Okay picture the scene, it's a crisp Monday morning - me and my mum are heading out of our house to go shopping.  I have a bowl full of bread to feed the birds in my right hand and my purse in my left.  I step out of the porch onto the pavement and WHEE my Frost-ing foot slips on some bastard black ice and I splatter myself on my ass (luckily I have plenty padding to prevent brain damage!).  The bowl flies out of my hand and lands 5 feet away, the bread lands in a neat little pile in front of me, my purse flies off down the pavement and my hat fell off.  My mum is like OMG are you ok and she bends down to help me.....and ends up splattering herself beside me! 

 So we are both lying like beetles on our backs - I ask her if she is ok and she says "I don't know yet".  I manage to get to my feet looking like a very inelegant elephant and my mum is still lying on her back.  I try to help her up and damn it all if my bloody feet don't slip on that bastard ice and I end up down beside her again - fortunately for her I didn't land on her or she would have been squat like a pumpkin!  Round 2, I carefully get to my feet again, turn the air blue cursing at the ice, and try to get her up again.  I can't lift her up from her back so she asks me to turn her over - like moving a sack of spuds - and with me hauling her from the front she crab walks up to the porch where I manage to get her up on to her feet. 

At this point we are still shaken and then she spots the bread and my hat...and she starts to laugh which sets me off and we are standing like loons giggling with our stuff lying all over the place ... and to cap it all I peed myself laughing!!!

Next Monday I am staying in my Frost-ing bed!!!

Chit 178,781 15
12/09/2008 08:01 PM

 I enjoyed this story a lot more than I thought I was going to.



I'm pretty sure it was the "beetles on their backs" line, that painted the picture for me.



Good Show!



 

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
12/09/2008 11:04 PM

I liked the peeing while laughing part.

BillSalamie 67,057 13
12/09/2008 11:40 PM

I peed myself drinking once but it wasn't so much fun.

Fratberry 283,028 53
12/09/2008 11:45 PM

What?  No blood?  OMG WTFPancakes!!!11

Anh a sleigh. 11,158 14
12/09/2008 11:55 PM

That's what you get for trying to feed those flying feathery disease sacs! And what's up with the font?

Deck the halls with balls of Ravos 63,472 21
12/10/2008 04:48 AM

my mum is still lying on her back.

In my experience, that seems to be the norm.

Brubert 763 11
12/10/2008 07:30 AM

There's blood!!  She said her "bloody feet"!

reindeerfart 4,871 6
12/10/2008 08:36 AM

what's all this then?  if you fancy having yourself a bit of a tinkle, wouldn't it do you well to do so in the loo, eh gov'na?

so, you were like the kid on "a christmas story" who fell and couldn't get up, except that it was your fat ass rather than a cumbersome coat preventing you from getting up.

orangecorsawus 66 7
12/13/2008 02:31 PM

except that it was your fat ass rather than a cumbersome coat preventing you from getting up.

Well d'uh I did say I had plenty padding!!!!!!!