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The experiment was simple: what would I, an Asian woman, have to do to give myself acne? In Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3, I tried everything I could think of to give myself a breakout, but my superior Asian DNA resisted every test. Now the ultimate challenge: I would clog my pores with the oily, sticky delicacy of the Philippines called calamay. You most likely haven't eaten it but it's yum, I tell you.
Here's an action shot of the calamay-smearing in progress.
Here's another. It's so sweet and sticky it's sickening.
This next shot may look like a grimace, but I am actually trying to free my hand, which is pulling my face with it.
How sticky is calamay? It can't be removed with a simple handwashing!
Scrubbing works -- although you really need industrial solvent, or perhaps a power sander.
Five hours later, I try to take if off by washing my face but here's how I looked after the first wash...
after the third wash...
Obviously, soap and loofah wouldn't cut it. I had to fork it out!
A forking and a thorough bath later, here's how I look.
As you can see, my face may have more things wrong with it than the Bush presidency but still, I don't have acne.
This zit-immunity freaks me out. How could I not get zits? How could my face not turn pimply and pus-ridden after everything I put it through? How, I ask, could I be so awesome?
Now, we all know that many discoveries were accidental. The microwave, for instance, was invented when Percy Lebaron Spencer tried to create magnetrons, stood too close to one, and discovered that it melted the chocolate bar in his pocket. The pacemaker was an accidental discovery, and so was superglue. And today, so were the maid's pimples.
Yes, you read that right. Maid. Acne. The maid came down with acne.
Remember this woman? I used her as an example of third-world economics and the last time you met her (or rather, the back of her head), she was doing this:
Now this woman who did nothing more than help coat my face with unctuous substances broke out. Bad.
Meet Amihan G., 33 years old, and living proof that all some people have to do to get acne is breathe. She never placed any of the goop on her face, and never touched the calamay. Yet she reported for work today with zits all over the place.
She's our new breakout star.
The world is outsourcing everything to the Philippines, so why not outsource my acne to the maid? And that's how I'm finally declaring my experiment a success. I came, I smeared, and I proved that even Asians can get acne -- they just have to lease space on the maid's face.
If you enjoyed Operation Acne, you might also enjoy GigaCleanse, in which our reporter tries to stay on the world's most difficult diet.
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