Since the beginning of time, or at least the mid-1980s, parents have made every effort to ensure that their children use safe products. Parents these days know to choose only items clearly marked "non-toxic" (and to check for any mention of "mutations" in the fine print). But is that really enough? If your child swallows one of these products, it's good to know that they're safe -- but how do they TASTE?

I've previously reviewed Crayola Twistables pencil crayons, which aren't as bad as you might think. Today I'll be comparing clear glue to white glue.

Since this glue was purchased in Canada, it says "Non-Toxic" and "Non Toxique." It's twice as safe!

This review is about the taste, and the taste wasn't horrible. But the texture was awful. Eating white glue is the culinary equivalent of ... well, eating white glue.

I couldn't bring myself to swallow the glue. I left the table and spit it in the toilet, much to the delight of the photographer who refused to follow me. Enjoy this picture of the empty table instead:

Overall, white glue is not edible. It gets 1/10 on the taste-o-meter.

As you can imagine, I was quite nervous before trying the clear glue, so I switched to a much stronger drink. And by "drink," I mean "drinks."

The clear glue was surprisingly good. Sure, I knew I was eating glue, which almost made me gag, but it didn't feel or taste like glue. It was almost like an oddly-flavored cough syrup, as if someone at the cough syrup manufacturer had forgotten to add some of the flavoring. Or a disgruntled former employee had a few minutes alone next to the product.

The clear glue scores 4/10 and is infinitely preferable to white glue. And now that you know it's edible, it's practical for all sort of applications. For example, your sandwiches will never fall apart if you use glue instead of mustard. Mmmmmm.

Don't get too excited about eating glue, though. You should read my final taste test -- about eating Play-Doh -- before making any important dietary decisions.

Oh, what the hell. After a few more drinks, I ate the white glue too.

Next taste test: Play-Doh!

peoriagrace 6,166 11
02/04/2009 05:25 AM

My sister used to eat paste; are you gonna try any of that?

Of course she also drank bleach; and consumed whole bottles of baby aspirin. Yes she's insane, stupid and on occasion really funny.

John Hargrave 128,751 73
02/04/2009 05:26 AM

"After eating glue for an Internet comedy site, Canadian resident Bob Johnson reported feeling 'a little horse.'"

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/04/2009 05:32 AM

You won't eat our meat but you'll glue with our feet!

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
02/04/2009 06:54 AM

Maybe you'll leave & give her your account.

Analog 9,608 19
02/04/2009 08:03 AM

What was "stronger" drink? Was that a Negroni? Not much of a step up from wine.

Now maybe a glass a Jager or something, that would wash just about anything down.

Space Admiral BobJohnson 178,045 22
02/04/2009 09:44 AM

What was "stronger" drink? Was that a Negroni? Not much of a step up from wine.

A Manhattan.  Although I may have mixed it wrong that night, since it looks pretty clear in the photos.



There were also pictures of me chasing it with different types of beer and straight whiskey, but I didn't post those.  I mean, it's fine for people to see me eating glue, but I'd be horrified if they knew I drank Royal Reserve.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
02/04/2009 10:38 PM

Not to be diminishing the awesomeness of Bob, but ...

The all-time funniest "Jesus Christ, you ate what?" writing I've ever seen can be found here.

Bob does get bonus extra points and clickies for the pics.

chicken nipples 2,207 7
02/05/2009 11:17 AM

Maybe it would have tasted better if it was American. 

American made > Everything else