I constantly worry about my ex-husband.  For instance, there was a story on the news that a bicyclist in his city had been hit by a car and killed.  I had to keep following the story in the news until I was sure it wasn't him.  (When we divorced, he refused to get a car and rides his bike or walks everywhere).

If I call him and leave a message, I worry until he calls me back.  If I e-mail him, I worry until he e-mails me back.  I called him about two weeks ago and left a message, and he never called back!  I don't want to call him again because I know it will annoy him.  Ditto for e-mailing him.  He says he hardly ever checks his e-mail, but I don't think that's true.

I realize I have no business worrying about him.  I tell myself it's because he lives alone.  But my boyfriend lives alone, too, and I never worry about him.

Thud 68,506 19
11/06/2008 11:01 PM

A subconscious desire to hear a confirmation of death?

No, sorry, that's me.

Ditdah 123,110 14
11/07/2008 08:30 AM

You want to find out that you're dead? What the hell is wrong with you?

Ditdah 123,110 14
11/07/2008 08:30 AM

That sounded much funnier in my head. I should have kept it there.

Professor Nutbutter 181,311 35
11/07/2008 08:45 AM

Check between your legs.  Is it an innie or an outie?

If it's an innie, there's your problem right there.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
11/07/2008 09:48 AM

Deep down inside you know that you can never truly be happy without 50% of his paycheque.

Sugar-Free JollyLobsters 18,570 33
11/07/2008 10:09 AM

What is my problem?

I dunno, but the answer is 42.

That's so Ravos 63,472 21
11/07/2008 10:26 AM

I dunno, but the answer is 42.

So you do know.

Sugar-Free JollyLobsters 18,570 33
11/07/2008 10:33 AM

Following me around today much?

That's so Ravos 63,472 21
11/07/2008 10:34 AM

Everyday. Much.

hisboyelroy 10,621 13
11/07/2008 10:35 AM

you are a woman and you want attention. that and you lurrrve him.

Sugar-Free JollyLobsters 18,570 33
11/07/2008 10:37 AM

Ravos smells like poop.

Heh, poop.

There is a bean burrito on my desk that I left here on accident after I stayed late at work last night. Should I eat it?

Sugar-Free JollyLobsters 18,570 33
11/07/2008 10:39 AM

Oh and Millie:

There is nothing wrong with you, dear. Other than the fact that you are a nice person somewhere deep inside and away from the ZuG message board. I wouldn't let it get you down.

That's so Ravos 63,472 21
11/07/2008 10:49 AM

There is a bean burrito on my desk that I left here on accident after I stayed late at work last night. Should I eat it?

Does it smell like poop?

No: Eat it.

Yes: Eat it.

Take pictures of the aftermath.

Sugar-Free JollyLobsters 18,570 33
11/07/2008 11:33 AM

It does not smell like poop. Should I reheat it first or just eat it cold? (the temp in this office stays at 60 degrees Fahrenheit.)

Sugar-Free JollyLobsters 18,570 33
11/07/2008 12:25 PM

Alright, I did it.

Here is my doodle pad.

Here is my computer screen.

Here's the burr-ito in question.

Oh, man, bean burrito with extra onions!

So it's been about 20 minutes, and I haven't thrown up yet. I'm a little gassy, but mostly just disappointed.

Millie 116,988 28
11/07/2008 12:39 PM

Excuse me, this thread is about ME.  If you want to talk about yourself, start your own thread.  Every thread does not have to be about you and your pregnancy.

Autra is at work! 10,560 11
11/07/2008 12:42 PM

Step 1. Go kill a hooker, and then toss the body in his yard.

Step 2. Call the cops, and get him tossed in jail, and then you'll know exactly where he is.

Step 3. Profit.

Sugar-Free JollyLobsters 18,570 33
11/07/2008 12:46 PM

Wow, it so wasn't about my baby bump at all. Jeez take a Prozac or something.

Seriously, Millie, I said something nice to you before the thread got jacked. I'm sorry for interrupting your day by trying to be funny.

It won't happen again.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
11/07/2008 02:14 PM

Lobster, I'm glad to see you're eating healthy for your baby.

Millie, I think you've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell.

Ditdah 123,110 14
11/07/2008 02:30 PM

You have a doodle pad covered with squiggles and you have butterfly stickers on all your office supplies.

Are you 12?

it was a Rock Lobster! 18,570 33
11/07/2008 03:09 PM

Close enough, I'm 22.

it was a Rock Lobster! 18,570 33
11/07/2008 05:06 PM

Update: I threw up burrito and red velvet cake. I thought it was blood at first, and freaked out. But then I remembered it was cake, and now I'm okay.

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
11/07/2008 05:09 PM

And now the innane play by play of your day is making you sound like Jilly.

What a waste of words.

it was a Rock Lobster! 18,570 33
11/07/2008 05:21 PM

You're a waste of

of

of something!

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
11/07/2008 08:29 PM

Millie, you are a responsible person.  Once upon a time, you decided to take responsibility for this man.  Now, you find it impossible to let go of that responsibility.  This will probably continue until some other woman decides to take over.  So go find him a wife.

As far as your boyfriend goes, you have wisely decided that taking responsibility for him is too big of a job.  And that's okay.  He's a big boy and can take care of himself.  Tell him I said hi.

Chix is in da house 286,580 61
11/07/2008 09:06 PM

What Whistler said.

Well, that and the fact that you refuse to stop stalking your ex.  He's busy out banging a couple of thin 18 year olds.  So stop yer stalking, sicko.

Millie 116,988 28
11/07/2008 09:20 PM

Thank you Chickens and Whistler.

My ex is probably not banging 18 year olds, since he is 50 and never had much interest in sex.  (Yes, I realize his lack of interest in sex may just have been lack of interest in sex with ME, but I chose not to think that way.)

But he probably does have a girlfriend or something.  My boyfriend rarely returns my calls, also.  He probably has a girlfriend or something, too.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
11/07/2008 09:22 PM

I'm betting on the "or something."  He's probably knitting you a Christmas sweater out of his back hair.

Millie 116,988 28
11/07/2008 09:25 PM

Seriously, Millie, I said something nice to you before the thread got jacked. I'm sorry for interrupting your day by trying to be funny.

It won't happen again.

First of all, if you are referring to that back-handed compliment as something nice, you obviously take me for an idiot.  And then you continue your inane conversations about yourself in my thread.  If you and Autra want to chat, why don't you go on IM or something?

Millie 116,988 28
11/07/2008 09:26 PM

Whistler, are you talking abou my ex-husband?  He doesn't have back hair.  He's very non-hairy.  Now, if you were talking about my boyfriend...well, do I need to link to that picture again?

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
11/07/2008 09:31 PM

I beg you, do not link to that picture!  There may be children about.

Jaggylioness as Nancy Botwin 11,895 13
11/08/2008 12:38 AM

It this the guy whose pimples you still used to squeeze after breaking up with him? Or did I dream that?

it was a Rock Lobster! 18,570 33
11/08/2008 10:24 AM

Ok, Millie, look:

I also still obsess over my ex-husband, but I don't go airing it on a comedy message board (until just now). I got my ass handed to me (by you and SHP, amongst others) for announcing that I was pregnant- which I still am, by the way, and safely out of the first trimester- and have learned that if I want real advice without having to pay for therapy, that I need to e-mail someone that I semi-trust, or call up a friend.

If you would just give me a freaking chance, I think you might find that I am a decent person and we may even have something in common. (Trust me, that sentence freaked me out too.)

What I'm trying to say is, it's normal to still have feelings for and worry about and love a person while not being with them. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time letting go of him; I understand how you feel, not exactly completely, but to some extent. I know I'm a good 10 years younger than you, but you can ask Al and he'll confirm that I've lived a lot of life in a short time, and you shouldn't judge me by my age or lack of humor. I know the both of us got off to a bad start, but I would like to make amends and try again. This is an honest effort.

Taco Murderface Murderface 61,976 36
11/08/2008 11:09 AM

I can assure you as someone younger than yourself, you age is not what we judge you by.



And when Millie airs her personal life, she does it expecting jabs, humor, and other general GAB responses.  The problem isn't you hawking your personal life, it's getting all sandy vag when someone makes a dead baby joke about it.

it was a Rock Lobster! 18,570 33
11/08/2008 11:13 AM

Actually, I think dead baby jokes are funny, because I'm a sick Frost.

It's just that I don't get why she would single me out and be angry at just me for making a joke at her expense when the whole goddamn board was doing it.

it was a Rock Lobster! 18,570 33
11/08/2008 11:16 AM

The fact that I posted anything at all in this thread in the first place should let her know that, though I care enought to hear what she has to say, I do not know her well enough give her real, actual advice.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
11/08/2008 01:36 PM

Millie,

I just saw on CNN that daisypie waShakespeare by some fat guy on a bicycle. I'm checking the garage to make sure it wasn't me.

Festive Filly 39,193 20
11/08/2008 04:41 PM

The fact that I posted anything at all in this thread in the first place should let her know that, though I care enought to hear what she has to say, I do not know her well enough give her real, actual advice.

Oh dear god, shut up!  Seriously!  No one wants to listen to your innane ramblings about meaningless Shakespeare.  If you're gonna spam up the board, then at least make it funny and not painful to read.

Black lace pijamas 4 4
11/08/2008 05:28 PM

Woo! Nothing like drama and attention whores to make the day more interesting. (Greetings, I'm the resident n00b. Fire at will.)

Millie, it's pretty normal to worry about people you've boinked, especially if you parted ways on good terms. Don't stress too much. Y'know...unless you feel the urge to boil his bunny. Then you should probably get help.

it was a Rock Lobster! 18,570 33
11/08/2008 05:39 PM

What I'm not allowed to speak my mind and everyone else is? What [insert mean word here]! THat's absolute ludicrous!

Barefoot Chance 171,275 14
11/08/2008 05:49 PM

Wow, every thread I read turns into some kind of drama with you Lobster. Maybe you should post less and read more.

Holy Jeens 47,795 51
11/08/2008 07:39 PM

Millie - you have an energy tie to your ex. Meditate and visualize cutting the cord between you and him. If that doesn't work, discreetly wrap a gps pet collar around his neck (or his bike). He'll never notice it.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
11/08/2008 07:54 PM

Yeah, Millie, but if the new age crap doesn't work just consider trying to be okay with it.

It's not neccessarily a bad thing. And it's probably better that you care and worry about him getting knocked off his bike, rather than hating him and wishing that he gets run over.

Millie 116,988 28
11/08/2008 08:58 PM

Woo! Nothing like drama and attention whores to make the day more interesting. (Greetings, I'm the resident n00b. Fire at will.)

Welcome, n00b.  See, the problem is, I am an attention whore.  And I don't like someone else whoring on my corner!

Rocky--you are missing the point of why I'm annoyed.  I don't give a Shakespeare about you supposedly trying to be nice or whatever.  I don't care about what happened before in another thread.  What is irritating is you come into my attention-whoring thread and start talking about yourself.  Like you do in every thread.  And it's irksome. 

Chit 178,781 15
11/08/2008 10:10 PM

  irksome = fall under a gasoline truck and taste your own blood. 

SHP 181,795 70
11/08/2008 10:13 PM

Sometimes, Millie, I do the same thing. My ex and I get along fairly well after 5 years of being divorced. He drives like a maniac. Every time I see a truck that looks similar to his in a wreck, I get worried. Or when I hear on the radio traffic report that someone has been in a bad wreck on the freeway that he drives the most on, I have to resist the urge to call him to make sure he's ok.

I don't know why you do it, but I suspect for me it's because I spent five of the ten years we were married wishing he would die. And all this time I thought Karma was a bitch, it's really just a paranoid ex-wife.

Millie 116,988 28
11/08/2008 10:17 PM

I spent 12 years with him and I've known him for over 20 years, so I guess that's why it's hard to not think about him.  Maybe I worry about him because I feel guilty.

Dogs, are you fatter than Daisypie?

Millie 116,988 28
11/08/2008 10:23 PM

It this the guy whose pimples you still used to squeeze after breaking up with him? Or did I dream that?

No, you did not dream it.  If the old threads weren't gone, I would link to it.  I know I told it a few times.

I still talk to him, but I don't worry about him.  I never married him, but we dated for over five years.  He never got married.

Black lace pajamas 4 4
11/08/2008 10:38 PM

Welcome, n00b.  See, the problem is, I am an attention whore.  And I don't like someone else whoring on my corner!

Yes ma'am. Won't happen again ma'am.

Feeling the urge to boil beloved pets yet?

Millie 116,988 28
11/08/2008 10:44 PM

I wasn't telling you not to whore on my corner, I was just explaining why I was being a bitch in this thread.  (Although, try to stay off my corner.)

I won't boil any rabbits.  My ex only has a cat, and the cat used to belong to someone who posts here, so I wouldn't boil the cat.  Besides, I love my ex.  He is a very nice person.

Frogpop 173,153 25
11/09/2008 12:13 AM

you can ask Al and he'll confirm that I've lived a lot of life in a short time

Al has a grandfatherly weakness for sweet young girls who make bad decisions. He likes to give them good advice on how to live a smarter life, and then after they don't take that good advice they'll come back asking for more good advice on how to fix the new stuff they just wanged up. You'll find this is a somewhat common trait among the half of the straight male gabbers who don't spend their spare time begging for boob pictures. Just because you talk to Al offline doesn’t mean you can pee all over everyone else’s threads without being funny and expect us to take it.

As Millie explained quite clearly, you were spamming up her thread with “me, me, me”, and when she told you to stop you moved on to “why do you hate me? you shouldn’t hate me! I like you and other people like me! please like me!” which is more of the same, but with longer posts.

Dogs, are you fatter than Daisypie?

Fat guy on a bike? I figured he meant Garret.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
11/09/2008 12:55 AM

I don't know what I meant. I was just trying to get Millie to talk to me.

Spicey Pram's Lobster Taco Undies 80,728 42
11/09/2008 01:14 AM

and you shouldn't judge me by my age or lack of humor. Are you Frost-ing KIDDING me? A lack of humor can get you KILLED around here! Take it from me, the spastic moron who started the thread about my hilariously serious music being better than Fall Down Boy. Never make fun of Shakespeare someone else likes. I've still got cane marks.

dinesh 24,862 16
11/09/2008 07:48 AM

ah, so this is where the Thread Police hang out.  i was wondering where i could go to find out what is and isn't pre-approved for posting.  and is there a list of people who have a lifetime free pass for hypocritical bullShakespeare?

brubert 763 11
11/09/2008 09:17 AM

 Maybe you just don't like funerals.

Spicey Pram's Lobster Taco Undies 80,728 42
11/09/2008 09:38 AM

and is there a list of people who have a lifetime free pass for hypocritical bullShakespeare?

I had one, but Hammer shat on it.

Millie 116,988 28
11/09/2008 12:53 PM

and is there a list of people who have a lifetime free pass for hypocritical bullShakespeare?

I'm perfectly fine with being a hypocrite.  But I will try to keep my attention-whoring to my own threads from now on.

Bill T. Squirrel 53,270 54
11/09/2008 02:34 PM

 ah, so this is where the Thread Police hang out.

Pardon me sir. Could you pull over to the side of the thread and show me your license and proof of funny?