CRAZY COSTUME CONTEST: The Little Ent That Couldn't A comedy article
by UnderWhere? 72,856 16 11/05/2008 09:48 AM 1167 views
I was a finalist in the ZUG Crazy Costume Contest, where ZUG readers had to pick a wacky costume from BuyCostumes.com and something funny to do while wearing it. I offered to put on this tree costume, then go out into the woods and jump out at people as they hiked by.
The joke was on me. Not only did the costume fail to fit, but the day I went to the trails, it was 48 degrees outside and no one was hiking at all.
Apparently trees are supposed to be tall and willowy, and I am more squat and billowy. I discovered that the day after Halloween isn't ideal for trying on a costume for the first time. I mean, if you've been stuffing your face with candy stolen from your 10 year old and your ass has increased in size overnight, maybe you should wait.
Since there was a deadline for this contest, I couldn't wait for the few extra pounds I'd gained to work themselves away. However, I had the perfect person in mind to help me with the prank -- my 19 year old son, who just happens to be shaped like an anorexic redwood.
He was less than enthused when I showed up at his apartment at 10:00 on a Saturday morning, but when I told him he could bring his laundry home, he became more interested in my plan. As a college student, I'm sure he would have agreed to almost anything short of dendrophilia if it meant he didn't have to keep wearing the same pair of jeans all week.
The hiking trails where we planted ourselves are located right near the college my son attends, so I figured they would be full of people to prank. The woods provide a perfect cover for pot smoking and illicit sex, so when I scoped the place out a couple days prior, it was packed. But when we arrived on Saturday, there wasn't a single soul around.
Autumn weather in western New York is a funny thing. The day I was in the woods counting people, it was 64 degrees and sunny. Two days later, when I arrived with my son dressed up as a tree, it was a chilly 48 degrees with a blustery wind.
I had my son run around a little bit to get used to the full-body costume, and he looked more ridiculous than I had hoped. The novelty of wearing such a stupid suit entertained him for a bit, but after standing around for an hour with only one person coming by, he wanted to make like a tree and leave -- so we went home to start the washing machine and grab some lunch. I had to drag him back into the woods afterward -- thank God his socks were still in the dryer.
We were there so long, he started to put down roots. That is, until a mom showed up with her four year old daughter. I had told my son to avoid confrontations at all costs -- I didn't want security showing up and stuffing him into a wood chipper -- and when the mother started yelling at him, he beat feet. I guess you could say he didn't want his costume to be torn limb from limb, as it became immediately apparent that this mom was willing to do so.
The rest of the day dragged on, with just one other hiker making an appearance. Of course, this was during a time when my son was nowhere near the trail, so the guy was more confused than startled, by the sight of a tree walking around in the distance.
The next day, the temperature rose several degrees. Since it was bright and sunny, I tried contacting my son many times, but I guess I was barking up the wrong tree -- my calls went straight to voicemail. Apparently he wasn't in the mood for any more forest fun. Perhaps when it comes to his laundry, he's decided to branch out in a new direction.
My, you've put in lots of effort into this and it's paid off. A very well-done and illustrated prank, it's interesting how the jogger's running speed increased upon seeing you, and that the child did not appear frightened at all.
"What were you doing? Trying to scare a 4 year old? Is that your idea of fun?"
"Yes, that's exactly what our plan was. See...we knew that if we came out here in the middle of the Frost-ing woods, some negligent mother would surely be allowing her 4 year old daughter to ramble along the path a good 100 yards ahead of her, making her easy prey for us, a cougar, a coyote, small bear, or even a rapist. We do this all the time. Thanks for playing.
Quit your whining, we're about to make you famous on YouTube...Bitch!
I haven't laughed this hard at an article since I first came to GAB and was reading things like John's credit card prank and such. Well played, Undies. Well played, indeed.
I pretty much spend most of my time these days posting on Undie's new comedy web site.
My son came over today - I hadn't heard from him since last Saturday, so this was the first time he saw the completed video & article. He said the movie is almost as embarrassing as the video I took of him when he was 12 and dressed up like a ninja. I had to disagree, as you can't even see his face in this one, and the home movie is 10 solid minutes of him doing fancy karate moves against imaginary bad guys. Or rather, his idea of what fancy karate moves are.
"But this one is on the INTERNET. Everyone can see it."
"Yeah, but so is the other one."
"You're lying."
"You think so?"
Yes, I was lying, but I made him sweat it a bit. He pretty much hates me now - or he will until he needs groceries or a ride someplace.
That was so funny. When I first saw the little girl, I was like, "Where's her mother?" Luckily, your son isn't a pedophile serial killer (at least, I don't think so) or the child would have been gone before her negligent mother came over the hill. Tell your son not to be embarrassed--no one even knows who he is. He was so funny when he was running around, falling, and laying on the ground--whether he meant to be or not.
I just realized that this has been edited and I'm not exactly happy with each change. There's nothing major, but I do think it alters my voice somewhat.
John, your time would be better spent fixing some of the bugs here than messing with my perfect prose!
I was a finalist in the ZUG Crazy Costume Contest, where ZUG readers had to pick a wacky costume from BuyCostumes.com and something funny to do while wearing it. I offered to put on this tree costume, then go out into the woods and jump out at people as they hiked by.
The opening paragraph in paticular is REALLY bothering me. I would never end it with a preposition! What kind of editor would make that sort of switch? This is what I wrote:
The website buycostumes.com sent me a free tree get-up as part of a comedy challenge. I was supposed to wear it and jump out at people in the woods, but the joke was on me - not only did the costume fail to fit - but the day I went to the trails, it was 48 degrees outside and no one was hiking at all.
The change that was made does not improve it. The way the sentence ends is driving me insane. More so than normal, I mean.
The opening paragraph in paticular is REALLY bothering me. I would never end it with a preposition! What kind of editor would make that sort of switch?
You better watch your back Hargrave. Undies was at a seminar once and the presenter's PowerPoint had a slide that contained an apostrophe in the posessive of "it". The guy had to get his presentation remote surgically removed from his nose.
Winston Churchill was reported to have once sent back a speech to a speechwriter who had changed his syntax to avoid having prepositions at the end of a sentence.
Churchill wrote back, "This is the sort of thing up with which I will not put."
I really hate the new sorting system in the articles too - it makes sense in the challenge threads, but not in the articles. I had to orb every single one of your comments equally, Dogs, or else it would have broken up their rhythm.
I'm pleased to announce the winner of the $500.00 cash prize: Underwhere!
While all three entrants took great personal pains to pull off their pranks, Underwhere and her son stood out in the sub-zero temperature for hours. Plus, you don't get much funnier than footage of a guy dressed up as a tree, falling over a log.
A winnar is me! I really, REALLY want to spend the money on my own personal icon, but Spicey says I have to do something responsible with it, like pay for medical care. Whatevah! I think he wants to keep me out of the cool kids club. If he doesn't let me get one soon, he's going to NEED that medical care.
Thanks everyone who voted for me and said nice things about me. I am going to give part of the money to my son so he can pay for electricity this month. I am a good mom, most of the time, though I don't play one on GAB.
I really hate the new sorting system in the articles too
Word. Sorting is great in Capcons and Challenges, but not articles. I had no idea Undies had won until I saw it on the home page. John's announcement post in the thread was burried halfway down the sorted comments.
Undies, you know I love you but, I can't believe you were stupid enough to indulge John with potentially criminal activities.
Potentially criminal? The fact that I won yet another 500 bucks with something so badly thrown together IS criminal. (You still have Vince's number, right?)
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