My Wife's Disgusting Bathroom Prank
A comedy article
by Fratberry  277,313  52
01/30/2009 12:08 AM 4218 views
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We live in a three bedroom house with two full bathrooms. One is for the master bedroom and the other one is for the other two bedrooms. A lot of married folks who don't have children have the luxury of a designated toilet for each, and that is certainly the case with us. Mrs. Fratberry gets the master toilet and I get the hopper on the other side of the house. I like it this way. I has all of my favorite magazines and a TV tray for the laptop. I don't even let in any of the cats. It is truly my fortress of solitude. I could make a little wall out of toilet paper and they'd never find me, whomever they may happen to be.
"King of the throne."
And, of course, there are the rules of the crapper. I won't go into the long man list of things, but at the top of the list is that I am the only king for my throne. There shall be no other crappers before me, and he or she who is foundeth poopething in thine kingdom shall be dealt a swift and expedient dousing at the hands of the water sprayer. And that's exactly what happened the other night when Mrs. Fratberry decided to sneak into my bathroom and drop off the kids. She does this because she knows it driveth me batty. She also does this because she knows I can't do anything about it.
Or so she thinketh.
"A swift and expedient dousing."
As I mentioned earlier, we have a spray bottle for when the cats misbehave or whenever someone uses my fortress for their own personal use and I muster up the cajones to do anything about it. So as she was enjoying her respite, I quietly approached the door, opened it just enough and doused her with the spray bottle. She laughed, she cried, it was better than spraying cats!! She finishes her bidness, washes up and comes out, acknowledging that I got her pretty good and tells me that I'll get mine soon enough. After dinner and dishes, we settle down on the couch for an evening of TV and the usual petting of a mountain of cats. Now that's it's been three hours, it's time for my nightly trip to the fortress and I excuse myself, thinking of all of the porn I'm going to be surfing the Sports Illustrated that just came in that I'm going to enjoy reading.
As I entered the bathroom, I didn't even find it strange that the toilet seat lid was down. SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!!!11
There in my beloved throne lay the Goliath of all turds. The kind of turd that would bring most men to tears. It sure was stirring up an emotional response in me. And framing the beast were several wads of toilet paper, giving one the impression that my new baby boy was laying on a pillow of softness, in all its glory for man and heavens to behold. By the time I got back out into the den, I could hear my delicate flower of a wife bursting with laughter and probably crying a little from the anal ripping that had undoubtedly occurred.
Like this, except I wasn't smiling.
All I could do was point in the general direction of what was now the worst room on earth and she knew exactly what I meant. It was time to commit the body to the sea, as it were. She was more than happy to oblige. Problem is that after a couple of hours in the bowl, as soon as the surface tension of the water was broken by the flushing, the whole mess sort of disintegrated. The demon was exorsised from my tainted throne but it fought all the way down.
Yes, there were the skidmarks. I was so happy to see these.
More pointing, more giggling, more obliging. I decided to put an end to the madness by admitting that we were now even (we were SO not even) and she agreed.
Finally, I was back in my room, throne underneath me, magazine in hand. All of a sudden the door opens and all I see is that water bottle and an onslaught of sprays of very, VERY cold water. What do you think I did? That's right. After I had finished up, washed up and dried off, I marched right out into the den and declared that we were still even. She laughed. And you know why? Because you do NOT Frost with Mrs. Fratberry. You certainly don't try to one up her.
Lest ye awake in the morn with Goliath resting upon thy chest.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
30 votes
4.2
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Funny
5 votes
3.6
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Chit 178,088  15
01/30/2009 12:16 AM
Useless without pictures...
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Funny
6 votes
3.5
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Thud 66,695 17
01/30/2009 12:23 AM
"And the Lord looked upon his her creation and wept, saying BEWARE THE GIANT TURD."
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Hilarious
3 votes
4.7
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dammitthedog 127 5
01/30/2009 06:42 AM
Pictures? That's easy. Just post that Sausage and Bacon recipe picture that people have been spamming zug with.
There's your giant TURD!!!
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Side-splitting
6 votes
5.0
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Trae Back to her Upright Position 156,771 17
01/30/2009 08:55 AM
So.....if she can poop the Goliath, she's definitely primed for anal.
Right? Right??
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Hilarious
8 votes
4.3
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Fratberry 277,313 52
01/30/2009 11:03 AM
You would think this sort of thing would be obvious but still, I would advise against googling "giant turd".
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Funny
4 votes
3.8
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mothcleaner 3,704 9
01/30/2009 11:07 AM
Ends in brown sauce.
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Hilarious
5 votes
4.2
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mothcleaner 3,704 9
01/30/2009 11:23 AM
Fratberry, I applaud your organizational skills
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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chicken nipples 2,207 7
01/30/2009 11:48 AM
I think this calls for a good piss and/or splooge in the shampoo bottle. She'll think you're even.. but you know.
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Side-splitting
5 votes
5.0
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Declan McManus, Jolly Old St. Nick 130,657 34
02/01/2009 02:27 PM
Whenever I get the urge to live with someone, someone like Fratberry comes along to remind me of my single blessedness.
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0 votes
0.0
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TomServo 3,752 7
02/02/2009 07:13 AM
Kill her cat and tell her it died of natural causes......... Wait a second.
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Hilarious
2 votes
4.0
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Fratberry 277,313 52
02/02/2010 04:36 AM
I, for whatever reason, felteth the need to bumpeth this article. Enjoyeth.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Whistler P. McManus 183,262 42
02/02/2010 04:40 AM
Dang, Fartberry. I opened this thread and thought my brother was back. Don't go scaring me like that. You know us McManuses and our bad hearts.
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0 votes
0.0
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Barney T Dinosaur 2,113 17
02/02/2010 04:45 AM
I laugh every time I read this one! Your wife and mine must be related.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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John Hargrave 128,123 71
02/02/2010 08:29 AM
Really funny story -- I had forgotten about this one. I've updated the title and added some photos, and we're running it on the homepage today, so your wife will finally get the credit she deserves.
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Side-splitting
1 votes
5.0
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Fratberry 277,313 52
02/03/2010 06:08 AM
Awesome. Thanks Jeff!
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0 votes
0.0
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insuu 26 6
02/04/2010 12:06 AM
i liked the first pic haha
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