Before I begin, allow for me to beg for forgiveness. I've lurked for some time now, however when you realize that you have an opportunity to taste chocolate covered bacon, you should turn to the people who have some authority on the subject. Sadly, my first thought was about Gab. Er, Live. 



While watching the local news tonight, there was a segment about the Florida State Fair. It apparently started today. And of course, this segment was about the food at the fair, because why else do you go to the fair but to eat delicious fried foods? One of the new items at the fair this year is the infamous chocolate covered bacon. 



I searched a bit to see if anyone had ever posted about actually TASTING the chocolate covered bacon. I know TTT mentioned in one thread last year about dark chocolate maple fudge bacon being awesome, but otherwise the public seemed to be torn about whether chocolate and bacon together is a fine delicacy. 



So, my question is: should I try it? Have you ever tried it? I am more than willing to go sacrifice my love of bacon, chocolate, and the State Fair to be able to give a proper food review. Let the noob bashing commence, if you so wish. 

Shell Belle 77,143 25
02/06/2009 06:47 PM

Yes, try it. And if it should make you horribly ill, take pictures.

SUYT? STFU noob? I'm not very good at the bashing. Try the squirrel guy, he's better at it.

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
02/06/2009 06:56 PM

Jesus Frost-ing Christ you dumb Frost-ing n00b.  Why the Frost are you sitting here posting this Shakespeare when you could be at the Goddamn fair, chowing down on God's sweet gift to human kind?  I'd gladly give my left nut for a weekly fix of that sinfully decadent, gastric wonder.

Get the Frost up.  Get the Frost to the fair.  And eat the Goddamn bacon.  Are you stupid, or just a good actor?

Bill didn't seem to be about, so I stepped in.  Plus, I'm in a pissy mood 'cause I'm sitting here at work, putting together some 3-year plan that my boss needs because some Sr. Director got all up in our bidness. So now my boss wants to put the smackdown on the other guy, and I get to play the role of Hammer.  Except it's gonna take all Frost-ing weekend to get this together.  A weekend you'll spend, apparently, at the Goddamn fair, eating chocolate covered bacon, you Frost!

Welcome to Live. Get the Frost out. Enjoy your stay.

Stuttering Sq-q-q-uirrel 53,270 54
02/06/2009 08:06 PM

Apparently, I'm getting a bad reputation.

Sweet!

Empty Apples 184 5
02/06/2009 08:39 PM

 The more I thought about it tonight, the more I decided that I'm definately going to attempt to head to the Fair sometime in the near future to try it, and even if it makes me horribly ill-- how bad can it be? It's just bacon and chocolate. I hope. 

Will take pictures of any exciting occurances, regardless of which way the bacon fries.  



Oh, and sorry about your Sr. Director getting all up in you and your bosses' bidness. So, if you are the Hammer, does that mean it's Hammer Time? 

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
02/06/2009 08:58 PM

Apparently, I'm getting a bad reputation.

Don't get carried away.  We show n00bs the pic of your man boobs and they quickly realize how wimpy you really are.  But we warn them that you're manic depressive over the dead baby thing, the wife cult thing, and your really small dick. 

Fratberry 283,028 53
02/06/2009 10:37 PM

Dear Your What Hurts?,

Go Frost yourself.  The "noob" you are attempting to bash has been registered longer than you have, ya dumbass.  Why don't you shut your prayhole if you can't be just a little bit funny.  You make Skippy look like Shecky Greene, ya stupid jackhole.

Pubah 56,813 18
02/06/2009 10:38 PM

By all means...Pour some on Kevin and have a ball!

Uh...SUYT or STFU...

Welcome to Gab Live

Empty Apples 184 5
02/06/2009 11:22 PM

 I reserve my right to withhold the boob pictures until I either want something from someone, or want desperately to feel accepted by allowing some internet strangers to inspect my rack. 



... Yeah, I'm easy when I'm desperate. Luckily though, I know when to close my legs to avoid having an unwanted fetus renting out my womb for 9 months. Although in today's economy, renting out the womb might not be a bad thing to consider.. Womb for rent? 

Chit 178,781 15
02/06/2009 11:27 PM

Womb for rent?





Be careful!! It's a trap!!





Infants rarely have their own cash.

 

Pubah 56,813 18
02/06/2009 11:27 PM

I'm sure some Gabber...uh...Liver will want to borrow...uh...rent it.

Bidding starts at $20 American...

...Same as in town.

spleendingo 157 7
02/06/2009 11:31 PM

Chocolate covered bacon is the culinary equivalent of snorting the world's best cocaine off the breasts of the world's hottest stripper while getting a blowjob from Jenna Jameson with a midget Frost-ing a donkey in the other room (because that's how you can roll).

All the while Jesus is watching and giving you two thumbs up and a wink.

It's just like that. Except it's REAL.

Chit 178,781 15
02/06/2009 11:31 PM

 I reserve my right to withhold the boob pictures until I either want something from someone, or want desperately to feel accepted by allowing some internet strangers to inspect my rack.





--Empty Apples (appropriately named)

 

Empty Apples 184 5
02/06/2009 11:45 PM

 Am impressed with the connection there, Chit. 

If my name becomes some variation of Full Apples in the future, someone, please be kind and give the poor college girl a wire coathanger. 

peoriagrace 6,166 11
02/07/2009 12:15 AM

Hey empty apples; Oh, and sorry about your Sr. Director getting all up in you and your bosses' bidness. So, if you are the Hammer, does that mean it's Hammer Time? 

No it means-your what hurts- is a dick!

"The Hammer is my penis " by Captain Hammer

Chit 178,781 15
02/07/2009 12:20 AM

 please be kind and give the poor college girl a wire coathanger.





If by "poor college girl", you mean Lobster, I'm sure we will all pitch in and send her a closet full.



Empty Apples, you seem like a lovely addition here.  (post more)

And Lobster, I  was just having fun.  



Please don't go all hormonal on me.

Again!



 

spleendingo 157 7
02/07/2009 03:55 AM

Just for the record (and my own personal safety), I love you Lobster. May your child be filled with wonderment and amazing sarcastic powers!

And, hopefully, candy. Can we say "baby pinata"? I knew we could.

High five.

Dogs Akimbo 211,594 32
02/07/2009 10:04 AM

One should never miss the opportunity to go to a fair.

Empty Apples 184 5
02/07/2009 11:11 AM

 If by "poor college girl", you mean Lobster, I'm sure we will all pitch in and send her a closet full.



... Would it be considered awkward to.. ahem, use the hanger, clean it, then actually hang it up in your closet? 

Or is that the type of thing that you should always dispose of? I ask, because if I'm ever in that situation, why waste a perfectly good hanger afterwards? 

BC Bud, shows whats in his pants 13,792 15
02/07/2009 12:31 PM

Womb for rent?

As a prospective "renter" I would like to inspect  your womb and if I find it desirable to rent I will leave a "deposit" for you in the womb

Of course if I back out of the deal you may keep the deposit

/fap fap

Empty Apples 184 5
02/07/2009 02:47 PM

As a prospective "renter" I would like to inspect  your womb and if I find it desirable to rent I will leave a "deposit" for you in the womb

Of course if I back out of the deal you may keep the deposit



Before inspection of said womb, may I please see legal identification? 

This is of course for completely legal purposes, such as child support 9 months from said inspection as deemed necessary. And of course, said deposit is non-refundable, regardless of whether or not you choose to rent womb. I don't think you would really want it back anyways. 

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
02/07/2009 09:44 PM

Yo, Frat?  Learn to read, dickhead.  Empty Apples said: "Let the noob bashing commence, if you so wish."  So in my first response, I was simply encouraging him/her/it to eat the freaking bacon.

In the second post, which you seemed to take issue with, I was busting on Bill.  But not as a noob, so shut the Frost up & eat your dead cat.

Test Tube Baby Now In High Def 828 5
02/08/2009 08:29 AM

Is Bill dead ?

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/08/2009 09:54 AM

Bill didn't seem to be about, so I stepped in

Yep, Bill is always about... To do something. But he never does. Loser.

...Oh, I didn't see you there, Bill.

HI LOSER!

Stuttering Sq-q-q-uirrel 53,270 54
02/08/2009 11:33 AM

Hello Pram.

Let us count the loser ways:

Bill: Has had sex (with a woman) in the past 4 months.

Pram: Has had sex (with a shoe).

Loser = Pram

Bill: had several tragedy's he has posted on a Comedy message board.

Pram: Takes every opportunity to bring up said tragedy's.

Loser = Bill

Bill: Works hard selling new pressure washers, fixing pressure washers, and managing a fleet of 14 vehicles.

Pram: Works hard saying, "Would you like a receipt for your condoms and beer?"

Loser = Pram

Bill: Posts funny Shakespeare sometimes

Pram: Posts funny Shakespeare sometimes

Loser = Bill and Pram

Loser results:

Bill: 2

Pram: 3

Ultimate loser: Pram

Thanks for playing!

BTS

Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
02/08/2009 11:59 AM

Bill: had several tragedy's he has posted on a Comedy message board.

Pram: Takes every opportunity to bring up said tragedy's.

Loser = Bill

Uhhhh, I gotta disagree with this one, even though it costs me.  I think Bill wins this one, barely.  Bill was way dumb cool enough to throw his personal life out there for our reading pleasure & amusement.  So, loser kudos to him.  And it could be argued that by posting it, he's inviting scorn & derision, but there are some limits, eventually, the horse dies. 

And while I skirt with it, I do know of at least 2 opportunities in which I elected NOT to bring up said tragedies.  So I'm not guilty of taking "every" opportunity, though it's damn obvious I live awfully close to the line.  

Technically though, if your wife joins a cult, is it really a tradegy that you start living elsewhere?  I'm thinking that's just good karma coming back around.  I remain hopeful that one of Bill's next (last) posts goes something like:

I won't be posting for a while.  Even as I type this, the Sherriff is walking up to the door.  Guess I didn't hide the wife's body well enough.

Pubah 56,813 18
02/08/2009 01:50 PM

...Pours chocolate over his plate of bacon...

Poop story to follow

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/08/2009 07:52 PM

but there are some limits, eventually, the horse dies.

But that's when you start munging it over a salad plate- you idiot, that's the best part!!

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/09/2009 05:04 AM

Bill: Works hard selling new pressure washers, fixing pressure washers, and managing a fleet of 14 vehicles.

Are you a not-so-distant cousin of Hank Hill?

And in all seriousness, if there is bacon, and chocolate in the same place, why the hell are you not there right now!?

Millie 116,988 28
02/09/2009 01:50 PM

I see you've been lurking for over a year.



So why are  you so stingy with the clickies?  I'm just sayin'...



Oh, and try the bacon.  Both chocolate and bacon are edible, so how bad can it be?  It's not like you're going to try chocolate covered dogShakespeare or something.

Empty Apples 184 5
02/09/2009 02:08 PM

 So why are  you so stingy with the clickies?  I'm just sayin'...





It's not so much a matter of being stingy with the clickies, but just damn lazy. 



I'm planning on heading to the fair as soon as I can find someone to drag with me to serve as photographer/ extra set of taste buds/ someone to ID my body in the event that I die.