The Fanny Pack
A comedy conversation
by Ghostly Shell  77,143  25
10/10/2008 02:03 PM 1193 views
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I recently accompanied my dad on his first appointment to see an oncologist. He was recently diagnosed with lung cancer, as you might remember. Relax, I'm not asking for your sympathy or mojo. None of that allowed in this thread. So it's safe to read on.
The doctor spoke with us about the staging of the cancer (it's Stage IV) and the chemotherapy drugs he planned to use that would hopefully give my dad a few more months. Then a nurse was sent in to give us a rundown of the restrictions my dad would be on during chemo (who knew there were so many foods you can't even get near while on chemo!). After what seemed like an eternity, she finished the list, went over to a cabinet, and pulled something out.
She walked back to my dad and handed him some hideous looking, purple and black polyester thing. He looked at her and asked, "What's this?"
"It's a fanny pack. It's a gift from the makers of one of your chemo drugs. You can use it to carry all of the things that you want to bring to your chemo sessions."
My dad looked at the nurse and then looked down at the fanny pack. He rolled his eyes and said, "Great. I have cancer and all I got was this gay fanny pack."
The nurse didn't realize he was joking, and just stood there looking shocked. My mom and I, though, started laughing hysterically. My dad smiled and joined in. We sat there and laughed until tears were rolling down our faces. The nurse gathered her things, gave us a weird look, and left. It just made us laugh harder. It was just what we needed to break the tension.
Now my dad refers to it as his "cancer pack" and takes it to all of his chemo sessions. If he catches anyone looking at it, he says, "Like it? It's only for people with cancer. Sorry."
Something tells me that my dad would fit in just fine at GAB.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
28 votes
4.5
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Also Recommended on ZUG:
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Declan McManus as Gabriel Conroy 131,887  36
10/10/2008 02:11 PM
It's true. Around here, only Lesbians and Cousin Quentin have fanny packs. And if you ask Whistler, we aren't too sure if cousin Quentin ISN'T a Lesbian.
Your dad has great attitude, and attitude seems to make a difference.
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Funny
7 votes
3.9
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Where the Stone Cold Bikinis Are 62,262 18
10/10/2008 02:11 PM
Fun fact: In the UK, the word 'fanny' means vagina!
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0 votes
0.0
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Suicide Ranger is eating candy corn. 27,937 12
10/10/2008 02:13 PM
Is everyone staring at the thread in awkward silence?
Hey I beat you in the dead dad department. Just tell him you love him before he goes. All I said to mine was "Thanks." At least you get to see his end coming.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Ravos McRavosberg 63,472 21
10/10/2008 02:17 PM
Oh fanny packs. Next thing you know, he'll be wearing a feather boa and doing drag shows on Wednesdays.
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Side-splitting
5 votes
5.0
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BillSalamie 67,057 13
10/10/2008 02:18 PM
Holy Shakespeare you're retarded.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.5
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Chit 178,781 15
10/10/2008 02:47 PM
Shell, tell your old man that he just made me laugh to the point of tearing up as well.
It's easy to see where you got your great sense of humor.
SR. This one isn't about you...jeeze!
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Hilarious
12 votes
4.3
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Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
10/10/2008 03:13 PM
Your dad sounds like a cool guy. It's too bad my experimental anti-cancer throat-serum only works on women.
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Hilarious
11 votes
4.7
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Ghostly Shell 77,143 25
10/10/2008 03:17 PM
Is everyone staring at the thread in awkward silence?
Why would they? Because cancer is mentioned? Well, Shakespeare happens. And sometimes it happens to you. But in my opinion, there is no situation in life where humor is inappropriate. Even cancer has the potential to be funny.
If you took your head out of your ass long enough to look around, you might discover this as well.
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0 votes
0.0
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Suicide Ranger is eating candy corn. 27,937 12
10/10/2008 03:21 PM
I can't make any thread about me, buy just posting in it. I've been testing this theory for 3 days now.
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Side-splitting
2 votes
5.0
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Ravos McRavosberg 63,472 21
10/10/2008 03:28 PM
And you wonder why we hate you, SR.
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Side-splitting
2 votes
5.0
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
10/10/2008 04:44 PM
Fanny packs are making a comeback, at least in NYC. But they're expensive ones, from couture designers, made from high quality materials, not nylon or vinyl.
Cousin Quentin's is a cheap nylon one. He wears it with sweat shorts, high woolen socks and either Birkenstocks or Crocs. He's 57 years old, about 6'5" and 375 pounds.
And Shelle's dad rocks. All the best to him.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.3
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Marmite - ruining GAB since 2007 12,955 12
10/10/2008 04:48 PM
Awful, truly awful invention. NO-ONE looks good wearing one these.
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.7
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
10/10/2008 04:52 PM
By the way, SR, I've got twice as many dead dads as you. I recommend working out your grief with a family member, close friend or therapist rather than internet strangers.
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0 votes
0.0
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Suicide Ranger is eating candy corn. 27,937 12
10/10/2008 05:05 PM
But internet abuse is so much more rewarding. They tell you all what they really think of you. Passing judgment on what they don't know. Lets you know how much the world just sucks.
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Hilarious
10 votes
4.2
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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
10/10/2008 05:18 PM
Shell, your dad rocks.
On a personal note, the day my Father went into the Hopsital for heart surgery, he was joking with the doctors and nurses who were about to operate on him. A nurse looked at him funny and said, "aren't you worried about your problem?" My dad looked at her and gave her a big smile and said, "What problem?" She replied, "The problem with your heart." My dad said to her, "I don't have a problem with my heart. I gave it to God, He gave it to you, I'm going to be asleep. You have a problem with my heart."
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.3
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Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
10/10/2008 11:20 PM
Bill, save it for Chicken Soup for the Sheep's Soul.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Squirrel Zombie 53,270 54
10/11/2008 09:30 AM
If I'm your Secret Santa that is "SO" what you are getting.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
/live?func=new_user&msgid=1796427
Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
10/11/2008 04:08 PM
Pass those orbs along to your pops, if you would.
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0 votes
0.0
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peoriagrace 6,166 11
10/19/2008 03:53 PM
Hey Shell, how is your Dad doin?
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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Too Pram To Fuck 80,728 42
10/19/2008 04:16 PM
I used to have a fanny pack! It was bright purple and light blue. It made me look really gaBOOM.
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