The G-String and the Auditor
A comedy article
by The Mailman  174,473  52
03/30/2009 09:39 PM 1693 views
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I had a meeting scheduled early this morning with a woman with whom I will be working for the next few weeks. She's an auditor who is going to review some general documentation that I have to collect and prepare for her, and she will put observations on them about what's missing.
Does that sound boring enough? Good, because that's exactly what it will be for me. Working with auditors is never something I look forward to, because it is never fun, it's a lot of effort, it's time consuming and in the end it doesn't achieve anything productive.
Not being a morning person, you can imagine how happy I was, having to get up earlier than usual to go meet with an auditor. On top of all things, the location of the meeting was not my regular office building, which meant that I wouldn't be able to get my morning brew at my usual coffee shop, but at a crappy coffee place that I hate.
So I met this woman for the first time this morning. She's rather attractive, in her early forties. Clearly, she is someone who pays a lot of attention to her appearance. Very feminine, fancy highlights in her hair, manucured hands. She was wearing a sophisticated, yet not too conservative business suit: pants, jacket, shirt, untucked.
Maybe a little more sophisticated than this.
We introduced ourselves, exchanged business cards, and started talking about our project. We talked for about an hour and a half, and at the end of the meeting, we went back to her desk; she booted up her computer because she needed to copy some documents that I had brought with me on my USB stick. While the laptop was booting, it started beeping to signal that the battery was low, so she grabbed the charger and crouched to the floor to plug it in the wall.
I was standing right next to her, my memory stick in hand, ready to plug it into her port so I could shoot my files on her hard drive.
You won't believe me if I tell you that there was no sexual innuendo intended in that previous sentence. Actually, the sexiness is coming in the next sentence. There she was, crouched to the floor, the low-rise pants of her suit partially exposing her buttocks and the g-string she was wearing. I am not talking about a simple thong here. It was a fancy brazilian style g-string with a piece of jewelry holding the strings together on top of the ass crack.
Oh. My. Lord.
Let me pause here for a moment. I'm a grown man. I've seen g-strings before. At the peak of the low-rise jeans fad, I was seeing them everyday on the streets, most often on the buttocks of teenage girls that I will never see again in my life. This is different. This is a woman in her 40s, whom I have just met for the first time in my life, for work-related purposes. Until today, the only ass crack I had seen of a person I was doing business with was the hairy ass crack of the plumber who came to fix my kitchen sink a few years ago.
Now, I will spend most of my time in the upcoming weeks at the office with this person, answering boring questions and going through a lengthy audit process. And it will all seem worthwhile.
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Like This? Rate It!
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Hilarious
15 votes
4.4
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.3
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Anh is here. 11,108  14
03/30/2009 09:55 PM
At the risk of sounding cliché...
Useless without pictures!
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Hilarious
6 votes
4.2
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Thud 66,695 17
03/30/2009 10:08 PM
So, you didn't have a dime handy?
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Hilarious
1 votes
4.0
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Pants 14,218 17
03/30/2009 10:19 PM
There are these great little devices that allow you to brew whatever coffee you like at 1/1000th of the cost of a coffee shop. I'd gladdly pick up one for you and have it delivered for a nominal fee.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.0
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Closet Friend 6,622 10
03/31/2009 07:11 AM
When you do finally break down and broach this subject with her, ask if she's Brazilian in front, too...
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.0
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Wino Willie McManus 183,262 42
03/31/2009 09:51 AM
She's rather attractive, in her early forties.
Oxymoron. People over 40 are no longer attractive.
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Funny
4 votes
3.3
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MungChamp 35,886 35 Can hear the clapping of Millie's hooves in the distance
03/31/2009 10:04 AM
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Chuckleworthy
4 votes
2.8
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Thud 66,695 17
03/31/2009 05:57 PM
Oxymoron. People over 40 are no longer attractive.
Isn't your wife over 40?
Frost you, sirrah.
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Chuckleworthy
3 votes
2.0
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Sippin Straw 95,470 36
03/31/2009 08:38 PM
Working with auditors is never something I look forward to, because it is never fun, it's a lot of effort, it's time consuming and in the end it doesn't achieve anything productive.
Oh yeah?!?! I wish I could argue with that complaint, but it's true Well...um...at least I won't go postal!!
G-strings, huh? Call me old-fashioned but I just can't bring myself to do something like that.
After all, low cut blouses don't give you wedgies.
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Funny
5 votes
3.4
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Your What?! Hurts? 5,582 10
03/31/2009 09:35 PM
Any "allure" that g-strings offered is quickly, totally, and irrevocably doused when they're going through the laundry at your house ... for your daughter.
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Hilarious
4 votes
4.3
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TomServo 3,752 7
04/01/2009 03:43 AM
Man, that story was a real turn on.... I agree we need pictures.... Or at least give us more details....
What colour was it?
Did you manage to slip it in?
How many MB was it?
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0 votes
0.0
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UofL3000 20 8
04/05/2009 02:36 PM
Nice post.
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Amusing
1 votes
1.0
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TheFoye 55,700 15
04/06/2009 11:43 AM
Was it wrong of me to mouse over the link that Pants had and still click on it afterwords?
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Chuckleworthy
1 votes
2.0
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Pants 14,218 17
04/06/2009 04:03 PM
Foye are you a closet chubby chaser by chance?
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Funny
3 votes
3.7
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Fratberry 277,318 52
04/08/2009 08:53 AM
So did you follow the audit trail?
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0 votes
0.0
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TheFoye 55,700 15
04/08/2009 11:47 AM
Closet? chubby chaser.
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