 12:15 AM

-declared that he had the secret to weight loss through radical surgery. Chad, being in a coma, decided not to answer until...

Pram 80,728 42
08/13/2008 01:12 AM

...he died, and his dick went South for the Winter, which was...

Squirrel Trooper Bill 53,270 54
08/13/2008 08:56 AM

amazing because, his son Richard hated the south. Dick was searching for the secret to.....

La Femme KChikita 128,375 98
08/13/2008 09:13 AM

...how in the hell this thread is still alive. He was sure it was located somewhere in Boston. Being a non-directional Froster, he decided to...

Pram 80,728 42
08/13/2008 03:39 PM

...move into Phuc's house, because he IS a directional Froster. Phuc met Dick at a cannibal banquet, which is really disgusting and...

Ravos, in the study, with a candlestick 63,472 21
08/13/2008 03:40 PM

They hit it off right away. They began discussing the merits of tripe, and which part was their favorite. It was love at first site. They decided it would be a good idea to officiate their love for eachother, so they...

Squirrel Trooper Bill 53,270 54
08/13/2008 04:11 PM

flew up to Canada and ate everyone there becoming "Cannibal Brothers". Now Canada is a big country and it took them a while. So.......

Pram 80,728 42
08/13/2008 05:16 PM

they got really fat and gassy, on account that Canadians are also made of cake. At least the ones...

Galosh 21 5
08/14/2008 01:12 AM

into that sort of thing, which doesn't really appeal to the ghosts of chad, chase, biff, Dylan, Talor, or Tucker, So Eddie VInny and Tony, come beat the Shakespeare out of them with the U.S. Constitution, taking massive steaming patriotic Uncle Sam, red, white, and blue bull Shakespeare on all of their chests, meanwhile in some other universe, Ron Ragan, ghandi, god, uncle dave, and Idi Admin, are looking at this thinking "what the Frost...?" (naturally) as these tossers keep going on and on and on and on about the Frost-ing canadians and Amy Winehouse (who indecently got dropped from the story like a Frost-ing ton of bricks) until the end of time, meanwhile the obvious question goes unanswered... what the Frost ever happened to Chad's flight in the first place? and what about...

Galosh 21 5
08/14/2008 01:15 AM

"what the flap ever happened to Chad's flight in the first place?"

the one at JFK obviously... those guys who are watching this know what the Frost is going on...

Squirrel Trooper Bill 53,270 54
08/14/2008 09:09 AM

Galosh,

Let me reiterate the second story for you:

Chad sees the TSA agent

Chad goes to the bathroom

Chad dies by anal pleasure

Chad's son Dick goes south

Dick and Phuc meet

Dick and Phuc go to Canada to eat
all the Canadians

The Canadians are made of cake

Galosh Frosts up the thread by asking a question he could have answered himself by reading said thread

Squirrel then points out Galosh's Frost up, which Frosts the thread even more

ANY QUESTIONS?

Galosh 21 5
08/14/2008 11:50 AM

yes one... how dumb do i feel now?
i read the entire thing... and still i didn't get anything... i don't know if that says anything about me or the story or what...

Mung Champ 35,891 35
08/14/2008 11:58 AM

I think I can help Golash.

Click here and hover over the picture. That should answer any remaining questions you may have.