At work, we have a goofy policy that any time a bottle of beer or can of pop or bag of chipShakespeares the ground and explodes in all directions, we have to hang a note on it.

Well, I guess someone was bored with always writing the same thing ("customer broke it"), so there were some creative versions of this note hanging on broken Shakespeare by the sink:

"Fell".

"Fell up, then down".

"Fell sideways with help".

"Dropped carelessly".

"Dropped carefully".

"Dropped while being juggled".

"Dropped by a man with no pants".

"Dropped by a stupid person".

"Dropped by an intelligent person with a high center of gravity".

"Jumped off the shelf by itself".

"Thrown overhand to customer but they ducked".

and my personal favorite (on a 12 pack of beer),

"I got thirsty".

Test Tube Baby Now In High Def 828 5
02/01/2009 10:38 AM

"dropped due to sudden down draft"

"dropped because of alien invasion"

"dropped because kid's baggy pants fell down"

"dropped when the customer fainted because of sticker shock"

"dropped because was juggling midgets and a bottle of wine"

Am I playing this right?   Oh nevermind, dumb question I'm sure.     Blamity Blam BLAMMIT

Anh is here. 11,158 14
02/01/2009 10:48 AM

This might seem like an obvious question, but instead of hanging things on the mess, why don't you just clean it up?

dammitthedog 127 5
02/01/2009 01:08 PM

 The Iraq War would like a word with you.

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/01/2009 05:45 PM

This might seem like an obvious question, but instead of hanging things on the mess, why don't you just clean it up?

Because corporate policy and common sense will never meet eachother.

chicken nipples 2,207 7
02/02/2009 12:56 PM

This might seem like an obvious question, but instead of hanging things on the mess, why don't you just clean it up?

Whoa there.  You can't go doing stuff without being told.  Then they'll start expecting you to do it all the time which is just another reason for the boss to get mad when something's not done.  Not only that, but it wouldn't be nearly as funny to clean it up.

Strangely Cromulent Bikini 62,262 18
02/02/2009 01:35 PM

When I worked at Tim Hortons', we had a similar policy regarding missing food items. Cookies and timbits were overlooked, but anything else was counted strictly.

One night, this awful woman came in with a screaming toddler and she would not hold him still. I was working the till alone and the kid kept running behind the counter and trying to run into the back area, which poses all sorts of health and safety problems as well as being Frost-ing irritating. I kept repeating to the woman, "please hold on to your child while you wait," and tried to split my attention between the child and the customer I was dealing with. The child ended up pulling open a display case and shoving a bunch of squares in his face when I turned my back. When I insisted the woman pay for them, she asked me how I could dare to accuse her child of such a thing (the kid still had food in his mouth and all over his face!) and stormed out, saying she'd never come here again. Thank Frost.

On the talley sheet, I wrote "several bars missing and the rest destroyed because a lazy parent refused to hold on to their screaming, spoiled child."

My supervisor, who was no fun at all, erased it and wrote "stolen/destroyed during a busy spell." She was so dull.

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/02/2009 02:00 PM

The reason we can't write stuff off is because we're not allowed to. So it sits and stinks, and bugs poop on it, the milk does its best impression of a bloated fat dead guy (complete with the milk separating water from the cream) and instead of having a nice clean back room, we have a broken-Shakespeare-swap-meet with the signs standing in for price tags (someone wrote "worthless, now" on a bag of unfrozen peas).

 This is also why we can't have anything nice.

I'm Danielle... Bitch! 82 6
02/02/2009 02:52 PM

So Pram, when are you able to discard the gross, unusable perishables?

Thud 68,506 19
02/02/2009 06:28 PM

So Pram, when are you able to discard the gross, unusable perishables?

You don't discard them.  They get labeled as "Aged" and are sold at a premium.  Some people will fall for believe anything.

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/02/2009 07:21 PM

Only the manager can throw stuff in the garbage and say "I don't get paid enough to deal with this".