This was written by me for my radio show, but I thought I'd share it with all of you.

Top 10 Reasons to blow off your New Years resolutions



#10- You were drunk when You made them. Most of, after we have had a few believe we are superheroes and we can do anything. It's only upon that loud creaking of our eye lids opening the next day, that we realize we are only mere mortals....Bummer.



#9- Your decision to shed a few pounds this year is a noble one, alas there is still a whole untouched batch of fudge left in the fridge. The bookies are placing you at a 100 to 1.



#8- So you spent most of 2008 flat on your back, spread eagle while thinking about what you want to do with your life during which a cavalcade of men blew load after load into you cavernous crevice. Your resolution to become a little harder to get is an act of treason....nothing this country loves more then a shameless whore.



#7- You have resolved to be more charitable and kinder to your fellow man. Unfortunately your fellow man has resolved to be an even bigger ass than they were in 2008. Something tells me your resolution won't last the week.



#6- You're hooked admit it, whether it be mindless flash games on your PC or hardcore in depth games on your various game consoles, you're attempt at reeling in your habit won't go unnoticed. When you finally come back to gaming you will get PWNED by some 6 year old who just got the hot new game of 09......and she'll do it in under 6 seconds. LOSER





#5- This year you are going to quit smoking cigarettes and essentially pay to kill yourself, but your job is talking about lay offs and your wife has been disappearing late into the night and you suspect it's with the pool cleaners. Problem is you don't even own a pool. Hello 2 packs a day.





#4- No more late nights with Rosie Palms for you.....or so you think. Tired of beating it to various types of online porn you resolved to go out an interact with the farer sex. Which reminded you of why you stayed in and whacked off. Could have saved yourself some time by looking in the mirror and renewing you WoW account.





#3- Ho ho, you wish to be more assertive at work and hope to prove you're worthy of a promotion or at the very least a raise. Well guess what, the minute you try to throw your weight around someone is going to use your own momentum against you. You'll wind up flat on your ass, broke with a “how'd this happen” look on your face. Remember the squeaky wheel gets replaced and usually with a cheaper and foreign made part.



#2- Oh you poor pathetic fool, you decided to go green as this year's resolve. Better living through higher prices right? There is a reason they call it going green...Because that is what it will cost you....a whole ton of green. Screw the grandkids, lets show them what being American is all about. You just got Gore'd.



#1- Finally, it's about time you realized that posting on idiotic forums is eating away at your time as well as your soul. Head outside and see the REAL people of the world. Just realize that you aren't as funny without the ability to hotlink to a photo or recall and earlier post/comment.

Santa Hurt Your What?! 5,582 10
12/29/2008 03:55 PM

$5 says it wasn't funny there, either.

Chrismakkuh Lobster 18,570 33
12/29/2008 03:58 PM

Where's the other half of your icon?

Sarah Auld Lang Syne 30,601 8
12/29/2008 04:05 PM

Please do not share with us anymore. Thank you.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
12/29/2008 05:31 PM

I think the #1 reason to blow off your New Years resolution is; Because the Frost-ing hooker deserves to die.

BarneyBites 2,612 19
12/29/2008 06:07 PM

Where's the funny?

This thread reaches new heights of suckatude!

TimmyTheTalkingToilet 11,593 15
12/29/2008 06:39 PM

Take it to HOB! 

Ok well really I ain't got nothin, but it's a lot better than the first post.

Ravos, slayer of narwhal 63,472 21
12/30/2008 06:24 AM

your wife has been disappearing late into the night and you suspect it's with the pool cleaners. Problem is you don't even own a pool and it is the middle of  winter.