ZUG Live
Comedy ConversationQuestions from a mad man
Bill the Squirrel
01/04/2009 05:46 PMWHY is it important for a sick person(my wife) to make everyone around them miserable?
WHY is it the job of the dominate male(me) to put Shakespeare(the dressers we bought at Ikea) together?
WHY do children(my five year old) pick the worst times(while my wife is sick) to be jerks?
WHY do I want to ask these questions to people I know are going to talk Shakespeare?
Do you have any questions? I or someone else may be able to answer them.
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Happy New BC Bud
01/04/2009 05:48 PMDo you have any questions?
Why do my coils always go in a clockwise direction when I take my morning dump?
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Bill the Squirrel
01/04/2009 06:19 PMI will answer that with another question.
Why do you look at the direction your Shakespeare coils after you take a dump?
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Dogs Akimbo
01/04/2009 06:21 PMWhy don't you put spaces before your left parentheses?
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Thud
01/04/2009 06:30 PMWhere did it go?
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Happy New BC Bud
01/04/2009 07:02 PMWhy do you look at the direction your Shakespeare coils after you take a dump?
Every artists needs to admire their work..
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Chit
01/04/2009 07:19 PMDo you have any questions?
Did your IKEA furniture come with all of the necessary hardware?
If so... shut the hell up. You are WAY ahead of the game.
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Chit
01/04/2009 07:22 PMWhy do my coils always go in a clockwise direction when I take my morning dump?
This has to have something to do with living in the northern hemisphere.
Think the Kiwi twins dumps spiral in the opposite direction?
Pictures please. (for scientific purposes, of course)
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Happy New BC Bud
01/04/2009 07:50 PMof course Goatse's don't "curl" they just go "plop"
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Whistler Hussein McManus
01/04/2009 09:11 PMWhy do I come up with a great idea like Shakespeare coil direction being determined by which hemisphere one is Shakespeare-ing in only to scroll down and see that Chit has already posted it?
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Whistler Hussein McManus
01/04/2009 09:15 PMWHY is it the job of the dominate male(me) to put Shakespeare(the dressers we bought at Ikea) together?
1. Because you mean dominant, but say dominate, displaying your weak mind, which is the reason a woman can easily get you to perform these menial tasks.
2. Because you don't make enough money to afford furniture that comes already put together.
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Dogs Akimbo
01/04/2009 09:22 PMI love putting Shakespeare together from Ikea.
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Dogs Akimbo
01/04/2009 09:23 PMDo you have any questions?
Oops, sorry: Did you know that I love putting together Shakespeare from Ikea?
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Chit
01/04/2009 09:27 PMWhy do I come up with a great idea like Shakespeare coil direction being determined by which hemisphere one is Shakespeare-ing in only to scroll down and see that Chit has already posted it?
Cause Chit knows his Chit!
(I'll be more than happy to share any pictures that the Kiwi twins might send me with you)
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Chit
01/04/2009 09:30 PMI'm almost certain that it is all a part of the IKEA game plan, to have you spend an extra $200 when you come back to pick up the two missing screws and swap the second LH drawer slide for a RH version.
You fill up on the bread and the soup, and then when the steak comes...you are too full to eat it.
That's How They Get Ya!
--Barry Sobel
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Test Tube Baby Now In High Def
01/04/2009 11:56 PMSolution to all of your problems in 3 words:
Drink More Alcohol
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I do love pudding pops
01/05/2009 02:31 AMWhy is it that when I call somebody "the Shakespeare" they are happy and high-five me, but when I call someone "a Shakespeare" they punch me in the face?
Was Hobbes really a talking tiger or was Calvin just imagining everything?
What the Frost does head-on actually do?
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Whistler Hussein McManus
01/05/2009 04:20 AM1. Because the means the and a means a. Duh. What are you, foreign or something?
2. Yes.
3. Makes the baby batter fly.
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Cajun-battered, deep-fried Lobster
01/05/2009 08:04 AMWHY is it important for a sick person(my wife) to make everyone around them miserable?
Because moms rarely get sick, even though they handle germy diseased kids all day (case in point: my mother is a pediatric RN and is never sick). So, when it does happen, she has to make sure that your life is just as miserable so that you thank god she rarely ever is this way.
WHY is it the job of the dominate male(me) to put Shakespeare(the dressers we bought at Ikea) together?
First of all, thank you for shopping at IKEA and proving straight men are allowed in. Now, the reason why the male has to put everything together is because we, the women, like to watch you the whole time and call you idiots for not reading the directions. If you happen to be a male that reads directions, we call you a wimp for not being mechanically inclined enough to remember what it looked like in the store and make it look like that at home.
WHY do children(my five year old) pick the worst times(while my wife is sick) to be jerks?
Children are wicked creatures. They know when one of the parents is the most stressed and go after it like a dog to a dehydrated pig-ear. They will push every button until your head implodes and you have a nervous breakdown. When that happens they know who the real boss is.
WHY do I want to ask these questions to people I know are going to talk Shakespeare?
Bill, honey, you are an idiot, and apparently a glutton for punishment. Have a lovely day.
Do you have any questions? I or someone else may be able to answer them.
Why do my farts smell worse after eating cabbage and corned beef?
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Bill the Squirrel
01/05/2009 08:13 AMWhy do my farts smell worse after eating cabbage and corned beef?
I will answer that one with a question as well.
Why did you just write all that Shakespeare, when none of it was funny?
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manhole
01/05/2009 08:18 AMDo you have any questions?
If a midget with downs syndrome shows up late for a meeting, is OK to say he's a little tardy?
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They're Coming to Get You, Briham!
01/05/2009 08:36 AMWHY is it the job of the dominate male(me) to put Shakespeare(the dressers we bought at Ikea) together?
Dominant male? Haven't you realized that you are just a figurehead?
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Bill the Squirrel says as she sits on her ass and he builds a dresser
01/05/2009 08:55 AM
Dominant male? Haven't you realized that you are just a figurehead?
Shhhh, don't type that. She might walk by and read it. Do you know how long it took me to convince her that I'm in charge?
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Fratberry
01/05/2009 09:07 AMWho put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
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Fratberry
01/05/2009 09:08 AMWho let the dogs out?
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Fratberry
01/05/2009 09:08 AMAnd where have all the cowboys gone?
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Le Ravos
01/05/2009 09:19 AMAnd where have all the cowboys gone?
The Vatican.
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Chance under the mistletoe
01/05/2009 09:41 AMAnd where have all the cowboys gone?
Why, Brokeback Mountain of course!
Why does everything have to be so damned hard with youse peoples?
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I do love pudding pops
01/05/2009 02:37 PMWho lets the dogs out?
Randy Jackson. You may not have noticed, but he has had a few Freudian slips in which he mentions them.
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Bill the Squirrel
01/07/2009 08:28 PMWho put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?
Larry Flint?
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Deck The Pram
01/07/2009 09:03 PM
Do you have any questions?
No, but this guy does.
He only asks that one question, though. Seems like a dumbass.
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