This morning Im running late for work because I suck...anyways I needed a shower cause I smelled like something Al would eat. I jumped in the shower and did my thing and jumped out (not remembering that my Frost-ing rug was in the wash) butt booty nekkid and FELL SLIPPERY WET NAKED ONTO THE TILE FLOOR! I mean, fell hard. I thought I broke a arm, leg, my mind. So I lay there crying for about 10 minutes SCREAMING for my son to come help me and realize that I am all alone to deal with my issue. I got up still soaking wet and limping to his room to find him sitting on his bed crying because he thought someone was murdering me or something (who knows what runs through kids heads). So anyways, I was 1/2 an hour late for work..my hip is bruised and my knee is all Frosted up and cut. Good new is I AM ALIVE! I didnt hit my head on the toilet and die. So thats a plus.



I hope my week gets better.



Maybe tonight I can try and electrocute myself on the Christmas tree.

Chance under the mistletoe 171,275 14
12/08/2008 12:13 PM

Frost YOU GUYS THEN!

Dont give a damn if I dont have life alert.

I so would have used it this morning.

UNCARING BASTIDS.

I WANT SYMPATHY NOW!

Deck the halls with balls of Ravos 63,472 21
12/08/2008 12:21 PM

<sympathy>There there Chance. Everything is going to be ooookay.</sympathy>

But seriously, you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone if you just took the tree with you into the shower.

Chance under the mistletoe 171,275 14
12/08/2008 12:29 PM

How about I shove my Christmas tree so far up your ass you'll have pine sap coming out of your ears?

BillSalamie 67,057 13
12/08/2008 12:31 PM

Sorry to hear that Chance.  I can stop over and massage your bruised thighs later.  Well, I can tell you I'll massage them and then just make a half-assed attempt at it before I try and have sex with you instead.

Chance under the mistletoe 171,275 14
12/08/2008 12:34 PM

Oh who am I kidding, Id have my toes behind my ears before you could say massage.

Deck the halls with balls of Ravos 63,472 21
12/08/2008 12:34 PM

How about I shove my Christmas tree so far up your ass you'll have pine sap coming out of your ears?

Are you coming on to me?

Fratberry 283,028 53
12/08/2008 12:35 PM

This morning I found out that the doctor that I'm seeing for my shoulders doesn't want to give me any more medication because I'm now seeing another doctor in that group for my neck problem, and the neck doctor doesn't want to give me any medication because I'm seeing another doctor for my shoulders.

AND THEY'RE IN THE SAME FRIGGING OFFICE.

I'm supposed to have shoulder surgery on the 18th now but the shoulder doctor doesn't want to do it because of the neck problem.  I've gotten to the point with the neck problem and the nerve damage that it's gotten to be hard to type, write, hang on to small things (yes, like my penis...Emersons) without dropping them and my motor skills are all out of whack.  I'm also supposed to see a neurologist about that problem.

But what you've got going on totally sucks too.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
12/08/2008 12:36 PM

So you're a tard.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
12/08/2008 12:38 PM

And apparently I'm Rain man

Gonzo 20,522 17
12/08/2008 12:54 PM

I jumped in the shower and did my thing

Whell there's yer problem... Those are both obviously two things that shold NEVER, EVER be done in the shower, let alone at the same time.

Mung Champ 35,891 35
12/08/2008 01:08 PM

From now on you can just take showers at my place. I will sit outside and watch to ensure your safety. If I am breathing heavy, it's because I get soo worked up trying to look after you. And the webcam is there as an added set of eyes to paid subscribers safety experts.

Hope you feel better, dear!

Chance under the mistletoe 171,275 14
12/08/2008 01:24 PM

Mung, you're the best. How is Sunday for you? Will you help me wash my hair? Do you have a loofah? What kind of soap do you have since I have sensitive skin. I also need to have lotion applyed to my body after said shower paying special attention to my elbows, knees, & tootsies. I would also like for you to brush my hair with 100 strokes and then get yer ass in the kitchen and make me a sammich!

Ditdah 123,110 14
12/08/2008 02:29 PM

Note for Chance, and all other females on the planet:

Do not, ever, ask Mung to massage you with "lotion."

Chance under the mistletoe 171,275 14
12/08/2008 02:41 PM

My Saturday:

Woke up with a miagraine, could not work 2nd job which makes me broker this week. Anywhoo, picked up "Mini Me with a Pee Pee" (New name for the kid to not confuse the ones whom use corks on your forks) and I went to the Mall on Saturday to get "Mini Me with a PeePee"mario cart and the steerling wheel for Christmas (he was with me) and we were leaving the mall entrance and there were about 15 young boys which one was screaming and yelling and cussing like a sailor (which normally I would have shrugged off but I had my son with me and there were other children around). I turned into psycho bitch mode (my car was near) told my son to sit in the car and unloaded on these brats. The first thing I screamed (with the psycho PMS dont Frost with me look) was "YOU WILL WATCH YOUR MOUTH IN FRONT OF MY SON OR I WILL WATCH IT FOR YOU", this confused the idiot for a moment and he paused to look at me and then I said " YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, THERE ARE OTHER KIDS AROUND AND YOU ARE A FILTHY EXCUSE FOR A TEENAGER, I WONDER WHAT YOUR MOTHER WOULD THINK!" The boy looked at me with remorse in his eyes and said (in front of all 15 of his friends) "I am so sorry ma'am, I will be more careful with my words...I truely apologize."



Wow, I can control a teenager! Im not afraid of my son getting older! Threatening kids still works! Yippie!



Oh and I could hear the slow golf clap from some of the other observers.

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
12/08/2008 02:42 PM

Aww, Chance, that sucks!

One upside is that no one actually saw you fall. And bruises can be used for sympathy and chocolate!

Chit 178,781 15
12/08/2008 02:57 PM

Care for some Chunky Monkey maybe? 

Chance under the mistletoe 171,275 14
12/08/2008 03:19 PM

I could use a pint of that right about now. Chunky Monkey makes everything better. When the towers collapsed, I ate some Chunky Monkey and it didnt seem so bad.

Loopy - Not Dead 6,902 12
12/08/2008 03:36 PM

I'm sorry I was not there to point and laugh.

Chit 178,781 15
12/08/2008 03:53 PM

I'm sorry I was not there to point and laugh.



You would have pulled back a little nub of a finger, I fear.

 

Dropkick Brody 43,090 12
12/08/2008 03:56 PM

I would kill for some Baked Alaska right now.

Hope you're feeling better now, Chance!

Mekillu Maphukas 10 5
12/08/2008 04:01 PM

Most accidents that cause death in the home occur in the bathroom.  So thank god that you are not dead on the Shakespeareter like Elvis.

Chit 178,781 15
12/08/2008 05:25 PM

Elvis, much like Phla after her surgery, was taking his fair share of opiates at the time of his death. As we have established, opiates cause constipation. Seeing as how Elvis died on the toilet, it has been theorized that he may have passed a "King-size" grogan, that stopped his heart.



*the more you know*







 

SHP 181,795 70
12/08/2008 11:42 PM

Chance,

I am so, so, so sorry you fell.

Mostly, I'm sorry at the little internal "what a schmuck" moment I had when I read it. 

I must have bought the super fact acting Karma this time, because about an hour ago, I stepped down into my tiled laundry room and there was a little water on the floor. My left foot went out from under me, my right foot went way under me, and I fell on my ass/back. I'm pretty sure I didn't break anything, but I will be sore as hell tomorrow.

So yeah. Sorry for laughing at you, cause I paid for it.

TimmyTheTalkingToilet 11,593 15
12/09/2008 06:56 AM

Well, here I was going to bitch about MY monday and I just read this.

Looks like I ain't got nothin now.

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/09/2008 07:41 AM

I got a papercut yesterday.

Who's gonna come give me 'feel better' head?

Maybe I'll just show up at Chance's place, since she's probably thrown her back out, and couldn't do anything while I have my way with her.

Autra is Still a Dude 10,560 11
12/09/2008 07:42 AM

...not that she would anyway.

Chance under the mistletoe 171,275 14
12/09/2008 08:14 AM

So yeah. Sorry for laughing at you, cause I paid for it.

I'm sorry you fell also, but you deserved it. I still love you.

drunkenfart 4,871 6
12/09/2008 08:50 AM

actually, it's a shame you didn't hit your head on the toilet.  you may very well have invented time travel as a result.