It'd be great to have real super powers, but they're mostly useless when you're trying to deal with normal things in your life. Sometimes I wish that I had a mediocre power just to make things I hate doing easier: like the power to remove lint from my clothes, the power to find my missing socks, or the power to open jars of spaghetti sauce with my mind.

What kind of super ordinary powers do you wish you had to deal with the mundane crap in your life?

BillSalamie 67,057 13
11/17/2008 08:25 PM

I wish I had the power to transport myself home from anywhere in the world for 15 minutes if I needed to take a dump.

Or to temporarily make myself invisible if I felt a booger in my nose that I wanted to snatch out.

Straw is stuffed 98,019 37
11/17/2008 08:34 PM

I'd like to have X-Ray GermVision that will help me to see exactly what's wrong with my daughter and what exactly will work to make her feel better. 

And a sidekick that loves to handle laundry, dishes, trash, and scooping the cat litter - Neverending Chore Boy.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
11/17/2008 08:50 PM

I wish I had the ability to hit my room mate in the face with a rock.

Hey, wait!

Pubah 56,813 18
11/17/2008 09:44 PM

Pubah need ability to generate insanely gargantuan income with minimal work...

Pubah 56,813 18
11/17/2008 09:48 PM

The ability to make dogs stop their insane barking with the force of his will...

The abilty to make womens clothing fall off with the utterance of one insane word...

Your What Hurts? 5,582 10
11/17/2008 10:00 PM

Duh!  The ability to masturbate without all that messy searching for porn sites, unzipping, wiping it off on the wall napkin cat when I'm done etc., etc.

Burnt again 30 5
11/18/2008 12:05 AM

I would settle with something like: The ability to discern the hidden mysteries of the typical household.. you know, finding the missing left socks, tracking down whoever it was that used the last of the toilet paper and markered "Now your screwed!" on the roll, discovering the elusive clitoris.

The Mailman 176,464 56
11/18/2008 12:14 AM

The ability to poke someone in the eye everytime they make a retarded post on ZUG Live.

TomServo 3,759 7
11/18/2008 12:16 AM

We have our top people in South African have a theory on the missing sock problem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3vkmkGt-0M

This is about 2 years old but I doubt it has made it out of the country. (top secret and all)

TomServo 3,759 7
11/18/2008 12:17 AM

Correction

Our top people in South African have a theory on the missing sock problem

*covers his eyes*

Midgets 96,123 48
11/18/2008 01:11 AM

I just want the power to find the mysterious person who breaks into my house, bypasses the valuables, and Frosts with the thermostat.

Maybe also the power to find the remote.

Burnt again 30 5
11/18/2008 01:31 AM

*pokes The Mailman in the eye*

Shakespeare! Apparently I can do that already.

What is this, a Piquantrax? 972 10
11/18/2008 03:15 AM

Wish I had the power to find the remote. That's all I want in life. And to be able to work the microwave with mind control.

DAGGY 86,705 14
11/18/2008 05:25 AM

The ability to be able to fluxh my kitchen would be awesome.

Also, the ability to turn empty wine bottles into cotton wool. You know... so come bin day I don't have the noisiest bin in the street!

DAGGY 86,705 14
11/18/2008 05:28 AM

ummmm.. flush. You see, the x is right under the s and I'm sitting in the dark.

But I think fluxh is my new swear word.

What? Fluxh off!

They're Coming to Get You, Briham! 38,843 10
11/18/2008 05:36 AM

One thing I would love to be able to do is sleep like my grandpa. Let's say he wants to nap for 20 minutes. It'll take him less than a minute to fall asleep and he hardly stirs for almost exactly 20 minutes. Then he just wakes up. Goes from sound asleep to fully awake almost instantly. I have no idea how he does it.

GrammarNazi 954 5
11/18/2008 06:30 AM

I'd have the ability to lose weight by sitting on my fat arse at the computer.  Every hour spent equals one pound lost. 

TomServo 3,759 7
11/18/2008 06:53 AM

ummmm.. flush. You see, the x is right under the s and I'm sitting in the dark.

Quick! Cover your eyes, mailman is coming

That's so Ravos 63,472 21
11/18/2008 10:59 AM

I wish I had the power to have dinner ready and waiting for me when I got home from work.

KChiki is a Cheeky Monkey 128,387 98
11/18/2008 11:30 AM

I'd like to have the power to spontaneously shed all the cat fur that sticks to me when I try to leave the house.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
11/18/2008 11:37 AM

I would like the power to prevent any more Robin Williams movies.

Spicey McHaggis 117,784 37
11/18/2008 11:42 AM

I already have the ability to give my wife multiple orgasms, so I'm pretty much set.

Cinderblock 27,578 25
11/18/2008 01:10 PM

 Undies has the power to fake orgasms.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
11/18/2008 01:14 PM

I figured he put new batteries in her vibrator.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
11/18/2008 01:56 PM

The ability to decorate cupcakes really, really nicely.

 I'd love to be able to show off with awesome baked goods. Normally mine end up all splotchy.

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
11/18/2008 02:03 PM

I wish my wife had the power to light candles with her mind.

And that I had the power to put them out with my mind.

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
11/18/2008 02:53 PM

I would like the power to sexually attract wealthy, large breasted, nuclear physicist, blond cheerleaders

I would like the power to mute my girlfriend/boss/ drunk friends anytime I want.

I wish I had the power to use my brain to kill all of the caribbean crazy ants that have infested my whole neighborhood.

Delicious & British, it's Marmite! 12,955 12
11/18/2008 03:13 PM

Hey Burnt, you owe me.

 http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4515203172071770836

Fratberry 283,028 53
11/18/2008 03:15 PM

I would like to be propelled by my own farts.

Brubert 763 11
11/18/2008 03:51 PM

 I want the power to make the dog and the cats feed each other that stinky food they eat.

Pubah 56,813 18
11/18/2008 09:04 PM

The power to discern whether or not someone has money before I deliver my panhandling speech...why waste my breath on the newly unemployed...

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
11/18/2008 09:37 PM

One thing I would love to be able to do is sleep like my grandpa. Let's say he wants to nap for 20 minutes. It'll take him less than a minute to fall asleep and he hardly stirs for almost exactly 20 minutes. Then he just wakes up. Goes from sound asleep to fully awake almost instantly. I have no idea how he does it.

I can do this.  I am not, however, Brian's grandpa.  So don't start with that Shakespeare, whippersnappers!

Anh is here. 11,158 14
11/18/2008 09:43 PM

My dad does it too. Old people are like cats and puppies minus the fluffiness. Everything else is pretty similar though.

Inconnu 11 5
11/19/2008 05:59 AM

I wouldn't mind having the power to hang up on telemarketing calls before they ring.

Also getting my butt clean after the first wipe would be nice.

TomServo 3,759 7
11/19/2008 06:02 AM

Did anyone even look at the flipping video link I posted.... Its pretty damn brilliant okay. Not even a soccermom for the post.

Whistler P. McManus 186,130 44
11/19/2008 07:48 AM

A.  It wasn't that funny.

B.  People will be more likely to check out your links if you learn to link.

C.  Flippin'?  What is it, 2004?  And you're Napoleon Dynamite?

That's so Ravos 63,472 21
11/19/2008 07:57 AM

Old people are like cats and puppies minus the fluffiness

Actually, they are probably more fluffy, especially if they haven't trimmed their nose hairs.

Mr. Slinky 28,185 10
11/19/2008 10:43 AM

I want the ability to be allowed to run a store for an internet comedy site and then run it into the ground.

But then I would just be unoriginal.