I GOT MARRIED IN 2000 AT THE AGE OF  18..   IT'S LIKE THE PERSON YOU NEVER WANTED TO MARRY SUDDENLY APPEARS AFTER YOU GET MARRIED?  WHAT THE FRENCH TOAST?!?  AT FIRST YOU THINK HE'S WONDERFUL AND AFTER A FEW YEARS EVERYTHING CHANGES. MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN AND EXCITING. YOU CAN HAVE SEX ALL OVER THE HOUSE.... DIFFERENT POSITIONS.... AND IT'S FUN BECAUSE YOU'RE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE.  AFTER TWO YEARS WE GOT MARRIED OUR SEX LIFE WENT FROM EXSISTANT TO NON- EXSISTANT.  WHY? I DON'T KNOW.  I DO EVERYTHING FOR MY MAN. BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER.  I'M ALWAYS WANTING TO HAVE OUR FUN TIME AND HE JUST BLOWS ME OFF.  I CAN SIT AND OFFER HIM A BLOW-JOB AND HE REPLIES WITH AN "I'M TIRED"  OR  THAT HE'S  "BUSY" OR EVEN WITH, HE HAS TO WATCH ONE OF HIS "REALITY" SHOWS.  WHAT NORMAL TWENTY-SOMETHING YEAR OLD HEALTHY MALE RESISTS ORAL SEX  HIS WIFE IS WILLING TO PERFORM AT ANYTIME? ORAL SEX THAT HIS WIFE WILL PERFORM WHEN HE WAKES UP, AT LUNCH TIME, WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM WORK OR A  "JUST BECAUSE I WANNA GIVE YOU A MIND BLOWING" BLOW JOB? HE EVEN RESISTS SEX AT TIMES...  LIKE HE'S NOT INTERESTED.  WHEN I CONFRONTED AND ASKED IF HE WAS CHEATING, HE REPLIED WITH A HONEST  "NO."   SO I FIGURED HE'S GAY??  I DON'T KNOW WHAT HIS PROBLEM IS AND I'M  DETERMINED TO FIND OUT.  I'M TIRED OF REJECTION AND I NEED SEX.  ANY SUGGESTIONS, OPINONS OR COMMENTS????

 

Jesus Hussein Christ 186,130 44
12/08/2008 01:10 AM

It's all the shouting.  I wouldn't be able to relax and enjoy a blowjob if my woman was carrying on like you.

Phla: 3 out of 7 dwarves 131,068 34
12/08/2008 01:10 AM

Welcome!  Have a seat!  Here's a dozen muffins!  

Jesus Hussein Christ 186,130 44
12/08/2008 01:11 AM

Who am I kidding.  I'd be able to relax and enjoy a blowjob even if the Sousa band was playing in the room and all the nuns from my elementary school were watching.

Frogpop 173,153 25
12/08/2008 01:17 AM

MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN AND EXCITING.

Wrong. Marriage is supposed to be fulfilling and life-affirming, but that does not mean it is always fun and exciting. In fact, there are many times when "fulfilling and life-affirming" dictates that it cannot be fun or exciting.

Maybe your husband would like you better if you didn't speak in all caps. I have no idea what an all caps blow job would sound like, but I think it would probably be a little off-putting.

choche 215 7
12/08/2008 01:22 AM

If you think he's gay, why don't you dress up like a guy?  He might like that or you might get killed.

Phla: 3 out of 7 dwarves 131,068 34
12/08/2008 01:31 AM

I just realized that you actually said "What the french toast?!?" 

So... can I have my muffins back?

Jelly tipped Neep: Open other end. 35,066 15
12/08/2008 03:39 AM

 Holy crap. I keep thinking Jesus Hussein Christ is Janey, even though I know it's not. Naturally.

I miss the roll over.

Frogpop 173,153 25
12/08/2008 04:13 AM

Rollover still works, just wait longer without moving the mouse.

Jesus Hussein Christ 186,130 44
12/08/2008 04:21 AM

Thanks for the tip!  Say, were there really 76 other Thorbjorns already registered when you got here?

TimmyTheTalkingToilet 11,593 15
12/08/2008 05:59 AM

Rollover still works, just wait longer without moving the mouse.

Well that's what I did with the first post.  What is she bitching about again? 

Santa Hurt Your What?! 5,582 10
12/08/2008 06:18 AM

Maybe you're ugly?

TimmyTheTalkingToilet 11,593 15
12/08/2008 06:32 AM

Wait, you mean, we haven't seen this poster yet? And she's new? 

Hey new person SYUT!

(I'm just being subtle, becuase I'm all classy and Shakespeare)

Deck the halls with balls of Ravos 63,472 21
12/08/2008 07:46 AM

CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME.

Under a Crazed Wal-Mart Crowd 101,398 77
12/08/2008 07:54 AM

Try offering anal.

Santa Hurt Your What?! 5,582 10
12/08/2008 08:01 AM

WITHOUT THE CAPS!

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/08/2008 08:45 AM

He's probably just banging your sister.

No worries.

Jingle Squirrel 53,270 54
12/08/2008 08:47 AM

  ANY SUGGESTIONS, OPINONS OR COMMENTS????

You could always shoot yourself in the face. That will learn him.

KChiki is a Cheeky Monkey 128,387 98
12/08/2008 08:55 AM

 <i>ANY SUGGESTIONS, OPINONS OR COMMENTS????</i>

Have you gained 4 pants sizes in the last 2 years? Because that could have a lot to do with it. 

Just sayin'.

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/08/2008 09:04 AM

I'M TIRED OF REJECTION AND I NEED SEX

Rocky's in Texas, and last I hear, she couldn't say no.

Just an idea.

Deck the halls with balls of Ravos 63,472 21
12/08/2008 09:27 AM

You could always shoot yourself in the face. That will learn him.

She offered to let him do it and he wouldn't even oblige her.

Chance under the mistletoe 171,275 14
12/08/2008 12:06 PM

Marriage and sex?

Since when do those two words go together? Did I miss a memo?

Loopy - Not Dead 6,902 12
12/08/2008 03:35 PM

you are a memo

Phla: 3 out of 7 dwarves 131,068 34
12/08/2008 03:36 PM

Your mom is a memo?  And your father is a post-it?

Mekillu Maphukas 10 5
12/08/2008 03:53 PM

The relationship that lasts is couples that do the dooky alot.  So, you need to find a nympho like you and then you two can screw and screw and screw to all of your hearts' content.  I have never been married and that is because I am not stupid enough to do something like that.  I have never wanted kids, ergo, no kids.  All I want is a woman who isn't afraid to bumb uglies to grab me anywhere and show me what she wants.  I even did the vertical dance in a port-o-let at a concert.  She was horny and asked me if I could show her how a male fitting fits into a female fitting.  So, I did.  But the door apparently unlocked due the to and fro motion of the port-o-let.  Some man opened the door and there and behold my pale white ass was available for public viewing.  Speaking of public, there was a line of about 50 people waiting to use the port-o-let.  That was the first standing ovation I have ever received for my sexual prowess.  This has happened many times.  The first one always sticks in your mind.

Nachos 57,521 23
12/08/2008 04:05 PM

Psychosis has a way of creeping up on you like that.

IZDA1 10 4
12/08/2008 05:17 PM

It's always been my experince that guys tend to believe that they are Neanderthals when it comes to sex; they are so good at it, they want to spread the joy! Unfortunantly, our female counterparts do not always seem to feel that same way about themselves. As you know, women are more prone to being perfectly happy with just one sexual partner, while men feel the need to 'seed' the world. No worries, this is fairly normal. Men tend to get bored after a while... it's in their nature. Unfortunantly, there's probably nothing you can do to peak his interest for an extended period of time. A boob job would help... but for how long? It's best to let him get comfortable with his own sexual moods; he will begin to question it himself. Once he reaches that stage (and it could be quite a while), he will natrurally levitate more toward you because he's reached a certain comfort zone  with  you (I won't elaborate!). By the way... role playing sometimes helps!

weeneldo 55 5
12/08/2008 06:12 PM

Hi, my name's Calum and I'm here to talk to you all about a very serious issue.

Did you know that up to 20% of people who use the internet TALK LIEK THIS? If we use the statistic that everyone in the world uses the internet, that makes 1.2 billion people who TALK LIEK THIS.

That's where our charity comes in. Here at 'Save the People Who TALK LIEK THIS", we have a vision that we'll be able to eliminate people TALKNIG LIEK THIS by the year 2010.

We can only achieve this however with your support. We need your donations so we can teach people how to turn off caps lock, and we also accept any materials you may be able to provide so that we can teach people to RTFM.

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen to our appeal, and hopefully one day we can stop people TALKNIG LIEK THIS before any more need to be put down.

Thanks.

Thud 68,506 19
12/08/2008 06:31 PM

Here at 'Save the People Who TALK LIEK THIS", we have a vision that we'll be able to eliminate people TALKNIG LIEK THIS by the year 2010.

I immediately assumed the donations were to buy ammunition.  Disappointed.

Yum Nummy 173,958 15
12/08/2008 06:38 PM

AFTER TWO YEARS WE GOT MARRIED OUR SEX LIFE WENT FROM EXSISTANT TO NON- EXSISTANT.  WHY?

Wow. There are so many possible answers to this that I'm afraid my head will assplode if I try to narrow it down for you, sweetie. Instead, I'll just go ahead and let you know that's it's most likely your fault.

Millie 116,988 28
12/08/2008 09:15 PM

Have you gained 4 pants sizes in the last 2 years? Because that could have a lot to do with it. 



I can't help it!  FOOD MAKES ME FEEL BETTER!!!!!



Great, now I'm yelling.

Canada is being 5150 for Halloween. 1,692 7
12/08/2008 10:37 PM

...

SHP 181,795 70
12/08/2008 10:50 PM

WHAT NORMAL TWENTY-SOMETHING YEAR OLD HEALTHY MALE RESISTS ORAL SEX  HIS WIFE IS WILLING TO PERFORM AT ANYTIME? ORAL SEX THAT HIS WIFE WILL PERFORM WHEN HE WAKES UP, AT LUNCH TIME, WHEN HE GETS HOME FROM WORK OR A  "JUST BECAUSE I WANNA GIVE YOU A MIND BLOWING" BLOW JOB?

 

I was going to say that maybe he's turned off by the fact that you sound like a real cum guzzler, but then I remembered how guys think.

So, yeah. Probably banging your sister. In the ass.

BC Bud Lite 13,792 15
12/08/2008 11:37 PM

HE JUST BLOWS ME OFF.

That explains everything, he is tired of a wife with a penis. He wants real Poe for a change...

Thud 68,506 19
12/09/2008 12:01 AM

I read this car wreck plea for help and told myself to leave it alone.  What good could come from trying to help this shouting person, considering my normal propensity for sarcasm?  I knew that resisting temptation was the correct path.  Then I got bored.  So here's my opinion/comment.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you are lousy at giving head?

Straw la la la la la la la la 98,019 37
12/09/2008 12:20 AM

When I read Thud's post, I did an image search of big teeth and came across this picture:

Now that we know Amy Winehouse has joined Zug, we can narrow down the cause of her marital troubles.

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/09/2008 07:36 AM

Oh, and since he's banging your sister, that makes it completely ok for you to go fork his brother.

Fair is fair.

Deck the halls with balls of Ravos 63,472 21
12/09/2008 08:24 AM

Hi, my name's CaGollum and I'm here to talk to you all about a very serious issue.

Sorry, I don't listen to deformed hobbits.

Santa Hurt Your What?! 5,582 10
12/09/2008 10:23 AM

Sorry, I don't listen to shoot deformed hobbits.

Fixed

drunkenfart 4,871 6
12/09/2008 11:35 AM

anything is possible these days...

perhaps beckylee is a cat.  have you ever rubbed sandpaper on your dick?  you won't do it more than once!

beckylee 64 5
12/09/2008 12:30 PM

it be nice if i had a sister. i could complain to her about this and she'd laugh in her head about how idiotic i am not to notice that he's doing her,  she's laying on her stomach  and he plugging all her entrances and one exit, while she's texting me, reassuring me that it'll all be ok. but, no sister. and i have taken into consideration that maybe, just maybe i am ....  a sappy head giver. but the truth is.... i just needed to vent.

Santa Hurt Your What?! 5,582 10
12/09/2008 12:32 PM

Done venting?  Good.  SUYT

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/09/2008 12:35 PM

Seriously.

I just looked up at my clock, and it's boob:30

drunkenfart 4,871 6
12/09/2008 12:41 PM

everything is big in texas, including beckylee.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/09/2008 01:04 PM

MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN AND EXCITING

Hahahaaaaaa.

I DO EVERYTHING FOR MY MAN. BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER

Oh, honey, no.

the meek shall inherit nothing 3,009 9
12/09/2008 01:09 PM

I DO EVERYTHING FOR MY MAN. BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER

Talk about setting back the feminist movement about 50 years.  Thanks a lot.  Tell me, do you wear high heels while dusting and pop "mother's little helpers" while sipping on the cooking sherry?  Here I thought Donna Reed had kicked the bucket.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
12/09/2008 01:36 PM

He's just waiting until the herpes sore he got from the girl at his work goes away.

reindeerfart 4,871 6
12/09/2008 01:48 PM

maybe you don't listen to him closely enough.

orangecorsawus 66 7
12/09/2008 07:37 PM

MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN AND EXCITING

No it's Frost-ing not - it's a life sentence - you get less for murder.  Who me bitter...nah

Tofu Pudden 10,950 10
12/09/2008 07:56 PM

 Marriage is what people tend to do when they realize that they lack the attractiveness to get acceptable (not homeless and epically  fat) lays on a continued basis.  Rather than have to eat and go out in public alone as they grow fat, wrinkled, senile, and generally disgusting, they resign themselves to mutually inflicted assaults on notions of self-worth so that they don't appear pathetic and unloved, if they venture out to public or family gatherings at all.

Please note the conjunction 'and' when I say homeless and epically fat.  Either or is fine.

Santa Hurt Your What?! 5,582 10
12/09/2008 08:20 PM

epically?

Really?  Twice even?  WTF?

Did you mean "especially" sweetheart?

Tofu Pudden 10,950 10
12/09/2008 08:23 PM

 http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/epically

Did you mean to be Shakespeare-brained Frosttard, dearie?

Jingle Squirrel 53,270 54
12/09/2008 08:24 PM

 Did you mean "especially" sweetheart?

No, I think he ment epically. Dip Shakespeare.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
12/09/2008 11:01 PM

I thought we frowned upon people posting under multiple IDs.

Deck the halls with balls of Ravos 63,472 21
12/10/2008 04:50 AM

And I think I asked for my soup hot damnit, HOT!

Santa Hurt Your What?! 5,582 10
12/10/2008 07:36 AM

Did you mean to be Shakespeare-brained Frosttard, dearie?

Hell no. I just go with what works.  Try to not be using the big words around me.

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/10/2008 08:08 AM

Just FYI:

The dumb broad routine to get laid generally only works if you're a chick.

Sayin'

Shell Belle 77,143 25
12/10/2008 09:38 AM

 Marriage is what people tend to do when they realize that they lack the attractiveness to get acceptable (not homeless and epically  fat) lays on a continued basis

Not true. I was at my peak hotness when I got married.  And when I begin that slide into wrinkled unattractiveness, he will still be legally bound to me. There's no way out!   Mwaahaaaahaaa!

Cinderblock 27,578 25
12/10/2008 08:18 PM

The biggest problem I see here is that you got married at eighteen. I'm with Papa Whistler here. Marriage isn't always fun and exciting. This is probably what you thought when you got married, because you were young and naive. The wedding industry is filthy rich and always getting richer, so the image of the carefree marriage is plastered all over the place for young people to see. I think a lot of young people in love also do it because it's just the logical next step. "Well, we started dating, had sex, we're seeing each other exclusively now and we've been together a year.... I guess now we should get married so we can have a dog and a house and stuff!"

Don't get married because it looks glamorous. Get married because you accidentally got pregnant.

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/11/2008 07:36 AM

Don't get married because it looks glamorous. Get married because you accidentally got pregnant.

I've gotta admit, I'm a living testimonial.

She was hotter than I am, and I had to get her sexy ass to stick around somehow.

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
12/12/2008 01:54 PM

Have you tried raping him? Maybe a little finger in the ass? Nothing says loving like an unexpexted punch to the jaw and having you pants ripped off and then having your significant other Frost the Shakespeare out of you.

Throw on a porno, lesbian would be good, wear a skimpy outfit, or dress like a dominatrix, mix it up a bit.  I know I couldn't just get the little man up becuase my girlfriend says "Let me suck your Coleridge!".  Well, thats not true, your husband is a gay, sorry and good luck.

Rockin Rotty 4 4
12/13/2008 07:06 PM

Would you please have a talk with my wife?

Test Tube Baby 828 5
12/13/2008 09:52 PM

Men prefer to be the king of the castle so just pretend to take the pants off and let him"think" he's runnin something (wink wink)

Frogpop 173,153 25
12/13/2008 10:58 PM

Maybe her mouth just ain't that purdy.

choche 215 7
12/14/2008 10:06 AM

Why don't you just start ignoring him till he wants you?  He probably needs a break.  Either way, you're still getting Frosted.  And that's exactly what you want.

Shakespeare's dumber brother 0 4
12/29/2008 02:11 PM

Maybe he prefers wanking...get him some porn...

Daves not here 52,827 16
12/29/2008 02:25 PM

He's bored with you and would rather masterbate.

Sorry, truth is hard sometimes.

Sarah Auld Lang Syne 30,601 8
12/29/2008 02:31 PM

Try not making ramen noodles and passing them off as breakfast, lunch and dinner?

Sarah Auld Lang Syne 30,601 8
12/29/2008 02:34 PM

Y'know what? Its probably because he doesn't love you anymore.

It has nothing to do with ramen meals, or the fact THAT YOURE YELLING,or that you are probably just God awful in bed, because NO MAN would say no to a lady that feeds him three meals a day on a daily basis, and offers up the sucky while he's watching some crap on Spike TV.

TimmyTheTalkingToilet 11,593 15
12/29/2008 06:44 PM

Maby it's like throwing a hotdog down a hallway with that girl.

Or he's gay.

Ravos, slayer of narwhal 63,472 21
12/30/2008 06:19 AM

Sorry, truth is hard sometimes.

Apparently, that is the only thing that is hard.

They're Coming to Get You, Briham! 38,843 10
12/30/2008 07:03 AM

I'M TIRED OF REJECTION AND I NEED SEX attention.

Judging from your use of THE CAPS LOCK and my sudden hunger for cheese to go with your whine, I'm guessing you offer your mouth as an organic vacuum cleaner more out of desire for attention rather than interest in pleasing your husband. No one, man or woman, can put up with an overly needy person forever, not even for oral sex. Why don't you look for fulfillment somewhere else? Take up a new hobby so you can feel proud of accomplishing something. Do some volunteer work for your community if you want acknowledgement from others. Maybe your husband would be more interested if you weren't so dependent on him for attention. At the very least, doing something productive will make you feel better.

Frogpop 173,153 25
12/30/2008 08:17 AM

And try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot.

dinesh 24,862 16
12/30/2008 08:41 AM

speak for yourself.

Santa Hurt Your What?! 5,582 10
12/30/2008 11:28 PM

Wait, which parking lot?  I'll go get my keys.