There's a fruit called acai berry that's been in the news lately for its health benefits. Not only is it rich in antioxidants, it'll now give you the chance to be rich in your pockets -- by giving you the chance to win $250.00!

"A $250.00 breakfast"

The acai berry comes from a plant called the acai palm, from which we get hearts of palm, which you may have eaten in an expensive salad. The berry from the tree is even more rare: a small, round, black-purple fruit that is reputed to have a number of health benefits, including weight loss, learning and memory retention, and increased energy.

"Acai been berry, berry good to me"

Acai only grows in certain regions of Central and South America, so it may be that people are in love with the berry simply because it's hard to find. Still, there is a scientific basis for the claims of acai being a "superfruit": it's high in antioxidants, as well as amino acids like aspartic acid (increases metabolism and energy) and glutamic acid (an excitatory neurotransmitter). Plus, it's tasty.

We recently got this bottle of Mistica Brazilian Acai here at ZUG headquarters, so we could try it ourselves. Acai has a dark berry taste, perhaps a cross between a cherry and a pomegranate. It's mildly sweet, with a red wine finiShakespearehought about shotgunning the entire bottle, then had a better idea.

Hold a contest for ZUG readers to invent the next trendy Acai Berry Superdrink.

The contest is so simple that you can enter in minutes: come up with a recipe for the healthiest, tastiest, funniest acai berry drink. All entries will be judged on three factors:

1) Health benefits. You can include any fruits, vegetables, or supplements that can be mixed in a blender, as long as we can easily find them at a grocery or health food store. We will rate the drinks based on how good they make us feel, so don't be afraid to add energy boosters or recreational drugs (as long as we can buy them at a health food store).

2) Taste. After the contest ends, ZUG judges will pick the three most promising recipes -- then we will actually try them, rating them in terms of drinkability and lack of gag factor. (If you want to try your recipe at home first, you can also substitute blueberries, although the acai berry is a little more tart.)

3) Funny name. All recipes should come with a funny name, preferably including the word "acai" (pronounced "asa-EE"). Hey, we're a comedy site.

Contest ends at 11:59 pm EST on March 7, 2009. ZUG judges will then pick our top three recipes, creating and sampling these three superdrinks, rating them evenly on the three criteria above (using a 1-5 scale for each). The creator of the winning recipe will receive a cash prize of $250.00. Employees of ZUG and Media Shower are not eligible.

Just imagine: Gucci-toting moms in Beverly Hills will be walking around sipping your ridiculously-named beverage. It's the next trendy superdrink. Submit your recipe below!

Bonky 75,733 15
02/23/2009 08:05 AM

I just wanted to tell everyone, don't be an acai-hole, invent a drink!

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/23/2009 08:24 AM

Acai chunk blend

Ingredients:

-Bacon (For flavour)

-Steak (For protein)

-Acai (For good measure)

-Orange Juice (Vitamin C and consistency)

Blend well, serve slightly warm.

Test Tube Baby Now In High Def 828 5
02/23/2009 09:02 AM

Happy Acai

Acai berry juice

Noni juice

Coconut rum

Jugu beans

Kiwi

Serve with a little umbrella. 

Yeah yeah yeah supposed to all healthy which probably means no alcohol but really John think about who you're dealing with here.   Sheesh.

The Mailman 176,464 56
02/23/2009 09:25 AM

Here is my entry and my recipe:



The Venti Açaí Chai Garlic Protein Latte



Ingredients:

- One egg, raw

- A half-cup of Açaí Berry juice, spelled correctly

- Half a banana

- Two cherry tomatoes

- One peppermint leaf

- A dash of nutmeg

- A dash of cinammon

- A dash of cardamom

- A dash of powdered garlic

- One dried clove

- A shot of espresso

- Soy milk



Blend the banana and the cherry tomatoes. Add the spices, the garlic and the peppermint. Blend again. Add the Açaí juice and the coffee. Break the egg in the glass. DO NOT BLEND AGAIN. Complete with soy milk.



Enjoy!

The Mailman 176,464 56
02/23/2009 09:28 AM

All entries will be judged on three factors:



ZUG judges will pick the three most promising recipes -- then we will actually try them





I prefer my contests free of contradictions.

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/23/2009 09:52 AM

Acai-anide

-One glass of Acai juice

-One shot of cyanide. Substitute amaretto if yo aren't looking to kill someone.

UnderWhere? 101,398 77
02/23/2009 09:54 AM

Hair of the Hippy Smoothie

4 large strawberries

1/2 cup vanilla yogurt

1 cup soy milk

1/2 cup acai juice

1 dreadlock cut from an actual hippy*

Blend the first 4 ingredients until you have a smoothie.  Pour into a glass.  Garnish with the hippy hair.

*If the hippies in the health food store are surly, this ingredient can be considered optional, unless you have weed to trade in exchange for the dread. 

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/23/2009 09:55 AM

AcaiCleanse (tm)

A little Acai Berry juice

a bunch of Lemon juice

even more salt water

Drink the salt water, followed by the lemon juice and chase it with the Acai berry juice. Then write a five part article about your new diet plan while you are on the toilet.

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/23/2009 09:56 AM

Acai-bucks

Step 1 - Go to starbucks

Step 2 - Get some absurdly named coffee

Step 3 - Add Acai berries

Step 4 - ???

Step 5 - Profit

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
02/23/2009 10:20 AM

Now for my real entry:

The super duper mocha choka Acai berry blaster

1/4 cup Acai berry juice

1/4 cup raspberries

1/4 cup snozberries*

1 banana

1/2 cup chocolate milk

Mix all together in a blender and garniShakespeare with one Acai berry. Enjoy!

* if snozberries aren't in season use strawberries instead though the flavor will suffer for it.

Thatsgreat2345 30 5
02/23/2009 03:26 PM

Is semen off limits to add? I hear it has numerous health benefits so it would only be adding to the healthiness.

Recipe:

Acai Berries

500mg Ground caffeine pills

1000mg Horny Goat Weed (Viaga if available)

4 tablets of ground RopeX

Whole Milk

4 Strawberries

Handful of blueberries

3 scoops of vanilla icecream

cup of ice

After blenderizing, get a good shot of jizz right on top as a whip creme topper, add a cherry and you are good to go.

Normalman 7 4
02/23/2009 04:46 PM

Asai Total Health Shot: So healthy, your organs will explode.

Servings: 1

1 cup Mistica: Get rid of cancer.

2 tsp Strawberry Fun Dip: Offset bitterness caused by Mistica.

1 tbs Benefiber: Help cure the constipation caused by Fun Dip.

1/3 cup dry white wine: Moderate blood pressure while on the toilet.

1/3 cup vanilla yogurt: Boost your immune system after all that stress.

1/2 serving 5-hour energy: Much needed energy boost.

1 tsp Almond Extract: Help combat your newly formed diabetes.

3 drops peppermint oil: Get rid of your bad breath.

Best served blended, chilled, with a crazy straw coated in watermellon lip balm, and a good HMO.

D.B. Cooper 1,800 12
02/23/2009 05:43 PM

Sybil EnemAcai    

“You Hold Your Water!”

-One bottle of  Mistica Brazilian Acai

-One 2 quart enema bag with ergonomic ribbed flex tip

-One small tube spearmint bum lube (spearmint so it's tasty)

-Someone to tie you to a piano and pound on the keys      

The primary job of the intestines is to absorb nutrients into the body, if you put Mistica Brazilian Acai directly into your colon, it will be absorbed much more rapidly than it would be if it entered your body orally. It can make you very healthy, very quickly!  

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/23/2009 05:53 PM

Acai Can't Believe I Drank The Whole Thing:

__________________________________

1 cup of orange juice

2 cups of milk

3 cups of dietary supplements *heretofore known as "horse pills"*

4 cups of acai berries

5 hours alternating between puke bucket and toilet

Food Pyramid, eat your heart out.

Juan Campos - Finally Legal 1,173 5
02/23/2009 07:11 PM

Açaí-onara

Ingredients:

-One cup (approx. 200 mL) Mistica Brazilian Açaí

-One fifth (approx. 750 mL) Cruzan 151 Rum

Combine the rum and Açaí in a 32-oz. 7-11 Big Gulp drink container. Garnish with an orange wheel. Enjoy responsibly.

I figure, if red wine is 20% alcohol by volume and has all sorts of antioxidants, then 151 must have at least three times the antioxidant content. Right? That's how these things work, right?

The Rockin' Donkey 77,546 17
02/23/2009 07:30 PM

Ingredients:

32 acai berries

3 bananas

5 strawberries

1 tblspn goats milk

1 20 oz. Mt. Dew

Directions:

1. Mash banana on plate

2. blend strawberries and acai berries with goats milk.

3.  using a rubber spatula, spread berry/goats milk over mashed banana.

4.  Using the same rubber spatula, scrape the mixture into the garbage disposal

5.  While running tap water into sink, run the disposal.

6.  Frost it.  Drink the mountain dew already.  You didnt' really want to eat that healthy Shakespeare anyway.

Thud 68,506 19
02/23/2009 07:52 PM

The Açaí Wombat

One part:  Açaí Berry juice

One part:  Ginger Ale (for the reputed health benefits of ginger)

Two parts:  Lemon-flavored vodka (gotta have the vitamin C)

Mix all ingredients then pour over ice.  Realize your mistake, start over and this time put the ice in a glass before pouring drink.  Drink as often as needed for you to stop feeling pain.  Illusion of health achieved.

Marshmallowmatey 2 4
02/23/2009 08:10 PM

Whatever Drink.

-One 1.75 litre bottle store brand vodka.

-Some of that juice. (Optional)

Drink the vodka at room temperature whenever you get up.

You can put some of that juice in it if you want, it doesn't really Frostin' matter.

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/23/2009 08:32 PM

Acai's gotta do what acai's gotta do

1 pound nonfat icecream

1/2 cup of lowfat fat milk

1 wad of Acai berries

5 slices whole wheat bread

1 large theater bucket of PopSecret popcorn, unpopped.

Blend for 14 hours,

Garnish with Wheat Thins.

Juan Campos 1,173 5
02/23/2009 08:58 PM

The ZUG judges are totally Frosted.

DinoExplosion 1,743 8
02/23/2009 09:27 PM

Acaitarded

1/2 cup acai juice

1/2 cup blueberry yogurt

3 Flintstones Complete chewable tablet vitamins (Dino)

1 Banana

1/2 cup NO FEAR energy drink

1 cup ice

1 tbsp Citrucel Powder (if you can't find Citrucel use Tang)

Blend into a smoothie, then get acaitarded.

Sippin Straw 98,019 37
02/23/2009 10:19 PM

OJ Can You Acai

-Orange juice

-vanilla yogurt

-banana

-acai juice

I'm So Acai

 - acai juice

-pop rocks

Acai The Light

 -acai juice

-ground almonds

-sugar free vanilla ice cream

-vanilla soy milk

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/24/2009 02:33 AM

Your Naming Convention is Broken

1 whole Straw

3 parts awkward titles (I said titles, not titties)

4 baskets of acai berries

blend.

LiveLifeHappy.com 2 4
02/24/2009 03:10 AM

Hugh Heffner in Your ASSCAI Sexual Energyzer!!!

--------------

1)  8 oz of breast milk (from Pamela Andersen)

2) 1 acai berry

3) 20 viagara tabs (21 if you wanna be hardcore)

4) Bunny rabbit's foot (preferably from the Easter Bunny)

5) Used condoms from a black guy (plural)

7.5) A dash of pubic hair from your mom

8) Rocky Mountain Oysters from the Rocky Mountains where the Mountains are Rocky

9) 2 pounds of caffeine crystals from Dunkin Donuts

10) Liquid Nitrous (the kind they use in Fast and the Furious)

Blend all ingredients in the back of a cement truck....  Test it first on your 5 year old brother.  If he's able to win a pole volt with his Coleridge and get a chick pregnant at the same time than the alchemical-transmutation process was a success.  If instead his ass becomes a flame thrower, then RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

MadeInThailand 37 5
02/24/2009 03:40 PM

Acai-oxidently

1/2 - 1 cup frozen vallinna yogurt (depends on how thick you want it)

8 oz ice

6oz  Acai Juice

1/2 cup blackberry

2 oz lemon juice

1/2 of a medium banana

1 tablesppon ground flaxseed

blend for 45sec or until smooth on high

Pubah 56,813 18
02/24/2009 06:50 PM

Looks like Gogi Juice

laced with acid

dammitthedog 127 5
02/24/2009 07:01 PM

 The Acai What You Did There Smoothie

Ingredients;

3 Cups Pure Acai Juice

1 Can of Spam, 

1 Viagra pill

Things you need;

1 Blender, functional

1 Iron Stomach

1 Erectile Disfunction

Step 1; Open can of spam. 

Step 2; Put meat from can into blender.

Step 3; Pour Acai Juice into blender

Step 4; Add Viagra Pill

Step 5; Blend until the smoothy is slightly viscous.

Enjoy

Jong iLL 0 4
02/25/2009 05:16 PM

Acai n Sky

3/4 Cup Acai juice

3 Parts Sky Vodka (About 4.5 oz)

1 Cup Frozen Cherries

1 TBSP Guarana Powder

1 Tube Oragel Extra Strength

Directions

Place all ingredients in blender

Blend

Le Ravos 63,472 21
02/26/2009 08:04 AM

Mr. Sparkle, W-Acai!

Ingredients:

1/2 a cup of Orange Juice

1/2 a cup of Acai berries

2 bananas

1 Lightbulb

1 Small fish

1 teaspoon of jet-dry

Blend until it won't cut your throat.

Chix is in da house 286,601 61
02/26/2009 08:09 AM

I'm gonna have to go with the vodka one.

KChiki is a Cheeky Monkey 128,392 98
02/26/2009 08:45 AM

 The Acai-jito

2 oz your choice Acai juice or berries (juiced)

1.25 oz Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum

14 mint leaves

1 tbsp sugar

1/2 oz lime juice

Place 12 mint leaves in bottom of tall glass. Add crushed ice, Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum, sugar, and lime juice, and muddle (read: "crush together"). Add Acai juice and garnish with remaining 2 mint leaves.

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/26/2009 09:45 AM

Acai walked into a bar...

1 spoonful of nails

2 table spoons of salt

1 spilled margarita

5 pounds of oak

mix with your face.

Deck the Pram 80,728 42
02/26/2009 11:53 AM

Acai have a furry tongue

 4 cans of grape juice

4 acai berries

1 tube of toothpaste

Tuesday Morning Special 69 6
02/28/2009 05:25 PM

Lance Armstrong's Double Nut Power Punch Tropical Adventure Morning Jumpstart Asai Fusion Hurricane

(Guaranteed to punch your morning IN THE NUTS)

1 cup Asai Berries

1/4 cup Strawberries

1 Banana

1/4 cup Raspberries

1/4 cup Blackberries

1/4 cup Blueberries

1/4 cup Canned Peaches

3/4 Pineapple Orange Juice (Dole brand is the best for this recipe, trust me)

1 (6 oz) container of Yoplait Light Thick and Creamy in Mixed Berry (http://halfgrocery.com/home/image.php?object_type=product&image_id=15325)

1/2 cup ice

2 Tablespoons Honey

2 5-Hour Energy Drinks (Extra Strength http://www.gnc.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3126557)

Blend all ingredients together and hold onto your NUTS! Makes two servings.

Juan Campos 1,173 5
02/28/2009 06:27 PM

Blend all ingredients together and hold onto your NUTS!

This entry is invalid. All entries must be made for consumption, not genital application.

Tuesday Morning Special 69 6
02/28/2009 07:29 PM

well you can drink it in one hand and hold your nuts with the other :)

Whistler Hussein McManus 186,130 44
02/28/2009 07:50 PM

Two Girls, One Acai

Ingredients

Two girls

One quart of acai berries

One cup

Directions

Have each girl eat half a quart of acai berries.  Wait for their digestive systems to process the berries.  Collect the leavings.  Search google videos "two girls one cup" for balance of instructions.

thejoz 1 4
02/28/2009 08:59 PM

Açaí-Hyah!



1 cup of Açaí berries

1 small Red Delicious Apple, chopped

1/2 banana

1/2 cup of chopped strawberries

1/2 cup of vanilla yogurt

1/2 cup of finely chopped carrots

1 recommended serving of a Fiber Supplement (Your Choice)

1 5 Hour Energy, Berry Flavor

Dash of vanilla extract

Dash of nutmeg



Blend all ingredients except the vanilla extract and nutmeg in a blender until smooth and creamy.



Pour into a glass, sprinkle on the nutmeg and the vanilla extract, and stir briefly.

 

diburning 169 9
02/28/2009 09:36 PM

Today, the folks at the Emergen C company sent me some sample packs of their drink mixes.

One of them was the Acai Berry drink.

Here is a picture of the packet if you don't know what I am talking about:

http://images.luckyvitamin.com/mgen/merchandizer:72608.jpg

According to the back of the packet, these are the nutritional facts:

Amount Per Serving % Daily Value

Calories 25

Carbohydrates 6 g 2%

Sugars 6 g

Vitamin C (as ascorbic acid, zinc ascorbate, and chromium ascorbate) 1000 mg 1667%

Thiamin (as thiamine hydrochloride) 0.38 mg 25%

Riboflavin (as riboflavin 5- phosphate sodium) 0.43 mg 25%

Niacin 5 mg 25%

Vitamin B6 (as pyridoxine hydrochloride) 10 mg 500%

Folic Acid 12.5 mcg 3%

Vitamin B12 (as cyanocobalamin) 25 mcg 417%

Pantothenic Acid (as calcium pantothenate) 2.5 mg 25%

Calcium (as calcium carbonate, calcium phosphate, and sodium phosphate) 50 mg 5%

Phosphorous (as potassium phosphate, calcium phosphate, and sodium phosphate) 37 mg 4%

Magnesium (as magnesium hydrochloride and magnesium carbonate) 60 mg 15%

Zinc (as zinc carbonate) 2 mg 13%

Manganese (as manganese gluconate) 0.5 mg 25%

Chromium (as chromium ascorbate) 10 mcg 8%

Sodium (as sodium bicarbonate and monosodium phosphate) 60 mg 3%

Potassium (as potassium bicarbonate, potassium carbonate, and monopotassium phosphate) 200 mg 6%

Alpha Lipoic Acid 1 mg

Quercetin 1 mg

If I had that much vitamin C in my system, I'd need a toilet of steel; like the ones they have on airplanes.

Here's my recipe for Absolut Acai:

1 packet of Acai Berry Flavored Emergen C (when you dissolve it in water, it has pop rocks in it to make it fizzy)

Vodka

Mix Acai Berry drink according to packet making sure to replace the water with vodka.  Add additional vodka to taste.  Add the starbucks coffee from the starbucks prank if you are John Hargrave.

For a stylish presentation, mix in a glass and put glass over a necklace light used in the Super Bowl Prank.

Chit 178,781 15
02/28/2009 11:52 PM

 Drippy Acai





One tablespoon of Metamucil



Two ounces of Mistica Brazilian Acai juice.



Six ounces of prune juice.





  Mix together, drink and await the health benefits.*





*(Best to enjoy at home)

Chit 178,781 15
02/28/2009 11:59 PM

 Revised Drippy Acai





One tablespoon of Metamucil



Two ounces of Mistica Brazilian Acai juice.



Six ounces of prune juice.



2 ounces of plain yoghurt



Add the above ingredients into a blender with a hand full of ice cubes and blend thoroughly, drink and await the health benefits.*





*(Best to enjoy at home)

Poop is not only healthy, but it's also comedy gold!

 

theagent 1 4
03/01/2009 06:50 PM

 Out There Like Pluto

Ingredients:

Crushed ice

2 oz. acai berry juice

1 can RedBull

Sprig of fresh mint leaves

1000mg capsule of Icelandic fish oil

Sprinkle of Yohimbe bark

Dash of Adrenachrome

Directions:

Shake ingredients over crushed ice and serve in your favorite vintage tiki bar colored plastic cup.

Climb into a small bathtub filled with warm soapy water and 12 spawning Salmon

Play "White Rabbit" over  a '90s boombox

Have a good friend tape your voyage with his or her camcorder

Repeat as needed

Dr. Frasier Winslow Crane 130 5
03/03/2009 02:27 AM

Health Benefits:

Prevents Lupus and Scurvee and actually triggers your Gout!

Ingredients:

Horse Semen

Testicle Sweat

Acai Berry

The Dran-o Your Son Tried To Drink Last Night

Name:

Jean Claude Van-Damme's Damn Good Drink

MrMacky 5 4
03/04/2009 10:03 PM

Acai Cherry Watermelon Syzzzzzurrp Haze:

1.) blend acai berries until you've extracted one half cup of juicey goodness (or be lazy and use pre-squeezed from a bottle.)

2.) Add 3 ounces of Cherry flavored cough syrup to blended acai juice. If in the mood, you may kick this up to 4 ounces. (Provides a nice warm fuzzy feeling that will make you feel like dancing with the smiling acai palm trees that now appear to surround you!)

3.) Obtain 2 caffeine pills (2 tablets = equivlent of 2 cups of coffee.) Carefully crush tablets. Then using a razor, cut a small pile of powder away from the rest*. Dump the larger pile of powder into drink mixture while saving the small pile you've set aside for later. This will offset any drowsyness you may experience as a result of step 2.

*WARNING: Beware of coke heads nearby that may steal your suspicious pile of precious powered coffee.

4.) Add 1 half ounce of Watermelon DeKuyper Pucker Shnapps for flavor.

5.) Add some 7-Up or Sierra Mist to give it some fizz.

6.) Stir mixture liberally and finiShakespeare off by garnishing the rim of your drinking glass with the small pile of caffeine you set aside in step 3.

7.) Insert twisty straw, suck the entire concoction down within 5 minutes. This is important to achieve maximum effect.

8.) Live life as you've never lived it before! Gain more courage, energy, and creativity within an hour of consuming! Solve lifes problems in new abstract ways, defeat depression, and expel gas buildup with confidence!

Warning: Do not operate heavy machinery while enjoying the many benefits of this delightful drink! Be sure to burp liberally after emptying your glass to achieve maximum comfort.

Miss Trixxie 65,026 15
03/05/2009 12:01 PM

Auntie Trixxie’s Super Good Time Happy Fun Acia-Berry Protein Drink

1 Scoop Vanilla Ice-Milk

4 Tablespoons of Honey

3 Ounces Acia_Berry Juice

2 Tablespoons of Muscle Builder Powder

1 Tablespoon

1 Ounce Freshly Jerked Man Jism

Blend: Enjoy

Miss Trixxie 65,026 15
03/05/2009 12:02 PM

I'll pay John $250.00 if he makes it* and drinks it.

Must be Moe's Jism.

kmnstr2 0 4
03/06/2009 08:07 AM

ACAI THE LIGHT

8 oz. acai berry juice

3 oz kiwi juice

4 oz red bull

3 oz cold water

Option 1 - Chill in a squeeze bottle or water bottle with a lid.  The key to enhancing the healthiness of this beverage is the running.  Once you have sufficiently chilled the drink you are to run 100 yards, drink 3 oz.  run anohter 100 yards, drink another 3 oz.  continue this until the drink is gone and then turn around and walk home.  Do not run home as you are our of your energizing juice drink.

Option 2 - Replace the 3 oz of water with 3 more oz of acai berry juice.  Pour the three ingredients into a blender or smoothie maker filled with ice.  Blend and lounge by the pool (in the shade to avoid uv rays) and drink.

KChiki is a Cheeky Monkey 128,392 98
03/06/2009 09:03 AM

 ACAI THE LIGHT

Aren't you required to listen to "Ace of Base" while you both make and drink that concoction?

Bill the Squirrel 53,270 54
03/11/2009 10:19 AM

I just got this e-mail:

Acai Noni Burner ? FREE+s/h!

Burn and flush pounds and pounds of waste and toxins from your body.

***LIMITED TIME***

Get a 14 day trial right now of the hottest Acai/Hawaiian Noni/Green Tea product!

• Flush pounds of waste and toxins


• Burn pounds and boost metabolism the natural way


• 100% satisfaction guaranteed


• Risk free trial
  
   

Click here to claim you bottle of Acai Noni!

I think John is setting us up!