Why do people say "to make a long story short..." and then tell you a long story?

Do people really think saying "No offense, but..." before something offensive makes it ok?

Who is Murphy, and why is his law so Frost-ing annoying?

Are all people slobs, or just the ones who use public restrooms right before me? And do their bathrooms at home look that nasty?

What questions do you ponder?

Nachos 57,521 23
01/14/2009 08:40 AM

Why all of the people in your above examples are allowed to procreate at will.

Le Ravos 63,472 21
01/14/2009 08:46 AM

Because it is still shorter than the long version.

Yes, yes they do.

Eddie, a black comedian. I didn't know he had a law, but he is annoying.

Yes, and probably not.

How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

The Mailman 176,464 56
01/14/2009 09:06 AM

It is a commonly accepted fact that "people always remember their first time." Another commonly accepted fact is that for most people, there is a time when they stop having sex.



So I am wondering, do older people remember the last time they had sex?

And do they know it's the last time they will ever be having sex as it is happening?

The Mailman 176,464 56
01/14/2009 09:07 AM

Will Pram's brain raise a "division by zero" error upon reading my post above?

xentar 473 7
01/14/2009 09:15 AM

Or will it raise some other part of his body?..

Fratberry 283,028 53
01/14/2009 10:20 AM

So I am wondering, do older people remember the last time they had sex?

Yes, barely.

And do they know it's the last time they will ever be having sex as it is happening?

Yes, very much so.

Fratberry 283,028 53
01/14/2009 10:20 AM

Oh wait, you weren't asking me specifically were you?

Mung Champ 35,891 35
01/14/2009 10:58 AM

I cant have sex with your personality,

And I cant put my penis in your college degree,

And I can't shove my fist in your childhood dreams,

So why you sharing all this information with me? 

Just show me your genitals.

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
01/14/2009 11:00 AM

Why don't women know when to shut the Frost up?

Why do us guys always say the wrong thing at the wrong time?

Who took the cookie from the cookie jar?

What is the meaning of life, the universe, and everything?

How many cliche questions can I come up with?

TableTopJane 173,958 15
01/14/2009 11:08 AM

Odd. I hit CTRL F and searched the thread for "the answer is 42" and found nothing.

I'm very disappointed with all of you.

Millie 116,988 28
01/14/2009 11:21 AM

Why don't women know when to shut the Frost up?



We do know when to shut the Frost up.  However, if we've asked you a question several times and you ignore us, we keep asking, because the alternative is to rip your Frost-ing balls off and shove them down your throat. 

Also, when we have told you something about a million times and you still don't get it, we keep saying it, because the alternative is to rip your Frost-ing balls off and shove them down your throat.

Why do us guys always say the wrong thing at the wrong time?



Because you are Frost-ing idiots who are too lazy to listen to the woman in  your life.  If you actually paid attention and cared about someone other than yourself for once, maybe you would say the right thing at the right time.





At least I can answer two of your questions. 

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/14/2009 12:02 PM

On behalf of the penis-wielding population, I'd like to vote to continue things as-is.  PLEASE keep repeating things; don't shut the Frost up. 

That alternative made my nutsack crawl up inside my belly.  It'll be weeks before I'll be able to coax 'em back out!

Phuc 237,919 21
01/14/2009 01:07 PM

Why don't women know when to shut the Frost up?

Because they actually believe that the reason we haven't responded is because we didn't hear them.

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
01/14/2009 01:31 PM

True, true, Phuc. 

What did you say Millie?

Sarah, Fine in 09! 30,601 8
01/14/2009 01:34 PM

Why do I constantly get asked, "Why are you drinking Diet Coke?"

As if I'm the only Frost-ing person in the universe that drinks diet soda. I'm sure it tastes gross to you, but I prefer to eat my calories, not chug them in corn syrup form and watch them travel down to my ass and turn into celulite.

Even telling people that since my dad has been diabetic since I was in grade school,  I never had the pleasure of growing up with a fridge stocked with Dr. Fatty, Mountain Pew, and Coca-Tubba, they still badger me with "Ew, I don't know how you drink that stuff" and "Nutra Sweet gives you cancer and make your tits fall off".

As if your giant ass will keep you healthy for years, and I will die of a Nutra Sweet related death.

GAH!

Sarah, Fine in 09! 30,601 8
01/14/2009 01:35 PM

Wow. I"m sorry, I don't know where that came from.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
01/14/2009 01:50 PM

Evidently not from a giant ass.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
01/14/2009 01:50 PM

Wait, what?

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
01/14/2009 02:16 PM

Will our boys catch up with the spies before their sort of boat sort of sinks?

Don't miss our next episode "Canoes Who?" or "Look before you leak."

Classic

Cajun- fried Lobster 18,570 33
01/14/2009 02:23 PM

Who the hell took over for the voiceover movie trailer guy, now that he's dead?

Pudding Pops the Rhymenocerus 1,379 9
01/14/2009 02:43 PM

Who the hell took over for the voiceover movie trailer guy, now that he's dead?

I dunno, but if I were in charge, I would put Fran Drescher to the job.

Is the "Lifes Greatest Questions" thread very different from the "Questions from a Mad Man" thread from a few days ago?

Millie 116,988 28
01/14/2009 03:21 PM

Because they actually believe that the reason we haven't responded is because we didn't hear them.



Um, no we don't.  Like most of the stupid, annoying things men do, we just put up with it, since a lot of us are not homosexual and even though we dislike men, we still need to have sex with them.



One of the things about men that bugs me is that they think that women are dumb and we don't realize the stupid Shakespeare men are doing.  Most people would agree that women tend to be more empathetic than men and we can figure people out better.  Men are pathetically transparent in their motives and thoughts to us.



So go on and continue to believe you've got us fooled.  It only makes you easier to manipulate.

Millie 116,988 28
01/14/2009 03:22 PM

It's really too bad that John got rid of the maha.

Just Chance 171,275 14
01/14/2009 03:55 PM

we still need to have sex with them.

Millie meet silver bullet, silver bullet meet Millie. You'll never have use for a man again. Sorry Daisypie.

Just Chance 171,275 14
01/14/2009 03:56 PM

I Carroll link.

http://www.discreet-romance.com/silver-bullet-adult-sex-toys-24327.html

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
01/14/2009 04:12 PM

Why don't women know when to shut the Frost up?

..............

We do know when to shut the Frost up.  However, if we've asked you a question several times and you ignore us, we keep asking, because the alternative is to rip your Frost-ing balls off and shove them down your throat. 

Also, when we have told you something about a million times and you still don't get it, we keep saying it, because the alternative is to rip your Frost-ing balls off and shove them down your throat.

Why do us guys always say the wrong thing at the wrong time?



Because you are Frost-ing idiots who are too lazy to listen to the woman in  your life.  If you actually paid attention and cared about someone other than yourself for once, maybe you would say the right thing at the right time.





At least I can answer two of your questions.

....................Um, no we don't.  Like most of the stupid, annoying things men do, we just put up with it, since a lot of us are not homosexual and even though we dislike men, we still need to have sex with them.



One of the things about men that bugs me is that they think that women are dumb and we don't realize the stupid Shakespeare men are doing.  Most people would agree that women tend to be more empathetic than men and we can figure people out better.  Men are pathetically transparent in their motives and thoughts to us.



So go on and continue to believe you've got us fooled.  It only makes you easier to manipulate.

...............................

And the mystery continues.

chicken nipples 2,207 7
01/14/2009 04:30 PM

Since when do women put up with stuff that men do?

Last time I checked... women nag... A LOT! The only solice I find is within the silent treatment.  And my girlfriend still finds a way to make that excruciating.  

Autra 10,560 11
01/14/2009 05:33 PM

Why is that dead hookers ass covered in blow, and what is she doing in your trunk?

Thud 68,506 19
01/14/2009 06:13 PM

Decomposing.

Ditdah 123,110 14
01/14/2009 06:49 PM

I was going to come in here and appologize for not sticking around and staying in the conversation. But after seeing what this thread turned into, I'm almost glad I was too busy.

You people are just MEAN!

Thud 68,506 19
01/14/2009 07:09 PM

I am not just mean.  I'm sarcastic, too.

Millie 116,988 28
01/14/2009 07:13 PM

Ditdah, by people, I think you mean me.  But everyone should know that about me by now.



Chance, it's not the same as the real thing.



Dangerous Beans, women are only a mystery because men are too stupid or too self-centered to try to figure us out.



Chicken Nipples, your name is stupid and you deserve constant nagging AND the silent treatment simultaneously.  If only that were possible.

Just Chance 171,275 14
01/14/2009 07:23 PM

Chance, it's not the same as the real thing.

I KNOW! Usually theres no crying afterwards! Its a win win!

SHP 181,795 70
01/14/2009 08:03 PM

Chicken Nipples, your name is stupid and you deserve constant nagging AND the silent treatment simultaneously.  If only that were possible.

It is. I perfected the art of looking *very* loudly at my husband when I was married.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/14/2009 09:47 PM

 ...when I was married ...

Hmmmm, anyone else sensing a connection, here?  Or am I just psychotical?  Or psychokenetic? Or idiot-savant? Or whatever the Frost it is.  Oh yeah, psycho.

Wait, are you on fire?  If you were, maybe I'd be pyrokinetic, just like Drew Barrymore was, almost 25 years ago. Gah!  I'm an old Frost.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/14/2009 09:57 PM

 Gah!  I'm an old Frost.

And stupid, sorry about your luck.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/14/2009 10:08 PM

Dead baby's Dad is sorry about MY luck?

No worries, I'm way ahead of you.

Millie 116,988 28
01/14/2009 10:16 PM

First of all, your name is stupid too, orange head.



Secondly, I just had an hour-long phone conversation with my husband.  Granted, he probably didn't listen to half of what I said, but at least he pretended to.  And he never complained about me when we were married.  The reason we got divorced is none of your business, but it wasn't because I'm a raging bitch, if that's what you're thinking.

Thud 68,506 19
01/14/2009 10:21 PM

Arrgh.

Just thought I'd add a slight note of pirate to the conversation.  Carry on.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/14/2009 10:29 PM

Counting all the times up to now, Millie, you've put more thought into my name than I have about your divorce, and any reasons behind it.

So c'mon, you can do better than that.

Phuc 237,919 21
01/14/2009 10:49 PM

I'm guessing that Millie has some issues with men, like maybe one kidnapped her family, then forced her to watch while he skinned them all alive, ate their spleens, put on their skins like overalls, then sat down with a Tab to watch an all night marathon of "Small Wonder."

Mung Champ 35,891 35
01/14/2009 10:53 PM

Have you ever watched the sun go down?

And you're thinking about the world spinning round?

Have you ever been high as Frost? 

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/14/2009 11:19 PM

No.  Are you recommending it?  Or just passing curious?

dangerousbeans 1,172 6
01/15/2009 11:24 AM

Millie, you are just fun to argue with.

Ever notice how a dog stops obeying you if you repeat your command over and over and over? Same thing is true for men, when you don't ever give their ears a break they take one whether you like it or not.

I didn't really mean for this to start an arguement. My original post was really a bunch of questions that 80% of comics use as their routine, in effect being a cliche.  Sorry if you were too busy arguing to get the joke.

Millie 116,988 28
01/15/2009 11:28 AM

You're obviously too dense to get the joke. 



Since this is a comedy board, I don't know why some people take things I say seriously. 

Cajun- fried Lobster 18,570 33
01/15/2009 06:00 PM

Would you like to swing on a star?

Or would you rather be a fish?

Just Chance 171,275 14
01/15/2009 07:49 PM

Oh would you like to swing on a star carry moonbeams home in a jar and be better off than you are or would you rather be a lobster?

Pubah 56,813 18
01/15/2009 08:25 PM

Is it true that the further one's head is up one's ass, the further up the Corporate Ladder they will climb?

If one Goose is a goose and one baby goose is a gosling...

and many gooses are called Geese.  Then why aren't many baby gooses called geeslings?

If prices went up cause gas was four bucks a gallon. Then why haven't they come down now that gas is nearly a dollar Fifty?

How do beans make you fart?

Chit 178,781 15
01/15/2009 09:35 PM

 Life's greatest questions







Where are my Frost-ing keys?



 

Rabbit Hare 2 4
01/15/2009 10:47 PM

Who do I have to blow around here to get clickies?

Thud 68,506 19
01/15/2009 10:51 PM

Who do I have to blow around here to get clickies?

The people who give out clickies, duh.

Daves not here 52,827 16
01/16/2009 09:32 AM

I often wonder what it would be like if the pope had a drunken lowlife younger brother who was always calling him for favors.

I wonder whether if humans had evolved differently, and our nipples and eyes switched position, would women as they grew older find they trip less but walk into things more?

And what would hats look like?

What did Waldo do and who is he hiding from?

Whistler Hussein McManus 186,130 44
01/17/2009 02:18 AM

Millie:  putting the bitter in bitter old cat lady since 1965.

Whistler Hussein McManus 186,130 44
01/17/2009 02:19 AM

Just kidding, Millie.  You know I love you.

Please don't rip my Frost-ing balls off and shove them down my throat. 

thevelveturd 6,553 10
01/17/2009 10:57 AM

If you have sex with your identicle twin, is it gay or just masturbation?

How do blind people know when to stop wiping their ass?

thevelveturd 6,553 10
01/17/2009 11:07 AM

What if an Arab American really did just want to learn how to be a crop duster?

Some people call themselves shopaholics,  what the hell is shopahol?

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
01/17/2009 12:06 PM

Are we all on TV?

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
01/17/2009 12:11 PM

What did Waldo do and who is he hiding from?

I believe I answered this question years ago.

Cajun- fried Lobster 18,570 33
01/17/2009 03:28 PM

What were you doing in Abilene?

dammitthedog 127 5
02/02/2009 07:30 AM

Chicken Nipples, your name is stupid and you deserve constant nagging AND the silent treatment simultaneously.  If only that were possible.

Text messaging.

TomServo 3,759 7
02/02/2009 07:41 AM

 Chicken Nipples, your name is stupid and you deserve constant nagging AND the silent treatment simultaneously.  If only that were possible.

No post since yours I think your post pushed him over the edge. Nipples is dead.

Test Tube Baby Now In High Def 828 5
02/02/2009 09:30 AM

I'm going to put my mud boots on now in order to be able to walk around in this thread.   DAMMIT it's deep in here.    My money is on Millie.  I think she was president of the debate team or something.

mothcleaner 4,106 10
02/02/2009 11:08 AM

Q:  Daddy where to babies come from?















 

A:   ummm.......... go ask your mother.

Pubah 56,813 18
02/02/2009 11:33 PM

Q: Mommy, why is Daddy running so fast?

A: Shut up and reload...

peoriagrace 6,166 11
02/03/2009 02:54 AM

Why do guys think cutting off (circumcision)a piece of penis is ok?

Cajun- fried Lobster 18,570 33
02/03/2009 08:05 AM

Because fellacio is less awkward that way. And because Westernized civilizations have this thing about cleanliness, and foreskin is on the "dirty list".

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
02/03/2009 09:25 AM

How do blind people know when to stop wiping their ass?

I think the better question for you, Dumbass, is why do you need to look?  Are you just that stoopid, or do you enjoy seeing your feces smeared on tissue paper?

Pubah 56,813 18
02/03/2009 07:11 PM

Trust me, I wasn't included in the circumcision decision...

Ask my TraditionalChristian parents

hector 0 4
05/01/2009 05:19 PM

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hector 0 4
05/01/2009 05:22 PM

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Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
05/01/2009 05:24 PM

Good FAIL!

Pants 14,252 17
05/01/2009 06:25 PM

Do midgets need a stepping stool or ever ask for a boost on a toilet?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of the Earth?
Why do women complain about men's inability to please them when none of them can give a descent blow job?
Who put the ram in my rammalamma ding dong?
Why do women insist on transporting half of everything they own on a regular basis and then expect men to hold it or watch it?

Pants 14,252 17
05/01/2009 06:43 PM

I think the better question for you, Dumbass, is why do you need to look? Are you just that stoopid, or do you enjoy seeing your feces smeared on tissue paper?

YoDork do you have a highly sensitive brown balloon knot or do you just buy new underwear weekly? I doubt it's the prior and that you walk around with a constantly sore Emerson and Shakespeare stained and fly infested clothing. Could this explain the tone of your post?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
05/01/2009 06:54 PM

Life's greatest question:

Why is Pants getting so agitated about a post that was made months age?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
05/01/2009 06:55 PM

age = ago

Pants 14,252 17
05/01/2009 07:16 PM

I don't take anything seriously and just thought someone might think my comment was funny.


Pants = wrong