Yesterday my wife decided that I was the cause of all her woes. So, I am moving today. This morning she decided she needed to check herself into a mental hospital but, that I still needed to move.

Annnnnd go!

The Mailman 176,464 56
01/16/2009 09:46 AM

Yesterday my wife decided that I was the cause of all her woes. So, I am moving today.



That's all it takes? Cool! I just decided that you were the cause of all ZUG's woes.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/16/2009 09:48 AM

 Could be but, you aren't getting off that easy.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/16/2009 09:49 AM

 Unless you can threaten me with a restraining order.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/16/2009 10:48 AM

Damn Bill.  You really are a masochist, aren't you?    Are you jerking off to the Shakespeare people sling at you in response to your life's woes?

And Frost you for this one, dickhead.  Now I'll have to choose between the dead baby, crazy wife, and failed marriage themes in future posts.  I don't need that kind of stress in my life, Froster!

Sorry your wife flipped out on ya.  That sucks.  But so long as the restraining order's over your head, I'd give her a big dose of anal as ya head out the door.  Might as well earn those court dates!

Nachos 57,521 23
01/16/2009 10:52 AM

You're going to have to come up with something that's not somewhat common after the death of a child if you intend to keep us interested.

I'd suggest joining a cult.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/16/2009 11:01 AM

Necrophilia's not a bad idea, either.

Not that I can search for it here, but I'm thinking I haven't seen anything about it in the last year or so.

Sippin Straw 98,019 37
01/16/2009 11:13 AM

Your wife is obviously not coping well with the death of her daughter.  The correct way she should be handling this is to wait until you go out of town looking for your missing brother, then find comfort in the arms of your arch rival, who will also give her drugs to help her cope.  When you finally come back to town, your son will spill the beans about what your wife was up to in your absence, and you will confront the two of them and tell your arch rival that she's all his and you're done with the both of them.

Daves not here 52,827 16
01/16/2009 11:29 AM

Not to be insensitive, but this is all sounding complex and expensive. Psychiatric care. Rent on a new place for you. Attorneys.

If she's this fragile it probably wouldn't take much to push her over the edge, and then instead of bills you get to collect on life insurance and sympathy.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/16/2009 11:29 AM

You're going to have to come up with something that's not somewhat common after the death of a child if you intend to keep us interested.

I'd suggest joining a cult.

I've been in a cult for about a year. It's called zug.com.

She joined a cult about 2 and a half months ago. It's called Christianity.

Deck The Pram 80,728 42
01/16/2009 11:31 AM

Annnnnd go!

Do you still set a place for the baby at the dinner table? 

Wait, let me funny that up little: Do you still put the baby in the middle of the dinner table so that you can gaze upon her decomposing remains as you eat? 

Deck The Pram 80,728 42
01/16/2009 11:32 AM

Damn... That was blue even for me.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/16/2009 11:33 AM

Wait, let me funny that up little: Do you still put the baby in the middle of the dinner table so that you can gaze upon her decomposing remains as you eat? 

Don't hurt yourself.

Just Chance 171,275 14
01/16/2009 11:35 AM

I'm a Christian, Bill. What are you trying to say?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/16/2009 11:38 AM

And yet you idolize Twinkies..... Sinner!

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/16/2009 11:40 AM

Ahhhh, let the Holy wars begin!!!!!!!!!!!!

Front row seats to the action.  Score!

Just Chance 171,275 14
01/16/2009 11:43 AM

Sorry, I dont argue. Take your popcorn somewhere else mister!

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/16/2009 11:45 AM

< /sighs>

Back to playing rock-paper-scissors with Bill's Holy Trinity of life's trials.

Deck The Pram 80,728 42
01/16/2009 12:24 PM

Don't hurt yoursel

BACK-FIRED'D'D!!

Shell Belle 77,143 25
01/16/2009 12:38 PM

She must not be that crazy if she realized that you're a huge pain in the ass.

Sorry. I really wanted to say something supportive, but school has been cancelled for the past two days and I have turned into a raging bitch. Maybe I'll come back tonight after I've had a few drinks and post something nicer, but probably not.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
01/16/2009 01:04 PM

I'm a Christian, Bill. What are you trying to say?

He's trying to say that you are a member of a cult.

Do you guys do that naked goat-dancing thing?

Sippin Straw 98,019 37
01/16/2009 01:33 PM

She joined a cult about 2 and a half months ago. It's called Christianity.

You poor bastard.  I'm so, so sorry. 

Just Chance 171,275 14
01/16/2009 01:42 PM

Do you guys do that naked goat-dancing thing?

Only on the second Tuesday of the month.

Pudding Pops the Rhymenocerus 1,379 9
01/16/2009 03:18 PM

Did she mean "move" as in, "move your ass out of the computer seat, you've been sitting on it for over a month now"?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/16/2009 03:42 PM

Did she mean "move" as in, "move your ass out of the computer seat, you've been sitting on it for over a month now"?

Hey there Frosttard, I hardly ever sit on the computer seat...........

It's easier to sit on the recliner and pull the keyboard/mouse over to me......

and it's been over a year asswipe!

That's Hot 80,728 42
01/16/2009 04:08 PM

really wanted to say something supportive, but school has been cancelled for the past two days and I have turned into a raging bitch.

Paris Hilton.

Millie 116,988 28
01/16/2009 07:47 PM

Do you guys do that naked goat-dancing thing?

If I were to go back to religion, I think I'd take up the snake-handling thing.  That's pretty cool.



Also, Bill, I bet SR wouldn't mind a roommate to help pay the rent.

Fratberry 283,028 53
01/16/2009 11:09 PM

Sorry for all the trauma, Bill.  Unless, of course, you deserved it.  In that case...

BWUAHAhahAHaHaHAHaHaHaHaHahahahahaHAHAHaha.  HA!

Chit 178,781 15
01/16/2009 11:15 PM

Also, Bill, I bet SR wouldn't mind a roommate to help pay the rent.



And make him feel SOOO much better about his situation.

 

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
01/17/2009 12:41 PM

Only on the second Tuesday of the month.

Frost! Missed it by 3 days.

Cajun- fried Lobster 18,570 33
01/17/2009 03:22 PM

It's okay, Bill. I spent time in a mental hospital before. When I got out, it was easier than ever to have shameless sex with strangers.

Oh, wait...

Le Ravos 63,472 21
01/19/2009 05:17 AM

The correct way she should be handling this is to wait until you go out of town looking for your missing brother, then find comfort in the arms of your arch rival, who will also give her drugs to help her cope.  When you finally come back to town, your son will spill the beans about what your wife was up to in your absence, and you will confront the two of them on the Maury Povich Show and tell your arch rival that she's all his and you're done with the both of them.

SHP 181,795 70
01/19/2009 09:07 PM

It could just be me, but does anyone else ever feel like Bill is just a low-rent Chris Garrett? 

Thud 68,506 19
01/19/2009 09:13 PM

It could just be me, but does anyone else ever feel like Bill is just a low-rent Chris Garrett? 

I surely hope not.

KChiki is a Cheeky Monkey 128,387 98
01/20/2009 08:59 AM

 Obviously, Bill, your next course of action starts with "S".

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/20/2009 09:49 AM

Obviously, Bill, your next course of action starts with "S".

and ends with: -ticks the body in the trunk.

Shell Belle 77,143 25
01/20/2009 10:59 AM

Obviously, Bill, your next course of action starts with "S".

I really don't want to see Bill's tits.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/20/2009 04:50 PM

I now live in my new diggs. Except for the lack of furniture, I like it. I feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I got a full night sleep last night, no drama calls at work, can drink a beer and not get bitched at, and can look at porn all night without looking over my shoulder every five minutes to see if shes walking out of the room have privacy. Can't get much better than this.

KChiki is a Cheeky Monkey 128,387 98
01/20/2009 04:55 PM

 Can't get much better than this.

We all know you're crying over your porn, so don't try to pretend you're not.

Millie 116,988 28
01/20/2009 07:26 PM

Wait just one minute, mister.  Did you not say in another thread that your wife is blind?  If she's blind, she can look over your shoulder all she wants, but she's not gonna see anything.



Maybe she got her sight back, and that's why she dumped you? 

Le Ravos 63,472 21
01/21/2009 07:57 AM

Or maybe Bill is just really really loud while watching it.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
01/21/2009 09:37 AM

Wait just one minute, mister.  Did you not say in another thread that your wife is blind?

I did and she is "Legally blind", she still has vision though.

Thanks for remembering Shakespeare that I  write Millie, it adds to my delusion that someone cares.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/21/2009 11:50 AM

So are you going to troll for the next wife at the local school for the blind?  I mean, it worked so well the first time, right?  Plus ... well, you showed us those pics of your nip, so I'm thinking eyeless might be a good choice.  Maybe no arms, too.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/21/2009 11:50 AM

And post pics of the next freak, please.

Miss Trixxie 65,026 15
01/21/2009 11:51 AM

Wost Zug Dramady EVAH!

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
01/21/2009 06:30 PM

Is that Madonna?  The hairy armpits gave me a shrinky.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
04/16/2011 08:57 AM

Holy Shakespeare! A year and 3 months and this bitch still won't stop calling me. She broke it off and won't move on.

And contrary to popular belief, I'm not Emerson enough to rub her face in it.

Hay Fever 98,019 37
04/16/2011 09:07 AM

What? When you were in Boston, she didn't sleep with your arch rival?? Seriously, no one has any regard for tradition. That's why the soaps are being cancelled.

Cadbury Creme Midgets 96,123 48
04/16/2011 09:31 AM

Shakespeare man, put a little effort it. Go go her house and move the phone. Problem solved.


You should also leave a plunger in the toilet and screw door knobs to the wall, but whatever.