WHY is it important for a sick person(my wife) to make everyone around them miserable?

WHY is it the job of the dominate male(me) to put Shakespeare(the dressers we bought at Ikea) together?

WHY do children(my five year old) pick the worst times(while my wife is sick) to be jerks?

WHY do I want to ask these questions to people I know are going to talk Shakespeare?

Do you have any questions? I or someone else may be able to answer them.

Do you have any questions?

Why do my coils always go in a clockwise direction when I take my morning dump?

 I will answer that with another question.

Why do you look at the direction your Shakespeare coils after you take a dump?

Why don't you put spaces before your left parentheses?

Where did it go?

Why do you look at the direction your Shakespeare coils after you take a dump?

Every artists needs to admire their work..

 Do you have any questions?





Did your IKEA furniture come with all of the necessary hardware?



If so... shut the hell up. You are WAY ahead of the game.



 

Why do my coils always go in a clockwise direction when I take my morning dump?





This has to have something to do with living in the northern hemisphere.





Think the Kiwi twins dumps spiral in the opposite direction?



  Pictures please. (for scientific purposes, of course)

 

of course Goatse's don't "curl" they just go "plop"

Why do I come up with a great idea like Shakespeare coil direction being determined by which hemisphere one is Shakespeare-ing in only to scroll down and see that Chit has already posted it?

WHY is it the job of the dominate male(me) to put Shakespeare(the dressers we bought at Ikea) together?

1.  Because you mean dominant, but say dominate, displaying your weak mind, which is the reason a woman can easily get you to perform these menial tasks.

2.  Because you don't make enough money to afford furniture that comes already put together.

I love putting Shakespeare together from Ikea.

Do you have any questions?

Oops, sorry: Did you know that I love putting together Shakespeare from Ikea?

Why do I come up with a great idea like Shakespeare coil direction being determined by which hemisphere one is Shakespeare-ing in only to scroll down and see that Chit has already posted it? 

Cause Chit knows his Chit!

(I'll be more than happy to share any pictures that the Kiwi twins might send me with you)

 I'm almost certain that it is all a part of the IKEA game plan, to have you spend an extra $200 when you come back to pick up the two missing screws and swap the second LH drawer slide for a RH version.





 You fill up on the bread and the soup, and then when the steak comes...you are too full to eat it.



That's How They Get Ya! 



--Barry Sobel



 

Solution to all of your problems in 3 words:

                                                          Drink More Alcohol

Why is it that when I call somebody "the Shakespeare" they are happy and high-five me, but when I call someone "a Shakespeare" they punch me in the face?

Was Hobbes really a talking tiger or was Calvin just imagining everything?

What the Frost does head-on actually do?

1.   Because the means the and a means a.  Duh.  What are you, foreign or something?

2.  Yes.

3.  Makes the baby batter fly.

WHY is it important for a sick person(my wife) to make everyone around them miserable?

Because moms rarely get sick, even though they handle germy diseased kids all day (case in point: my mother is a pediatric RN and is never sick). So, when it does happen, she has to make sure that your life is just as miserable so that you thank god she rarely ever is this way.

WHY is it the job of the dominate male(me) to put Shakespeare(the dressers we bought at Ikea) together?

First of all, thank you for shopping at IKEA and proving straight men are allowed in. Now, the reason why the male has to put everything together is because we, the women, like to watch you the whole time and call you idiots for not reading the directions. If you happen to be a male that reads directions, we call you a wimp for not being mechanically inclined enough to remember what it looked like in the store and make it look like that at home. 

WHY do children(my five year old) pick the worst times(while my wife is sick) to be jerks?

Children are wicked creatures. They know when one of the parents is the most stressed and go after it like a dog to a dehydrated pig-ear. They will push every button until your head implodes and you have a nervous breakdown. When that happens they know who the real boss is.

WHY do I want to ask these questions to people I know are going to talk Shakespeare?

Bill, honey, you are an idiot, and apparently a glutton for punishment. Have a lovely day.

Do you have any questions? I or someone else may be able to answer them.

Why do my farts smell worse after eating cabbage and corned beef?

 Why do my farts smell worse after eating cabbage and corned beef?

I will answer that one with a question as well.

Why did you just write all that Shakespeare, when none of it was funny?

Do you have any questions?

If a midget with downs syndrome shows up late for a meeting, is OK to say he's a little tardy?

WHY is it the job of the dominate male(me) to put Shakespeare(the dressers we bought at Ikea) together?

Dominant male? Haven't you realized that you are just a figurehead?

Dominant male? Haven't you realized that you are just a figurehead?

Shhhh, don't type that. She might walk by and read it. Do you know how long it took me to convince her that I'm in charge?

Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?

Who let the dogs out?

And where have all the cowboys gone?

And where have all the cowboys gone?

The Vatican.

And where have all the cowboys gone?

Why, Brokeback Mountain of course!

Why does everything have to be so damned hard with youse peoples?

Who lets the dogs out?

Randy Jackson. You may not have noticed, but he has had a few Freudian slips in which he mentions them.

Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong? 

Larry Flint?

Do you have any questions?

No, but this guy does.

He only asks that one question, though. Seems like a dumbass.