Does anyone else eat healthy? I got into new eating habits, in which I eat little to no processed food. French fries and bacon gross me out, and going into Burger King is like walking into hell for a salad. My stomach cannot tolerate anything remotely like this anymore, which is good and bad. The good is that I've lost an astronomical amount of weight, and I feel better. The bad is when the grocery store has a weakness of mine.

       I recently went food shopping, broke down and bought a bag of Spicy-Sweet Chili Doritos. (bad idea) I played some video games while happily munching on the Doritos. About half the bag was gone when I was done. I woke up the next day (Saturday) to the worst wambling (stomach gurgling) I've ever heard. It was 7:00 A.M. and I rushed to the toilet. Well, it turns out that I also had pee-pee problems, because when I urinated, it felt like putting my penis into an oven with an acid glaze. As I blew half of my body-weight out of my ass, I couldn't help but think that doping a triple lethal dose of heroin would be better than this. I continued to sit in agony for another 20 minutes before getting up, and going to my car.

     I went to the doctors office, and in my insanity, considered getting a breakfast sandwich from Dunkin' Donuts. The doctor said that I didn't have a urinary infection, but I should drink some cranberry juice and have some spicy food. I just sat there for a minute, contemplating that what I just heard was actually reality. I said ok and just went home. When I arrived home, I marched straight to my room, got the chips, a baseball bat, and went outside with a plan. I'm pretty sure that I am insane, but then why would I want to share this?

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/18/2009 07:32 AM

Eating healthy does not equal Spicy-Sweet Chili Doritos.

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/18/2009 08:41 AM

French fries and bacon gross me out

ARE YOU Frost-ing CRAZY?

mothcleaner 4,106 10
02/18/2009 09:02 AM

French fries and bacon gross me out



DEAD.TO.ME.

Phuc 237,919 21
02/18/2009 09:07 AM

"I recommend a hot beef injection. A-heh-heh-heh."

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/18/2009 09:39 AM

I generally eat healthy, and I don't eat french fries either. But bacon? Really? I don't even have a choice in the matter. If it is presented to me, it is eaten. If for nothing else, out of principle that it is the most delicious substance on the face of the planet.

Gonzo 20,522 17
02/18/2009 10:08 AM

I swing widely (no pun intended) back and forth on the natural, unporcessed foods vs. pre-packaged garbage, but even when I'm in the natural, unprocessed, grass-fed, sticks-and-twigs-eating, certified organic, tree-hugging mode, I still don't see a problem with bacon. 

I mean, what are you thinking?  Going on ANY website/forum/thingy and declaring that you won't eat bacon?  Really?  The web was founded on bacon.  There's even an article out on Muckity.com about how Al Gore is the new Kevin Bacon... whatever that means.  The prevalence of pro-bacon enthusiasts has spawned such monstrosities as bacon-band-aids, bacon-salt, and bacon-mayonaise.

It's probably more socially acceptable to come out in favor of baby-eating than it is being anti-bacon.  I'd continue with some kind of reference to puppies and lawnmorers and/or fireworks, but I'm making myself hungry.  (for bacon, I mean)

dammitthedog 127 5
02/18/2009 04:38 PM

Eating healthy does not equal Spicy-Sweet Chili Doritos.

Do the words "broke down" mean anything to you?

By the way

Frost bacon.

I am Lobstercus! 18,570 33
02/18/2009 05:30 PM

Dude, are you serious? Everybody loves bacon. Even vegans.

Thud 68,506 19
02/18/2009 06:09 PM

Since other have covered you sin regarding bacon, I'll just mention this:

As I blew half of my body-weight out of my ass, I couldn't help but think that doping a triple lethal dose of heroin would be better than this.

Do you really think so?  Sounds like an idea for prank you could try.  Remember to take before and after pictures.

Test Tube Baby Now In High Def 828 5
02/18/2009 07:15 PM

Hope you didn't take Dr. Dumbass's advice to eat spicey foods when you're already dealing with GI distress.  A similar intelligent idea would be to use gasoline to put out a fire.

dammitthedog 127 5
02/18/2009 07:34 PM

No I didn't take his advice.

I was too busy taking multiple porcelein cruises.

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/19/2009 04:20 AM

Frost bacon.

Oh no you di-in't just go there!

Sippin Straw 98,019 37
02/19/2009 06:57 AM

I thought about doing a google image search for bacon Frost-ing, but I haven't got time right now to sort through what must surely be a mountain of results.

dammitthedog 127 5
02/19/2009 07:01 AM

I'm sure it would.

Shelly Belley 77,143 25
02/19/2009 07:49 AM

Bacon Frosting!

Oh, wait. You weren't talking about actual frosting. Never mind.

TheVelveTurd 6,553 10
02/19/2009 08:05 AM

Bacon, sausage, ribs, pulled pork, skins, tenderloin, chops, man  Jews and vegans don't know what they are missing. I love pigs.

dammitthedog 127 5
02/20/2009 02:46 PM

I still eat chicken. The taste of bacon is revolting though.

Pubah 56,813 18
02/20/2009 05:26 PM

THough swine, bovine, fish, fowl and herbs are nice...

...I'd rather eat Heather

peoriagrace 6,166 11
02/20/2009 05:40 PM

Sounds like you were constipated; which is why your dick was hurting. Pressure on it from the poo that is built up in you.

Basically your full of Shakespeare.

Pubah 56,813 18
02/20/2009 06:09 PM

Assumes she's not talking to him

peoriagrace 6,166 11
02/22/2009 01:16 AM

You are correct SIR! Sorry Pubah, I meant the thread guy.

dammitthedog 127 5
02/23/2009 04:57 PM

 I felt like bumping this and saying that I'm better now.

yay

Juan Campos - Finally Legal 1,173 5
02/23/2009 07:27 PM

In the past, I had atrocious eating habits, which caused me to balloon up to 220 lbs. I started working out and stopped eating meat, and I'm down to 160ish. Shakespeare's awesome. There was a point where I would go to the gym for an hour and walk three miles every day, but the combination of Massachusetts winters and my newfound addiction to cigarettes put the kibosh on that one pretty quickly.

Pubah 56,813 18
02/25/2009 01:20 AM

Now that Fat Tuesday is over, what are you GabLivers givin up for Lent?

No, you don't have to be Catholic to claim you're gonna give something up.

I'm considering throwing porn on the Lent worship altar.

Test Tube Baby Now In High Def 828 5
02/25/2009 01:32 AM

I plead the fifth.

I didn't say the fifth of what.         

Yay Lent.  Something else besides Black History month to hear about.

Chit 178,781 15
02/25/2009 01:35 AM

I'm giving up the notion of NOT drinking and GABbing.





The gods will be so pleased!!

 

Chit 178,781 15
02/25/2009 01:36 AM

Frost I hate this sorting order bullShakespeare!! 

Test Tube Baby Now In High Def 828 5 incites a riot storming John's office and slapping him with Frosted up sorting order threads.
02/25/2009 01:48 AM

NO JUSTICE        NO PEACE    which sometimes sounds like    NO MUSTARD    NO CHEESE

Pubah 56,813 18
02/25/2009 08:21 PM

We gonna TAKE IT TO THE MAN!

Juices, NO Peas!!!

Power to the peephole!!!